2011 Written by Tina Hawthorne
Directed by David Nichols
I’m too cool for school, and too cool for school reunions!
It’s high school reunion time! Remember your high school reunion, when it was basically a big orgy… Oh, wait, no high school reunion is like that. Except the one in Naughty Reunion! If you’re like me, then you already keep in contact with people you liked from high school thanks to the magic of Facebook and email, thus making high school reunions something to not even bother caring about. I don’t really care how bald and fat everyone I didn’t like got, because high school is high school and I’m an adult.
There is a recurring fantasy of people returning to high school reunions as successful and finally getting that hot girl who is somehow still hot and yet strangely single years later. Naughty Reunion brings that up to 11, as everyone is back to get with someone from high school, even if they don’t outright say they are (and the majority of the characters just say it out loud and proud!) Naughty Reunion does try to say a few things about how people are more than the stereotypes they were in high school. Jax is a bad boy, but also a master mechanic and autocad specialist. Dale is the popular jock with massive insecurities about not accomplishing anything on his own. Kelly is the popular girl who just wants to be popular….okay, maybe everyone doesn’t escape their assigned role. In fact, the general roles helps because everyone will begin to associate themselves with some of the characters or see their friends reflected in them. That’s one of the reasons stories have such diverse friends who wouldn’t associate in real life.
Slightly Bad Knievel!
Jax plays the part of an amoral narrator in addition to his sleazy bad boy act. This allows him to both riff on the various other characters while still being charming enough to be a believable personality. It has the added effect of making a tough personality like his more likable as we spend more time with him. Jax’s boning of so many women also gives him a big brother advice role for the other two guys who each have a particular woman in mind. Much of the dialogue in Naughty Reunion feels like a play. Characters get all expositional at times, almost figuring out their life as we do. And there are random saxophone blasts to punctuate certain emotions, sort of like a gut laugh track. While Naughty Reunion will never be on anyone’s favorite list, it does have enough “will they or won’t they?” that we can’t be quite sure who will end up with who.
There was trouble when Dale insulted the circle cushion couch!
Jax Whitley (Dale DaBone) – Bad boy gone bad who also designs high end street bikes. Is bad, and just wants to go to the reunion to pump and dump Marley Clark as revenge. Acts as our unofficial narrator. Is bad. Dale DaBone was Alex Trebeck in This Ain’t Jeopardy! XXX
Marley Clark (Jayden Cole) – Smart girl who didn’t socialize much with anyone in high school. Reacts to being called frigid by being the total opposite of frigid. Is seemingly the only person who came to the reunion without the intention to have sex with someone. Jayden Cole is also in Bikini Frankenstein and Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros.
Kelly Ellis (Melessia Hayden as Melissa Jacobs) – Former cheerleader and popularity queen. Keeps up the popularity by getting it on with everyone she can. She must be popular, and declares as much. Melessia Hayden is also in Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders and the classic film Execs Snared in Rope and Silenced with Tape.
Dale Camden (Gino Santos) – Football jock and popular student, who has since moved on to owning his own tile store that is basically run by his dad while he does nothing. Is frustrated about all that, but doesn’t bother to do anything about it until he monologues at the reunion.
Taylor Cassidy (Erika Jordan) – The quiet girl who comes out of her shadow to go after he old crush Dale. She’s also conspiring with Chester to try to turn him into Kelly dating material. Erika Jordan is also in Baby Dolls Behind Bars and Dirty Blondes from Beyond.
Chester Ford (Ryan McLane) – Ryan Styles?? No, wait, this is Ryan McLane. A geeky kid from woodshop who spent the past decade turning into a normal person so he can snag Kelly as a girlfriend, thanks to tips from Taylor. As required by law, his nickname is “the Molester.”
Sonia (Daisy Marie) – Her boyfriend Mike is taking her to Hawaii, so she misses the reunion. But she does manage to give Jax a goodbye session for old times sake.
So I was like, that back seat was stained when I rented the car, buddy!
2007 Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
We got x-ray specs that work (unlike those ripoffs in the back of comic books when we were kids) as the basis of another entry into Fred Olen Ray’s Bikini films. The rest of the film falls into a secret agent category that is also visited in Bikini movies The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I. and Bikini Royale. I guess spies and bikinis go hand and hand. The title refers to the film The Man with the X-Ray Eyes, and Fred Olen Ray has also directed The Kid with X-ray Eyes starring Justin Berfield.
We remember late night Cinemax fun time as kids, a tradition still alive even with many Cinemax channels to chose from. Kids these days are too spoiled with their 15 Cinemaxes upping the odds of seeing boobs before 3am. Plus, they have the Internet for instant access. Still, movies like this have their charm, and the best thing is, they are entertaining. Too bad so many other films don’t meet that one little requirement of entertainment. For shame.
Let’s get down and dirty, shall we?
Taffy (Nicole Sheridan) – A stripper with a heart of gold and a brain the size of a walnut. Luckily, she has her man Eddie to watch out for her. Accidentally winds up with the x-ray glasses, which gets her tangled in the middle of spies, creepy dudes, Las Vegas, threesomes, and sinister vixens. Nicole Sheridan has been seen here in Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Agent Richardson (Brad Bartram) – A secret government agent who procures the x-ray glasses, only to lose them by accident. He spends the rest of the film making up for his mistake. Brad Bartram was seen here in Ghost in a Teeny Bikini and Bikini Airways.
Eddie (Voodoo as Alexandre Boisvert) – Eddie is Taffy’s man, and the brains behind the partnership. Is also known to dress as wealthy Middle Eastern men with ridiculous accents. A fan of Vegas. Voodoo’s hair seems to changer every movie, but this one is the most ridiculous so far, with a highlighted fauxhawk or something. I am waiting for him to show up in a complete Mr. T do. He has been seen here in Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Mao Myx (Shannon Kelly) – Mao Myx is the evil mastermind who conspires to steal the x-ray glasses to sell to the highest bidder. To keep from losing out on Ebay fees, she just brokers the deals herself. Shannon Kelly is not the world’s best actress, but looks to be having fun when she is saying the evil dialogue. One of her adult film titles is Oh No! There’s a Negro in My Mom!, which the title alone justifies listing here.
Largo (Evan Stone) – Evan Stone is once again in a goofy costume, this time with goggles and mismatched gloved. He actually looks pretty darn creepy, but luckily sheds some of the creepy gear when he is getting it on, because otherwise the film would veer into scary German porn territory. And no one wants that. There should be a movie where Evan Stone plays all the weird characters he has played in the Bikini films, but such a film would be so crazily awesome the universe would implode.
Kelly (Christine Nguyen) – A blackjack dealer met in Vegas. What goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas. What goes in Kelly leaves and enters Kelly rapidly because they are body parts of Taffy and Eddie. Christine Nguyen was seen here in Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena, and will be seen again soon!
Natasha Rubikoff (Demi Delia) – Russian agent who delivered the x-ray glasses to Agent Richardson, and was thus imprisoned in Mao Myx’s basement dungeon. Aides in the escape, then skedaddles. Demi Delia is also an adult actress.
Massage Girl (Daisy Marie) – When you are an evil mastermind chick, it is tense, so you need to relax. And there is no better way to relax than a massage followed by lesbian sex. Enter the Massage Girl. You are probably not surprised to learn that Daisy Marie is yet another adult actress.