Angels

Angels (Review)

Angels

aka Tian shi xing dong aka Fighting Madam aka Iron Angels aka Midnight Angels

1987
Directed by Raymond Leung Pun-Hei, Tony Leung Siu-Hung, and Ivan Lai Gai-Ming
Written by Teresa Woo


Angels has quite a laundry list of names. It is known in the UK as Iron Angels (as are the sequels), and the UK suffers from having a cut version of the film. Other names it has been released as include Fighting Madam, Midnight Angels, and the singular Angel.

Angels stands out from many of it’s imitators in several ways. One of the most noticeable is the fun montages set to music, complete with a bunch of quick cuts, that instantly introduce us to characters and tones. Moon Lee’s first appearance in the office is spectacular, showing her attempts to have fun and fit in with the office and work, but she still has to deal with an awful boss and is so eager to run off to shoot people she can’t wait. But those sequences aren’t as common as they should be, and with three directors running around, the film can’t become as good as it should be. That doesn’t mean it is bad or boring, just that there are brief moments of brilliance that are stifled by above averageness. If I could harness the power of wasted potential in the movies I watch, the world would never want for energy.

We know Yukari Oshima’s Madam Sue is evil because she’ll kill her coworkers to prove her point, and even kills her boss after he keeps her from getting her vision of revenge against the police force. Madam Sue laughs hysterically as cops are tortured in front of her, stopping only to lick off some blood that splatters on her. She’s having fun being the top dog of the underworld, switching cars, mocking the police who are chasing after her, even being sexually aggressive towards the DEA Agent Bill. Yukari is rarely presented as sexual in her films, and here she’s in a bathing suit, is sexually aggressive, and even has some body double nudity. Oshima embraces this role fully, and it’s among her best roles. It is a rare villain indeed that can keep up with just how evil and amoral she is.

So this version of Angels is a composite widescreen made from two different versions of the films, one edited for violence and one edited for nudity. So our copy is edited for nothing! The only drawback is it is still dubbed into English. But when a composite copy of Angels mysteriously ends up in your hands due to magic grouch fairies, you don’t look them in the mouth.

Kenji (Saijo Hideki) – Angel #1. Kenji lives in Japan and teaches martial arts when he isn’t working for the Iron Angels. Alex is his name in subtitle land.
Mona (Moon Lee Choi-Fung) – Angel #2. Mona is a bored office worker who would rather be taking down bad guys. Luckily, she works for the Iron Angels so she gets her wish! Moon is her name in subtitle land. Moon Lee can also be seen in Fatal Termination and Tomb Raiders/Avenging Quartet
Helen (Elaine Lui Siu-Ling) – Angel #3. Helen is very man hungry and must flirt with anything with a Y-chromosome near her. She works best being the center of attention and distracting the enemy, but isn’t afraid to go in with guns blazing. Helen’s dubby is a voice you probably will recognize in many Kung Fu films and from Pod People Elaine is her name in subtitle land. Elaine Lui also shows up in Red Wolf as a terrorist, but she was not very comfortable with all the action roles she kept getting as a result of this film.
John King (David Chiang Da-Wei) – Head of the Iron Angels, so I guess he’s like Charlie. Not afraid to join in on some of the smaller action like meeting with gang leaders, but usually is back at the base controlling things. Additional Iron Angels team members include driver Ha-Cheng and secretary Kitty. John Keung is his name in subtitle land.
Bill Fong DEA (Alex Fong Chung-Sun) – DEA agent who hires the Iron Angels to help the Hong Kong police and also help keep down the drug trade. Has an adversarial relationship with Helen despite both of them secretly having feelings for each other. Likes to hide weapons and gadgets in his shoes.
Madam Sue (Yukari Oshima) – Evil evil evil evil evil. Yukari Oshima gives the performance of her career in an awesome, over the top and then some evil gang leader who laughs her way through revenge, torture, murder, and theft of anyone and anything that gets in her way. Eventually her gang is brought down by the Iron Angels, because, why not? Madame Yeung is her name in subtitle land. Yukari Oshima is also on TarsTarkas.NET in Tomb Raiders/Avenging Quartet, Angel’s Mission, Deadly Target, Godfather’s Daughter, and Midnight Angel.

Killer Garden Gnome movie coming out

The upcoming killer lawn gnome film from Robert Zemeckis will probably be more realistic than the Rise of the Planet of the Apes film, and more entertaining unless Zemeckis makes it with that creepy motion-capture animation, in which case it will be the worst thing that ever existed until Zemeckis’s next creepy motion-capture box office bomb.

Basically, the book How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack: Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will) by Chuck Sambuchino
has been optioned by Sony and Zemeckis, with Zemeckis slated to produce. It’s a comedy, so hopefully the film will be good campy fun and not stupid. But don’t hold your breath!

Zombie Gnome eats brains, but starved too death in a Hollywood Studio executives meeting
photosource

Rise of the Planet of the Apes trails shows us how the apes take over

They……………………….somehow take over San Francisco despite there only being like 50 apes?

Also they jump at helicopters that don’t bother to move out of the way.

Suck it, humans!

Bonus LOLs for “I call it ‘the cure’!”

Will this film remain entitled Rise of the Planet of the Apes or get changed again? We’ll find out.
(Former titles include Caeser, Caesar: Rise of the Apes, and Rise of the Apes)

Who needs racism allegories and interesting subtext when you can have CGI apes going bananas all over San Fran?! Of course, the only way the apes are going to win is if King Kong himself shows up. So I hope that’s the secret ending.

Munchie

Discount Puppet Explosion 411 – Episode 107 – Munchie


It’s Discount Puppet Explosion 411! Two teams battle to review B-movies.

In this episode, Team Jawesome reviews the family film Munchie! Featuring a kid with dangerous delusions, an animatronic puppet that is in no way completely creepy, and Jim Wynorski directing. You can’t lose!

Visit us on Youtubeas well as here. You know you want to subscribe, so you don’t have to wait the few minutes it takes to write up this blurb after the videos upload!

Zone Figther King Ghidorah Episode 6

Zone Fighter Episode 06 – Kingugidora-no Gyakushuu!

Zone Fighter Episode 06 – Kingugidora-no Gyakushuu!

aka King Ghidorah’s Counterattack!

1973

Directed by Jun Fukuda
Written by Juro Shimamoto and Akira Ishikari


We don’t need no stinking…subtitles? This episode has subtitles??? OMG OMG OMG! Looks like somewhere, somehow, I picked up a copy of Episode 6 that was fansubbed! Now we will know what is going on….and how boring it is! WoooOOOOooOOOOO!!!!111 Oh…and it’s a VHS rip of someone who took the DVD and transferred it to VHS for reasons unknown, so enjoy the terrible screencaps! If I had to suffer through them, so will you. MuHAHAHAHA! Evil Tars has spoken. And these screencaps will just get stolen by those thieving bastards at the Godzilla Wiki anyway, like many other images from TarsTarkas.NET.

Catch up with Zone Fighter on the Zone Fighter Splash Page.

Meteor Man Zone, why is your theme song talking about smashing Garoga’s ambitions? Why not just kill them? They are evil, and you have no qualms about murdering all their enslaved monsters…

So the scientists from last weeks episode were inventing a Blue-Green system to reduce CO2 and radiation emissions in the air, making this show pre-Al Gore awesome. But, of course, the Garoga are in league with evil billionaire conservative businessmen and their Global Warming denialism, so they send King Ghidorah to wipe out the Blue-Green System. BOOOOO!!!!!

I am not sure why in the last episode they kept making reference to blue-green while firing weapons at King Ghidorah that made me think it was the weapons that were called that, but, whatever, these shows don’t really have that much internal consistency in the first place!

Remember, last we saw Zone Fighter, he had lured King Ghidorah into space because that is totally a good plan to lure a space monster into space to fight there. Zone Fighter has the power to speak in the vacuum of space!

Books I Done Been Reading! – The Madams of San Francisco

The Madams of San Francisco: An Irreverent History of the city by the Golden Gate
by Curt Gentry (1964)

A surprising find at the library turned out to be a pretty interesting history of San Francisco madams and their relationship with the city as it grew over the years. As this was written way way before the internet, Curt Gentry had to do good old fashioned real research and dig into newspaper archives, interview people, and read through scores of histories of the area in search of tidbits about the women he was covering. As you might think, much of the blue history of San Francisco is undocumented, because good people just didn’t talk about things like that. Of course, surviving scandal papers and full page ads by various madams will testify that the “good people” are once again a giant pack of liars. Go wet your pants, good people!

Presenting both quick overviews and more detailed biographies of various madams, we get history lessons about the city as we go. Gentry gives us the actual addresses of the various houses of ill repute he talks about, though sadly many of the buildings were either destroyed by the earthquake or later torn down and turned into apartment complexes. As someone who lives in the city, I could easily whip up a walking tour of former prostitution houses, and it would be hilarious to see what businesses or houses now dwell on those fabled addresses.

Beginning with Irene McCready in 1849, we follow up with Ah Toy, the first Chinese prostitute in the city (and one of the two women tied for first Chinese woman in the city, the other being a non-professional maid who as far as everyone knows spent zero time with Ah Toy.) For years, Ah Toy and the other woman were the only Chinese women in the city, which had hundreds of male Chinese workers. Eventually, several more prostitutes were brought over, but it was a while before more non-prostitute women from China reached San Francisco. Ah Toy was immensely popular, and there are many court records and newspaper stories discussion her various run-ins.

Several chapters are spent on Belle Cora involved in shooting and Vigilance Committee drama, a summary of the whole affair can be found here. Other fine upstanding women include one known as Madam Mustache – which no one would call to her face, Jessie Hayman, Tessie Wall, Maude Spencer, Dolly Fine, and Sally Stanford.

There is also an interesting history about the Reverend Paul Smith, who was an anti-prostitution crusader and helped get laws passed that brought down a lot of madams. There was even a huge protest of prostitutes against Reverend Smith. Smith then went into the movie business, making his own film, Finger of Justice, that detailed his fight against prostitution, even recreating the March of the Madams. Reverend Smith’s film was subsequently banned in many cities as being obscene, and Smith became less and less Godly as the power of movie fame-dom became his next obsession. That eventually crashed and burned and he became a car salesman. Interesting side note, one of the prostitutes that marched against him eventually found Jesus herself and became a traveling preacher. It is unknown if the now civilian Paul Smith ever went to one of her shows. A good portion of Finger of Justice still exists, but I haven’t found a copy easily available.

While cities such as Denver and New Orleans had definitive underground activities guidebooks, San Francisco instead had weekly scandal rags where houses would advertise. Papers include:

The Varieties – a four-page scandal rag beginning May 20, 1856 with J. Walter Walsh listed as owner, the editor listed as “The Recluse”, and contributors with wacky names such as Paul Pry, Night Owl, and Viper – all writing in the same style as Mr. Walsh. Hmmmmm… stories were mostly vague rumors with just enough details to scandal people. Items often repeated
was feed lots of info by Belle Cora on Vigilence Committee members. The Illustrated Varieties appeared on Saturday, The Sunday Varieties showed up the next day. Sunday a paper had almost identical content, but was switched around with new photo on the cover. Issues were stapled together so you didn’t get the scam until after you bought it.

The Phoenix – published out of Sacramento but SF focused, Belle Cora also feed info here, including some that brought down The Bulletin and editor Tom King (brother of James King of William) by using the name of King’s abandoned ex-wife to shame him out of town

There is plenty more information, such as the former Madam who ran for city council in Sausalito, and information on how girls were brought to SF to begin life as prostitutes (some were volunteers, but others were basically human trafficked in with scams almost identical to ones used to get Eastern European girls to Japan in the 1990s, as documented in Tokyo Vice)

An enjoyable read, and the kind of information you just don’t find in history books.