Recommended! Godzilland – Learning Addition

aka すすめ！ゴジランド aka ゴジラと遊ぼう aka Let’s Play With Godzilla

1996

Gakken is backken and in the meantime they got a new logo! After the two year gap, Godzilland was revamped and retooled. There is a different theme song performed by a lady! But more importantly, the show has more kaiju kid characters! Joining the Godzilland team are Gigan, Moguera, and Mechagodzilla! Mechagodzilla looks like 1970s Mechagodzilla, not the 90s Mechagodzilla, which is a weird aesthetic choice but maybe they didn’t like the new monster being cartoonified so much. Let’s not forget the wholly original character – a female Godzilla! This one is pink with hearts for the spinal ridges, and her name is Gojirin! Gojirin is just adding a female suffix to Gojira, and is equivalent to calling her Godzilly in English, thus that has become her unofficial English name. And the show now has live-action segments where Godzilla tells stories to a human lady, both of them being the same size! We’re really tripping balls here for this new series and it is amazing!

The best part is all of this is canon now, baby! You can’t uncanon this, it exists, Godzilla had a girlfriend and has a human lady friend and couldn’t do math or read due to having no real parents, which is why he’s a good dad to all his adopted kids he’s picked up over the years. This is the truest of truths. Be sure to check out the cast list page for Godzilland!

Godzilla is making pancakes for his lady friend, who is impressed that he can use the power of addition to tell how many pancakes he has made. Godzilla enjoys regaling her with tales of his youth, so today he’s gonna tell her (and us!) about how he learned addition. It is not entirely clear what the nature of their relationship is, so I just call her his lady friend while he seems to call her something like “Big Sister”, so I guess she is a friend that is like family? A nanny? A nurse caretaker due to a chronic medical condition that we are not aware of due to the short length of the series? Could it have to due with Godzilla’s propensity to eat all sorts of terrible food? Is Godzilla going to die of a heart attack at an early age because he won’t eat a salad? Damn it, Godzilla, pull yourself together, man! But I digress…

A long long time ago on Godzilland…

Mechagodzilla’s peaceful flight around Godzilland is spoiled when he spies Godzilla and Anguirus having an argument that turns into a physical altercation. These boys do nothing but cause problems! Mechagodzilla marvels that such good friends are good enough friends to fight each other, which sounds like a very mature view until the episode continues and we see it is a very immature view that just lucked into sounding more philosophical than it is.

Also I guess there are now interstitials of the various monsters between scenes because that just happened and will continue to happen. I’ll only note the interesting ones.

A teary-eyed Godzilla meets Gojirin, who helps Godzilla to realize he was the jerk, so he goes to apologize to Anguirus. But Mechagodzilla has already approached Anguirus and said that he should dump that Godzilla zero and get himself a friend hero, namely Mechagodzilla himself, since Godzilla is so violent. Anguirus points out Mechagodzilla is also violent, Mechagodzilla denies it and blasts Anguirus’s hammock into flames to prove how nonviolent he is.

Baragon goes to warn Godzilla but it is too late, Godzilla can’t even use his breath to stop Mechagodzilla as he hasn’t eaten anything lately, so Mechagodzilla flies away with the screaming Anguirus. Wait, are we teaching kids addition or kidnapping???

Ms. Mothra suggests that they gather some fruit so Godzilla can power up.

How Many Altogether?
Godzilla and Gojirin clumsily gather some fruit which Mothra helps them add up. Godzilla then eats all of it, to Gojirin’s disappointment as she is also hungry. I can’t believe Godzilla was a jerk again…oh, wait, I can. Baragon is just standing around during all this but offers to get Gojirin some fruit, stoking the flames of jealousy in Godzilla who also goes to get more fruit. That also means more fruit to add up for the children at home!

Gojirin then eats all of this fruit, so at least she won’t starve to death before everyone learns subtraction. Godzilla still needs more food to power his breath. Maybe they should find some spicy food, is there a sriracha store on Godzilland? Instead, they now all stare at fish in the lake. Godzilla and Gojirin catch some fish (after a bit of splashing)

The Way To Calculate Addition
Mothra explains addition using Rodan as a plus sign. They then sing about addition, the fun thing that is combining numbers that is the subject of this episode. Godzilla barbecues a fish with his breath but it turns into ash. They don’t subtract one fish from the total because subtraction is in the other video, which is sort of weird if you think about it. I suggest thinking about it. A lot. Never not think about it. The kaiju kids then spot the mountain where Mechagodzilla’s cave is located. Maybe pick up the pace a bit, guys?

How Much Has It Increased?
A squad of ants block their way. They are ants with armor and helmets and spears, so army ants. Then more ants arrive so that gives them the perfect excuse to do more addition. Then even more arrive for more addition, but the ants still won’t let then pass by.

And they stab Godzilla in the foot!

That’s hilarious! Finally, Godzilla gets what’s coming to him. It then turns out the monsters were trespassing in their flower garden! So Godzilla was being a jerk unknowingly, but still being a jerk, so it’s all natural.

The Time To Use Addition
More addition complete with a “The Time To Use Addition” song that self-announces itself. It’s sung by Mothra, Baragon, Godzilla, and Gojirin. Sing sing sing. Hey, isn’t your friend in danger? Why are you singing about math and counting fish and balls and crows and stuff? Even the show reminds us as it cuts back to Mechagodzilla’s cave where he has his foot pressed down on a crying Anguirus demanding that he let him be his friend. But the kaiju kids don’t care, it is time to sing and add and sing. And add

They finally get to the cave after some complaining of the distance. These are the laziest friends… Mechagodzilla comes out and says he will give Anguirus back if Godzilla answers his quiz, and thus the Addition Quiz Show begins! Complete with Mechagodzilla in a red suit and bow tie and giant game board.

It’s only 4 questions and thank goodness Godzilla learned about addition just that morning, what a coinkydink! Gojirin is still very angry and calls Mechagodzilla a bully for this whole quiz show fiasco. Honestly, more quiz shows need contestants who are adversarial to the hosts, it worked great on Saturday Night Live and it works here.

Godzilla, Gojirin, and Baragon each get one question right. But the final question back to Godzilla is a trick, because it has a zero as one of the numbers! Can Godzilla remember the concept of zero? Keep in mind one of the monsters on that island is Monster Zero, but that Monster Zero has three heads, so maybe that isn’t the best way to remember what zero means. Those darn aliens purposefully naming King Ghidorah so confusingly!!! All part of their sick alien schemes.

Luckily through the power of remembering that Baragon is too terrible at nut gathering to get any nuts, Godzilla knows the answer! Damn, Baragon, learn to get that nut, boy! Mechagodzilla throws a tantrum complaining that he thought they wouldn’t know, I guess he wasn’t paying attention to what episode this was!

Anguirus is happy he is rescued. Mechagodzilla is sad and longs for friends, but Ms. Mothra tells him to apologize to the others and then he can be friends. And so they were. Uh…until the next episode (spoilers!)

We Love Addition!
Both the cartoon Godzilla squad and the live action Godzilla squad sing about remembering addition and how much it rules. Addition is just the coolest, people! I’m convinced, I know you are convinced, I’m going to be an addition-ologist when I grow up!

In the background of the song Gigan and King Ghidorah fly around but eventually crash into each other. The second verse has a Mothra larva wandering on the ground while Moguera digging underground, eventually he digs up right where the baby is and it falls on him. This is called addition. Addition is easy, we love addition. Get addicted to addition.

And that’s how Godzilla learned addition. Which is how he can count pancakes for his Big Sister lady friend. Which he then eats all of! Godzilla: Still a jerk.

See you next time, when Godzilla learns about three-dimensional linear transformations!

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