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Pacific Rim gets a synopsis

Is there a monster movie I’m waiting for more than Pacific Rim? I don’t think so! Even the new Godzilla film must take a back seat to this giant monsters vs giant robot action! Hopefully del Toro is enough to make up for the writer giving us films like Clash of the Titans. From el Toro’s other films, there is no way this won’t look spectacular.

Synopsis

From acclaimed filmmaker Guillermo del Toro comes Warner Bros. Pictures’ and Legendary Pictures’ epic sci-fi action adventure Pacific Rim.

When legions of monstrous creatures, known as Kaiju, started rising from the sea, a war began that would take millions of lives and consume humanity’s resources for years on end. To combat the giant Kaiju, a special type of weapon was devised: massive robots, called Jaegers, which are controlled simultaneously by two pilots whose minds are locked in a neural bridge. But even the Jaegers are proving nearly defenseless in the face of the relentless Kaiju. On the verge of defeat, the forces defending mankind have no choice but to turn to two unlikely heroes–a washed up former pilot (Charlie Hunnam) and an untested trainee (Rinko Kikuchi)–who are teamed to drive a legendary but seemingly obsolete Jaeger from the past. Together, they stand as mankind’s last hope against the mounting apocalypse.

Oscar® nominee Guillermo del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth) is directing Pacific Rim from a script by Travis Beacham (Clash of the Titans). Thomas Tull, Jon Jashni and Mary Parent are producing, with Callum Greene serving as executive producer.

The film stars Charlie Hunnam (TV’s “Sons of Anarchy”), Idris Elba (Thor), Rinko Kikuchi (The Brothers Bloom), Charlie Day (Horrible Bosses), and Ron Perlman (the Hellboy films). The ensemble cast also includes Max Martini, Robert Kazinsky, Clifton Collins, Jr., Burn Gorman, Larry Joe Campbell, Diego Klattenhoff, and Brad William Henke.

via Dread Central

Pacific Rim

Crystal Sky to destroy cinema, babies

Crystal Sky announced their upcoming features, and they’ve done it: They’ve ruined cinema. Sorry, movies, you had a good run, but three more Baby Geniuses films is enough to force everyone to television…where they’ll be forced to watch the Baby Geniuses tv series.

You might think I am joking, but I am not. The Baby Geniuses trilogy (3, 4, and 5) has been filmed and is in post production. Jon Voight returns for all three installments, and his buddy Bratz director Sean McNamara helmed all three. I don’t know who directed the 13 episodes of the tv series, perhaps Satan had some free time on his schedule.

Not wanting Baby Geniuses to be the low point of their presentation, Crystal Sky also announced plans for Dracula: The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse. If you think that sounds like a title for tween girls to swoon over another brooding pale guy, you don’t know tween girls, and are also working for Crystal Sky, because that’s the point. As the explanation goes:

“It’s the first installment in a franchise about a young, romantic Prince of Darkness, his Army of the Undead and a series of events that shake Transylvania to its core,” said Paul, who calls the vampires “the bad boys” of their time. He said the intent is to create a Twilight-type franchise, which will spin off movie after movie in years to come.

Currently no one is cast as Dracula or his fellow bad boys, but Pearry Reginald Teo is directing.

Don’t worry, there are more films coming! Tekken: Rise of the Tournament is a prequel to Tekken, which was awful awful awful. But don’t worry, this one will be directed by Prachya Pinkaew (Ong Bak, Tom-Yum-Goong, Chocolate) which means it could be awesome awesome awesome. I don’t know if I’m able to process this radical shift in fortunes. Hopefully it will be a GI Joe 2, where the second film looks like it will rule.

Crystal Sky also has a giant dog franchise starting with Chilly Christmas. Trust me, there is a giant dog in the film according to the plot synopsis. This is another franchise attempt, and will probably have a better chance than the Dracula film. The world needs more giant dogs. C. Thomas Howell, Tom Arnold and Brooke Langton star, while Gregory Poppen directs.

The official position is a wary excitement for Tekken: Rise of the Tournament, and acceptance of Chilly Christmas even though we’ll probably not watch it.

Baby-Geniuses-2--Super-Babies

The original babies now have babies...

The world needs Dragon Wasps

It needs Dragon Wasps like it never needed anything before! What could be better than giant wasps that shoot fire? Like, nothing at all! Except maybe Flame Spiders. Someone get to work on that film immediately! But for now we’ll have to settle for Dragon Wasps, another awesome-looking creature flick from American World Pictures, the people bringing us Piranhaconda! Corin Nemec stars, and honestly, every SyFy flick he’s been in has been pretty damn good compared to the average SyFy feature (except Raging Sharks, which was awful awful awful) Dominika Wolski, Nikolette Noel, and Gildon Roland also star. Director Joe Knee had helmed a few other low budget genre flicks, but I haven’t seen any of them.
The plot:

When her father mysteriously disappears on an expedition, beautiful entomologist Gina Humphries and her fiery assistant, Rhonda, set out to search the rain forests of Belize. Due to numerous robberies and assaults in the jungle, they are escorted by heavily-armed soldiers. Guerillas, lead by the infamous Jaguar, ambush the convoy and incite a bloody shootout. Just when things can’t get worse, a horde of murderous Dragon Wasps, massive flying bugs that shoot flame from their abdomens, swarms the soldiers. Now the military must defeat Jaguar’s bandits and survive the fearsome insect onslaught as they venture inside the Dragon Wasps’ hive.

Needlessly complex? Yes! But why the heck not? Let’s do hope more people get Dragon Wasped than shot.

Via AmericanWorldPictures
Dragon Wasps

Oliver Twist goes all Parkour with the help of Red Bull!

When you think Red Bull Energy Drink, you think 19th century poor English orphans, and that’s the kind of word association that Red Bull is banking on making them bank at that box office. Thus, they’re funding a new Oliver Twist film, and riding the lightning from the Taylor Lautner parkour bike messenger film Tracers, this new Oliver Twist will feature 3D Parkour! The way Dickens intended. Twist will feature the Fagin gang going all parkour on naive 19th century townsfolk, striping their pocketbook and their sense of innocence. Just waiting for Artful Dodger to crack open a can of Red Bull Energy Shot after stealing the crown jewels in bullet time. Will there be dubstep? You can pretty much guarantee it!

Why stop with Oliver Twist? I want parkour everything! Parkour is the new asteroids hitting the Earth. Parkour Star Trek, Parkour Iron Man, Parkour Fast and the Furious, Parkour Parks and Recreations. Parkour it all!

via FSR

cat parkour

Even this cat is doing parkour. Or running to get a laser pointer. Same thing!

More sequels than you know…

It’s that time again, time for studios to demand sequels to films that you didn’t know were going to get sequels!

First up, remember Contagion, the 2011 Steven Soderbergh film where a disease spread and it was all sciencey and stuff? Sequel! Warner Bros got Scott Z. Burns, the writer of the original, to write the script for the new one. No word on if Soderbergh will return. (via It’s on the Grid)

Those of you who are fans of list-based films where the actor who played a major character has died in real life will be happy to know that soon there will be 10 More Things I Hate About You. The director of the original (and most of the tv series I never knew existed!) Gil Junger will be directing this new entry, and he’s gotten Hayley Atwell from Captain America. The real question is will Jacked Up Stone be in this sequel? Because the public will demand it!

Universal president Eddie Cunningham wants a Love Actually 2! The bland ensemble romantic comedies they’ve been putting out (Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Day) just steal it’s formula, anyway. So why not? Expect it to show up eventually with a bajillion stars. No one is linked to the project yet.

Don’t worry, there will be more sequels to more things that don’t need sequels soon!

contagion paltrow

Sequels? NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Million Dollar Crocodile

Barbie Hsu is Million Dollar Crocodile! Looks like SyFy Channel is leaking again, and got some of their radioactive goo into China! And why is Million Dollar Crocodile always running? He’s like Forrest Gump during the time he was running around America for years, except he’s constantly eating while on the go. Guo Tao and Lam Suet also enjoy getting money to appear in films like this. And, yes, someone already bought the worldwide sales rights. Li Sheng Lin wrote and directed it. The plot:

Xiao Xing, a general little boy lives in little town, Mei Jia Wu, is his in grade four. He has a best friend named Amao, who is an eight-meters long crocodile. They get alone with each other, peacefully.
Many years, Amao has been living in a local crocodile farm ran by tough Bald Liu who caught Amao from Thailand. But this year, Bald Liu has to sell all the crocodiles cause the poor management. Unfortunately, the notorious tricky businessman Zhao Da Zui bought them all for developing a series crocodile meals. When the crocodiles are going to be killed by slaughters, Amao pulled apart the ropes angrily, and lead all crocodiles fighting for their lives and killed the chef and escaped.
This incident breaks the little town, Mei Jia Wu’s quiet and easy life. Xiao Xing and his father Da Wei Wang were all involved.

I like the concept of a juggernaut crocodile much better than that plot…
via @TheGoldenRock

Smiling Hand

The heck was this doing on Google Image Search? It's on here now, cause I can't afford a Million Dollar Crocodile. This is Dollar Menu Crocodile!