Crackula Goes to Hollywood will be crack-tacular!

You need to check out that trailer for Crackula Goes to Hollywood above! Crackula Goes to Hollywood looks fantastically amazing, and I hope the editing in the final film is done in the style of the trailer, because that’s unlike anything I have ever seen before. An Alaskan vampire with one tooth comes to Hollywood and starts chomping down on victims, unknowingly becoming addicted to the crack in their blood, and thus now only targets crack attics. And hijinks ensue. I can’t begin to explain how awesome the trailer is. It opens with “Hollywood’s most diverse film ever”. Alaskan Frontier cabin CRACK PARTY. Hollywood, baby, Hollywood. “What? A one-toothed vampire? That’s ridiculous!” Namedropping trickle-down theory. A crack rehab center handing out free crack to rich white people. And the final stinger of “Oh no, Crackula!”

Crackula Goes to Hollywood is the brainchild of Freddie Rhone, who is writing, directing, and producing. Freddie Rhone is a song writer and producer who formed Ruff Face Entertainment, which besides the cool-looking Crackula Goes to Hollywood, has two other films on its website, both documentaries about social justice – Redemption of the Welfare Queen and The Worlds Civil Rights Social Movement.

A mysterious man from Alaska, known to be from the dark side, becomes addicted to sucking crack blood. He single handedly ends up cleaning the streets of Hollywood of all crack users and drug dealers.

I cannot wait for this film! CAN! NOT! WAIT!
Official site (worth looking around)
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Zone Fighter Episode 17 – GO! Faitaa Kinkyuuhasshin

Zone Fighter Episode 17 – GO! Faitaa Kinkyuuhasshin

aka GO! ファイター緊急発進 aka Go! Fighter Emergency Take off! aka Go! Fighter, Scramble
Zone Fighter GO! ファイター緊急発進
1973
Written by Satoshi Kurumi
Directed by Jun Fukuda

March of Godzilla 2014

Dancing with the Stars under the stars

Today we have a very special episode of Zone Fighter, because the star of our show isn’t the Zone Family, but their crap. Yes, the focus is on Smokey the spaceship and Mighty Liner the flying car. I guess the Garoga forgot about the other Zone Family spaceship, the Pandora Capsule. But you know about it because you read the Zone Fighter Splash Page, where all that stuff is listed!

Garoga laugh because they’re in space in a Garoga Spaceship that is now sucking up the Zone Family spaceship Smokey into their own larger ship and flying away. That’s actually a cool power, but instead of dismantling Smokey or lacing it with lots of bombs that will explode whenever a Zone person gets in it, they just move the ship to somewhere else.

Zone Fighter GO! ファイター緊急発進

Each week a different monster barfs on Zone Fighter. Because Zone Fighter’s a freak!


Hotaru is awake at night looking out the window and Akira talks to her…

Wait a minute, Akira and Hotaru share the same room, and even have bunk beds????? WTF???? In a prior episode Akira was sleeping in the room where the phone was, which is near the living room. AKira is like a hot potato they move from room to room I guess. No one likes Akira.

Anyway, they both had the same dream about Smokey, which just goes to show how lame you are when you dream about your spaceship, in a world where you use your spaceship every day, making it not unique, so it’s like dreaming about your mom’s minivan.

Zone Fighter GO! ファイター緊急発進

The hell kind of ending was that, How I Met Your Mother?


They fly up to where Smokey is parked…and it’s gone! But an outline of Smokey remains, which is weird. At first I thought it was one of their other craft cloaked, but it doesn’t match either one, only Smokey. Maybe it is a decoy put in place to not trip alarms. It’s too hard to figure out without subtitles, I guess this will always be a mystery until someone comments below 8 years later after subtitled DVDs have been out for years like I’m some sort of idiot for not knowing.

Hotaru and Akira know the Garoga are behind it, and go home to activate the tracking beacon of Smokey and find where the Garoga hid it, which turns out to be near the Tanzawa woods.

Zone Fighter GO! ファイター緊急発進

Madballs’ dark reboot!


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Zone Fighter Episode 16 – Kyoufu-no Shuugeki! Garoga Robotto

Zone Fighter Episode 16 – Kyoufu-no Shuugeki! Garoga Robotto

aka 恐怖の襲撃! ガロガロボット aka Counterstrike of Terror! Garoga-Robot! aka Terrifying Attack! The Garoga Robot
Zone Fighter 恐怖の襲撃! ガロガロボット
1973
Written by Susumu Takeuchi
Directed by Akiyasu Kikuchi

March of Godzilla 2014

Whoa, I drank waaaaaay too many V8s! Sorry, dude!

Zone Fighter returns because there are always more Zones to fight, be it the Twilight Zone or Commerce Zones in Sim City or the No Passing Zone, Zone Fighter will punch them all while grunting like a giant pervo. Today we have a very special episode that shows the Zone Family/Sakimoris think they are above the laws of Earth and endanger the lives of small children, including kidnapping. Sure, it turned out it was all part of a hideous Garoga plot, but they didn’t know that at the time! The Zone Family also shows a nice disregard for innocent casualties by blowing up a house in the middle of a neighborhood. This is in addition to all those fights they have with giant monsters in occupied cities. Of course, the Garoga are worse, but the Zones are only barely better at this point. If they didn’t have a theme song, the Zone family would be in jail right next to Baron Garoga. Find out the Zone Family’s crimes with the Zone Fighter Splash Page!

A kid named Hiroshi Teramura spots a meteor flying to earth via his telescope. Quick Quiz: Is Hiroshi wearing short shorts? A: YES! Of course he is. Pajama versions. Yeesh. Hiroshi is so excited about seeing the meteor, he bursts into his parents’ bedroom, which had the door shut, and his parents are moaning and groaning from just off camera, Hiroshi getting a look of horror on his face….

Zone Fighter 恐怖の襲撃! ガロガロボット

I’m not a mechanical horse!


No, he didn’t just see his parents banging, they’re tied up! That’s almost as bad. Almost. Garoga stroll out and are like “we’re in charge now, sucker!” and then hypnotize Hiroshi and start controlling his mind via remote control!

The Zone family discusses the meteorite crash – could it be Garoga? Everything is Garoga, you dolts! At this point, they should be blasting everything that even remotely looks like it came from space.

Zone Fighter 恐怖の襲撃! ガロガロボット

Zone Fighter shows the concern for human life that made him a hero!


The meteor from last night has been immediately taken from the impact site and put in a children’s museum with a box and sign already, and the only people there to look at it are a bunch of kids and Hikaru, Hotaru, and Akira (who is also a kid!) This sort of stretches plausibility, I guess scientists aren’t interested in a new huge mysterious meteor, nor worried it might have deadly levels of space radiation or something.
Zone Fighter 恐怖の襲撃! ガロガロボット

A Horta???


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Fist of Fury is the new RiffTrax VOD!

RiffTrax is out the gate with another VOD, and this one might prove a bit controversial with the cult movie crew as it’s Bruce Lee’s classic film Fist of Fury! You can almost see people lining up to be outraged that this classic film is being RiffTrax, because some people need to learn to relax a bit. If anything, a whole new group of people will see some awesome Bruce Lee moves and maybe become martial arts fans. It also means we’ve got another RiffTrax of a film I’ve already seen, but as usual I’ll be interested in the RiffTrax version. Once I catch up on the backlog. Fist of Fury RiffTrax is available on RiffTrax.com.

Our latest Video OnDemand is FIST OF FURY! The 1972 Bruce Lee classic! Not to be confused with Fists of Fury, or Jackie Chan’s New Fists of Fury, or Fist of Fury II starring Bruce Li (who himself is not to be confused with Bruce Lee). Oh and also, Fist of Fury is known by a couple other names, The Chinese Connection and The Iron Hand, don’t let that confuse you either! Here’s a good way to keep all these movies straight: this is the one where a guy named Bruce takes on a bunch of corrupt bad guys and kicks everyone’s butt real good. There, that clears it up, right?

It’s a good old-fashioned Hong Kong revenge story. Bruce’s martial arts teacher is killed by members of a rival martial arts school (spoiler: Bruce roars “TEACHERRRR!” at the thundering heavens quite a bit when he hears about this) and, wouldn’t you know it, decides to undertake a one-man mission of vengeance, pitting his Chinese school against their Japanese enemies. It’s kinda like the “slobs vs. snobs” setup of Caddyshack, except with a lot less gopher dancing and a lot more deep ethnic animosity. Fun!

So tense your whole body, make some strange bird sounds, punch a guy to death while you’re not even looking at him, and join Mike, Kevin and Bill for Fist of Fury!

Fist of Fury RiffTrax

Be popular or die with Death Clique on Lifetime! #DeathClique

Death Clique Lifetime

You just got Cliqued!


High school can be murder… I mean, I totally didn’t kill people in high school. But these girls sure do! Yes, a trio of girls in Death Clique get a bit too competitive and soon one of them is dead and the body hidden, leading a mom to search for vengeance. Also there was extra homework in Trig class. Mr. Ailesworth must be tripping if he thinks I can get all this done and have time to dig a shallow grave in the woods!

I mean, I totally wouldn’t dig a shallow grave, especially after killing someone…

Director Doug Campbell previous helmed Lifetime’s similarly-plotted The Cheating Pact, and also has directed four different movies with “at 17” in the title – Accused at 17, Betrayed at 17, Stalked at 17, and Missing at 17. That’s just weird. I sure hope it wasn’t the same 17 year old.

Shocks be to shocks that Death Clique is written by a woman, so maybe it will actually be believable! Barbara Kymlicka wrote The Cheating Pact and a bunch of other Lifetime stuff, and even a few of those 1313 films that don’t seem to have a script besides boys showering and wandering around with no shirts.

Death Clique stars Lexi Ainsworth, Barbara Alyn Woods, Brittany Underwood, Michelle Clunie, Tina Ivlev, and Bruce Thomas

Inspired by true events, a friendship rivalry between three high school girls escalates into a shocking act of violence, and soon one of them is dead. Now the dead girl’s mom is determined to find her missing child… and get justice for her daughter.

Death Clique premieres Saturday, April 12th on Lifetime! If you want to snark on Twitter with the Lifetime crew, the tags are #SaturdayNightSocial and #DeathClique

via Lifetime
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Zone Fighter Episode 14 – Takerikuruuzo! Garoga Shounen Kougekitai

Zone Fighter Episode 14 – Takerikuruuzo! Garoga Shounen Kougekitai

aka 猛り狂うぞ! ガロガ少年攻撃隊 aka Insane With Anger! The Garoga Boy’s Squadaka Rampage! The Garoga Boys Attack Force
Zone Fighter 流星人間ゾーン
1973
Written by Masaru Takesue
Directed by Akiyasu Kikuchi

March of Godzilla 2014

Zone Fighter has become the ending of The Wild Bunch!

Zone Fighter is a big bully, there is no denying that. So when the Garoga and a bunch of tiny tots get involved in a conspiracy that involves bullying, Zone Fighter is suddenly anti-bullying! Well, sort of, the bullying just resolves itself naturally, but it is a reason why the main child suddenly goes evil. If you like shows with mobs of boy children in short shorts running around like peewee droogs and smashing up everything and everyone they see, then you will be in for a treat! Unfortunately, we got to sit through a lot of junk before that scene, thought at one point a bird goes evil and starts screaming “Garoga! Garoga!”, so that’s pretty cool. Thanks to the weird factor and the minimob montage sequence, Zone Fighter Episode 14 becomes one of the better Zone Fighter episodes. If you need some Zone Fighter infotainment, stop on by the Zone Fighter Splash Page and get your education on!

This is the first episode where the new credits first appear, the synopsis is ditched and we see it happen as the credits roll, but so do a lot of shots of the show itself, including many many images of Godzilla, almost as if they are trying to emphasize Big G is part of the show for ratings. But he doesn’t show up in this episode, so go back to waiting until I get to an episode that he does appear in!

Zone Fighter 流星人間ゾーン

Baron Garoga died before he finished his scenes, so the rest were filmed using Baron Garoga’s chiropractor!


Baron Garoga has made some chemical so evil he’s totally laughing. Considering it looks like pond scum in a Erlenmeyer flask, maybe it is evil…or it at least smells bad. Baron Garoga gives it to some Garoga in white lab coats with big red crosses (complete with skull at the tope) and huge yellow rubber gloves. I dub them Garoga Scientists, because I can. The Garoga Scientists may have specialized lab coats and safety gloves, but where is their eye protection? Come one, Garoga Scientists, do you want to get a fine???

The Garoga Scientist adds more stuff to the potion and it turns light green, then they rocket it to the Earth. Yes, they waste a rocket transporting a small amount of liquid to some guys who are standing by a truck in the middle of a field. It’s an Undercover Truck, despite the Garoga logo that is an evil snarling Garoga face (minus antennas) Way to keep a low profile, dudes!

Zone Fighter 流星人間ゾーン

Why you shouldn’t masturbate!


A boy in tiny tiny shorts named Tsuyoshi is being lectured by a his mom about how he should go to school and not be afraid of everyone being mean to him because he sucks. Then Akira comes and takes Tsuyoshi, walking him to school while holding his hand. No wonder everyone makes fun of Tsuyoshi! Akira is probably the dorkiest friend you could ever have, and when four bully kids appear and lock arms in front of them, they all attack Tsuyoshi instead of Akira. Also, there is waaaaaay more physical contact between friends in Japan, I guess. Tsuyoshi hangs his head in shame after being mocked.
Zone Fighter 流星人間ゾーン

Say my name!


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