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InMovie News

Swamp Shark, Super Shark, Psycho Shark, and Mega Shark II

November 16, 2010By

There are a bunch of new shark movies coming out soon, so here is a look at some of them, the ones we’ve decided to care about because we gotta be selective, don’t you know?

Swamp Shark:
Kirsty Swanson IS Swamp Shark. Oh, wait, Kirsty Swanson IS starring in Swamp Shark. My bad! It’s directed by Griff Furst, son of many-time SciFi movie director Stephen Furst (of Animal House fame) and Griff Furst was also in Transmorphers and Basilisk: The Serpent King.
A sneak peak scene:

via

Super Shark:
Fred Olen Ray can’t stay away from the shark movie money madness, so now we got another shark film called Super Shark! And this shark can walk! creature effects by BFX Imageworks, Inc.
Starring John Schneider (Dukes of Hazzard John Schneider) and Jimmie JJ Walker, along with Jerry Lacy, Tim Abell, Ted Monte, Sarah Lieving, Rebbeca Grant, Randy Mulkey, Shane Van Dyke, Mike Gaglio, and Dylan Vox


Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus:
Asylum sequel to Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus, originally titled Mega Shark vs. Giganotosaurus, but that was too close to an actual dinosaur name that was a plant eater, hardly the type to go fight a Mega Shark.

The Megalodon has survived its battle with the giant octopus from the previous film. But now, a new prehistoric terror is discovered deep in the jungles of Africa.
Starring Jaleel White, Gary Stretch, Sarah Lieving, Robert Picardo, and Gerald Webb. Directed by Chris Ray, which will be his third film but may end up the first one released as Reptisaurus and Megaconda both seem stuck in post-production.

It comes out December 21st! Make your Christmas a Mega Shark Christmas!

Mega Python vs. Gatoroid:
Not a shark film, but it sprang partially from the Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus film and Mega Piranha, as Debbie Gibson was in one and Tiffany in the other. Now they’re both in Mega Python vs. Gatoroid and their going to kick each other’s butts! Unless the Mega Pythons or Gatoroids get them first…

Psycho Shark (a.k.a. Jaws in Japan):
CHECK OUT OUR REVIEW OF PSYCHO SHARK HERE!!!
College students Miki and Mai arrive on a private beach on a tropical island. They can’t find the hotel where they booked their reservations, and have gotten hopelessly lost, until a handsome young man shows up, offering to take them to his lodge. But something is not right about the place. The owner’s fingernails are tainted with blood and Miki feels something sinister lurking nearby.

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Bikini Frankenstein (Review)

September 17, 2010By

Bikini Frankenstein


2010
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
Written by Sherman Scott
Bikini Frankenstein
Bikini Frankenstein was first hinted at after the titles of Bikini Airways. But then the film never came out and people dismissed it as a joke. But, Cinemax being skinemax kept ordering new Fred Olen Ray Bikini movies, and as Ray worked his way through concept after concept, Bikini Frankenstein suddenly became viable again, and thus now exists. There isn’t a callback to Bikini Airways that I recognized, though there is an airline in the film, but a shame the airline wasn’t Janus Air, which would have been a cool callback. I’m all about inserting references into films no one will ever get. Frankie Cullen appeared in Bikini Airways, though, so that’s something.

Bikini Frankenstein was one of five Bikini films made at the same time – (the other four are Bikini Royale 2, Twilight Vamps, Housewives from Another World, and Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros) – and there is a cast shakeup from the usual Fred Olen Ray stable of actors as Cinemax wanted to shake things up a bit. Now, I know many people are disappointed we don’t have any Voodoo, Evan Stone, or Nicole Sheridan in the films, but they made tons of flicks together and there are even a few I haven’t seen yet. But at least we still got Christine Nguyen! Priorities, man! Also Ted Newsom, always a winner.
Bikini Frankenstein

Quality-wise, It looks like these new films are shot in widescreen, though that may have happened with the last four films, but I just recorded them off of tv so I am not sure. That’s what happens when you move to a house without cable, you have to buy dvds. The audio has also improved with the new cameras, and even the sex scenes are better. Plus Retromedia revamped their logo to better fit the widescreen.

Bikini Frankenstein is based on the novel by Mary Shelley – why not? Public domain has its privileges! This review is based on the classic novel Mickey Mouse and Boy Thursday! Okay, maybe not…but at least Bikini Frankenstein isn’t fighting zombies.

There are two special songs from rockabilly/rockaghoul/surf music band The Graveyard Farmers – Formaldehyde and Gimme Some Loving, for those of you into music that is cool.
Bikini Frankenstein

Dr. Victor Frankenstein (Frankie Cullen) – has crackpot theories! Frankie Cullen in glasses looks amazingly like David Arquette in glasses. It’s weird! Frankenstein brings the dead back to life, has sex with his assistants and students, and gets revenge on those who laughed at him by succeeding in his goals. It’s totally inspirational! Frankie Cullen was seen before on TarsTarkas.NET in Cleavagefield and was somewhere in Bikini Airways, being the only connection to the original announcement of the film I could find.
Ingrid (Brandin Rackley) – Frankenstein’s assistant, but she does her best work outside the lab. Brandin Rackley was also in Cleavagefield.
Eve (Jayden Cole) – It’s Bikini Frankenstein! And yet, she never wears a bikini… In any event, Eve is brought back from the dead and now lusts for human private parts. And she gets some. Lots. Too much to handle.
Claudia (Christine Nguyen) – Claudia is an old acquaintance of Frankenstein’s who is now with Frankenstein’s old rival. But that doesn’t stop her from getting some action on the side. I’m going to be lazy and just link to the Christine Nguyen tag, but she’s been in a ton of films we’ve covered!
Clyde (Billy Chappell as Tony Marino) – Dr. Frankenstein’s arch-rival gets him banished, but is later embarrassed as Frankenstein proves he was right all along…
Professor Van Sloane (Ted Newsom) – Biology department head at State University, who banishes Dr. Frankenstein after he catches the good doctor playing doctor with his daughter. His poor dog Pookie died and Dr. Frankenstein wanted to reanimate it. Ted Newsom is a Fred Olen Ray regular and has been seen here in Super Ninja Doll, Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet, Bewitched Housewives, and Bikini Royale.
Dr. Waldman (Ron Ford) – A fellow member of the faculty at State University who gets invited to the big unveiling of Bikini Frankenstein. Ron Ford is a one-man cult movie making machine, he writes, directs, does special effects, camera work, drives people around, and will even show up with a goofy mustache.
Debbie (Alexis Texas) – Professor Van Sloane’s sweet daughter is Dr. Frankenstein’s student. Who he has sex with. Alexis Texas has been slimed more than Bill Murray in Ghostbusters in such fine films as Bubble Butt Babysitters, Destination Tonsils 2, Rain Coater’s Point of View 6, and Buttwoman vs. Slutwoman.

Bikini Frankenstein

InMovie News

Parody Titles

August 9, 2010By

The Hills Have Thighs. Cleavagefield. Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes. These films and many more are part of the proud tradition of softcore films with parody titles. But there is a problem is parody title land!

James “Bubba” Cromer is a guy who made a film called The Hills Have Thighs that is some sort of lame comedy film, and he saw a listing for “The Hills Have Thighs” and Cieimax at 1:30 AM. Now, only a moron doesn’t know what kind of films are airing at 1:30 AM on Cinemax, and those films rarely feature people wearing clothes. Needless to say, Cromer was in for a shock as this was not his “Thighs” but the softcore one shot by Jim Wynorski. Like any sane person, Cromer hired a lawyer and decided to sue for “extreme humiliation, mortification and emotional distress.” What a moron.

Cromer’s idiot decision has also caused the latest crop of Bikini films that Fred Olen Ray is planning to have some title trouble, as the studios are now rejecting every parody title film offered to them over the title alone. Now, Fred Olen Ray can rename the films whatever he wants on the DVD releases (and often does), but to get them on Cinemax he has to struggle to get titles approved (which is proving harder than you would think, and titles he thinks they’ll reject are getting put through, while safer titles are being send back, sometimes after being approved) Jim Wynorski has also lost sales of Paraknockers Activity based on the title.

Basically, things are a mess, and it is all Cromer’s fault because he is a giant baby. Maybe you shouldn’t have put a pun in your film title that was old when Mad Magazine used it in their James Bond parodies!

But the good news is we are getting four new Bikini films for next year, which is great and I haven’t even gotten around to seeing the five that came out this year!

As an aside, FOR made a film called Hybrid years ago, and SyFy also has an original movie called Hybrid, that whenever it airs uses the description of Ray’s film in place of the newer one. So, SyFy, you are on notice!

InMovie News

New Bikini Movies

December 3, 2009By

Some of the five Bikini movies Fred Olen Ray filmed this past year will hit DVD and cable soon, to the point where Retromedia has updated with some of the covers! Some of the casting has changed, but we still have a few familiar players, including Christine Nguyen and Beverly Lynne!

Twilight Vamps: Lust at First Bite – A Vampire Strip Club film with Brandin Rackley, Christine Nguyen, Beverly Lynne, Ashley West, Michelle Maylene and Geneveve Jolie.
twilight_vamps_cvr.jpg

The long awaited Bikini Frankenstein! (promised way back in 2003’s Bikini Airways!)
UPDATE: Check out our review of Bikini Frankenstein!
frankenstein_cvr.jpg

And soon enough…Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros! I am guessing there will be time for love, Bikini Jones!
Jones_promo.jpg

There are two others coming as well (Housewives From Another World and a third B.I.K.I.N.I. film), so 2010 promises to be a very Bikini year!

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Bikini Royale (Review)

September 9, 2009By

Bikini Royale


2008
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
Bikini Royale

Bikini Royale is a sequel to The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I., which I haven’t seen, but that isn’t necessary to follow the plot here. As you have probably guessed, this is a riff on spy films such as James Bond. Riffing on Bond seems to be just as profitable as doing the actual Bond films, and there continues to be Bond sendups created year after year.
Bikini Royale

This is a Fred Olen Ray softcore bikini erotic parody, so it gives you what you expect for an entry in that genre: sex scenes, humor, general entertainment, familiar actors, familiar songs during the sex, and familiar locations. Previous TarsTarkas.NET reviews of Fred Olen Ray Bikini films include: Bewitched Housewives, Super Ninja Doll, Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet, Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle, Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, Voodoo Dollz: Lust Potion #9, and Bikini Airways.
Bikini Royale

Tanya X (Beverly Lynne) – Secret Agent Tanya X is the best agent in B.I.K.I.N.I.. And also the hottest. And possibly the only agent, because she’s the only one we ever see. She gets her man and gets it on, often with said man, other men, and other women. No word on if Tanya X is the daughter of Malcolm X.
Corrine (Nicole Sheridan) – Evil mistress of Parker Savage who works for Dr. Nyet and distrusts interior designers. Ruthless and efficient. Has a fondness for black bodysuits.
Parker Savage (Evan Stone) – Parker Savage heads Parker Savage Industries, and is very successful despite being very clueless. His brother is a doctor.
Sophie (Christine Nguyen) – Sophie is a professional poker player and card counter brought in by Mark Tenn to assist with learning how to lose effectively at poker. She ends up losing her clothes and getting involved in a threesome, because that’s what happens in these movies.
Mark Tenn (Voodoo as Alexandre Boisvert) – CIA agent and former partner of Tanya X in her previous outing. Mark Tenn and her have an adversarial relationship despite their numerous onscreen couplings. Mark Tenn has x-ray contacts, but they still don’t make him look any better in lipstick.
Dr. Nyet (Monique Parent) – Dr. Nyet died in the last film, except she didn’t and we explain that later. She is evil and behind the whole plot to sell missile plans or something. And she has lesbian sex. That’s far more important than the plot.
Mr. Whately (Ted Monte) – Head of B.I.K.I.N.I. and a quintuple agent, or something.
Photo Lady (Syren) – Target of Tanya X’s spying, the Photo Lady assumes it has something to do with her impending divorce and fails to realize her stolen microchip is the real target. Likes showers, photography, and sealing things.
Tang (Charlie Laine) – Dr. Nyet’s assistant who gets some physical rewards for her activities. Has visited the moon with the astronauts.
Newton (Ted Newsom) – Newton is the Q of B.I.K.I.N.I. and provides all the fun gadgets. For some reason Tanya X and Newton don’t seem to like each other much, but isn’t explained, maybe in the previous film.

Bikini Royale

Bewitched Housewives
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Bewitched Housewives (Review)

May 6, 2009By

Bewitched Housewives


2007
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)

Bewitched Housewives is a take off of Bewitched except as a softcore flick. As a Bewitched movie came out around the same time, that may have been the inspiration for the script getting made. This is not the only Retromedia take off of old TV shows as erotic entertainment, Erotic Genie being another example. I would rather these old shows get made as parody softcore flicks instead of terrible big budget films that bomb at the box office.

The TV series Bewitched actually spawned three Turkish movies, one of which was Tatli Cadi (The Sweet Sorceress), and it was followed by the sequel Tatli Cadi’nin Maceralari (The Adventures of the Sweet Sorceress). Minik Cadi (The Cute Witch) turned the main star into a little girl and went cute, in contrast to the Sweet Sorceress films which tended to emphasize women in skimpy clothes. I am sure we are all familiar with the remake with Will Ferrell and Nicole Kidman, so let’s leave well enough alone.

As we’ve done a whole bunch of these Fred Olen Ray bikini films, I’ll just list them all here instead of over and over again in the Roll Call: Super Ninja Doll, Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet, Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle, Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, Voodoo Dollz: Lust Potion #9, and Bikini Airways. Yes, more will be on here soon!

Mary Corwin (Beverly Lynne) – A fan of big, throbbing vegatables, Mary Corwin is whisked away from certain death at the hands of witch hunters to modern day LA where she has a husband, friends, and corporate espionage intrigue… Beverly Lynne is a pretty big star in these Skinimax softcore films, but those of you who got here by Googling her name already know that.
Angelique (Nicole Sheridan) – Angelique is a member of the Sisterhood of Witches and spends her time rescuing persecuted witches back in time and taking them to modern times. Nicole Sheridan is in almost every Bikini movie made this decade, also stars in adult films, and runs her own website. Plus she’s married to Voodoo. Check out her wonderfully titled films If the Balls Fit, Suck ‘Em!, The Adventures of O-Girl Trapped in Time, and Eruptions: Pink’s My Favorite Color.
Derek Simmons (Brad Bartram) – Ad agency man who becomes the set up husband for rescued witch Mary Corwin. Brad Bartram has a large contingent of fans of the search engine referrals are to be believed.
Barry (Voodoo as Alexandre Boisvert) – Barry is Derek’s coworker, and is jealous because Derek comes up with all the cool ideas. Martin’s plan is to steal Derek’s latest idea, which would have worked had Derek bothered to write any of it down (which must make powerpoint presentations interesting!) Barry is played by Alexandre Boisvert, who continues his policy of making goofy faces and being hilarious.
Linda (Rebecca Love) – Barry’s girl and his point woman for Operation Steal Derek’s Ideas. Spends most of her time rummaging though underwear drawers and having sex with Derek to cover her tracks. Adult actress Rebecca Love is also featured in the finely titled films Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre, When Things Get Rough She Gets Filthy, and Itty Bitty Cheerleaders vs. the Big Boob Squad 2.
Martin (Evan Stone) – Martin is Angelique’s wife, and is one of the few roles where Evan Stone plays a more subdued, normal guy. He can’t always be in elevator shoes with goggles and giant gloves and named Kronkor.
Brother Hopkins (Ted Newsom) – A Witch Hunter who tracks down those who would dare use magic, even though one of his tools looks to be magic. Not adverse to traveling to the future to track down his prey. Occasionally yields to temptation.
Mr. Beatty (Don Donaldson) – Derek’s boss at the ad agency. Don Donaldson is barely in this movie, but has larger roles in a few of the other films.
Jailer (Eric Spudic) – The Jailer shows up at the end to assign Brother Hopkins (now Sister Hopkins) his (her) fate. Eric Spudic was also in The Ghost in the Teeny Bikini. If you are in Van Nuys, visit Spudic’s Movie Empire!

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