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Larry the Cable Guy milk chocolate tater chips

Larry the Cable Guy to Jingle All Your Way!

WWE Studios is still making movies and still putting noted wrestler Larry the Cable Guy into sequels to movies that he wasn’t in to begin with. The latest is Jingle All the Way 2, a sequel to the 1996 film that starred Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad as competing fathers trying to get the hottest toy of the year. Larry the Cable Guy will be teamed with Santino Marella, who actually is a wrestler. Alex Zamm of Tooth Fairy 2 fame will direct.

Jingle All the Way has seen a resurgence of popularity recently, buffered on by True 90s Kids remember the 90s, and fans of Phil Harman. Let us not forget the legion of fans of Jake Lloyd, who remind us every day that Jingle All the Way is far from the worst thing Jake Lloyd starred in.

WWE Studios also announced The Marine 4, another DTV sequel where The Mix will return after starring in The Marine 3 (John Cena starred in the original and Ted DiBiase starred in The Marine 2) WWE Diva Summer Rae will also star.

This year will see WWE release the animated Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery, the Leprechaun: Origins reboot of the Leprechaun franchise (starring Hornswoggle), and See No Evil 2. The original See No Evil starred Kane and was one of WWE’s first films. The sequel is directed by the Soska sisters, Jen and Sylvia Soska, and will again see Kane go on a killing spree. No word on if Kane will kill Larry the Cable Guy, but maybe they are saving that for See No Evil 3.

via Variety

Larry the Cable Guy milk chocolate tater chips

You know these are good chips because he’s not just a cable guy, he’s a health inspector!

THE YUMMY GUMMY SEARCH FOR SANTA: THE MOVIE

Ich Bin Ein Gummibär Film!


In wake of finding out there is a live-action/CGI Rescue Rangers film on the way, the announcement of an animated Gummy Bear movie sounds cool…until you realize it isn’t Disney’s Gummi Bears, but is something called Gummibär. Gummibär/Gummy Bear is a computer generated viral singer in the same vein as Crazy Frog, which I know almost exclusively because of that Crazy Frog Brothers viral video. But this stuff is big in Europe, and studios are hot to trot on investing in global brands that give maximum overseas returns, so when Gummibär/Gummy Bear hit the big time, a cartoon movie deal becomes inevitable.

Gummibär/Gummy Bear looks ridiculous, a crazed green bear in undies and in need of a shave. But that’s the least weird thing about the Gummy Bear movie. John Travolta has been signed on to voice Gummy Bear, because Travolta has long been associated with gummy. Or grease. G-word, they’re all the same! Hopefully this means we’ll have us some Gummy disco dancing action. And yet, this isn’t the weird thing.

The script to Gummibär/Gummy Bear is being written by George Gallo, who also wrote the action film Bad Boys. In that tradition, Gummibär will team up with his friends – a vegetarian vampire bat, a cat and a chameleon – as they battle to save an alien planet from destruction. Exactly the plot you figure a Eurodance sensation would tackle!

As someone not from Europe, I have no idea if Gummy Bear is considered cool or ridiculously annoying, nor which countries are Gummy-infected and which are Gummy-free. But I do know that for a few seconds I thought there would be a cool Gummi Bears movie, and was all set to drink some gummy berry juice and start bouncing. Maybe one day….maybe one day…

I know some of you TRUE GREEN GUMMY BEAR FANS are saying “Hey, Gummy Bear already had his first movie, The Yummy Gummy Search For Santa!” And you are right, that movie exists, and Gummy Bear battles aliens to save Santa. Perhaps these will be the same aliens? Someone go rent The Yummy Gummy Search For Santa and let me know, because otherwise I have to watch it and that would be bad. For me. Probably not you, as the review would probably be a bunch of entertaining blabbering of nonsense. I do hope there is a gummy Venus De Milo, because there needs to be. Because references.

Watching the video lets me realize I’ve seen this video at some point and somehow blanked it out of my memories. But the pain comes rushing back as the green nightmare insists he’s a gummy bear.

Via ComingSoon

THE YUMMY GUMMY SEARCH FOR SANTA: THE MOVIE

We’re coming for YOU, America!

Kong the Origin

Yes, even more The Monkey King with Kong!

Kong isn’t about King Kong, but is instead about a different famous ape, Sun Wukong the Monkey King. In yet another Monkey King movie news, we’re getting yet another animated Monkey King origin film. The difference is this time, one of the riches men in China is bankrolling it. As you can tell, that’s an obvious difference that will change the game. Or become a gigantic fiasco. Or just be not that exciting. As movies tends to be where the new Chinese rich go to blow lots of their money, this could be spectacular for any of several reasons, both good and bad.

Whatever the case may be, Robin Li – one of the cofounders of Baidu – is backing Aquamen Entertainment, to be run by Korean director Kim Jeong-Jung and Chinese producer Gary Zhang. The first feature from Aquamen will be the $40 million 3D CGI Kong, which will give an origin story to Sun Wukong, who according to Journey to the West was born in the Earth’s core. Never fear, there will be aliens and robots, just like in the original tale. Okay, maybe they aren’t in the original tale, but I’m sure they are in the unabridged version.

A director will be announced in May, and perhaps by then we’ll have more than just a poster for information. Until then, just keep Kong in your knowledge centers for easy access in case something does happen.

via THR

Kong the Origin

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Lean away from the Lean In movie!

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Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In: Women, Work, And The Will to Lead has been optioned for a film, in a move that becomes less surprising when you realize Nell Scovell has been set to write the script, as she co-wrote the book with Sheryl Sandberg. Scovell has vast industry connections, being a veteran television writer and director, so its a natural that she would know enough people with money to get a film done, despite the fact the book doesn’t really have a story narrative. But I really don’t have a problem with the insider connections or lack of existing narrative aspect of this deal.

What I do have a problem with is Lean In. Lean In is painted as a pro-feminist book to help women in the workplace achieve all sorts of goals, that’s become a “movement” based on selling the Lean In brand. But it’s not quite what it claims to be. As articulated by others with much better feminism credentials than I, Lean In is basically a co-opting of feminism in a packaged and controlled form. A sort of faux feminism, that ultimately doesn’t really do much of anything except draw attention away from actually recognizing and solving issues.

My problems with Lean In aren’t that Sandberg is rich or white or cis or likes business stuff or that she wrote her story without consulting every academic feminist with letters after their name. None of that is ultimately important when it comes to what feminism is: Everyone being equal regardless of gender. But Sandberg’s book isn’t the vehicle for that change.

The biggest problems swooped in when Lean In switched from a book to a foundation. The book spends much of its time telling women to do more for work so they can get more at work, in addition to all family responsibilities. Much of the suggestions are unrealistic for all but those that are wealthy enough to afford the free time to put in more time. The book strives to be apolitical, not really addressing how things in society can be changed to help women, putting everything on the women to succeed themselves (or as part of their “Lean In” groups!)

Gender issues are political. Every day politicians make decisions that affect women. Gender issues have affected many major elections, for example Republicans who can’t shut up about rape:
Todd Akin and “legitimate rape”, Richard Mourdock saying pregnancy from rape was a “gift from God”, Wisconsin State Assembly member Roger Rivard saying “Some girls rape easy”, congressional candidate John Koster talking about “the rape thing”, Rep. Steve King saying he’s never heard of a child getting pregnant from statutory rape or incest, Rep. Joe Walsh ignorance in medical advances: “There’s no such exception as life of the mother,” Walsh told reporters following the debate. “And as far as health of the mother – same thing. Advances in science and technology. Health of the mother has been, has become a tool for abortions any time and for any reason.” All of those politicians lost except Rep. Steve King, and Mitt Romney and the Republican leadership had to condemn and condemn their own people, who refused to step aside. Black women were the deciding voice in the Virginia governor’s and attorney general’s races. Wendy Davis became a folk hero due to her filibuster against abortion restrictions and has moved on to running for governor. Sandra Fluke’s testimony on birth control became a lightning rod of ignorant comments and hateful statements from professional pukes. This isn’t an issue that can be separated from politics like a spaghetti strainer.

So of course Lean In honors a Republican Congresswoman with a voting record that’s historically anti-woman. Because Lean In isn’t about feminism, it is not about empowerment. It’s about a brand. A brand that doesn’t pay female interns (until outcry forces the matter!). A brand they can control, and tell women that empowerment is just working harder, not social issues. A brand that makes you feel good, but ultimately does nothing. A brand that can disrupt real advancement for women because that might interrupt the Boy’s Club in charge of much of Silicon Valley.

They even have competition from Makers, a brand that wants to reset the agenda for women in the workplace in the 21st century.” yet can’t be bothered to invite any labor union leaders to its fancy workplace meeting. Never fear, Sheryl Sandberg was invited, because there’s nothing more incestuous than the boards of Silicon Valley companies.

So, yeah, I think the movie will suck.

Piranha Sharks

Piranha Sharks teaser trailer!


Piranha Sharks, which we reported on a bit ago, has dropped a trailer where things look like a fun old time! Piranha Sharks (a bioweapon) are instead sold as novelty pets, but soon the novelty wears off and the chomping of bodies begins. Luckily there are some slackers to rise up to the occasion. Because that’s how it works now.

Great white sharks, bio-engineered to be the size of piranhas, are mass marketed and end up terrorizing the city of New York when they get into the water supply and do what great white sharks do best.

Piranha Sharks is directed by Leigh Scott and stars Collin Galyean, Josh Hammond, John Wells, and Noel Thurman. Its being released through Red Sea Media. Will Piranha Sharks make it to SyFy, with the network drastically cutting back it creature feature movies? It will remain to be seen, but I would start saving your pennies for buying Piranha Sharks on VOD.

Via Fans of SyFy Facebook Page

Piranha Sharks

Piranha Sharks

Piranha Sharks

The Good Mistress lifetime

The Good Mistress vs. The Evil Man on Lifetime!

The Good Mistress lifetime

I’m so good when I’m so bad!


Men suck, luckily Lifetime brings The Good Mistress in to take down one such evil man:

Sandy, a young woman struggling to recover from alcoholism and a tragic automobile accident caused by her addiction, moves to a new town where her high school friend, Karen, has offered her a job. After becoming involved with a mysterious gentleman, Sandy soon finds herself in jeopardy when she discovers that he is actually Karen’s husband, Sam, a candidate in the county elections and a suspect in a murder investigation.

Geez, Sandy, way to pick a good one there! Sam runs the gauntlet of being a Lifetime Channel Evil Man – cheats on his wife, good guy persona, secret murderer, is named Sam, politician. By the time he’s killed at the end of the film (or thrown in jail, either one), we’ll all be screaming for him to go down.

The Good Mistress stars Annie Heise, Kendra Anderson, Antonio Cupo, but there isn’t a lot of information about it out right now except that synopsis. Seriously, it’s on in two weeks, maybe you could get a little bit of publicity information out, Lifetime? This one small image isn’t going to cut it! All we know is the title is designed to make us think of The Good Wife, which this sounds suspiciously like it was the starting idea they created their own film from.

The Good Mistress premieres February 15th on Lifetime!