Future Cops coming soon!

Wong Jing will be directing Future Cops starring Andy Lau later this year.

Wait, you say, didn’t he direct Future Cops with Andy Lau in 1992? Yes he did! Except this is a different Future Cops, who’s actual title is Future Cops (1992’s Future Cops literal translation was actually Super School Overlord)

Variety clears up the matter
Story

Director Wong Jing is teaming up with martial arts choreographer Ching Siu Tung on a loose remake of Future Cops, produced by Tsai Sung Lin. Future Cops (tentative) is budgeted at 150m yuan and Andy Lau and Barbie Hsu are playing leads. Andy Lau agrees to joining only after the script went through 19 revisions, and also picks Barbie Hsu, who showed excellent performance in Connected, as his co-star.

19 rewrites of the script. I smell quality!

The girl will be Barbie Hsu:
Barbie Hsu

Rudy Ray Moore is dead!

He’s fucking up mother fuckers in heaven now. Rudy Ray Moore died on October 19th from diabetes complications. It is a sad day. The only bright spot is there is still a new Dolemite movie coming out eventually, The Dolemite Explosion!

Dolemite will never die!

Bikini Airways (Review)

Bikini Airways


2003
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
Bikini Airways
Bikini Airways follows the old Inherit A Business Plot, which is a branch off of the Help a Relative Save A Business Plot, but with the added benefit of not hiring the relative actors. Girl inherits business, it is failing, so dump a bunch of bikinis all over it and everyone wins! Especially the audience. The only problem is by now this is a by the numbers plotline, which is why the bikini movies have moved more into erotic parodies of film genres instead of following the same plot over and over just at a different job. This film’s location will be an airline, so expect referenced to the Mile High Club, lots of stewardess fantasies, and jokes about cockpits.
Bikini Airways

A Retromedia release, directed by Nicholas Medina (the Bikini films pseudonym for Fred Olen Ray) and filled with the usual jokes mixed with sex scenes formula that has proven popular. Four of these films come out each year, with varied settings that allow lots of fun spoofing of film conventions. There was a while when there was a big influx of imitators, with dozens of movies with the word “Bikini” in the title came out set practically everywhere (the most ridiculous I have see was Bikini Traffic School) but the Retromedia series has endured due to the entertaining scripts and settings, mixed with the very talented performers. Basically, they are a whole lot of fun, especially compared to many of their competitors.

Terri Williams (Regina Russell) – Never done real work as she had money growing up to give her the freedom to be a fulltime animal rights activist and overseas volunteer in Afghanistan. Only child and orphan. Inherits Janus Air when her Uncle Hugh passes on, and must save the company. Because that’s what you do in these films! Regina Russell also had a part in The Mummy’s Kiss.
Gary (Brad Bartram) – The groom is an oil tycoon’s son, he is about the marry the “virgin” Francine. Unlike the Virgin Connie Swail, she is not. Eventually drills for oil in the Terri Williams protected reserve, if you catch my inuendo. Brad Bartram is in a bunch of these films, he will show up again soon.
Jim (Noah Frank) – The boyfriend of Terri who won’t be the boyfriend by the end of the movie, due to his cheating heart. And his cheating wang. Is a photographer, who doesn’t make money, instead works by the barter system.
Traci (Loni Lynn) – The large breasted one who didn’t do well in high school. You will like her signature move. Loni Lynn is also known as Kim Maddox. Is very entertaining.
Vicki (Kylie Biscayne) – Has red hair, is a speedster in the car (especially while nude), and a cockpit fanatic. Spent part of the dance sequence staring right at the camera. Kylie Biscayne can be seen in several other Bikini films and is also known as Belinda Gavin.
Pam (Julie Snow) – former famous model who lost all her money, became a lesbian, and then decided that the real way to go is to marry the first rich guy who comes along and do nothing for the rest of her life. Julie Snow is also known as Amy Lindsay
Captain Sam (Jay Richardson) – Captain Sam has been a pilot for 25 years. Enjoys Irish Coffee with whipped cream while he flies. A big fan of Polaroid. Also a big fan of making a quick buck off of opportunity. Jay Richardson is in a billion Fred Olen Ray and Jim Wynorski films. He even played a “Hugh Janus” in Final Examination, filmed about when this film was.
Co-Pilot Dave (Sam Silver) – Dave spends most of the film staring at various curvy parts of the women. He is a UFO buff. Likes to get high…in a plane!

Bikini Airways

Star Trek XI movie photos shotgunned across the web

Entertainment Weekly is getting an exclusive look at the new Star Trek reboot, complete with exclusive photos. To celebrate, photos have been given to six websites, one apiece, to drive up the hype/noise. These pictures are problematic IMHO for several reasons, most notably that they killed most of my enthusiasm. And the road to box office success runs through TarsTarkas.NET!

Most of the photo descriptions I will leave to the respective websites, but some are self-explanatory. And I saved the nerd rage until the end, so you can skip it if you don’t care.

Prepare yourself for a torrent of photos that you have probably seen reprinted all over the web:

EW cover:
EW Cover
UPDATE: FULL ARTICLE LINK

MTV photo:
Star Trek Bridge

AICN photo:
Star Trek Sylar

UGO photo:
Star Trek Cast
Chekov (Anton Yelchin), Kirk (Chris Pine), Scotty (Simon Pegg), McCoy (Karl Urban), Sulu (John Cho), and Uhura (Zoe Saldana)

IGN photo:
Star Trek Ice Kirk

Trekmovie.com photo:
Star Trek USS Kelvin

JoBlo photo:
Star Trek Nero

Other photos:

The Enterprise:
Enterprise

New USS Kelvin picture:
Star Trek Kelvin HiRes

debuts in theaters May 8, 2009
New Trailer will be with Quantum of Solace November 14th

Nerd crap: Black uniform is stupid, the new bridge looks like an iPod store, Chris Pine has a gigantic forehead, the photo of Spock attacking looks like Sylar is about to feed on Kirk’s brain, Chekov’s hair is dumb, Chekov shouldn’t even be there, the cloth pattern on the uniforms is annoying (and is supposedly the Star Trek symbol, but who cares?)

This looks just different enough to tick off loyal fans while being annoying enough to turn off new people. Hooray. JJ Abrams may have made a worse film than Nemesis!

I’ll wait until the full trailer until I dismiss it completely. There is still hope.