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Frog-g-g

Frog-g-g! (Review)

Frog-g-g!


2004
Starring
Kristi Russell as Dr. Barbara Michaels
Ariadne Shaffer as Trixie
Robert Patrick Brink as Sheriff Buford Lawson
Michael McConnohie as Huntley Grimes
Todd Malta as EPA Agent Steve Saunders
John Ponzio as The Frog

This film sucks-s-s! Of course you expected that joke. The camp is strong with this film. We got mutant frogs sexing up girls, as well as lesbians. Yes, lesbians. The mutant frog? Why, he’s Greedo! Yes, Greedo from Star Wars now has a film of his very own. He’s mad. Mad that the galaxy he once called home no longer makes any sense to him. Mad that he now questions whether or not he got off a shot at Han Solo. Mad that he was somehow convinced he shot first, even though he knows he never pulled the trigger. Madder still that if he did shoot, he would have had to miss someone a foot away from the gun. Madder even still that now people are saying he shot at the same time as Han Solo, and yet still missed. When you get all that anger pent up inside you, building, getting stronger, stoked by rage, hate, burning, it bubbles over, into a frothy mess, and soon…it explodes! Now, the girls of this small town will never be the same, once Greedo has had his way with them! Fear the Greedo! FEAR! With the only available man in the town being a Rodian, no wonder the main characters are lesbians!

Mummy's Kiss

The Mummy’s Kiss (Review)

The Mummy’s Kiss


2003
Starring
Mia Zottoli as Ramsay Amun/Hor-Shep-Sut
Sasha Peralto as Ana Harwa/Princess Hat-Em-Akhet
George Thomas as Professor Carter Moore
Aysia Lee as Tina Kim
Richard Lynch as Dr. Wallis Harwa
Arthur Roberts as Osiris
Katie Lohmann as Isis

Shhhh!!! Be very very quiet! We’re sneaking downstairs to catch a glimpse of late night TV, since we’re tired of going to bed early. Luckily Step-father is asleep on the couch, so we can change channels without much trouble. Let’s see what’s on the pay channels tonight…HBO has Out For A Kill, Showtime is playing a Queer as Folk marathon…what’s this? The Mummy’s Kiss? I liked the first two Mummy movies, let’s give this one a whirl. Hey….SHE’S NAKED! WHOA!

Intimate COnfessions of a chinese courtesan

Intimate Confessions of a Chinese Courtesan (Review)

Intimate Confessions of a Chinese Courtesan

aka Ai Nu

1972
Starring
Lily Ho Li-Li as Ai Nu
Betty Pei Ti as Lady Chun
Yueh Hua as Chief Constable Ji De
Tung Lam as Bao Hu
Directed by Chor Yuen

What is an admitted inspiration to the classic Asian trash film Naked Killer is a keen Shaw Brother’s epic, which is not your typical kung fu epic. This film has women empowered, killing men who have wronged them, a classic revenge flick. As I eat this stuff up, this is a perfect movie for me. It’s sprinkled with great fights, and plenty of naked women. There is even the lesbian theme pushed in, and the body count is piled to the ceiling and above. Since this inspired Naked Killer, which inspired Naked Weapon, we also get a living example of the theory that the third generation of dynasties ruin everything. The thought that such good movies inspired such garbage would be mind-boggling, except Hollywood does the same thing at least once a month with the latest “re-imagining” of classic movies or TV shows. Luckily, this is the generation one of the sexy killer lesbian kung fu movies, and it’s all good as gold!

Female Vampire

Female Vampire (Review)

Female Vampire

aka Les Avaleuses
1973
Starring
Lina Romay as Countess Irina Karlstein
Jack Taylor as Baron Von Rathony aka Lando
Anna Watican as Journalist
Jess Franco as Dr. Roberts
Directed by Jess Franco (as J.P. Johnson)

This Gem from Director Jess Franco is non-stop naked vampire action. Well, there is little action, but the naked vampire doesn’t stop. The most clothing the female lead wears is a dress that looks as if it were made out of a doily. There are about 8000000 different versions of this film running around, so I’m not even sure which version I watched, though the DVD claimed it was the Director’s Cut.

Opens with a woman walking in the woods. She is completely naked except for cape and belt. And the camera focuses on it all (though some of it is out of focus, a problem that plagues this movie like the locusts in Biblical Egypt). She is Vampire Countess Irina, who isn’t a traditional vampire as she is wandering around in the day and has reflections. But this particular day she is wandering in the woods and comes across a farmer who appears to be raising peacocks. The farmer must have spent all his cool points in a previous life, since he looks like Lord High Dork God. Anyway, it’s good enough for Countess, who starts going down on him immediately. He likes it until suddenly he cries out in pain loudly. So loudly it is heard far away from some ultra-seventies Eurotrash guy who looks like a strung out evil Will Ferrell. The dubbing identifies him as Lando or something similar, despite that name not appearing on the IMDB list of casts, and i think it is supposed to be the Baron Von Rathony character. But I will call him Lando non-the less, since the world needs more Landos.

Female Prisoner #701 Scorpion (Review)

Female Prisoner #701 Scorpion

aka Joshuu 701go: Sasori

1972
Female Prisoner 701 Scorpion

Starring
Meiko Kaji as Matsu/Sasori (Scorpion)
Directed by Shunya Ito

Female Prisoner 701 Scorpion

Female Prisoner 701 Scorpion

1970’s exploitation cinema reached new heights with the Scorpion series of movies from Japan. The Scorpion series of movies are classic example of revenge movies, of women wronged and chained, who fight back and kill those that used and discarded them. Anyway, those types of movies are right up my alley, there is nothing more satisfying than seeing some obnoxious character get killed horribly by someone he abused earlier. And this film is full of it!

Female Prisoner 701 Scorpion

Female Prisoner 701 Scorpion