Hungry Hungry Hippos….will be a REAL FILM????!!

Hungry Hungry Hippos Brian Cook

What in the flying monkey crap is happening to Earth, planet of humans, that makes jokes reality? Are we being zapped with Ironic Reality Rays from the Evil Skeletor and his gang of baddies? Because suddenly, everyone’s favorite joke board game movie will actually be a real movie! Hasbro has signed deals to bring more of their properties to the big screen. In addition to reviving the long-in-production Monopoly flick and optioning Action Man for some reason, Hungry Hungry Hippos is the third property in the deal with Emmett/Furla Films giving Hasbro the dump trucks full of cash it needs to get these films in production through their Universal subsidiary. Don’t worry, each film will cost less than $100 million, that way they will only lose lots of money instead of a ton of money.

Monopoly will be the first of the three films, probably because a lot of the ground work has already been done over the years. Ridley Scott is still listed as a producer, but I do not know if they will continue with the “guy wakes up in a Monopoly world” plot that was rumored years ago. All the films are being marketed as family films.

Emmett/Furla is also bankrolling The Tomb, Two Guns, and Broken City, so they’re posed to become very very rich. Which they will need when no one watches these Hasbro films. I mean, I can’t wait for Hungry Hungry Hippos!

I actually seriously can’t wait.

Via LATimes
Image created by Brian Cook

Ouija movie can't be killed, stop trying to contact it via Ouija…

Did you see what I did with that dumb article title? Hasbro’s Ouija movie is back from the dead. Previously, Universal Pictures dumped all their upcoming Hasbro films, but has now agreed to go forward with Ouija thanks to it transforming into a low-budget horror film! McG was to direct a $100 million version (how in the freaking frak??) Don’t worry, another expensive director, Michael Bay, is still sort of attached as his Platinum Dunes company is co-producing. Besides Hasbro, the third co-production company is Blumhouse Productions/Jason Blum, the guy who brought us Paranormal Activity. Which had a Ouija board in it. Spooky. So spooky, it’s time to break out the Ouija board and ask the great Al-Shabbathazzar how badly the Ouija movie will be spelled on theater marquis! We need to sacrifice 13 worms before we make contact, so I’ll be right back…

via Deadline
pic via Crazy-cartoon-nut

Demon Cat

I demand blood sacrifices or the Ouija movie will be terrible!

Stretch Armstrong cannot die, extends release date to April 2014

Yes, that’s a terrible title pun. But regardless, the Stretch Armstrong film starring Taylor Lautner was dropped by Universal a short while back as Universal began pulling away from some of the Hasbro films (because Battleship is going to flop like 10,000 dolphins at Sea World!) But never fear, Relativity Media has come to save the day, and the now shirtless werewolf free Stretch Armstrong will be around to lose them money now!

The Stretch Armstrong toys are probably more interesting than the movie. Besides our hero Stretch Armstrong, the original 1970s line had Stretch Monster and Stretch Octopus!
Stretch Armstrong Stretch Monster Stretch Octopus

But when Stretch Armstrong was rebooted in the 1990s, he has a host of new villains! There was his evil brother Wretch Armstrong, the evil Vac-Man, and Stretch’s new canine companion Fetch Armstrong!
Wretch Armstrong
Fetch Armstrong

And let’s not forget this version, which sadly is not stingray-proof…
Steve Irwin Stretch Doll

toy images via via via via