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Raptor Island 2
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Planet Raptor: Raptor Island 2 (Review)

December 15, 2008By

Planet Raptor: Raptor Island 2

aka Raptor Island 2

2008
Directed by Gary Jones
Written by Steve Latshaw

Remember that SciFi Channel movie Raptor Island and how it was one of the worst SciFi Channel movies ever, the raptors just stood there and got shoot, and the whole thing was a complete mess? Well, it got a sequel! Don’t you feel your harsh criticisms of the original are now unjustified? Of course not, there is no reason for this sequel to exist. And yet it does. And it is set in space.

Yes, OUTER SPACE!

Well, Critters, Friday the 13th, and Leprechaun did it, so why not Raptor Island? That also gives you the excuse to rip off Aliens wholesale with the excuse it is in the future, thus it is a homage or something. So IN THE FUTURE Raptor will still be eating people, because that is what they do. And SciFi Channel will be airing Shark Attack 46: Megalodon in Space.

Director Gary Jones worked with Sam Raimi on two of the Evil Dead films, and has since become a genre director of his own right. Writer Steve Latshaw has been around for years, previously encounter here in The Curse of the Komodo. Neither of them have much to work with due to the limited budget, and are forced to resort to stock footage and abandoned towns. The film reeks of a small budget, it even has problems with the American flags on the uniforms. Sometimes the American flag has forty stars, and sometimes only 35! It looks like in the future America lost a few states, or they are in a state of quantum flux, probably due to more raptors. Schrödinger’s states.

Captain Mace Carter (Steven Bauer) – tough talking captain of a squad of marines sent to investigate a mysterious SOS on a planet. Steven Bauer played the evil foreign terrorist Azir in the previous film, who died, so this must be his great-great grandson who is now an American. Cultural assimilation for raptor destruction, in space. You have to admire a character named for Mace Windu and John Carter of Mars.
Dr. Anna Rogers (Vanessa Angel) – Her parents were killed in a war, so she became a scientist as well. Makes sense. Probably a distant descendant of the offspring of Mike and Linda Olsen from Raging Sharks, because I believe all SciFi Channel films take place in the same universe. A very terrifying universe.
Sgt. Jacqueline ‘Jack’ Moore (Musetta Vander) – The tough woman marine character you need in all Aliens ripoffs. You know she’s tough because she has a boy’s name. Musetta Vander was in such great films as Mansquito, Wild Wild West, and Mortal Kombat 2.
Dr. Tygon (Ted Raimi) – The leader of the creepy government scientists. You know he is evil because he is named after a hybrid animal, but the opposite of the one bred for their skills in magic. Ted Raimi is Sam Raimi’s brother and is in all of his films, but sometimes you got to pay for that new house, so here we are.
Sgt. Pappy Mathis (Peter Jason) – The old man marine who is tough and old and cool. He’s the most likeable character, so you might as well paint a target on his back. He gets raptor chomped, and then goes all suicide bomber on those space dinos. Peter Jason was also in the original Raptor Island, and used the accolades he got from these two movies to get a role in Transformers 2. He is also seen here in They Live.
Jose (???) – A bald trooper with one eyebrow and lots of old food. I don’t know who played him because the credits didn’t bother to tell anyone. Bad credits!
Alien Dude (Puppet) – He is an alien who looks like a mantis, and his race had the brilliant plan to use raptors as slaves and pets. This was after they had the idea to build and orphanage on a volcano and crash a meteor into their capital building to kill some termites. Not the brightest thinkers, and now all dead. Take that, space bugs!
Puppet Raptors (Puppet) – The Space Raptors come in two breeds – Puppet and CGI. Guess which one doesn’t look terrible? All the shots of the Puppet Raptor are pretty scary, but then he jumps out as a CGI mess and you wonder what they were thinking. Next time, go 100% puppet raptor with a marionette. It will still look better than…
CGI Raptors (CGI) – CGI Raptors look pretty terrible. Half of the time they are purple, but at least they aren’t as brain dead as the previous movie’s raptors, who stood still while being shot and just dropped dead. Now they drop dead whil walking forward. That is how Space Raptors are so spacey. Maybe if you are coked out of your brain to the point where you think you are in space, these effects will look good. Give me the Puppet Raptors!!
Commander Bakewell (Serban Celea) – Captain of the ship USS Santee, he spends most of the film hanging with Science Chief Romanov (Bart Sidles) trying to get in contact with the ground team, only to try to kill them when he does. Makes sense. As expected, Commander Bakewell makes the best brownies ever, but is a mortal enemy of Poppin Fresh!.

InMovie News

Movies you will never see – Zeppelin vs Pterodactyls

December 2, 2008By

zeppelin vs pterodactyls

Zeppelin vs Pterodactyls
Was to be created by Hammer Films
Poster was commissioned to get investors. Failed to make funds so was dropped.
Plot synopsis:

Briefly, ZEP began with the late David Allen, Dennis Muren and Jim Danforth. The story was along the lines of THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT, with a German Zeppelin being blown off-course during a bombing raid on London and winding up at a “lost continent”-type place. Hammer was interested in the property during the production of WHEN DINOSAURS RULED THE EARTH but developed misgivings about stop-motion animation, plus they couldn’t raise the financial backing, so it was dropped. Allen, in the magazine’s words, “was to continue the property until it evolved into THE PRIMEVALS”.

Unfortunately for us, the poster is awesome and it is a shame this never got off the ground. But that means the Zeppelin vs Pterodactyl market is open for any takers. We’ve had Coolio vs. Pterodactyls, and SciFi Channel also gave us US troops vs. Japanese pterodactyls in WW2 with Warbirds.

InSite News

DuckRocketship – new products

December 2, 2008By

More stuff uploaded to the Etsy Store my wife and I do for fun and boredom relief:

Vote DuckRocketship!

Pink Spaceman Alien Invader
Pink Spaceman Alien Invader

The naughty alien has come to Earth to make trouble, on the double. Be it knocking over garbage cans in the middle of the night, or stealing pugs to run a pug-powered rocker, the Pink Spaceman Aline Invader is pure trouble. Take him home today!

Dark Ninja
Dark Ninja

This Dark Ninja sneaks around, because that’s what ninja’s do! Sneak sneak sneak, all day long. Sneak sneak sneak, gonna sing this song! Why don’t sneaky ninjas wear sneakers? Buy this Dark Ninja and ask him today!

Recycling Spaceman Alien Invader
Recycling Spaceman Alien Invader

You must invade the planet in order to recycle it! This Spaceman has come to Earth to make sure you sort your bottles and cans! You would think that aliens have better things to do than dig through your trash, but you would be wrong! Make sure he completes his mission by picking him up today!

Prices are set at $7.50 with $3.50 shipping in US.

InMovie News

Three Men and a Bride + Police Academy 8 = Steve Guttenberg is on the way back!

December 2, 2008By

After trying to do his own thing, directing movies and going indy, Steve Guttenberg has realized his roots and is poised to jump back in to the public’s eyes thanks to some sequels to movies from 20 years ago. Hey, they beat doing terrible reboots, people! So here is some news, strait from Mahoney’s mouth:

“Tom Selleck, Ted Danson and I are looking to make another Three Men and a Baby film,” Guttenberg said over the weekend. And, given that all three men aren’t quite the stars they once were, who can blame them for revisiting the scene of their greatest triumph, in which they played three heterosexual life partners who – and you’ll like this – found themselves playing father to an adorable infant. Now, over twenty years, the new movie will see them attend the young lady’s wedding.

“It’s called Three Men and A Bride,” said Guttenberg. “The script is pretty much written and we are really keen to get that made. We’re very hopeful.”

As are we, Steve. As are we. But only if Leonard Nimoy, the director of 1987’s Three Men And A Baby, can be lured back into the director’s chair. If he can do Spock one more time, he can do this.

Speaking of going back, Guttenberg had this to say about Police Academy 8, which will see him reprise the role of charming chancer, Carey Mahoney. “We are doing a new movie and it is going to be great fun,” he said. “A script is being written and so far it is really great, everyone from the original movies who is still around will return.”

“I know Kim [Cattrall, who starred in the original] and Sharon [Stone, the love interest of Police Academy 4: Citizens On Patrol] have been asked but they haven’t said yes yet. It would be really great to have them on board.” It would but, y’know…

There are also rumours that Guttenberg may direct the new Police Academy movie,

via EmpireOnline

As a big Police Academy fan, this fills my heart with warmness.

InMovie News

Alien Western

December 1, 2008By

A new SciFi Channel movie has reared its ugly head, this time it is Alien Western starring James Marsters, aka Spike from Buffy.

IO9 Reports:

Alien Western, a sci-fi television film about giant, vicious, alien bugs that come to earth to gorge themselves on the uranium deposits found in the ground of an Old West town, began principal photography this week in Romania starring James Marsters as Sam Danville, an outlaw who is about to be hanged when the aliens land.

Could be cool, giant alien bugs, the old west, Romania, what’s not to like?

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