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InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Baby Dolls Behind Bars (Review)

August 13, 2012By

Baby Dolls Behind Bars


2012
Written by Dean McKendrick
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)

Actual police uniform!

Once again we step into the wonderful world of films from late night Cinemax! And once again, it’s a Fred Olen Ray joint! Yes, Baby Dolls Behind Bars is more 2am camp for your viewing pleasure. Even though the company name on the door is now Synthetic Filmwerx LLC as opposed to Retromedia or American Independent Productions, the cast is the same gang and the locations and music are all familiar elements. These erotic parody Bikini flicks are the ultimate rep theater, reusing plots and actors to come up with interesting scenarios and B-movie inspired plotlines at a rapid pace that would kill many big money Hollywood production companies. It’s modern day movie magic, even studios like The Asylum or some of the SyFy Channel companies don’t reuse sets and actors so efficiently, nor are they as creative.

Of course, since these flicks feature people bumping uglies as their main attraction, they aren’t going to get all the high praise from the critics. But we here at TarsTarkas.NET will high praise whoever we damn well please! You can take your Tomato-meter and toss it out a window! Because the point of these films is to have a good entertaining time while also providing naked people engaging in recreational activities that involve nakedness, the added imagination and fun are a welcome addition and the reason it is so much fun to watch each installment.

And Catwoman fan fiction has hit the big time!

This time we jump into the world of Women in Prison flicks. Remember, this is a Bikini flick, so don’t expect one of them dirty, gritty women in prison flicks. This is a bubblegum camp women in prison flick style similar to Bikini Chain Gang. It’s still low budget. In fact, outside of the main actors, there are no extras at all, not even other prisoners or even guards at the prison! Must be minimum security. All the familiar elements that make these films so charming are there, including a plot that I expect Law & Order: SVU to rip off next season!

We have an entire collection of Fred Olen Ray Bikini flick goodies for you to also check out: Bewitched Housewives, Super Ninja Doll, Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet, Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle, Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, Voodoo Dollz: Lust Potion #9, Bikini Airways, Bikini Royale, Bikini Frankenstein, Twilight Vamps Lust At First Bite, Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros, Bikini Chain Gang, Bikini Pirates, and Dirty Blondes From Beyond. They feature the entire gauntlet of B-film scenarios and wacky goofiness, which means an actual plot to go along with the softcore shenanigans.

I’m just so….evil! I love it!

But enough about other films, it’s time to check out these Baby Dolls Behind Bars!

Sissy Dunlop (Jazy Berlin) – Ditzy police officer who does the right thing even if it angers the mayor’s family. She stands up to power and doesn’t let them get off above your fellow man. And she probably doesn’t even know they’re powerful. Her family is a poor mountain family like all police officers everywhere.
Matron Grell (Christine Nguyen) – Matron of the jail who will be giving Sissy a hard time while she’s doing hard time. Also possibly evil…
Maggie Grey (Erika Jordan) – The famous cat burglar (who probably enjoys being on hot tin roofs, if you know what I mean…) who has been caught but is somehow still stealing things. It is a mystery!
Jack Randolph (Voodoo as Alex Boisvert) – A defense attorney who becomes obsessed with freeing Sissy from her bonds and from her clothes.
Inspector Bill Hartford (Michael Gaglio) – Cop in charge of the undercover program to send Sissy to find out about Maggie’s dealings and thievings. I’m sure he’s on the level.
Judge Raymond Bean (Dale DaBone as Dale Rutter) – The most casual judge in the universe, and also one of the most crafty.
Baker (Jenna Presley) – She may seem like just a court stenographer, but she’s also a great planner and comes up with the megaplot to expose corruption!
Security Guard (Jade Starr) – The crafty security guard who takes down one of the world’s greatest thieves and still has some fun…
I’m no expert, but I think they should be wearing flip-flops in that communal shower…
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Dirty Blondes From Beyond (Review)

June 4, 2012By

Dirty Blondes From Beyond


2012
Written by Dean McKendrick
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)

How to sum Dirty Blondes From Beyond up in one picture

With a lot more special effects than I thought they’d bring, Dirty Blondes from Beyond rockets the Bikini films closer to epic space opera status while still providing plenty of softcore situations. 2012 is also a banner year for the bikini flicks because some of the old school crew has returned, Evan Stone and Voodoo! And there is plenty of new talent on display, plenty of goofy, scifi, sexy adventures, and plenty of heavy breathing.

Bikinistar Galactica!

Dirty Blondes from Beyond follows the tradition of taking a genre film plot and turning it into a softcore erotic parody. Featuring two alien girls on the run, they wind up on planet Earth, where strange creatures called tripods exist. As there are no men on their planet, you can guess what the tripods they constantly refer to are. There are several other jokes that are pretty good, including secret government agents named Smith and Jones (along with their own name running gag!) There is no connection to Dirty Blondes or Dirty Blondes 2 despite the similar name (because this is a completely different production company!), so any hope of seeing that franchise in space is dashed. Not that we need more installments of those borefests. Dirty Blondes From Beyond does a great job of blowing them out of the water.

Who set up this candelabra so it would drip wax all over the shelf??

As usual, let’s get this Cinemax Skinemax event bagged and tagged! On with the Roll Call…

Stand by for our rap song about Dirty Blondes From Beyond!

Princess Farra (Brandin Rackley) – The good Princess of Byfrexia, whose planet is invaded in a diabolical plot to turn the Princess into a sex slave. She flees in order to save her people.
Empress Krell (Christine Nguyen) – Empress of the Vulvians, who orchestrates the mysterious storms on and subsequent invasion of Byfrexia just to get a hold of the Princess for her own pleasures. Is very spoiled, and refuses to take no for an answer.
Vema (Jazy Berlin) – Loyal bodyguard of the Princess, who manufactures her escape and gets her to Earth. Also protects the Princess from the native tripods, at least until the Princess decides she wants to do her own inspection.
Commander Tharis (Erika Jordan) – Loyal servant of Empress Krell, and her lover. Is jealous of the attention and obsession the Empress has for the Princess, but will follow her orders. Has a pet haliganon.
Agent Jones (Jenna Presley) – Government agent sent to investigate the UFO report. Is partnered with Agent Smith. A no nonsense type of woman, unless she’s affected by sexy radiation!
Agent Smith (Voodoo as Alex Boisvert) – Government Agent sent to investigate the UFO report. Has the hots for his partner, Agent Jones. Believes drunk rednecks more than he should, but ends up being proved right. Voodoo is back and now going as Alex Boisvert instead of Alexandre. Sadly, this is the first time I’ve seen him in one of these films in years and he’s acting all stiff. Though that’s due to his character here, I bet he’s 100% back in the other films shot at the same time.
Jock (Evan Stone) – Evan Stone returns as well, doing a redneck character who lives in the middle of nowhere that the two spacegirls land at. He teaches them all about being a tripod, but is often immobilized by the girls.
Will (Eric Masterson) – A UFO nut who gets involved in the mess. With his skills, he should be hired by Agent Smith and Jones’ boss immediately.
Mark Grabowsky (Michael Gaglio) – The lovable drunk guy that is the witness to the UFO. His perpetually broken car is named Bessie.
The iconic visual poetry of Dirty Blondes From Beyond!
InMovie News

Swamp Shark, Super Shark, Psycho Shark, and Mega Shark II

November 16, 2010By

There are a bunch of new shark movies coming out soon, so here is a look at some of them, the ones we’ve decided to care about because we gotta be selective, don’t you know?

Swamp Shark:
Kirsty Swanson IS Swamp Shark. Oh, wait, Kirsty Swanson IS starring in Swamp Shark. My bad! It’s directed by Griff Furst, son of many-time SciFi movie director Stephen Furst (of Animal House fame) and Griff Furst was also in Transmorphers and Basilisk: The Serpent King.
A sneak peak scene:

via

Super Shark:
Fred Olen Ray can’t stay away from the shark movie money madness, so now we got another shark film called Super Shark! And this shark can walk! creature effects by BFX Imageworks, Inc.
Starring John Schneider (Dukes of Hazzard John Schneider) and Jimmie JJ Walker, along with Jerry Lacy, Tim Abell, Ted Monte, Sarah Lieving, Rebbeca Grant, Randy Mulkey, Shane Van Dyke, Mike Gaglio, and Dylan Vox


Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus:
Asylum sequel to Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, originally titled Mega Shark vs. Giganotosaurus, but that was too close to an actual dinosaur name that was a plant eater, hardly the type to go fight a Mega Shark.

The Megalodon has survived its battle with the giant octopus from the previous film. But now, a new prehistoric terror is discovered deep in the jungles of Africa.
Starring Jaleel White, Gary Stretch, Sarah Lieving, Robert Picardo, and Gerald Webb. Directed by Chris Ray, which will be his third film but may end up the first one released as Reptisaurus and Megaconda both seem stuck in post-production.

It comes out December 21st! Make your Christmas a Mega Shark Christmas!

Mega Python vs. Gatoroid:
Not a shark film, but it sprang partially from the Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus film and Mega Piranha, as Debbie Gibson was in one and Tiffany in the other. Now they’re both in Mega Python vs. Gatoroid and their going to kick each other’s butts! Unless the Mega Pythons or Gatoroids get them first…

Psycho Shark (a.k.a. Jaws in Japan):
CHECK OUT OUR REVIEW OF PSYCHO SHARK HERE!!!
College students Miki and Mai arrive on a private beach on a tropical island. They can’t find the hotel where they booked their reservations, and have gotten hopelessly lost, until a handsome young man shows up, offering to take them to his lodge. But something is not right about the place. The owner’s fingernails are tainted with blood and Miki feels something sinister lurking nearby.

Tarzeena
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle (Review)

October 2, 2008By

Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle

aka Tarzeena: Queen of Kong Island

2008
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)

Tarzeena Jiggle of the Jungle joins a long line of Tarzan-themed erotic movies. It is an anomaly in this genre, though, because it is actually entertaining and not a complete waste of celluloid. Director Fred Olen Ray manages to craft together a nice little homage to not only the Tarzan films, but those old jungle films where people wander through stock footage and movies with crazy mad scientists. Tarzeena is a great throwback to anyone who has suffered through borefests such as Nabonga. As viewers of traditional jungle flicks know, up to 25% of the film is stock footage (and sometimes shamefully more than that), there are jungle girls worshiped by natives, and there is usually a guy in a gorilla suit. We have all of those things, plus sex scenes. Tarzeena was one of several made at the same time, also including Super Ninja Doll.


Tarzeena (Christine Nguyen) – Tarzeena the Jungle Girl is the Queen of the Jungle and an expert in jungle love. She commands animals and has zero body hair. The missing granddaughter of Uncle Milton and heir to part of his fortune.and was previously seen here in Super Ninja Doll
Amanda “Mandy” Sellers (Nicole Sheridan) – Stepdaughter of Uncle Milton and recieves several million dollars after he dies, under the condition that she look for his missing relatives. Often has to urinate. Nicole Sheridan was previously seen here in Super Ninja Doll
Ted Kilton (Voodoo) – Boyfriend of Mandy and getter of lots of money. I sure hope his relationship is an open one, as both of them are bumping uglies with other people before the film ends. Adult film actor Voodoo is credited as Alexandre Boisvert and was previously seen here in Super Ninja Doll
Jack Carver (Evan Stone) – Jungle Guide Jack Carver helps our heroes find the wreckage of Bradly’s plane and the mysterious Tarzeena. and was previously seen here in Super Ninja Doll
Jed Slater (Ed Polgardy) – Lawyer for the estate of Uncle Milton, helps organize the trip to Kong Island to look for Bradly and his daughter.
Shana (Syren) – Native girl who is in love with Jack Carter, yet also assisting Dr. Mortimer in his mad experiments.and was previously seen here in Super Ninja Doll
Dr. Mortimer (Mike Gaglio) – Mad scientist performing the brain control operations. Mike Gaglio was previously seen here in Super Ninja Doll
Tabonga (Don McLeod) – Gorilla and friend of Tarzeena. Captured by the crazed Dr. Mortimer and implanted with a mind-control chip. Eventually freed and can turn on his captor. Tragically, his life is cut short by an exploding evil lair. He will be missed. Pour a 40 for Tabonga!

Tarzeena lives on Stock Footage Island – I mean Kong Island. Tarzeena’s skimpy clothing allows her to keep cool in the jungle heat, but at times she must shed her clothes and get naked. Thus she must take a shower in the waterfall. Luckily, a plane filled with hundreds of shaving blades must have crashed on the island at some point, allowing Tarzeena’s skin to remain smooth as an android’s bottom.

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Super Ninja Doll (Review)

September 16, 2008By

Super Ninja Doll

aka Super Ninja Bikini Babes

2007
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)

Super Ninja Doll premiered on cable TV under the title Super Ninja Bikini Babes, but we will be calling it Super Ninja Doll because that is the title that we first were introduced to it as on the Retromedia message board. Director Fred Olen Ray has crafted a mix of cult movie/Japanese comics with softcore elements, resulting in a great film that is both entertaining and memorable. Fred Olen Ray shoots these films several at a time, oftentimes reusing the same sets and actors. (Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle is one of the others shot with this one.) The problem with a lot of softcore fare is it blends together an becomes unmemorable. Stuff you catch late at night on Skinimax or Showtime, then forget about as the next night something completely different is on. These types of softcore movies have been given the name Erotic Parodies, which fits as they have names like The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I., The Erotic Dreams of Jeannie, and Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes. As Super Ninja Doll is not yet on DVD (as of when I wrote this), the screen captures are taken from a TV broadcast (thus the alternate title screen), but they look better than our previous TV captures because the screenshots weren’t taken off of a VHS tape of the movie.

The artwork for the Super Ninja Doll comic was done by Noel Anderson. There is an actual Retromedia Comics Group, which is making a Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers comic book!

Eriko (Christine Nguyen) – A comic book fan, a big comic book fan. Gets lost in the exciting worlds of the comics she reads. Enrolled in college. Enlisted to have the powers of Super Ninja Doll! Christine Nguyen is a former Playboy Cyber Girl and has a long modeling resume.
Super Ninja Doll (Christine Nguyen) – Super Ninja Doll fights against the evil Tantella and Gorath, as well as having sex because that’s how you get power in the Super Ninja Doll universe. Can fly, shoot energy, and shrink baddies.
Tantella (Nicole Sheridan) – The evil Tantella plots to invade the Earth because she is evil and that’s what evil people do. Nicole Sheridan is the first of many adult entertainment stars that will be making appearances here.
Gorath (Evan Stone) – The vile Gorath is powerful, but gets more powerful after sex. Kidnaps the great minds of Earth to foster an invasion, but runs afoul of Super Ninja Doll. Evan Stone really gets into the part, muttering “Gorath” and other things, you can tell he is having a blast. Stone is another adult entertainment actor and is hilarious.
Marsha Applebee (Beverly Lynne) – A nuclear marine physicist and tuna expert. You wouldn’t be asking how they are connected if you knew the terrible secret of nuclear tuna! Amazingly young for being such a big expert…
Jim (Voodoo) – Marsha’s sarcastic boyfriend, and setter up of menege a trois. Voodoo is yet another actor in adult films and has starred in numerous Fred Olan Ray films.
Megan Rhodes (Syren) – Is said to be in the sexual research department in a newspaper article, but called a rocket scientist in spoken script, therefore she must do both like Marsha. Her mind was blanked from amnesia and she gets captured by Gorath. Syren is the final adult star in the Roll Call, but more will appear throughout the film in the synopsis…

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