The Original:
The Michelle Yeoh version:
Anyway, so the Original Troll film is getting a remake, and they’re going to keep the Harry Potter Jr and Harry Potter names because they want buckets of money from dumb people. I mean, to respect the artistic integrity of the original film. But mostly for buckets of money from stupid people. Start your guesses on which actors from the Harry Potter franchise will get random roles here!
The best part of this news is how douchey the producers of the original Troll sound:
Movie spokesman Ed Lozzi tells WENN that the producers and lawyers behind the film feel they can press on with the project without fear that the movie bosses behind author J.K. Rowling’s Potter empire can shut it down.
Lozzi says, “The original movie was conceived, written and directed by John Carl Buechler in 1986. The film chronicled the adventures of Harry Potter, Jr. after his sister Wendy is attacked and possessed by an evil wizard, posing as a troll in the Potter family’s new apartment complex.
“This film is not a continuation of J.K. Rowling’s intrepid boy wizard. It is about everybody’s other favorite boy with magical powers – Harry Potter Jr. – and his father Harry Potter.”
And the producers have signed top Los Angeles lawyer Thomas Girardi to make sure their project isn’t hampered by the movie executives behind the other Potter films.
Yes, too bad almost no one knows anything about the original Troll or Harry Potter Jr. But forget all that, the next paragraph makes the producers sound like real winners:
He states that Troll producers actually considered suing Warner Bros. over the Harry Potter name some years ago: “While some of the films’ themes might seem familiar, Troll’s owner decided not to sue J. K. Rowling or Warner Bros… because of a family tragedy at the time. They just put it on the back burner… and delayed matters until now.
“There is no problem with doing a remake of Troll because you can remake your own stuff. Everybody knows it was our material. We made the movie years before Rowling came out with her book.”
We were gonna sue, but we had family tragedy for a decade. Right. And I bet they were gonna sue Trollhunter as well, but had headaches from eating ice cream too fast. Just wait until all those Troll Doll movies also come out at the same time, this will be a clustertroll of epic proportions.
The only part of the film most people remember...
aka Kunoichi Ninja Girl
2011
Directed and written by Seiji Chiba
A woman working the fields and tending to her baby is ganked by a neck rope thrown by an unseen kidnapper. Thus is the world of Kunoichi!
As you probably know by now, TarsTarkas.NET is a fan of martial arts films, particularly female martial artists. And as Rina Takeda is one of the up and coming women taking the films to the new decade, we’ve been following her career closely. From High-Kick Girl! to KG – Karate Girl, Takeda has matured as an actress and martial artist. And Takeda has taken on more and more projects, keeping herself busy. But Kunoichi is a step back in the quality department, and I was disappointed at the final project.
Kunoichi is marketed as a period martial arts piece. We know it won’t be a giant spectacle, and I fully expect a low-budget affair. It’s set in the woods, a familiar place for fans of low budget films, as that way they have an excuse for no extras running around. And permits are easier to get for running around in the middle of nowhere (if they even bothered!) But Kunoichi is surprising in how low budget it looks and feels. It’s a martial arts film with barely any martial arts. That’s not what I signed up for! The only decent fight is around the 40 minute mark, and is over with 10 minutes to go on our hour-long film. Besides a few teases of fighting and some kicking, there is little else, and nothing that is choreographed for more than one move. Disappointing is an understatement.
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Stop for me, it’s the CLAW!
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Director Seiji Chiba has put out numerous low budget films in recent years. Alien vs Ninja garnered some praise, and probably made funding of Kunoichi easier. But while Alien vs Ninja was a mix of comedy and action, Kunoichi is stoically serious in tone. You don’t get the sense that anyone is having fun here, and that hurts the film as well. I don’t expect Giggles Ninja Girl, but one or two goofy things wouldn’t have hurt.
And once again, we don’t need no stinking subtitles!
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Carmen Electra
Charlie O’Connell (Jerry O’Connell’s brother)
Brooke Hogan – fresh off of Sand Sharks
Christina Bach Norman
David Gallegos
I have no clue who those last two are. Christopher Douglas-Olen Ray directs
The plot:
When a Semester at Sea ship is sunk by a mutated two-headed shark, the survivors escape to a deserted atoll. But when it starts flooding, the coeds are no longer safe from the double jaws of the monster.
This totally happened to me during my semester at sea, except the shark had three heads! And I got a C-! WTF, Professor Sharkbait???
You’ve probably already seen this, but if you were busy this weekend having a life, here it is! Nic Cage pees fire!
By big screen, we mean direct to DVD and a few con showings. But close enough.
The plot:
After more than a decade of peace the proud and noble kingdom of Valanor is suddenly torn apart by a terrible civil war. When the dust settles and recourses start to dwindle, the starving people of Valanor cry out for peace, forcing the leaders of Tier, Sinnah, Daneth and Osgard to lay down their arms and meet each other at the negotiation table.
As each province prepares an envoy to find a diplomatic solution at the Kingdom’s only neutral ground, an ancient evil plots its return. Unbeknownst to the leaders of the four warring provinces this old enemy will stop at nothing to crush any hope of lasting peace.
Can the four envoys put their old hatreds aside and forge a bond of trust? Or will those that crave the blood and terror of war get their way?
Whatever the outcome, the fate of Valanor will be decided at Bitter Lake.
Notes:
Bitter Lake is the first live action full motion picture to be made in the Furry Fandom and is the second EZwolf and Shay production to date. Produced entirely by the crew itself and sponsored by Eurofurence, Bitter Lake combines the creative skills of a small team of enthusiastic and driven people and shows what can be done with minimum resources in a very short timeframe. The incredible work done when it comes to camera work, script and story writing, music composition, (voice) acting, art and fursuit building is something unique and every piece of the puzzle fits. Shot entirely on location in France and the Netherlands in HD 35 mm, Bitter Lake will premiere at Eurofurence 17 in August of 2011 and will feature an original sound track by Fox Amoore.
The trailer:
I guess this premiered this weekend. To a bunch of people wearing fursuits. Does this trailer leave a bitter taste in your mouth?
