Posts tagged "Crystal Sky"

Crystal Sky to destroy cinema, babies

Crystal Sky announced their upcoming features, and they’ve done it: They’ve ruined cinema. Sorry, movies, you had a good run, but three more Baby Geniuses films is enough to force everyone to television…where they’ll be forced to watch the Baby Geniuses tv series.

You might think I am joking, but I am not. The Baby Geniuses trilogy (3, 4, and 5) has been filmed and is in post production. Jon Voight returns for all three installments, and his buddy Bratz director Sean McNamara helmed all three. I don’t know who directed the 13 episodes of the tv series, perhaps Satan had some free time on his schedule.

Not wanting Baby Geniuses to be the low point of their presentation, Crystal Sky also announced plans for Dracula: The 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse. If you think that sounds like a title for tween girls to swoon over another brooding pale guy, you don’t know tween girls, and are also working for Crystal Sky, because that’s the point. As the explanation goes:

“It’s the first installment in a franchise about a young, romantic Prince of Darkness, his Army of the Undead and a series of events that shake Transylvania to its core,” said Paul, who calls the vampires “the bad boys” of their time. He said the intent is to create a Twilight-type franchise, which will spin off movie after movie in years to come.

Currently no one is cast as Dracula or his fellow bad boys, but Pearry Reginald Teo is directing.

Don’t worry, there are more films coming! Tekken: Rise of the Tournament is a prequel to Tekken, which was awful awful awful. But don’t worry, this one will be directed by Prachya Pinkaew (Ong Bak, Tom-Yum-Goong, Chocolate) which means it could be awesome awesome awesome. I don’t know if I’m able to process this radical shift in fortunes. Hopefully it will be a GI Joe 2, where the second film looks like it will rule.

Crystal Sky also has a giant dog franchise starting with Chilly Christmas. Trust me, there is a giant dog in the film according to the plot synopsis. This is another franchise attempt, and will probably have a better chance than the Dracula film. The world needs more giant dogs. C. Thomas Howell, Tom Arnold and Brooke Langton star, while Gregory Poppen directs.

The official position is a wary excitement for Tekken: Rise of the Tournament, and acceptance of Chilly Christmas even though we’ll probably not watch it.

Baby-Geniuses-2--Super-Babies

The original babies now have babies...

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - May 20, 2012 at 9:59 pm

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