Foodfight! will make you hate animation, food

[adrotate banner=”1″]Look at that! Just look at it.

Foodfight! is a name animation fans hear about once every two years, get confused about where they heard it, see and remember the images and promo trailer, and then laugh and laugh until the film news disappears for another two years. But the joke will finally be on us, as Foodfight! inches closer to getting a legitimate release. On DVD. In Europe.

For those of you who might be unfamiliar with Foodfight! (which is probably a lot of you as Foodfight! is really obscure), here is the story. In 2000, Larry Kasanoff decided he could do animated movies better than Pixar. So he got in a car with his buddy and drove around until they found an idea. I guess his wife also had him pick up some milk, because the idea turned out to be a supermarket, and all the products coming alive during the night. It was a detective story where Dex Dogtective and friends like to dance and have fun at the Copbanana club, until the mysterious Brand X moves next door. Kasanoff got a bunch of companies to pay for product placement (Charlie the Tuna, Mr. Clean, Cap’n Crunch, Chester Cheetah, Twinkie the Kid, the Energizer Bunny, the Brawny paper towel guy, and many more) and Threshold Entertainment was born! Foodfight! was targeted for a 2005 release (with distribution by Lions Gate), and Kasanoff was quoted bragging about how his animators were networked from all over the globe. There was also going to be a 3D animated prequel series called Foodfight!: The Adventures of Dex Dogtective.

But 2005 came and went with no release. 2006 came and went with no release. Fall 2007 was announced as the release time, but that also came and went with no Foodfight! In 2010, merchandise for Foodfight! was found at a store, but the film was still AWOL and no one had heard a peep since 2007. That article is also great because some of the animators show up to describe their experiences and about how little of the film was completed. According to the stories, the hard drives containing the film’s files were stolen in Christmas 2002.

Eventually, things fell apart even more, and in 2011 you could purchase what was completed of the film at auction! It looks like Boulevard Entertainment was the lucky winner, paying around $2.5 million (for a film rumored to have $50 million production costs) and dumping this thing on DVD. With a website that says “©2012 Fireman’s Fund Insurance Company.” Surely, quality, quality stuff.

So let’s quote the official site to bloat up this article even longer:

Charlie Sheen, Hilary Duff, Eva Longoria and Christopher Lloyd lend their unmistakable voices
to this computer-animated tale of a supermarket that ‘springs to life’ after the doors have been locked
and the workers have all gone home. When the lights are turned out chaos reigns for the ‘products’ in
this grocery store. The grocery store transforms into a city, and from every door of this city comes
two types of characters: well-known marketing icons and new characters…

This full-length CGI Movie features character/products including; Dex Dogtective (Charlie Sheen),
Sunshine Goodness (Hilary Duff) and Daredevil Dan (Wayne Brady). They all hang out at the Copa-
Banana in the produce section, but trouble is brewing within this bustling metropolis. When the villainous
Lady X (Eva Longoria) arrives in town with her Brand X minions, the brand-named products start to get
a little hot under the label. As sleuthing U.S.D.A. (United Supermarkets Defense Association) –
Dex Dogtective teams up with flying stunt squirrel Daredevil Dan and the beautiful Sunshine Goodness
to uncover the truth about these unmarked invaders, it begins to appear that the only way to fend off
the dreaded Brand X is to engage them in an all-out, no-holds-barred FoodFight!…

(please note that this is the second official site, as Threshold Entertainment’s original site is as dead as the dream to make Pixar 2.0 is.)

One thing that is weird is seeing who was hot way back in 2000, and knowing what their careers have done since then. Some have had almost as crazy a ride as Foodfight! I do think that Sunshine Goodness will become a cult figure among crazed furries, so they got that going for them.

Stories about Foodfight! dating back to 2000!


Woola and Tars Tarkas – new John Carter images for your eyeballs

[adrotate banner=”1″]John Carter (of Mars, dammit!) dropped six more images over this holiday weekend to ensure no one was paying attention as we’re all turkey drunk and yelling at our relatives. But for those of you who have sobered up and kicked out grandma, here are the six new photos, featuring John Carter, Dejah Thoris, Tars Tarkas, and even Woola:

John Carter Airship

John Carter

John Carter of Gondola

John Carter Dejah Thoris

Thrill as John Carter says stuff to Dejah Thoris!

John Carter

Sorry, the CGI of my ride ain't finished yet!

Woola John Carter

It's Baaaaaacon!

Tars Tarkas John Carter

No one turns Tars Tarkas into a piano except me!


John Carter vs White Ape

[adrotate banner=”1″]A still of John Carter from John Carter (of Mars, dammit!) fighting a White Ape has showed up on Entertainment Weakly’s blog (spelled incorrectly on purpose because I’m a jerk!)

I am glad that they kept the scale of the White Apes accurate (the cover art on the books rarely has the apes big enough), but for a true confession: I went to the theater recently and the John Carter trailer started playing. I had no idea what it was and got bored and stopped paying attention until i realized it was the John Carter trailer I saw months ago. It just doesn’t have that excitement of trailers that are awesome. Maybe I’m just being overly jaded from decades of disappointment from entertainment. Or maybe I’m a big jerk! Oh, well. So enjoy this picture of a huge monkey!

John Carter fights White Ape

That's not what I meant by "On like Donkey Kong!"

Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked

Yes, another Alvin and the Chipmunks film is coming down the pipes, into your toilet. Because it will be complete crap. But it looks like the marketing department took notes from the Muppets fake trailers and decided to release on of their own, a riff on Titanic:

Eh, not quite there yet, Alvin Marketing Department! Maybe you should ask for a hula-hoop for Christmas instead of another awful sequel.

And check out this original poster!
Alvin and the Chipmunks ChipWrecked
It is totally unique and not a lazy reuse of existing art…
Alvin and the Chipmunks the Squeakquel
[adrotate banner=”1″]

Mike Myers to voice in CGI/Live Action Cat Rape – The Movie!

[adrotate banner=”1″]Oh, wait, it’s not Cat Rape, it’s Pepe Le Pew. Who tries to rape cats. But in a cartoon that’s acceptable, while in real life a CGI monstrosity trying to force his pixels all over an innocent cat might not play that well. Also expect about a billion French jokes about our favorite cheese-eating surrender monkeys – Unless Mike Myers decides to make him Scottish too for some reason. At least it looks like Mike Myers became enough of box office poison he can’t do any more live action films, but the realm of cartoons is still cursed.

Hear that? It's the sound of something that won't work in live action!

CGI Cartoon Terminator movie with minimum violence coming soon!

[adrotate banner=”1″]Because when you think of the Terminator, you think of cartoons and minimum violence. Maybe the CGI Governator will be driving around with a cap gun. Maybe Skynet will be like Cobra in the GI Joe cartoons and do wacky schemes to try to take over the world via hypnosis or shady real estate deals. All done out of a computer-shaped secret island volcano base. And I will bet you real money that this film will get released in 3D.

I'll be bawk bawk bawk!

Terminator 3000

Story details for “Terminator 3000” are being kept under close wraps, but the writers and production team have a stated goal of minimizing violence in order to obtain a PG-13 level of material.

EDIT: Oh, SNAP! Cease and desist action on this CGi cartoon! We got us a lawsuit fight over who is the real Terminator owner!