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Dirty Girl

Dirty Girl (Review)

Dirty Girl


2010
Written and Directed by Abe Sylvia

“No one likes a dirty girl” is a refrain heard periodically through the film, but I confess that I like Dirty Girl.

Dirty Girl is a road movie. And like most road movies, the journey is just as important as the destination. Dirty Girl’s nostalgia is present, but isn’t so over-encompassing it becomes the plot itself. The main point of Dirty Girl could have easily taken place last week or 100 years ago. Some of the societal differences would cause different wacky adventures along the way, but the same basic story would ring true.

Dirty Girl is about growing up, and about the joys and heartbreak associated with growing up. How life doesn’t always work out the way you want, but that doesn’t mean life is terrible.

The writing is great, Abe Sylvia put a lot of himself and his life in the film. The characters have believable motivations, many are probably amalgamations of people he knew growing up. As someone who grew up in the Midwest myself, I know people like a lot of the characters.

Before I continue, I must confess that TarsTarkas.NET has sold out once again as this is another free showing. The free showing was in the famed Castro theater, which is one of the best theaters in the country. In fact, of all the free showings I’ve been to so far (please see the tag Tars sells out! for more free showings), I liked Dirty Girl the best. So take that, Warrior!

But let’s get started

Danielle (Juno Temple) – Danielle is our titular dirty girl, the bad girl gone bad who causes trouble for everyone, especially herself. Her care-free life of doing what she wants with no consequences has come to an end both at school and at home. Her journey to find her father is the main plot quest of the picture. Juno Temple is British, so after hearing her the whole film with an Oklahoma accent, her suddenly speaking with a British accent in the Q&A was crazy.
Clarke (Jeremy Dozier) – Clarke is by far the best character in the film, the one you want to root for, to be happy. To be free. Unlike Danielle, he’s never had the chance to be who he is, and is fighting for the chance to have a chance. This is Jeremy Dozier’s first big role, and he’s awesome.
Sue-Ann (Milla Jovovich) – Danielle’s mother and a former bad girl herself, before she realized that the path she was heading down wasn’t going to end in happiness, and she grabbed onto one of the few men left in the area that wasn’t majorly defective. And it’s nice to have a reminder that Milla Jovovich can act beyond smashing zombies in the face.
Ray (William H. Macy) – He’s a single father with kids who intends to marry Sue-Ann. Ray has words with Danielle, who rejects his religious lifestyle and his family values. Ray isn’t Ned Flanders, but he’s a character who has experienced loss in his own way and is worried more about having it happen again than about the relationship itself.
Joseph (Dwight Yoakam) – The homophobic father of Clarke who spends most of the film trying to “fix” his son, and then chasing after and beating his son. What a nice guy!
Joan (herself) – Sack of flour assigned to Danielle and Clarke to be their baby. The expression on the sack of flour changes throughout the film in response to events, and is one of the best things about Dirty Girl.

Real Steel (Review)

Real Steel


2011
Directed by Shawn Levy
real steel
Is Real Steel a Reel Steal? I don’t even know what that sentence would mean, but the answer is yes. Yes it is.
real steel
Since that opening makes no sense, let’s delve deeper into the robotic heart of Real Steel. Loosely based on a short story by Richard Matheson (author of I am Legend and Star Trek‘s “The Enemy Within”) that has already been made into a Twilight Zone episode, Real Steel instead goes more Rocky and more father and son bonding movie. And there’s also the Rock’em Sock’em Robots.
real steel
As every review will mention the Rock’em Sock’em Robots, I might as well, because that’s what everyone thought when they saw the first trailer. And that’s about all I knew going in to the free advanced screening (once again, TarsTarkas.NET sells out!) So it is pretty good with the fighting robots, except the fact the film is about a father and son bonding, the training robots to fight aspect is just flavor. And to sell toys. Toys that are similar enough that well-meaning grandparents will buy them instead of Transformers. Well, the world needs Go-Bots. But Real Steel is beyond Go-Bots. Real Steel is a flick with some heart. A flick where robots who don’t talk and are controlled remotely by humans have more personality that most of the robots in Transformers. A flick where someone cared about the story almost as much as the robot fighting scenes. It isn’t a great flick, but it isn’t terrible.
real steel

Charlie Kenton (Hugh Jackman) – A former boxer who is now a gambling robot fighter that owes money all over the place. Charlie continues to make dumb and hurtful choices until he finally learns to be a man thanks to his son and a robot.
Max (Dakota Goyo) – Charlie’s son he rarely thinks about and knows even less. Thanks to the death of his mom, he’s foisted onto Charlie for a while until his aunt and uncle can claim him (and Charlie can make some dough.) Like all kids of the future, plays video games and knows Japanese, despite looking exactly like Anakin from Episode I. Was also in Defendor.
Bailey Tallet (Evangeline Lilly) – Daughter of Charlie’s former trainer and current runner of the now-deserted gym (no one works out anymore because of robot fights!) Makes ends meet by fixing robot fighters.
Atom (Animatronics, CGI, and mo-capped Eddie Davenport) – Found in a junk pile, Atom is an old sparring bot fixed up and sent off to fight because no one will see it coming. Despite never talking and not even being alive, he’s the best cinematic robot of the year.
Zeus (Animatronics, CGI, and mo-capped Eddie Davenport) – Can’t you tell he’s evil? He looks like old school Megatron and he’s black and green, how much more evil can you be? The undefeated champ.

real steel

Pachinko Queen Explosion (Review)

Pachinko Queen Explosion


2007
Directed by ???

There are lots of shots of pachinko in the film. If you love pachinko, then Pachinko Queen Explosion is the film for you! If you have no idea what the frak pachinko is, you will be fast-forwarding or surfing the web until the sex action happens.

While trying to find more information about this film than just one actress’s name, I discovered that there are a lot of gambling-themed softcore flicks in Japan. It’s like a whole subgenre. And they’re films you will feel better about watching than Train Molester 9 or something similar.

Like me, you’re probably already familiar with pachinko and all the terminology and controversy around it. But for those one or two readers who aren’t down with the kakuhen system, koatari, or even senpuku kakuhen, let’s do a quick pachinko terminology lesson:

Pachinko – Pachinko is a game of chance played at machines similar to a slot/pinball machine, or the Plinko game on The Price is Right. Balls go down a peg board, and if they hit the center a slot machine type mechanism is activated. Players attempt to win more balls, which are exchanged for prizes or tokens. Tokens can then be exchanged for cash at a different location (direct trading for cash is illegal in Japan!) A pachinko establishment is called a parlor. Pachinko is also popular in Taiwan.

Payout mode – If the pachinko machine hits the jackpot on the slot machine portion, payout mode begins, where a slot opens and the player must get as many balls into the slot as possible, because they win tons of balls for each one.

Kakuhen system – After hitting jackpot, many machines use the kakuhen system, which makes the chances of hitting another jackpot much more likely. A string of jackpots is known as fever mode. Another type of kakuhen system is the special time (or ST) kakuhen, where the player automatically gets the next jackpot, but you don’t get a payout unless you hit certain odds.

Jitan mode – If the player fails to get kakuhen, the player enters jitan mode, where the speed of spins increases and the slot size increases.

Koatari – Koatari became popular in 2007, it is where the jackpot slot opens randomly, even when no balls are in play. It is possible to have jackpots that pay nothing. Use primarily to bump up the displayed payout stats.

Battle-type machines – Type of Kaotari that when opening randomly, causes a player to have to “battle” and “defeat” enemies (aka reach specific goals) in order to get the jackpot and reach the next kakuhen. When you fail battle mode, the machine reverts to jitan mode. The excitement from battling has caused this type to be very addictive.

Senpuku Kakuhen – A hidden kakuhen that happens in koatari, the player unaware of the timing, but usually knowing the approximate odds of getting it. Experienced players can score swooping in on machines that have had consecutive loses without a payout, and the senpuku kakuhen encourages players to stay at one machine for a long time to win the payout.

Now that everyone is a pachinko expert…too bad, because you don’t really need to know much of anything about pachinko for the plot! Just know that you win balls. So let’s get started!

Mari (Karen Kisaragi) – Pachinko employee who works at the Pachinko center Seven, as her father that she only saw when she was little was fond of playing pachinko at that location. Karen Kisaragi is an AV star whose films you can find easily online.
Hiroshi (???) – Mari’s boyfriend and an expert pachinko player. He earns enough that they make a living off of it.
Yamazaki (???) – Businessman who buys places and tears them down to build better places. His latest target is the run down pachinko joint Seven, which he wants to replace with a gourmet amusement center. One thing he doesn’t buy is condoms, which is why he has a daughter running around. You may have heard of her, her name is Mari.
Mika (???) – Yamazaki’s Trophy girlfriend, whose life is an utter bore except for when she’s given expensive gifts or winning at Pachinko (thanks to the power of cheating!) Not particularly faithful, as she has no qualms boning Mr. Kitamura.
Mr. Kitamura (???) – Boss of the Pachinko place SEVEN. and looking for a sellout.
Buddy Referee Guy (???) – His small but pivotal role is the most important of the whole film. He’s the scorekeeper-referee of the final match! And he’s sort of friends with Hiroshi and works at SEVEN along with Mari. He’s my favorite character.

New Manager of the Sumo Club (Review)

New Manager of the Sumo Club

aka Sumobeya Shinjin Manager

2004
Directed by Katsumi Nojiri
New Manager of the Sumo Club
There is a new manager at the Sumo Club. A girl! Time to freak out! GAAAAAAAAH! Okay, all better now. So let’s have an adventure in the erotic world of Sumo Club management, a subject that demands hundreds of cinema entries a month. People just can’t get enough. They’re weird like that. So let’s give people what they want: stories about female coaches of sumo squads.
New Manager of the Sumo Club

Mai Umino (Azumi Suzuki) – Mai Umino is a senior at Johoku University who is doing extra credit with one of her professors. This gets them into trouble, so she has to coach the sumo club to save the day. She learns to laugh, to love, and to sumo, becoming the best sumo coach ever by the end of the film.
Hiromi Shiro (???) – Mai’s roommate, lifelong friend, and virgin. She decides to take care of that last one thus giving us more sex scenes.
Professor Tazawa (???) – Professor at Johoku University who enjoys his students in an ethically dishonorable way. He gets sent back to the farm.
Kazu (???) – Kazu is a guy Hiromi likes, but Mai also likes him. DRAMA!! Mai gets him to join the Sumo Club.
Captain Mototaka Tokita (???) – A scrawny sumo dude doesn’t want to compete because he lacks confidence. He also lacks any body fat or muscle.
Nishi Hanada (???) – The only member of the sumo club who is the correct weight for sumo. Too bad he’s awful at it!

New Manager of the Sumo Club

Footloose

Footloose


2011
Directed by Craig Brewer
Written by Dean Pitchford and Craig Brewer


Why, yes, TarsTarkas.NET did get into another free screening, thanks for asking. Footloose is the first screening where we were given instructions that we were required to mention we went for free. As that’s part of the running joke about how TarsTarkas.NET sold out, that isn’t a problem. So are we still sold out? Read on, dear readers…

Standing in line waiting to get into the theater to see Footloose, something happened. My foot began to be loose! Was that budding excitement for going to see the movie? Nope, just a shoelace that came undone. In addition, the official Paramount film crew was there to tape people for commercials, causing us to feign excitement that we’re waiting to see Footloose. We were convincing enough the operator only had to redo filming several times!

Finally, we were let into the theater. Did you know that giving away free stuff is the most effective way to sway opinion to your side? And that food is the most effectively used free stuff? In totally unrelated news, there was a bunch of free swag on our chairs! We got a cup, a bag of candy, and an issue of Footloose Magazine! Finally, something to put next to my issues of Highlights and Tiger Beat! As for the candy, my wife got Smarties and a Butterfinger, and I got some weird colored circle disks. Lame. Strike 1, Footloose! I just stole another candy bag from one of the many empty seats, and got my Butterfinger. There was also a dance contest where they filmed a few people dancing to put up on the official Footloose website so you could vote for a winner to go to the premier in LA. The movie stars were supposed to be there as a surprise, but they were stuck in Phoenix due to plane delays. Strike 2, Footloose! Below I’ve put a photo of all the swag:

None of this could possibly influence me. Mostly because it wasn’t enough of a bribe! If I’m selling out, I’m going to demand top dollar! TWO Butterfingers!

“This movie is about being a little punk rock and bucking the system” says a designer in the free Footloose Magazine handed out right next to their $149.99 designer shoes from the Footloose movie.

The Footloose remake follows the original film closely. Very closely. So closely it eliminates one of the reasons to remake a film: to give a different take on the story. The names are the same, the plot is the same, the events that happen are the same, many of the clothes are the same (yes, ladies, they kept the red boots!) The opening sequence with the feet is the same, at least three of the songs are the same (probably more, I forgot to take count!) Director Craig Brewer (Hustle & Flow) even filmed a speech before the film saying how he wanted to respect the original, they got original scribe Dean Pitchford to help write this new version, and the Footloose magazine is filled with people talking about the original film along with the new. I think the fear of being too different may have stifled their creativity, while remaining true to the original probably helped more than it hurt. It is a weird dichotomy that we’ll try to break down more below.

There are a few differences. Ren is more angsty, his mom is dead now (from cancer), the setting is now the deep south and you know it. The tractor race is dumped in place of a school bus roller derby race. Yes. That’s where the buses explode.

But forget all that, what people want to know is, is Footloose 2011 any good? And my answer is: sort of. There are a lot of problems, but it isn’t horrific. It’s perfectly adequate. I can see young kids today liking it just as much as we did as kids. But in a world of High School Musicals and Glee, I’m not seeing this resonate with the same music vibe.

Let’s meet the cast, then jump into the story

Ren McCormack (Kenny Wormald) – The new kid from the East Coast who is now stuck in the smalltown south after his mother’s death. Almost instantly runs afoul of the antifun laws, and leads a revolt against them. The authority figures don’t like him much, but as authority figures are jerks, who cares!
Ariel Moore (Julianne Hough) – Good girl gone bad in rebellion against her father after the death of her brother and the institution of new regressive laws. Ariel Julianne Hough was on dancing with the stars for several years and grew up near where the original Footloose was filmed in Utah.
Reverend Shaw Moore (Dennis Quaid) – Father of a boy who died in an alcohol and dance fueled accident and acting patriarch for the entire town. Reverend Moore has a lot of worries, including his rebellious daughter. And then this new kid comes into town. Freakin’ new kids! Rev. Moore is presented more calm and Dennis Quaidy in this version of Footloose, which helps give his character a different light. You can see his pain and struggles, it is a good performance and the best acting in the show. His wife Vi is played by Andie MacDowell.
Rusty Rodriguez (Ziah Colon) – Ariel’s best friend since childhood, who is saddened that her friend has spiraled out of control after her brother died. Ziah Colon is a delight, and would be the best part of the film if it wasn’t for…
Willard (Miles Teller) – Willard is the character you will be bring up as you and your friends leave the theater and you awkwardly press to see if they liked the film or not, as Willard is easily the best part and is a safe jumping off point. He befriends Ren as soon as he comes to town and needs to be taught to dance like the original Willard (Chris Penn). Ziah Colon is like they took Shia LaBeouf and turned everything that makes Shia annoying into awesomeness.

Infernal Brains Podcast – 08 – Worst Podcast Ever

The Infernal Brains Podcast has returned to once again infernal your brains. All over dem brains. In this episode, Tars and Todd discuss the worst of the worst that they have encountered in their years and years of chronicling world cinema. Leave behind your Uwe Bolls, your Birdemics, your Plan 9s…These choices are truly the worst from around the globe. Both Tars and Todd each pick a particular film to highlight, discuss, and moan about. What films are they? You gotta listen to find out! Or just look at the tags for clues. But listen anyway, or you’ll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.

As usual, we got a crapload of choices for you: downloadable mp3, embedded flash with slideshow, embedded audio player, and iTunes feed link so you can just download right to your iPod and listen to dudes rambling about awful monster costumes while being bored at work.

Download the mp3 (right click, save as)

Watch in slideshow form:

Subscribe to the Infernal Brains on YouTube!

Click the graphic for Podcast Feed:

Click here for iTunes Feed

Links discussed include:
Ninja Dixon

Prior Infernal Brains:
Taiwanese Giant Monster Films Part 1
Taiwanese Giant Monster Films Part 2
Polly Shang Kuan
Turkish Pop Cinema Part 1
Turkish Pop Cinema Part 2
Dara Singh
Infernal Brains Podcast – 07 – Insee Daeng