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Trials of Kate McCall

Lifetime breaks out The Trials of Kate McCall!

Trials of Kate McCall

You’re under arrest for being a lawyer and a woman!


Saturday April 5th brings us the new Lifetime flick The Trials of Kate McCall, about a single female lawyer used to be a married hotshot lawyer until she got hooked on the types of things you don’t want to get hooked on. And I’m not talking about phonics! Out of recovery, the only way she’ll get her daughter back is if she helps a woman wrongfully convicted of murder. That’s the weirdest custody stipulation I’ve ever heard of, but okay, sure, whatever. Kate Beckinsale is our lawyer heroine who will save the say and her family by not being terrible. Noted addicted to everything guy Nick Nolte also stars, along with cool James Cromwell, who is cool.

No one has answered the big questions about The Trials of Kate McCall, mainly will werewolves and vampires show up that our lawyer heroine has to destroy? Because that’s the kind of programming Lifetime should start airing just to grab some more demographics. It would be cool! Oh, well, if you like lawyering and women lawyers and proving innocent people are innocent and child custody drama, then The Trials of Kate McCall is for you!

Kate Beckinsale stars as a former hotshot lawyer who is now in recovery and estranged from her family. In order to be reinstated at the bar and recover custody of her daughter she must take on the appeal of a woman wrongfully convicted of murder.

via Lifetime

Pink Panther Pest Control

The Pink Panther rides again!

Pink Panther Pest Control

Let me tell you a tale of Young Tars: When I was a wee lad I had a Pink Panther stuffed animal. As I was crazy about Pink Panther, this stuffed animal saw a bit of wear and tear, and after a few years was looking pretty worn. So I did what any kid with a fistfull of birthday cash would do, I bought a new one! But I never got rid of the old Pink Panther, so they became brothers. The new one was the cool one, of course, but they were bros just the same. So on that derail you can imagine I’m happy that there will be a new Pink Panther film that’s about the Pink Panther cartoon.

What’s weird about the film is it is being described as a live-action/CGI hybrid that takes place in the same universe as the Inspector Clouseau character from the Pink Panther films. As we all know, the Pink Panther cartoon originally appeared in the opening credits of 1963’s The Pink Panther, and went on to star in an Academy Award winning short and subsequent series of cartoons in theaters and on television.

The character doesn’t speak and is usually accompanied by a cool jazz soundtrack (which I admit is probably my first exposure to jazz), and before this was not considered a part of the live action film universe (that I understand.) But that will change as the Pink Panther will leap to life to help solve an international jewel heist, despite not talking. And Inspector Clouseau will be referenced.

This sounds so weird, but it is being directed by David Silverman, a longtime veteran of The Simpsons who also directed The Simpsons Movie, and it’s going to be written by another Simpsons vet, Michael Price. This sounds like a project that will be a lot of fun and done by creators who know how to make an entertaining spectacle. And hopefully there will be some cool jazz, because I don’t think I can handle Pink Panther slinking around to dubstep.

via THR

Pink Panther Flakes

Also bring this back as well!

Zoe Gone Lifetime

Zoe Gone – get stole away on Lifetime!

Zoe Gone Lifetime

No one steals babies on MY LIFETIME!!


Saturday’s not a good day to be a baby named Zoe who is born to a 16 year old girl, because according to Zoe Gone, that means you’re gonna get kidnapped! Luckily, this is Lifetime, and Zoe’s teenage mom Jennifer turns into Liam Neeson and goes after those kidnapping bastards! Never fear, teenage dad Randy is too lame to help, because he sucks. Shame on Randy! Maybe Jennifer can use her baby tracking skills and get a 16 and Pregnant show on MTV that isn’t filled with embarrassing idiots furthering their gene pool more than you ever will. Yeah, right! This is the realm of fantasy, but let’s just go with it, because reality sucks sometimes.

Sixteen-year-old Jennifer Lynn’s life is turned upside down when she gives birth to baby Zoe. Being a teen mom is not what she had planned for high school. Her boyfriend Randy refuses to step up and her mother Alicia is not interested in raising another child. But when Zoe is kidnapped, Jennifer’s maternal instincts kick in and she will stop at nothing to find her baby

Sammi Hanratty is Jennifer Lynn, teenage baby savior! Zoe Gone also stars Alexandra Holden, Andrea Bowen, Jean Louisa Kelly, and Samantha Boscarino. Zoe Gone premieres March 29th on Lifetime!

via Lifetime

Bermuda Tentacles SyFy Asylum

Get grabbed by Bermuda Tentacles on SyFy!

Bermuda Tentacles SyFy Asylum

Holy guacamole, SyFy Saturday Creature Features are returning! You might have noticed how we haven’t mentioned a SyFy Original Movie premiere at all in 2014, and that’s not because we’ve just been too darn lazy to write about them. It’s because there hasn’t been any! Until now! April 12th will be the first of the year, with Bermuda Tentacles! Asylum are the people to thank for this masterpiece, starring Linda Hamilton.

When Air Force One goes down over the Bermuda Triangle, the Navy sends its best rescue team. But in saving the President, the team awakens a monster which threatens America’s entire Eastern Seaboard and, ultimately, the world.

A nice return to the monster mayhem. The only image so far of the monster make it look like Doctor Octopus’ tentacles have come alive! I’ll also make the required “Why isn’t this tentacle monster near Japan?” joke that everyone is thinking. Now you have to come up with an all-new joke, buddy! Never fear, Jamie Kennedy will be in the film as well. I’m not sure if he’s the monster or the president or a tentacle, but Kennedy is a master of disguise and will probably play all three roles.

Hopefully this will lead to more SyFy Original Movies airing, or else I’ll be stuck writing about Lifetime Channel (which isn’t that bad…) The ratings for original movies last year were not spectacular (though you could argue moving them to Thursdays also didn’t help!), even Sharknado didn’t get killer ratings until the second of third time it aired, despite huge social media awareness. The solution is to be a Nielsen family and get the ratings for SyFy. Or, find someone who is a Nielsen family, and then eat them to become them, and then watch Bermuda Tentacles. It’s really the same thing, because us average Joes don’t count.

via SyFy

Bigfoot vs DB Cooper

Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper – from the mind of David DeCoteau!

What happened to DB Cooper? Besides being Jimmy James in NewsRadio and exposed on Leverage, White Collar, and Prison Break, no one knows who he really was. But now we’ll know who he really is, he’s a guy who fought Bigfoot!

In Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper, Linnea Quigley plays a flight attendant, and Eric Roberts is the older DB Cooper. Stunt actor Nils Allen Stewart plays the mythological Bigfoot, who turns out to be less of a myth than suspected. Or maybe DB Cooper is now more of a myth than suspected, and will soon battle Pecos Bill and Paul Bunyan.

David DeCoteau will direct Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper in between making a bunch of films with “666” in the title and 90210 Shark Attack. It must be all that A Talking Cat!?! money!

The poster was put on David’s blog. No other information is available besides the brief imdb listing with some of the cast. But the title alone will draw in a lot of viewers because both names are popular enough people will be like “Let’s check this out!” Here’s hoping Bigfoot steals the money and uses it to live large.

Bigfoot vs DB Cooper

Sorority Surrogate Lifetime

Grandma goes psycho in Lifetime’s Sorority Surrogate

Sorority Surrogate Lifetime

Lifetime always ends in tears

Cassie Steele (My Babysitter’s a Vampire) is Sorority Surrogate, Lifetime’s latest original feature that features a crazy grandma, but never fear, there are guys with guns running around. The plot centers on a college student who decides to be a surrogate mother for fun and profit (mostly profit), and everything goes well until the parents die. Grandma (Mimi Kuzyk from The Husband She Met Online and Pegasus vs. Chimera) is next in line, and grandma is crazy and soon our Sorority Surrogate is handcuffed to beds and guys with guns are running around (as mentioned earlier!) There will be tears in this film that lets us all know that the greatest threat to women having the right to do what they want with their own body is other women, especially grandmas.

A college student decides to serve as a surrogate for a wealthy couple in order to pay for tuition. When the couple is tragically killed in a car crash, the unborn baby’s manipulative grandmother ends up next in line for custody and becomes increasingly more controlling of the pregnant college student’s life.

Sorority Surrogate airs March 22nd on Lifetime!

via MyLifetime