Batbabe: The Dark Nightie
2009
Written by John Bacchus and Michael Raso
Directed by John Bacchus
Seduction Cinema strikes again, putting out two super-hero themed erotic parodies to cash in on the summer of the super-hero, the Iron Man parody The Insatiable IronBabe was the other. We’re focusing on Batbabe: The Dark Nightie this time out, because that’s the one we have a copy of!
One of the least erotic erotic movies I have ever seen, it is basically a parody film with naked chicks and dildos. Although I don’t think anyone was going into this expecting high art, there were probably some late night watchers who were expecting it to be a bit sexy. But Batbabe is not the type of softcore film you would be watching with your girlfriend or wife, it’s more of the film you watch alone, or with a group of guys. It does have plenty of lame jokes, and the entire film is just one long filthy joke. And there is an audience for that, so they get what they want. I believe there is a place in the world for films like Batbabe, and will not disparage the people who would watch it. Heck, we enjoyed Seduction Cinema’s Kinky Kong, but were less impressed with their outings Bikini Girls on Dinosaur Planet, Vampire Vixens, and That 70′s Girl.
One can probably go on a long essay about turning a dark film such as The Dark Knight into a softcore comedy, with the many themes or elements borrowed, missing, or twisted. But this will not be such an essay, because that essay would probably be boring and focus too much on The Dark Knight, a film that’s been analyzed to death by internet message boards.
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We echo the opening of The Dark Knight, as a group of masked goons are robbing a porn warehouse in Bacchum City. The Jerker is on a campaign to rob all the smut in town. He’s foiled as Batbabe arrives, complete with rough voice. Maybe a throat lozenge? Jerker escapes, as it’s too early in the film for him to be captured. He gets in his dildo-shaped helicopter which shoots down a LAPD chopper via masturbating to fire the sperm weapon. Yeah. This is an erotic movie, can you feel the eroticity?
DA Henrietta Bent interrogates a suspect. Via sex. If you remember The Dark Knight, you remember there was a meeting where all the mob bosses were. And it’s here as well, scepter the mob bosses are parodies of iconic Batman villains.
Attendees of the meeting of evil –
- A Black Clown Guy (I have no idea who this is supposed to be)
- King Slut – a parody of King Tut
- Ratwoman – Catwoman parody
- Mr. Sleaze – A Mr. Freeze clone doing an Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. The Mr. Sleaze moniker is even more appropriate now that we all know the Governator was fathering children outside of his marriage.
Jerker stole all their porn, then does the porn version of the disappearing pencil trick. You can probably imagine what that is. His plan is to return all the porn in one month, so all the sexually deprived guys will jerk it at the same time and flood the streets with spunk. Huh.
Jerker visits the strip club Wendy Wayne holds pole position at, and a mishap involving hot wings and self-pleasuring result in the Jerker getting reconstructive surgery down there, an a parody of the Burton Batman‘s mirror scene.
Commissioner Boredom is on the case to track down the lack of porn. No, wait, he’s sleeping! Bent yells at him, and they use the Batsignal and get Batbabe to help and set up a sting operation. They lure in the Jerker with signs for Live Nude Girls. We spend several minutes watching two pretty hot girls using a pool table in a manner that probably voids the warranty and ruins the felt.
Batbabe catches Jerker, but when she’s distracted by yelling at the sidekick Throbbin’ to get lost before he ruins another franchise, Jerker’s henchmen attack, and we go all 1960s Batman with word balloons during punches! Jerker escapes with box of porn while Batbabe takes one of his minions back to her place for some loving.
Bent spends time with some hot chick named Rachael Balls (played by Jackie Stevens) trying to find a home for a rabid dog, get engaged and then get engaged in lesbian sex.
Jerker then films himself jerking it and televises it everywhere, and tells the people that all the porn is at the community hospital. Everyone heads there and the hospital is destroyed in the porn chaos. Jerker threatens more porn atrocities unless Batbabe retires. She agrees, until Luscious gives her the “some men can’t be bargained with, just want to jerk it” speech. So instead she goes to a nudist gym to have sex with a random girl. Batbabe realizes she really loves Rachael Balls, but she has moved on and even leaves a note: “Get Bent”.
During the last sex scene and revelation, Jerker has managed to put Bacchum City to flames. As Jerker grabs Bent (who is cheating on Rachael with another girl), he utters “You ever bopped the baloney in the pale moonlight?” Batbabe arrives before we get an answer, and Jerker escapes via his copter. Batbabe flies after by flapping her arms, and Jerker’s rapid jerking causes the copter to explode and crash into the river, making porn rain down on the city. Jerker’s hands are broken and he can’t jerk. He’s left to beg people for handjobs, but the public is not happy with him, to say the least.
Then Batbabe has sex with Mr. Sleaze, still wearing his rubber Arnold mask and making awful Arnold impressions while they’re getting it on. This probably produced yet another illegitimate kid. On the bright side, we’ll be able to do another 100 Terminator films. On the other hand, that’s 100 more awful Terminator sequels…
Batbabe: The Dark Nightie is part of our Batmania series
Rated 3/10 (It’s Seduction Time!, clownsuit goons, My governor made me proud…to have not voted for him!)
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