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Where are the "Best of/Worst of" lists here?

January 4, 2009By

As much fun as it is to watch people on the internet try to make excuses for not putting Dark Knight at the top of their Best of lists, I am just going to skip the whole thing this year. As a few of the readers may recall, I even ditched the awards I set up last year before awarding anything. The truth is, it just got boring, so I dropped it like a hot potato. The same thing with making end of year lists. It is boring, I forget half of the good and terrible films I saw over the year, and the lists drown in a sea of other lists. Do we really care what some guy at AICN cares about as the #7 movie of 2008? No one cares. All we got to know was The Dark Knight was great, Dear Zachary is the best documentary as well as the worst movie emotionally ever, those parody movies all bit the big one, An American Carol was right-wing garbage that will get trashed in a review here soon, and no one saw The Hottie or the Nottie.

But since the public demands lists, here are the better movies from reviews I did from 2008. Because it is all about me!

Bedmen Yarasa Adam
Shaitani Dracula
The Machine Girl
D-War
The Clones of Bruce Lee
Super Ninja Doll
Godzilla Island – Story Arc 22

Next year will have even weirder and funner crap, as well as crappier crap that we over-analyze. TarsTarkas.NET will continue to get stupidly obsessive about stupid movies.

Deep Sea Monster Reigo
InMovie News

Deep Sea Monster Raiga – sequel to Reigo!

December 31, 2008By

Deep Sea Monster Reigo

Deep Sea Monster Raiga is an upcoming kaiju film from Japan that just happens to be a sequel to Deep Sea Monster Reigo, which we reported on months ago. The original film was the WW2 battleship Yamato against a sea monster, the new film is modern day and has a land monster attack Japan! Shades of Godzilla, eh? He even looks suspiciously like him, but totally isn’t. Maybe he will fight a turtle that totally isn’t Gamera. There is a trailer up at Nipponcinema.

Official site

Thanks to Avery!

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet (Review)

December 31, 2008By

Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet


2006
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet
Now this is good scifi! And good softcore! Finding a movie that has both is a rare feat, indeed. And this one is a blast! The plot is the standard Mars Need Women/Devil Girl From Mars fare, except it is Female Aliens Need Sperm. Thus…the softcore. We applaud Fred Olen Ray for this one! Sure, we have done a lot of these films by now, but as every entry is its own different genre, things keep from getting boring. The films are generally entertaining as well, putting them light-years ahead of some of the snooze-fests from Seduction Cinema such as the similarly named Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet or the lethargic thriller-type movies that also show up all the time on Skinimax yet rarely never giving a satisfying viewing experience. These films are fun for everyone! So bring on the fun.
Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet

Kim Read (Nicole Sheridan) – Your average college student with a libido overdrive, Kim realizes meeting two alien girls can probably get her higher grades at school, and maybe even fame. My favorite line of hers is bragging about her C-average to the two alien girls right after meeting them, it seems ad libbed and hilarious. Nicole Sheridan headlines a lot of these films, see her also in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle, and Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes.
Gary (Voodoo as Alexandre Boisvert) – Kim’s man whose method of study doesn’t translate well to making good grades. For some reason Voodoo has a goofy fauxhawk this time, which distinguishes his character from all the other Voodoo characters in these films. Said films are Super Ninja Doll, Ghost in the Teeny Bikini, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle, and Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes.
Annie (Syren) – Subordinate officer of the mission to Earth. Needs to be educated about males, but soon gains an enthusiasm for learning. Keeper of the milk jug. See Syren here as well in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll, and Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle.
Commander Danow (Christine Nguyen) – Commanding officer of the mission sent to get some Earth jizz. Helps educate her colleague as to the vile habits of the Earth male. Then she has sex with her. Oh, yeah! Do you get the joke in the name of the two Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet? Because it is the reason I listed them in this order. I’m not going to explain it, so there! See Christine Nguyen in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle, and Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes.
Professor Thomas Quatermass (Brad Bartram) – Professor of Astronomy who gives his students extra credit. He also works with the MIB agency for the government, because all astronomers fight aliens as well. We got a name drop to the British character who has been appearing since the 1950s. Brad Bartram is also in Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes, Ghost in the Teeny Bikini, and Bikini Airways.
Decker (Evan Stone) – Evan Stone camps it up again, this time as a MIB agent assigned to go after the two alien girls. He also has time to get some tail on the side. Name drop is from Blade Runner, for the two of you who didn’t get it. See Evan Stone in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll, Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle, and Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes.
Queen Morganna (Rebecca Love) – Leader of Aqua-Terra, planet of women who love women. You don’t wear shirts when you are the queen. You may have seen Rebecca Love in Itty Bitty Cheerleaders vs. the Big Boob Squad 2 or Debbie Does Dallas: East vs. West, or even # Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre, but you probably did see her in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini.
Audrey Wagner (Michelle Lay) – Audrey Wagner is the 4H teacher at the university. Because all universities need 4H! Michelle Lay is also in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini.
Hobart (Ted Newsom) – Leader of the MIB who orders Decker to take down the Bikini Girls. That’s all he does. Ted Newsom does bit parts in several of these bikini films, see him briefly also in Ghost in the Teeny Bikini and Super Ninja Doll.
Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet
You wouldn’t know it, but this is the filthiest picture on this site!
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