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Geisha vs Ninjas! Plus: Onechanbara: The Movie

UPDATE – Read our review of Geisha vs Ninjas here!

This is not a joke title, these are a real films coming at you in 2008!

Director Go Ohara, who is best known either as an action coordinator on the movie Death Trance or doing stunt work for the video game Devil May Cry 3. I have seen none of that so I know nothing about Go Ohara. However, if this movie avoids Chinese actresses playing geishas, Godfrey Ho ninjas, western samurais, or whatever horrible stereotype bonzes have in bad movies, then maybe it will be good. What am I saying, this will be awesome regardless!

Plot description:

She dances beautifully and defeats enemies … After Resident Evil and Kill Bill, new touch of martial action movie of beautiful Japanese woman is born! Go Ohara, the action director of Death Trance created his latest movie, a revenge action drama about a beautiful geisha! To take revenge for the murder of her father, a beautiful geisha duels with a number of assassins. This is a new Japanese action movie in which geishas, ninjas, samurais and bonzes are fighting. Can she really avenge her father’s death?

Oh, TWO plot descriptions on the poster?

One rainy night in the Edo period, Kotono (a Geisha) confronts samurais who killed her father. The Samurais attack her one after another, but she fights hard against samurais with her sword. Kotono tries to chase the samurai who scramble to escape. Yet now three ninjas stand up against her. Kotono drops her sword by their waves of assault. Can she beat them?

I hope those three ninjas aren’t the Three Ninjas who fought at High Noon at Mega Mountain.

We got poster:
Geisha vs Ninja

The film stars Minami Tsukui, who is this person:
Minami Tsukui

poster from Twitch

Go Ohara is also action director of the upcoming film Oneechanbara: The Movie (aka OneChanbara aka a bunch of other translated spellings of the same name) I also know little about this except it appears to be based on a video game.

Oneechanbara

Stars these guys:
Satoshi Hakuzen
Manami Hashimoto
Ai Hazuki
Hiroaki Kawatsure
Sari Kurauchi
Tomoya Nagai
Chise Nakamura
Eri Otoguro
Taro Suwa
Tomohiro Waki
Tetsu Watanabe

Official website

A bunch of stills here

Actresses at a press junket:
Onechanbara

OneechanbaraOnechanbara

OneechanbaraOnechanbara

OneechanbaraOnechanbara

Onechanbara
Onechanbara

Here is an example of the wallpaper from the official site:
Onechanbara wallpaper

And they have a trailer and like 90 still images in flash form. This film will be ridiculous! Ridiculously AWESOME!

Godzilla island story arc 1

Godzilla Island – Story Arc 1

Godzilla Island – Story Arc 1


1997

Directed by Shun Mizutani

Godzilla has several TV shows throughout his history. In this year’s March of Godzilla, we will be cataloging one such show, Godzilla Island. Godzilla Island was a series of three minute episodes that ran from October 6, 1997, until September 30, 1998. 256 episodes were created, using a combination of toys and stock footage to bring the characters to life. Throw in some characters acting in front of a blue screen and a basketball-shaped annoying robot, and you got Godzilla Island in a nutshell. One advantage to the toymation approach of monster effects is it allows the appearance of all sorts of kaiju from all over G-history. Multiple Jet Jaguars! All sorts of one-shot characters pop up over the course of the series. But as this was created around 1997, no one from the Millennium series of films is present.

Set in the year 2097, where most kaiju live on an island in the Pacific Ocean. Godzilla Island. I guess, I’m not sure if they give it an actual name, since they speak this Japanese language all the time. Anyway, Godzilla Island soon becomes a center of activity for alien invasions left and right. Aliens being the evil Xilien aliens, as seen in Godzilla vs. Monster Zero. The one individual seen even dresses like them, although she doesn’t follow the contention that all females of the species look identical to Kumi Mizuno. Godzilla Island is governed by the Godzilla-Guard, aka G-Guard, which is staffed by one guy and a robot. The G-Guard Commander is less than capable in dealing with invading monsters and aliens, but luckily he is joined by mysterious young girl Torema, who has a powerful space ship and psychic powers.

According to the credits, the series was directed by Shun Mizutani and written by Takahiko Masuda. With music by The Edge. I guess U2’s The Edge, unless there is another The Edge running around, in which case I must bang my head on the desk. We’ll run through the episodes in order broken up by story arcs. Some stories are only a few episodes long, and some last close to twenty. Each episode ends with “tsuzuku” which basically means “to be continued.” So tsuzuku will be our catchphrase of the series. If you missed this paragraph you’ll probably be very confused, as we will probably type tsuzuku more than Godzilla in these articles.

The action is brought to life with toys. It is toymation at it’s finest, almost a decade before Robot Chicken. This allows for lots of monsters to be in lots of shows, lots of monster fights that we would never see otherwise, and lots of new versions of monsters. Plus the fact they had a deal with Bandai Toys to produce lots of exclusive toys for the show didn’t hurt. Come to think of it this is more of a blatant commercial for toys than the He-Man cartoon! But first let’s meet the human actors who will be appearing in most of the episodes:

Godzilla Island Medical Jet Jaguar

Godzilla Island Monster Bios

Anguirus Anguirus – Godzilla’s first foe and now a close friend. His only power is a spiky back but he’s brave on the battlefield. One of the usual residents on Godzilla Island who shows up to watch the action as stories progress.
Baragon Baragon – Big ears, big horn on the nose, likes to dig underground. One of the usual residents on Godzilla Island who shows up to watch the action.
Battra Battra – Evil sister of Mothra who now works for Zaguresu. I guess it’s hard to make a decent living when you are an evil monster, as there are only a few employment opportunities.
Black Mechagodzilla Black Mechagodzilla – Old School 1974 Mechagodzilla reappears with a black paint job (to help people tell them apart and sell new toys, I bet!) first as Zaguresu’s weapon, then Torema fixes it to use. Its age is shown by making it beat up and barely operating.
Destoroyah Destoroyah – He killed Godzilla and all he gets is a villain slot on a kids TV show. And beat up on said show. That will learn him! Try as I might I will never like him.
Dogora Dogora – from the film Dogora, can be killed by bee and wasp venom. Each piece of body can form into a new body. Likes to pretend he’s some evil mastermind, but attacks by throwing business cards.
Dororin Dororin – Shape changing monster given as a gift to Landes by Giant Dark Emperor, Can take other kaiju’s forms but always retains his eye colors. Made out of dirt, so if you blow him up he can just reform. He was known as Kumasogami in his one film appearance in Orochi, the Eight-Headed Dragon (aka Yamato Takeru), so of course this makes him an ideal candidate to be on Godzilla Island over kaiju such as Manda, Varan, or Minya.
Fake Godzilla Fake Godzilla – This fake Godzilla framed Big G about attacking Tokyo. But was all metal underneath. So he might have been the original Mechagodzilla (seen in the series as Black Mechagodzilla), but he got blown up too quickly to tell.
Fire Rodan Fire Rodan – Rodan transforms from Rodan to Fire Rodan, which gives him the power of Fire. Fire defeats mushroom, which is sort of like Battle Beasts except not. Fire Rodan isn’t a new toy, but is achieved entirely by glowing computer effects. Way to drop the ball on a potential new toy, especially since Fire Rodan is the Heisei version of Rodan and it would make perfect sense. But at least we have a color variation of Hedorah. Fire Rodan loses his Fire Rodan powers pretty quickly after raining hot death upon The Neo Smog Monster.
Fireman Jet Jaguar Fireman Jet Jaguar – The third form of Jet Jaguar seen on the show, this one puts out forest fires, distributes Smokey the Bear comics, and gets beat up by Megalon and Destoroyah. Only you can prevent forest fires, but only Fireman Jet Jaguar can up them out while looking so cool. That name suits him.
Gigan Gigan – Former servant of the space cockroaches, now is suddenly all about being a samurai. This was before his stupid chainsaw upgrade, thank goodness.
Godzilla Godzilla – The King of Monsters. Godzilla is pure awesome in giant fire-breathing lizard form. Everyone who comes to Godzilla Island wants a piece of Godzilla. And they all get kicked to the curb.
Godzilla Junior Godzilla Junior – Godzilla’s lamest son is here also. Looks likes some sort of lizard squirrel or something. Give me Minya! I’ll even take nephew Godzooky!
Gororin Gororin – Gororin the plant monster has sharp spines, can fire the spines as projectiles, and can detach from the ground and roll around as a ball of spiky death. Without his spikes, he’s as useless as a PG-13 rating on a Friday the 13th sequel.
Gorosaurus Gorosaurus – Old foe of King Kong who spends most of his days watching whatever happens on Godzilla Island. His special move was to do kangaroo kicks.
Hedorah Hedorah – The Smog Monster! Survivor of Volcano Dunking. Sworn enemy of Al Gore. Likes to pretend to be a meteor.
Hyper Mecha-King Ghidorah Hyper Mecha-King Ghidorah – This upgrade of Mecha-King Ghidorah is Hyper because it has Hyper-power, as explained in the show. Hyper Maser powers. Hyper has to be the most overused prefix in science fiction. Has a freezing breath attack, and quick-repair head reattachers. Both King Ghidorah and Space Godzilla must get their upgrade names from the same place, as they both have the stupid mass of prefix additions put on them. Available in a vending machine.
Jet Jaguar Jet Jaguar – Built by two bachelors in Japan, Jet Jaguar has the power to program himself to grow. Now helps defend Godzilla Island. Has several other forms that will show up as the series progresses. That name suits him.
Kamacuras Kamacuras – Kamacuras comes to Godzilla Island under false pretenses, but soon is revealed to be working for Zaguresu and the Xiliens. Because he’s always evil, in case you missed him being evil in Son of Godzilla
King Caesar King Caesar – King Caesar is King of Zen as well. He’s a Samurai Lion who will kick your behind! He is some sort of Taoist/Shinto priest or something in addition to being a giant monster.
King Ghidrah King Ghidrah – THE foe for Godzilla. No one else even comes close. On the show, regularly gets beat up despite working with the Xiliens. Was involved in the destruction of Torema’s home planet.
Mecha-King Ghidorah Mecha-King Ghidorah – Part robot, part King Ghidrah, all cop. Okay, not a cop. Needs a driver, as an entire plot line revolves around. Comes in a vending machine, like all things in Japan from comic books to used panties.
Mechagodzilla Mechagodzilla – This is the second Mechagodzilla, which was created by humans to fight Godzilla. Now stationed on Godzilla Island as one of its defenders. Usually automated, but can be piloted at times (and has been by G-Guard Commander.) Usually paired with Moguera.
Medical Jet Jaguar Medical Jet Jaguar – Jet Jaguar got his medical degree from Daikaiju University. Now he helps the sick and injured monsters on Godzilla Island. Becomes Misato’s common ride. Has a loudspeaker backpack. That name suits him!
Megalon Megalon – Drills for hands, the former guardian of Seatopia now works for Zaguresu because he hasn’t been beat up by Godzilla or Jet Jaguar enough yet.
Moguera Moguera – The Mobile Operation Godzilla Universal Expert Robot Aero-Type, or MOGUERA, was also built to fight Godzilla, and is also stationed on Godzilla Island to defend it now. In one episode we see Torema pilots Moguera, but other episodes it is unclear who is in control. Moguera can separate into Star Falcon and Land Moguera pieces in the movies, but doesn’t here.
Mothra Mothra (Larva) – Mothra, Goddess of Infant Island, and defender of Earth. Larva Mothra is part of a continual chain of Mothras that go through larva and mature forms, though this one will eventually become Mothra Leo.
Mothra Mothra Larva 2 – This Mothra Larva is the sister of Mothra Leo, her egg was hidden by Mothra when Battra attacked. Kidnapped before hatching, Mothra Larva 2 was brainwashed to be evil by Battra until brought ack to the side of good by the Mothra song.
Mothra Mothra (Moth) – The Classic Moth form of Mothra. Eventually dies, as all Mothras do, but this is the first one killed by a volcano. Her son is Mothra Leo and daughter is Mothra Larva 2.
Mothra Leo Mothra Leo – a boy Mothra who has extra powers, from the Rebirth of Mothra series. Can zap things with antenna and wing blasts. No one has a good explanation on how male Mothra Leo is supposed to continue the Mothra line. But don’t worry, as an egg magically appears anyway.
Neo Hedorah Neo Hedorah – The Smog Monster is back, in Pink and Blue form! What the smurf? This time, Neo Hedorah is all about polluting via mushrooms. Because mushrooms are smog. Or something. Al Gore never saw that one coming. Now we know that Super Mario Brothers is entirely pro-pollution propoganda to endear us to mushrooms, so they can kill us dead. I’m on to you, Mario! Neo Hedorah also teaches kids that if they are dropped into a volcano and later incinerated by Godzilla, you can still return as a crazy mushroom trip. Buy some magic mushrooms today! Possesses mushroom-growing breath and eye beams.
Proto-Moguera Proto-Moguera – This new, tiny, cuter Moguera was being used for contruction work until Zaguresu captures it and goes on a rampage. She then steals it to her ship for use in future plots. Eye blasts are powerful enough to down even Godzilla, and some monsters don’t even want to fight it.
Rodan Rodan – A prehistoric monster awakened in modern day, Rodan is a former foe of Godzilla who has learned to work with him to fight off the evil monsters. Has some hot springs named after him on Godzilla Island. Will eventually become Fire Rodan, because he did so in the Heisei movie series that was still recent, in addition to giving Bandai another toy.
Space Godzilla Space Godzilla – Godzilla…from Space! Really into crystals. Keeps trying to take over Godzilla Island, despite being blown up repeatedly. Even possesses Godzilla at one point.
Super Special Space Godzilla High Grade Type Two Super Special Space Godzilla High Grade Type Two – His name is too damn long! The second, new, improved Space Godzilla replaces the original, who was killed and later returned in ghost form only to be re-killed. This one is tougher, smarter, and appears without any special fanfare. But his parents gave him an unfortunately long name that probably took him months to learn to write in kindergarten. Smart enough to run away when his crystals are destroyed, unlike his predecessor.
Weird Godzilla Weird Godzilla – An army of these Weird Godzilla’s attacked Torema’s home planet. Torema had to blow them up with rocket launchers, which haunts her to this day. These Weird Godzillas did not have giant spines down the back and it is unknown if they had atomic breath.



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New Review/Theme Month announcement!

Well, after two months off to focus on grad school, we have returned with our March Theme Month. Yes, we know it’s April, but that hasn’t stopped us before in being late to the party. So we’ll continue with March of Godzilla once again, only this one is specialized. Focusing on the Godzilla Island TV series. So it’s March of Godzilla Island! We’ll go over all 22 major story arcs in the 256 episode series. Why? Because we’re crazy!

Check out the banner we made, because that’s what we do:

Read the first part today, but keep in mind it’s an intro set and the story will get better, and longer. It does have more kaiju than you can shake a stick at, even if they are only toys wagged in front of a camera by an unseen stagehand.


Godzilla Island Story Arc 1

Monster Bios for the Godzilla Island Players

Be Back Soon…

Grad school’s getting busier so we’ll be on slow mode for a while now. You probably already noticed the lack of updates on the main site and that will spill over here for about a month, but if something amazing pops up I might make a quick announcement here.