Zone Fighter Episode 20 – Gekitou! Faitaa-no Uta-ga Kikoeru

April 21, 2014ByTars Tarkas

Zone Fighter Episode 20 – Gekitou! Faitaa-no Uta-ga Kikoeru

aka 激闘! ファイターの歌が聞える aka Desperate Struggle! Can You Hear Fighter’s Song? aka Fierce Fight! Can You Hear Fighter’s Song?

1973
Written by Shiro Ishimori
Directed by Masao Minowa

I’m going to watch this loop all day!

Zone Fighter goes Creepytown with this sorted tale of child abduction, creepy child abductors, creepy children, and children in mortal danger thanks to creepy aliens. Takeru Jou gets kidnapped once again (this seems to be his full-time job on the show), and there are more little boys wearing Japanese short shorts thank you can shake a To Catch a Predator DVD at!

But besides that, Zone Fighter finally has the Garoga do something evil (aside from the random gunning innocent people down) that affects Zone Fighter, and almost makes him change his fighting strategy. Until he remembers being violent will solve the problem regardless.

Great, a stick-shift monster!

Goram is one of the cooler-looking Zone Fighter terror-beast monsters, and I say that just because I like monsters with two heads. But he gets a bum break as Zone Fighter continues his murder spree. Poor Goram.

If you need a refresher on who this ultra-violent Toho tokusatsu is and why we should care and why he’s in these March of Godzilla series, drop on by the Zone Fighter Splash Page! And never fear, Godzilla will actually be in the next episode. But first….

Bambi Meets Godzilla prequel?

AKira and his gang of short shorted little Japanese boys are running around town talking with toy store owners and having that good wholesome fun boys in short shorts have. They’re being followed by another kid in short shorts, who is soon harassed by a creepy old guy with gloves. We all know gloves = Garoga, and soon the creepy old guy is grabbing the kid and Takeru Jou bikes by just in time to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and get kidnapped AGAIN!!!

Seriously, Takeru Jou! Kidnapped again? WTF??

Please note that this Garoga is a Red Garoga that has red stripes on his antenna that make him look like he has candy cane antennas.

It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes!

InTelevision Reviews

Zone Fighter Episode 19 – Meirei “K Suisei-de Chikyuu-wo Kowase”

April 20, 2014ByTars Tarkas

Zone Fighter Episode 19 – Meirei “K Suisei-de Chikyuu-wo Kowase”

aka 命令『Kスイ星で地球をこわせ』 aka Order: Crush the Earth With Comet K! aka Order: “Destroy the Earth with Comet K”

1973
Written by Yuji Amamiya
Directed by Ishiro Honda

Zone Fighter – an eye-popping good time!

People and webcrawler bots, we have a situation! Zone Fighter is not the mild-mannered defender of Earth we were led to believe. He is in fact a stone cold butcher murderer who surgically severs opponents body parts and then uses their corpse for his own devious means. I know it may come to a shock, that Zone Fighter, who kills almost every opponent he faces, is some sort of monster, but unfortunately the facts bear that conclusion out. Zone Fighter slices and dices poor Gundarguirus, then tosses his dismembered torso at an approaching comet. This unfortunate corpse desecration is a war crime, and Zone Fighter needs to be dragged in front of an international tribunal immediately for his crimes.

As in last time, this is an episode directed by the master Ishiro Honda, but this episode actually feels like an Ishiro Honda episode and not just kiddy fluff. But there is some goofy stuff still, and then things go insane for that violent stuff I mentioned. Basically, Ishiro Honda helped direct Zone into a period of murderous destruction. So, yay? I guess.

Christopher Nolan’s Interstellar!

Make sure to drop on by the Zone Fighter Splash Page if you need a refresher of who is who.

When last we left Zone Fighter, he was losing a fight to the very lame Gundarguirus. Zone Fighter is out of energy and collapses like a scrub. Gundarguirus then wanders off instead of killing him, perhaps obeying orders from the Red Garoga, perhaps just being a moron. Who knows? What is important is Gundarguirus did not kill Zone Fighter when he had the chance.

Ring toss games are always rigged. You got to play the game where you race horses by squirting water into clown mouths!

Akira and Hotaru take Hikaru to relax a pool side as they splash around in a hotel swimming pool. I guess that’s how you wind down when you’ve just been almost murdered in a monster fight. Hikaru isn’t about relaxing and needs to call his dad for help, while the audience wonders what the whole point of this brief pool section was, unless it was to get Hotaru in a black bikini again. Hopefully it wasn’t to get Akira back into swimming trunks.

Zone Dad and Takeru are concerned about the comet, and Hikaru races off, realizing he still has to go save the world and stuff. Akira and Hotaru take a ride in Smokey to search from the air for Gundarguirus.

We’re not wearing pants, over.

InTelevision Reviews

Zone Fighter Episode 18 – Shirei “Nihon Rettou Bakuhase-yo”

April 16, 2014ByTars Tarkas

Zone Fighter Episode 18 – Shirei “Nihon Rettou Bakuhase-yo”

aka 指令『日本列島爆破せよ』 aka Directive: Destroy the Japanese Laboratory! aka Command: “Destroy the Japanese Islands”

1973
Written by Yuji Amamiya
Directed by Ishiro Honda

If you order this toaster oven now, we’ll throw in a free pair of oven mitts! Call 1-800-GAROGA! Operators are standing by!

Zone Fighter punches his way into a new episode, which is among the most ridiculous episodes in Zone Fighter history. It’s also pretty dumb, and is somehow a two-parter. Which is a shame, because both parts are directed by Ishiro Honda! The problem is with the story, which is really only a bare thread of a story and padded with a lot of pointless scenes and not very good monster action.

Why is the monster action not very good? Because Zone Fighter and the Terror-Beast of the Week Gundarguiras play rock paper scissors! Who needs monster fights? The excuse is because Gundarguiras ate some explosive chemical, and if he’s thrown around too violently, it will explode. Which should be find, because it’s inside a giant monster to absorb most of the blast, but whatever. Zone Fighter knows the explosive is in the belly of the beast thanks to Gundarguiras’ transparent stomach. Zone has to use his intelligence to try to trick the dumb monster into leaving Earth. Problems: 1- Zone Fighter isn’t very smart, either. 2- Gundarguiras is so stupid that even dumb tricks won’t work. 3- When a trick does work, Gundarguiras just refuses to leave, so there is no point to this strategy. 4- This scene keeps going on and on, and will continue next episode.

Sometimes people wrap Twizzlers all around their body and leap in the air. We call these people “morons”!

Thanks to the trick, Zone Fighter finally has some more new random powers, but they prove as useless as Zone Fighter normally is. I’m eager to watch the next episode just to watch Zone brutally murder Gundarguiras, because there is no way that dumb monster is getting out of this alive. The only question is if he’ll get blown up via the PS73 explosive, or by Zone Fighter shooting him a lot.

But before the murder, we have to get through the horror. So let’s get started with . If you need a Zone Fighter refresher course, drop on by the Zone Fighter Splash Page.

Should have picked rock!

Scientists including Professor Tanzawa blow up some random areas of the countryside. This is a test of Tanzawa’s new explosive element PS73. The test is a success and a bunch of dudes in business suits (scientists, officials, random businessmen who hang out at explosives testing sites) are happy. Now the next step is to transport the PS73 to another lab, which they must do with care.

I’ll never pitch again! Looks like the Cubs will lose another season, thanks kid!

InTelevision Reviews

Zone Fighter Episode 17 – GO! Faitaa Kinkyuuhasshin

April 14, 2014ByTars Tarkas

Zone Fighter Episode 17 – GO! Faitaa Kinkyuuhasshin

aka GO! ファイター緊急発進 aka Go! Fighter Emergency Take off! aka Go! Fighter, Scramble

1973
Written by Satoshi Kurumi
Directed by Jun Fukuda

Dancing with the Stars under the stars

Today we have a very special episode of Zone Fighter, because the star of our show isn’t the Zone Family, but their crap. Yes, the focus is on Smokey the spaceship and Mighty Liner the flying car. I guess the Garoga forgot about the other Zone Family spaceship, the Pandora Capsule. But you know about it because you read the Zone Fighter Splash Page, where all that stuff is listed!

Garoga laugh because they’re in space in a Garoga Spaceship that is now sucking up the Zone Family spaceship Smokey into their own larger ship and flying away. That’s actually a cool power, but instead of dismantling Smokey or lacing it with lots of bombs that will explode whenever a Zone person gets in it, they just move the ship to somewhere else.

Each week a different monster barfs on Zone Fighter. Because Zone Fighter’s a freak!

Hotaru is awake at night looking out the window and Akira talks to her…

Wait a minute, Akira and Hotaru share the same room, and even have bunk beds????? WTF???? In a prior episode Akira was sleeping in the room where the phone was, which is near the living room. AKira is like a hot potato they move from room to room I guess. No one likes Akira.

Anyway, they both had the same dream about Smokey, which just goes to show how lame you are when you dream about your spaceship, in a world where you use your spaceship every day, making it not unique, so it’s like dreaming about your mom’s minivan.

The hell kind of ending was that, How I Met Your Mother?

They fly up to where Smokey is parked…and it’s gone! But an outline of Smokey remains, which is weird. At first I thought it was one of their other craft cloaked, but it doesn’t match either one, only Smokey. Maybe it is a decoy put in place to not trip alarms. It’s too hard to figure out without subtitles, I guess this will always be a mystery until someone comments below 8 years later after subtitled DVDs have been out for years like I’m some sort of idiot for not knowing.

Hotaru and Akira know the Garoga are behind it, and go home to activate the tracking beacon of Smokey and find where the Garoga hid it, which turns out to be near the Tanzawa woods.

Madballs’ dark reboot!

InTelevision Reviews

Zone Fighter Episode 16 – Kyoufu-no Shuugeki! Garoga Robotto

April 13, 2014ByTars Tarkas

Zone Fighter Episode 16 – Kyoufu-no Shuugeki! Garoga Robotto

aka 恐怖の襲撃! ガロガロボット aka Counterstrike of Terror! Garoga-Robot! aka Terrifying Attack! The Garoga Robot

1973
Written by Susumu Takeuchi
Directed by Akiyasu Kikuchi

Whoa, I drank waaaaaay too many V8s! Sorry, dude!

Zone Fighter returns because there are always more Zones to fight, be it the Twilight Zone or Commerce Zones in Sim City or the No Passing Zone, Zone Fighter will punch them all while grunting like a giant pervo. Today we have a very special episode that shows the Zone Family/Sakimoris think they are above the laws of Earth and endanger the lives of small children, including kidnapping. Sure, it turned out it was all part of a hideous Garoga plot, but they didn’t know that at the time! The Zone Family also shows a nice disregard for innocent casualties by blowing up a house in the middle of a neighborhood. This is in addition to all those fights they have with giant monsters in occupied cities. Of course, the Garoga are worse, but the Zones are only barely better at this point. If they didn’t have a theme song, the Zone family would be in jail right next to Baron Garoga. Find out the Zone Family’s crimes with the Zone Fighter Splash Page!

A kid named Hiroshi Teramura spots a meteor flying to earth via his telescope. Quick Quiz: Is Hiroshi wearing short shorts? A: YES! Of course he is. Pajama versions. Yeesh. Hiroshi is so excited about seeing the meteor, he bursts into his parents’ bedroom, which had the door shut, and his parents are moaning and groaning from just off camera, Hiroshi getting a look of horror on his face….

I’m not a mechanical horse!

No, he didn’t just see his parents banging, they’re tied up! That’s almost as bad. Almost. Garoga stroll out and are like “we’re in charge now, sucker!” and then hypnotize Hiroshi and start controlling his mind via remote control!

The Zone family discusses the meteorite crash – could it be Garoga? Everything is Garoga, you dolts! At this point, they should be blasting everything that even remotely looks like it came from space.

Zone Fighter shows the concern for human life that made him a hero!

The meteor from last night has been immediately taken from the impact site and put in a children’s museum with a box and sign already, and the only people there to look at it are a bunch of kids and Hikaru, Hotaru, and Akira (who is also a kid!) This sort of stretches plausibility, I guess scientists aren’t interested in a new huge mysterious meteor, nor worried it might have deadly levels of space radiation or something.

A Horta???

InTelevision Reviews

Zone Fighter Episode 14 – Takerikuruuzo! Garoga Shounen Kougekitai

April 11, 2014ByTars Tarkas

Zone Fighter Episode 14 – Takerikuruuzo! Garoga Shounen Kougekitai

aka 猛り狂うぞ! ガロガ少年攻撃隊 aka Insane With Anger! The Garoga Boy’s Squadaka Rampage! The Garoga Boys Attack Force

1973
Written by Masaru Takesue
Directed by Akiyasu Kikuchi

Zone Fighter has become the ending of The Wild Bunch!

Zone Fighter is a big bully, there is no denying that. So when the Garoga and a bunch of tiny tots get involved in a conspiracy that involves bullying, Zone Fighter is suddenly anti-bullying! Well, sort of, the bullying just resolves itself naturally, but it is a reason why the main child suddenly goes evil. If you like shows with mobs of boy children in short shorts running around like peewee droogs and smashing up everything and everyone they see, then you will be in for a treat! Unfortunately, we got to sit through a lot of junk before that scene, thought at one point a bird goes evil and starts screaming “Garoga! Garoga!”, so that’s pretty cool. Thanks to the weird factor and the minimob montage sequence, Zone Fighter Episode 14 becomes one of the better Zone Fighter episodes. If you need some Zone Fighter infotainment, stop on by the Zone Fighter Splash Page and get your education on!

This is the first episode where the new credits first appear, the synopsis is ditched and we see it happen as the credits roll, but so do a lot of shots of the show itself, including many many images of Godzilla, almost as if they are trying to emphasize Big G is part of the show for ratings. But he doesn’t show up in this episode, so go back to waiting until I get to an episode that he does appear in!

Baron Garoga died before he finished his scenes, so the rest were filmed using Baron Garoga’s chiropractor!

Baron Garoga has made some chemical so evil he’s totally laughing. Considering it looks like pond scum in a Erlenmeyer flask, maybe it is evil…or it at least smells bad. Baron Garoga gives it to some Garoga in white lab coats with big red crosses (complete with skull at the tope) and huge yellow rubber gloves. I dub them Garoga Scientists, because I can. The Garoga Scientists may have specialized lab coats and safety gloves, but where is their eye protection? Come one, Garoga Scientists, do you want to get a fine???

The Garoga Scientist adds more stuff to the potion and it turns light green, then they rocket it to the Earth. Yes, they waste a rocket transporting a small amount of liquid to some guys who are standing by a truck in the middle of a field. It’s an Undercover Truck, despite the Garoga logo that is an evil snarling Garoga face (minus antennas) Way to keep a low profile, dudes!

Why you shouldn’t masturbate!

A boy in tiny tiny shorts named Tsuyoshi is being lectured by a his mom about how he should go to school and not be afraid of everyone being mean to him because he sucks. Then Akira comes and takes Tsuyoshi, walking him to school while holding his hand. No wonder everyone makes fun of Tsuyoshi! Akira is probably the dorkiest friend you could ever have, and when four bully kids appear and lock arms in front of them, they all attack Tsuyoshi instead of Akira. Also, there is waaaaaay more physical contact between friends in Japan, I guess. Tsuyoshi hangs his head in shame after being mocked.

Say my name!

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