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Zone Fighter 指令『日本列島爆破せよ』
InTelevision Reviews

Zone Fighter Episode 18 – Shirei “Nihon Rettou Bakuhase-yo”

April 16, 2014By

Zone Fighter Episode 18 – Shirei “Nihon Rettou Bakuhase-yo”

aka 指令『日本列島爆破せよ』 aka Directive: Destroy the Japanese Laboratory! aka Command: “Destroy the Japanese Islands”
Zone Fighter 指令『日本列島爆破せよ』
1973
Written by Yuji Amamiya
Directed by Ishiro Honda
March of Godzilla 2014

Zone Fighter 指令『日本列島爆破せよ』

If you order this toaster oven now, we’ll throw in a free pair of oven mitts! Call 1-800-GAROGA! Operators are standing by!


Zone Fighter punches his way into a new episode, which is among the most ridiculous episodes in Zone Fighter history. It’s also pretty dumb, and is somehow a two-parter. Which is a shame, because both parts are directed by Ishiro Honda! The problem is with the story, which is really only a bare thread of a story and padded with a lot of pointless scenes and not very good monster action.

Why is the monster action not very good? Because Zone Fighter and the Terror-Beast of the Week Gundarguiras play rock paper scissors! Who needs monster fights? The excuse is because Gundarguiras ate some explosive chemical, and if he’s thrown around too violently, it will explode. Which should be find, because it’s inside a giant monster to absorb most of the blast, but whatever. Zone Fighter knows the explosive is in the belly of the beast thanks to Gundarguiras’ transparent stomach. Zone has to use his intelligence to try to trick the dumb monster into leaving Earth. Problems: 1- Zone Fighter isn’t very smart, either. 2- Gundarguiras is so stupid that even dumb tricks won’t work. 3- When a trick does work, Gundarguiras just refuses to leave, so there is no point to this strategy. 4- This scene keeps going on and on, and will continue next episode.

Zone Fighter 指令『日本列島爆破せよ』

Sometimes people wrap Twizzlers all around their body and leap in the air. We call these people “morons”!


Thanks to the trick, Zone Fighter finally has some more new random powers, but they prove as useless as Zone Fighter normally is. I’m eager to watch the next episode just to watch Zone brutally murder Gundarguiras, because there is no way that dumb monster is getting out of this alive. The only question is if he’ll get blown up via the PS73 explosive, or by Zone Fighter shooting him a lot.

But before the murder, we have to get through the horror. So let’s get started with . If you need a Zone Fighter refresher course, drop on by the Zone Fighter Splash Page.

Zone Fighter 指令『日本列島爆破せよ』

Should have picked rock!


Scientists including Professor Tanzawa blow up some random areas of the countryside. This is a test of Tanzawa’s new explosive element PS73. The test is a success and a bunch of dudes in business suits (scientists, officials, random businessmen who hang out at explosives testing sites) are happy. Now the next step is to transport the PS73 to another lab, which they must do with care.
Zone Fighter 指令『日本列島爆破せよ』

I’ll never pitch again! Looks like the Cubs will lose another season, thanks kid!

Thinspiration Starving in Suburbia Lifetime
InMovie News

Lifetime touches on eating disorders with Starving in Suburbia! #StarvingInSuburbia

April 15, 2014By

Thinspiration Starving in Suburbia Lifetime

They’re having a party under the Tree of Souls from Avatar?


Starving in Suburbia (original title: Thinspiration) is another Lifetime feature about how the internet is dangerous, with a look at those disturbing websites that promote eating disorders, bulimia, and anorexia, commonly called thinspiration sites. Honestly, this is an internet demon that I don’t mind a movie taking on, because that stuff is gross and women already have enough body issues as it is, we don’t need peer pressure sites making girls more depressed about the way they look. But the new Starving in Suburbia title makes it sound like one of those memoirs people write that try to make their boring lives sound exciting.

If this film follows the usual track, Hannah’s friend and mentor ButterflyAna will probably die, though there is a chance that Hannah has a best friend who will be the one who dies.

Tara Miele writes and directs (Huzzah, a female director!), this is her third feature (she wrote and directed 2010’s The Lake Effect and also helmed 2013’s Gone Missing)

Starving in Suburbia stars Laura Wiggins, Izabella Miko, Emma Dumont, Marcus Giamatti, Callie Thorne, and Sharon Lawrence Laura Wiggins is best known from her role on Shameless, and was also in Lifetime’s The Cheating Pact. Izabella Miko is the star of Save the Last Dance 2 (yes, there was a 2!) and was also in Coyote Ugly. Emma Dumont had a role on the cult series Bunheads and also does competitive robot building! How cool is that? Callie Thorne is best remembered for Rescue Me.

When seventeen year old Hannah stumbles upon a website about Thinspiration— an online community devoted to anorexia as a life choice — she becomes an obsessive follower of the site founder, ButterflyAna. By the time Hannah’s family realizes what is happening and get Hannah the help she needs, the disease has fully taken hold and Hannah is refusing to eat. Will this family be able to exorcise the demon of anorexia from their lives, or is it too late?

Starving in Suburbia will premiere Saturday, April 26th on Lifetime. Let’s see if hashtag #StarvingInSuburbia trends like #DeathClique did!

via Lifetime

Thinspiration Starving in Suburbia Lifetime

Worst Apple Logo covering ever!

Crackula Goes to Hollywood
InMovie News

Crackula Goes to Hollywood will be crack-tacular!

April 15, 2014By

You need to check out that trailer for Crackula Goes to Hollywood above! Crackula Goes to Hollywood looks fantastically amazing, and I hope the editing in the final film is done in the style of the trailer, because that’s unlike anything I have ever seen before. An Alaskan vampire with one tooth comes to Hollywood and starts chomping down on victims, unknowingly becoming addicted to the crack in their blood, and thus now only targets crack attics. And hijinks ensue. I can’t begin to explain how awesome the trailer is. It opens with “Hollywood’s most diverse film ever”. Alaskan Frontier cabin CRACK PARTY. Hollywood, baby, Hollywood. “What? A one-toothed vampire? That’s ridiculous!” Namedropping trickle-down theory. A crack rehab center handing out free crack to rich white people. And the final stinger of “Oh no, Crackula!”

Crackula Goes to Hollywood is the brainchild of Freddie Rhone, who is writing, directing, and producing. Freddie Rhone is a song writer and producer who formed Ruff Face Entertainment, which besides the cool-looking Crackula Goes to Hollywood, has two other films on its website, both documentaries about social justice – Redemption of the Welfare Queen and The Worlds Civil Rights Social Movement.

A mysterious man from Alaska, known to be from the dark side, becomes addicted to sucking crack blood. He single handedly ends up cleaning the streets of Hollywood of all crack users and drug dealers.

I cannot wait for this film! CAN! NOT! WAIT!
Official site (worth looking around)
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Zone Fighter GO! ファイター緊急発進
InTelevision Reviews

Zone Fighter Episode 17 – GO! Faitaa Kinkyuuhasshin

April 14, 2014By

Zone Fighter Episode 17 – GO! Faitaa Kinkyuuhasshin

aka GO! ファイター緊急発進 aka Go! Fighter Emergency Take off! aka Go! Fighter, Scramble
Zone Fighter GO! ファイター緊急発進
1973
Written by Satoshi Kurumi
Directed by Jun Fukuda
March of Godzilla 2014

Dancing with the Stars under the stars

Today we have a very special episode of Zone Fighter, because the star of our show isn’t the Zone Family, but their crap. Yes, the focus is on Smokey the spaceship and Mighty Liner the flying car. I guess the Garoga forgot about the other Zone Family spaceship, the Pandora Capsule. But you know about it because you read the Zone Fighter Splash Page, where all that stuff is listed!

Garoga laugh because they’re in space in a Garoga Spaceship that is now sucking up the Zone Family spaceship Smokey into their own larger ship and flying away. That’s actually a cool power, but instead of dismantling Smokey or lacing it with lots of bombs that will explode whenever a Zone person gets in it, they just move the ship to somewhere else.

Zone Fighter GO! ファイター緊急発進

Each week a different monster barfs on Zone Fighter. Because Zone Fighter’s a freak!


Hotaru is awake at night looking out the window and Akira talks to her…

Wait a minute, Akira and Hotaru share the same room, and even have bunk beds????? WTF???? In a prior episode Akira was sleeping in the room where the phone was, which is near the living room. AKira is like a hot potato they move from room to room I guess. No one likes Akira.

Anyway, they both had the same dream about Smokey, which just goes to show how lame you are when you dream about your spaceship, in a world where you use your spaceship every day, making it not unique, so it’s like dreaming about your mom’s minivan.

Zone Fighter GO! ファイター緊急発進

The hell kind of ending was that, How I Met Your Mother?


They fly up to where Smokey is parked…and it’s gone! But an outline of Smokey remains, which is weird. At first I thought it was one of their other craft cloaked, but it doesn’t match either one, only Smokey. Maybe it is a decoy put in place to not trip alarms. It’s too hard to figure out without subtitles, I guess this will always be a mystery until someone comments below 8 years later after subtitled DVDs have been out for years like I’m some sort of idiot for not knowing.

Hotaru and Akira know the Garoga are behind it, and go home to activate the tracking beacon of Smokey and find where the Garoga hid it, which turns out to be near the Tanzawa woods.

Zone Fighter GO! ファイター緊急発進

Madballs’ dark reboot!

Zone Fighter 恐怖の襲撃! ガロガロボット
InTelevision Reviews

Zone Fighter Episode 16 – Kyoufu-no Shuugeki! Garoga Robotto

April 13, 2014By

Zone Fighter Episode 16 – Kyoufu-no Shuugeki! Garoga Robotto

aka 恐怖の襲撃! ガロガロボット aka Counterstrike of Terror! Garoga-Robot! aka Terrifying Attack! The Garoga Robot
Zone Fighter 恐怖の襲撃! ガロガロボット
1973
Written by Susumu Takeuchi
Directed by Akiyasu Kikuchi
March of Godzilla 2014

Whoa, I drank waaaaaay too many V8s! Sorry, dude!

Zone Fighter returns because there are always more Zones to fight, be it the Twilight Zone or Commerce Zones in Sim City or the No Passing Zone, Zone Fighter will punch them all while grunting like a giant pervo. Today we have a very special episode that shows the Zone Family/Sakimoris think they are above the laws of Earth and endanger the lives of small children, including kidnapping. Sure, it turned out it was all part of a hideous Garoga plot, but they didn’t know that at the time! The Zone Family also shows a nice disregard for innocent casualties by blowing up a house in the middle of a neighborhood. This is in addition to all those fights they have with giant monsters in occupied cities. Of course, the Garoga are worse, but the Zones are only barely better at this point. If they didn’t have a theme song, the Zone family would be in jail right next to Baron Garoga. Find out the Zone Family’s crimes with the Zone Fighter Splash Page!

A kid named Hiroshi Teramura spots a meteor flying to earth via his telescope. Quick Quiz: Is Hiroshi wearing short shorts? A: YES! Of course he is. Pajama versions. Yeesh. Hiroshi is so excited about seeing the meteor, he bursts into his parents’ bedroom, which had the door shut, and his parents are moaning and groaning from just off camera, Hiroshi getting a look of horror on his face….

Zone Fighter 恐怖の襲撃! ガロガロボット

I’m not a mechanical horse!


No, he didn’t just see his parents banging, they’re tied up! That’s almost as bad. Almost. Garoga stroll out and are like “we’re in charge now, sucker!” and then hypnotize Hiroshi and start controlling his mind via remote control!

The Zone family discusses the meteorite crash – could it be Garoga? Everything is Garoga, you dolts! At this point, they should be blasting everything that even remotely looks like it came from space.

Zone Fighter 恐怖の襲撃! ガロガロボット

Zone Fighter shows the concern for human life that made him a hero!


The meteor from last night has been immediately taken from the impact site and put in a children’s museum with a box and sign already, and the only people there to look at it are a bunch of kids and Hikaru, Hotaru, and Akira (who is also a kid!) This sort of stretches plausibility, I guess scientists aren’t interested in a new huge mysterious meteor, nor worried it might have deadly levels of space radiation or something.
Zone Fighter 恐怖の襲撃! ガロガロボット

A Horta???

Fist of Fury RiffTrax
InRiffTrax

Fist of Fury is the new RiffTrax VOD!

April 11, 2014By

RiffTrax is out the gate with another VOD, and this one might prove a bit controversial with the cult movie crew as it’s Bruce Lee’s classic film Fist of Fury! You can almost see people lining up to be outraged that this classic film is being RiffTrax, because some people need to learn to relax a bit. If anything, a whole new group of people will see some awesome Bruce Lee moves and maybe become martial arts fans. It also means we’ve got another RiffTrax of a film I’ve already seen, but as usual I’ll be interested in the RiffTrax version. Once I catch up on the backlog. Fist of Fury RiffTrax is available on RiffTrax.com.

Our latest Video OnDemand is FIST OF FURY! The 1972 Bruce Lee classic! Not to be confused with Fists of Fury, or Jackie Chan’s New Fists of Fury, or Fist of Fury II starring Bruce Li (who himself is not to be confused with Bruce Lee). Oh and also, Fist of Fury is known by a couple other names, The Chinese Connection and The Iron Hand, don’t let that confuse you either! Here’s a good way to keep all these movies straight: this is the one where a guy named Bruce takes on a bunch of corrupt bad guys and kicks everyone’s butt real good. There, that clears it up, right?

It’s a good old-fashioned Hong Kong revenge story. Bruce’s martial arts teacher is killed by members of a rival martial arts school (spoiler: Bruce roars “TEACHERRRR!” at the thundering heavens quite a bit when he hears about this) and, wouldn’t you know it, decides to undertake a one-man mission of vengeance, pitting his Chinese school against their Japanese enemies. It’s kinda like the “slobs vs. snobs” setup of Caddyshack, except with a lot less gopher dancing and a lot more deep ethnic animosity. Fun!

So tense your whole body, make some strange bird sounds, punch a guy to death while you’re not even looking at him, and join Mike, Kevin and Bill for Fist of Fury!

Fist of Fury RiffTrax

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