Christian Mingle dotcoms itself on UPtv!

Christian Mingle

Hey, a little too much mingling here! Leave some room for the Holy Ghost, people…

A few weeks back, the trailer for the Corbin Bernsen written and directed Christian Mingle hit the web and confused everyone. Well, stop being confused, because now Christian Mingle is coming to UPtv! Yes, Christian Mingle is based on the website, and had a very limited release last year. Faith based films getting tiny local releases is becoming a thing, and after that was done, UPtv became the next stop for a wider audience.

Gwyneth Hayden has it all. A top-notch career, killer wardrobe, dream apartment, and great friends – she thinks the only thing missing is a man. In a moment of inspired desperation, she fills out a profile on the dating website hoping to find Mr. Right. However, Gwyneth’s Christianity is a little rusty and her attempts at impressing her dream guy end in disaster when he calls her out on her “faux faith.” In an honest realization, she sees her superficial life for what it really is, and is driven to create a personal relationship with God.

Christian Mingle stars Lacey Chabert, Jonathan Patrick Moore, Stephen Tobolowsky, Morgan Fairchild, David Keith, and Corbin Bernsen. See what all the fuss is about on February 8th on UPtv!

via UPtv

Perfect on Paper puts it to the test on Hallmark Channel!

Perfect on Paper Hallmark

Over there is where I put the thousands of awards for Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000!

Hallmark gives us another romance story with Perfect On Paper, about a woman who dates a bunch of duds, and maybe she’s found someone cool in a lawyer. But as that character doesn’t rate a name while the surfer character does, it looks like the surfer dud just might be a stud. And half the film is literary The Devil Wears Prada! It’s two films in one, thanks to Hallmark Channel efficiency!

Portland book editor Natalie Holland (Lindsay Hartley) has chosen the wrong guy – another underachiever – once again. With her life going nowhere fast, she accepts a job offer from publisher and friend Avery Goldstein (Haley Strode) and moves to Los Angeles. A woman of depth and principle, Portland chic Natalie is a fish out of water in LA. Things only get worse when she learns she’s been hired to edit the latest romance novel from bestselling author Beverly Wilcox (Morgan Fairchild), a powerful, glamorous and intimidating figure straight out of “The Devil Wears Prada.” Warily taking this assignment, Natalie struggles to maintain her integrity as she contends with Beverly’s criticisms and threats. Along the way, complications arise when she meets a handsome surfer (Drew Fuller) — who mentors a young boy (Bryce Clyde Jenkins) — and a charming, successful LA attorney (Kieren Hutchison). As tensions mount at work and in romance, the young editor learns a lesson about judging a book by its cover and finds out that guys who look “perfect on paper” may not always be the better choice.

Perfect On Paper (previously known as On Paper) star Morgan Fairchild as Beverly Wilcox, Lindsay Hartley as Natalie Holland, Drew Fuller as Coop, and Kieren Hutchinson. It’s directed by Ron Oliver (Harriet the Spy: Blog Wars) and written by Bob Sáenz (Help for the Holidays)

Perfect On Paper premieres Saturday, September 20, on Hallmark Channel!

via Hallmark

The new Beethoven movie is a remake of The Goonies!

Beethoven’s Treasure Tail is not just the latest in a long line of Beethoven movies that I was only vaguely aware they were still making, but it turns into a remake of a different childrens’ classic. Yep, that plot you see in the trailer is correct, Beethoven turns into The Goonies! We got Beethoven arriving in a small down by the docks that is about to be bought out by a rich investor and everything torn down, but if a child can find pirate treasure in an underground cave system using a pirate’s map and a key with a skull on it that he finds on a dead body, he can save the day. And there is also a guy riding a little girl’s bike!

As a sequel to The Goonies is one of those things that people talk about every few years and get all excited and then nothing happens, this is probably the best we will ever get, a spiritual sequel to The Goonies featuring a giant dog who slobbers and knocks food onto people. Weirdly enough, I’m perfectly fine with that. I’d rather a tribute than a sequel or reboot that just turns everything to hot garbage.

I declare Beethoven’s Treasure Tail good enough. Good enough for me. Aye-aye-aye-yeah!

Beethoven’s Treasure Tail stars Jonathan Silverman, Bretton Manley, Kristy Swanson, Morgan Fairchild, Jeffrey Combs, Udo Kier, Bretton Manley, and Patrick Kwok-Choon. It’s directed by Ron Oliver (A Dennis the Menace Christmas)

Does this mean Beethoven is Sloth?

Time to enroll in the Bikini Model Academy!

Bikini Model Academy is an upcoming film from New Films International, and looks tailor-made for people who grew up watching ridiculous beach/bikini movies on late night cable. Bikini Model Academy stars Gary Busey, because when you think bikinis, you think Gary Busey! Okay, the weird uncle character has a long and storied history in films where people start bikini-related businesses.

Bikini Model Academy also stars Morgan Fairchild, who is no stranger to showing up in films of dubious quality and being awesome in them. Further cast members include: Benjamin Stone, Phillip Andre Botello, Michelle May, Olivia Alexander, Andriana Manfredi, Meg Barrick, Tara Rice, Clark Gilmer, Emily Bedford, Sina J. Henrie, and Jayda Berkmen.

When T. J. and Benji, two California twenty-something, best buddies, lose their girlfriends, they start a home grown Bikini modeling academy, to make money and meet new girls, in this wacky comedy from New Films Cinema. With a little help from T.J.’s Uncle Seymour, (Gary Busey) the guys begin recruiting pretty girls, until their old grade school enemy, Grub Snout, who owns his own modeling school, tries to shut them down. International Celebrity, Morgan Fairchild, plays the Celebrity Guest Judge, at a hot and funny Bikini Pose-Off competition between the two schools. May the hottest team win!

Writer/director Straw Weisman not only wrote Red Scorpion 2, but he did uncredited work on Cyborg 3: The Recycler. You all knew there was three Cyborg movies, right? Well, you’re wrong, because they’re is FOUR Cyborg films, though Cyborg Nemesis has no official release, IIRC. Weisman has also helmed American Beach House for New Films International, which also looks like a retro throwback 80s/90s beach sex movie.

Now I haven’t seen these films enough to know if they are like the bikini scheme movies of old and are dripping with nudity, or if they are more PG-13. But it does look like there is far more plot than your typical recent softcore film. We shall see what we see when we see it.

via New Films International
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Bikini Model Academy

I like bikinis!

From yearbook ban to SyFy to the slammer

It’s just one of those years for Sydney Spies. First she explodes across the internet when her racy yearbook photo is banned from her high school yearbook, a shot that featured her not wearing much clothing. This lead to lots of media attention. And as she’s an aspiring actress/model, it also lead to a role in the upcoming SyFy channel original feature American Horror House, airing on Halloween! It’s sure to be a smash hit with a title that doesn’t even have a monster name.

But don’t think this story is all happiness and roses and unicorn poo, because Sydney Spies and her mom Denise “Miki” Spies were arrested! There was a party at the Spies place filled with alleged underage drinkers, and when the cops came to break it up, Miki Spies tried to herd some of the underage kids inside the house (other kids ran and jumped over fences!) Then Miki Spies refused to give identification and tried to run from the cops. As providing a place for underage kids to drink is a crime, she got arrested after a brief scuffle. Sydney Spies allegedly tried to block the police from entering the home, and then resisted arrest when they handcuffed her! And she tried to escape from a police car! So she gets thrown in the slammer as well.

Now, we all do dumb things as a kid, but this is an increasingly media-centric world, hiding from dumb things you did as a kid is going to get harder. And the reality tv lifestyle also doesn’t encourage good behavior, because that doesn’t make headlines. Whether Sydney Spies succeeds or fails in her attempt to become a legitimate actress will probably not be affected by her having drinks at 18, but fighting with cops is the sort of thing that might hint you aren’t easy to work with. I hope Sydney Spies does do better, and this is just the last bump on the road of her life’s adventures. But she’ll probably just be on some terrible reality show next year.

Sooo…. be sure to watch American Horror House on SyFy! Where the horror is underage drinking.

via The Durango Herald
Facebook gallery of Sydney Spies photoshoot heresci

Sydney Spies
Sydney Spies Arrested

American Horror House plot:

Sigma Delta Phi is one of the most prestigious sororities located on the East Coast. Home to an international collective of artistic students from the Stendhal University of the Creative and Performing Arts, it’s a sorority steeped in a rich, untainted history. Nonetheless, dark secrets dwell beneath the cracks of Sigma Delta Phi. Some are spoken – rumors of ghosts and other supernatural occurrences. Others are ignored (the mysterious cries residents hear every third Sunday, the odd spectral indentations at the end of the bed and the seemingly ageless sorority house mother). When Joanna, a new student dies under mysterious circumstances, the police rule it as an accident (others blame the ghost). One year later though, the sorority is still reeling from this ghastly blemish on their impeccable record. When freshman Daria arrives at the school and joins the sorority, she’s heard all the rumors of ghosts and wants to prove that it’s all a hoax. What she discovers is that Joanna’s death was actually the result of a Hazing gone wrong (not ghosts – it was a cover-up). The problem is, Joanna is now haunting the sorority and she’s out for revenge on the sorority on the eve of her death on Halloween night one year ago. With the sorority’s annual Halloween bash in full swing, the sister begin to die horrible deaths one after another – it’s up to Daria and her fellow “sister” Sarah to figure out how to put Joanna’s spirit at rest before they end up her final victims. That is, if the grueling hazing ritual they’ve been sucked into doesn’t kill them first.

Darin Scott directs, and Morgan Fairchild also stars!