[adrotate banner=”1″]RiffTrax has a new VOD flick, the crazed Chuck Norris trucker movie Breaker Breaker! See noted delusional homophobe Chuck Norris drive trucks, wrestle arms, and not have a mustache. Also there is probably a plot or something about rescuing his brother and some TV dinners, but who gives a crap about the plot? I’ve come for the hot trucking action, and I will get me some hot trucking action!

Breaker breaker good buddy! We got a bear in the air on 95 going north, a bear in the grass on route 50, with Brother and Sister Berenstain Bear running a checkpoint for icons in the bear community over by the bear shop, so buckle your bearbelt, step on the bear pedal and get ready to haul some bears. We don’t know much about trucker slang here at RiffTrax, but we gather that roughly 98% of it is bear based.

In Breaker! Breaker!, Chuck Norris, star of the jokes from 2007 that your lamest uncle is just now finding out about and preparing to forward to you, stars as a trucker who is also a champion arm wrestler. It’s like Over The Top only with slightly less confusion about the hero’s last name.

Chuck’s brother is making his first ever trucking delivery, and his cargo is several hundred frozen TV dinners. His routine haul goes awry when his truck is attacked by lonely men in search of cheap, barely edible food-like substances. Actually, he’s captured by the citizens of a rogue town of drunken hicks led by the delightfully Kelsey Grammer-esque Judge Trimmings.

Chuck must go in search of his missing mustache, and also his brother. To rescue him, he’ll need to very slowly kick some butt, due to the lack of mobility afforded by his denim jacket/pants combo. Fortunately, he’s got an ace up his sleeve: all his trucker pals who are apparently willing to kill dozens of people and destroy an entire town based on one CB radio message from an anonymous source reporting that a guy who they’ve seen arm wrestle once or twice is apparently in some sort of trouble.

It’s a tale full of moonshine, hillbillies and sweet airbrushed eagles on the sides of vans. Mike, Kevin and Bill 86 the tuna, get the six top seated and give the blue plate special wings (trucker slang) in one of Chuck Norris’ finest mustache-less films, Breaker! Breaker!

Any sales pitch that attacks Chuck Norris jokes is a sales pitch I can get behind.