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InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Zone Fighter Episode 10 – Zettaizetsumei! Zoonfaitaa

March 3, 2012By

Zone Fighter Episode 10 – Zettaizetsumei! Zoonfaitaa

aka Zone Fighter Annihilated! aka Zone Fighter Destroyed!

1973
March of Godzilla 2012
Written by Motoo Nagai
Directed by Akiyasu Kikuchi

The title promises Zone Fighter destroyed? We can only hope… Because this isn’t anywhere near the last episode, so we know he didn’t die. Unfortunately, Zone Fighter is only destroyed by a mix of the Japanese Energy Crisis and bland ratings. What we do get are two monsters, a goofy gimmick, and Zone Fighter attempting to be creative. Which sort of works, but not well enough.

The dangers of cell phone radiation can’t be overstressed!

We got Shipudoro (& Tyler too!), a monster so lame that Zone Fighter doesn’t even bother to murder him. There is also Shadorah, who is connected to Zone Fighter in an intimate way. But that doesn’t stop him from getting brutally killed, as the crazed Zone Fighter continues to collect the scalps of anything that passes his way. If you are confused by anything in the Zone Fighter universe, check out the Zone Fighter Splash Page so all your questions can be answered.

Y-M-C-A!

The Garogas send a big orb to menace Zone Fighter, which he just shoots and it blows up. Of course it is all a trick as we’ll see later, but for now let’s continue with the story. The Zone family is suspicious but ignores what happens until Hikaru notices his shadow is now all wobbly and weird.

I’m not the Transformer Repungus, stop asking!

No time for doctor examinations, a monster is attacking the city! It’s Shipudoro, who is like a weirdo octopus.

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Zone Fighter Episode 09 – Oe! Reddosupaidaa-no Himitsu

April 22, 2011By

Zone Fighter Episode 09 – Oe! Reddosupaidaa-no Himitsu

aka Search for the Secret of the Red Spider! aka Find the Secret of the Red Spider!

1973
Directed by Kengo Furusawa
Written by Juro Shimamoto

Zone Fighter is back and he’s on a murder spree! Zone Fighter and the rest of the Zone Family have come to kill innocent animals that the Garoga have infected. Curing them is not an option, only MUUUURDER!

We at TarsTarkas.NET do not condone murder, especially of innocent animals. We however do condone the murder of the Zone Family, and are officially Team Garoga! Now, if you’re reading these in chronological order, we’ve skipped a few. That’s entirely the fault of the disks, because technology is dumb. What happened in those missing two episodes? Probably nothing important. In any event, if you are confused as to who’s-who in the Zone Fighter universe, check out the Zone Fighter Splash Page for all your questions to be answered.

Hikaru Sakimori (aka Zone Fighter) still hasn’t bothered to kill all the Garoga, and instead is just sitting around Earth chasing Garoga signals. Lazy, lazy Zone.

Holy crap, a foot long red spider! Flying in the air on it’s web or something. It’s Creepies all over again! The spider floats to a truck just sitting at the side of the road…

Garoga agents! Hikaru gets into a big fight with them. The Zone Fighter theme plays, it’s all very Zone-ish. But Hikaru hasn’t bothered to turn into Zone Fighter, because he’s lazy, and although he’s kicking their butts, Zone realizes he needs to transform to sell more toys.

The Zone Family gets a signal and transform to go help. The Garoga attack with black and white candy cane weapons! Weapons they are too dumb to use properly and soon the Zone Family have grabbed their candy canes and are killing them with their own weapons.

The Garoga goons taunt that their spider is evil, and then run away. Why you would yell that as a taunt I have no idea, as it’s stupid! Way to spoil your plans, Team Garoga. We’re no longer Team Garoga, as both teams are stupid.

But the Zone family doesn’t bother to stop or attack the spider RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM and instead they go back home to ask Grandpa Zone what is up. Okay, that’s so stupid we’re back on Team Garoga!

Zone Figther King Ghidorah Episode 6
InTelevision Reviews

Zone Fighter Episode 06 – Kingugidora-no Gyakushuu!

April 9, 2011By

Zone Fighter Episode 06 – Kingugidora-no Gyakushuu!

aka King Ghidorah’s Counterattack!

1973

Directed by Jun Fukuda
Written by Juro Shimamoto and Akira Ishikari

We don’t need no stinking…subtitles? This episode has subtitles??? OMG OMG OMG! Looks like somewhere, somehow, I picked up a copy of Episode 6 that was fansubbed! Now we will know what is going on….and how boring it is! WoooOOOOooOOOOO!!!!111 Oh…and it’s a VHS rip of someone who took the DVD and transferred it to VHS for reasons unknown, so enjoy the terrible screencaps! If I had to suffer through them, so will you. MuHAHAHAHA! Evil Tars has spoken. And these screencaps will just get stolen by those thieving bastards at the Godzilla Wiki anyway, like many other images from TarsTarkas.NET.

Catch up with Zone Fighter on the Zone Fighter Splash Page.

Meteor Man Zone, why is your theme song talking about smashing Garoga’s ambitions? Why not just kill them? They are evil, and you have no qualms about murdering all their enslaved monsters…

So the scientists from last weeks episode were inventing a Blue-Green system to reduce CO2 and radiation emissions in the air, making this show pre-Al Gore awesome. But, of course, the Garoga are in league with evil billionaire conservative businessmen and their Global Warming denialism, so they send King Ghidorah to wipe out the Blue-Green System. BOOOOO!!!!!

I am not sure why in the last episode they kept making reference to blue-green while firing weapons at King Ghidorah that made me think it was the weapons that were called that, but, whatever, these shows don’t really have that much internal consistency in the first place!

Remember, last we saw Zone Fighter, he had lured King Ghidorah into space because that is totally a good plan to lure a space monster into space to fight there. Zone Fighter has the power to speak in the vacuum of space!

Zone Figher King Ghidorah Episode 5
InTelevision Reviews

Zone Fighter Episode 05 – Kingugidora-wo Mukaeutsu!

April 8, 2011By

Zone Fighter Episode 05 – Kingugidora-wo Mukaeutsu!

aka Blast King Ghidorah at Point Blank! aka Attack King Ghidorah!

1973

Directed by Jun Fukuda
Written by Juro Shimamoto and Akira Ishikari

King Ghidorah???? Now we’re getting somewhere! Zone Fighter has been on an upward swing, what with Godzilla showing up before, and now the beginning of a two-part epic with King Ghidorah now. But just because famous Toho monsters show up doesn’t mean things are any good. So let’s get our Zone on and check it out! Remember, we don’t need no stinking subtitles! Those of you who need a catch up on the Zone Fighter phenomenon are invited to visit the splash page.


Are the Garogas getting yelled at by a Dalek??? No, wait, that’s just some random machinery and Baron Garoga is yelling at them. Lame. I demand Daleks! They fire a missile…and it explodes into King Ghidorah!

Some scientists are doing SCIENCE! when suddenly Takeru Jou bursts in ranting like a raving lunatic! Oddly enough, they don’t listen to crazy mofos who burst into the lab screaming and kick him out.

Jets attempt to attack King Ghidorah but explode before they reach him for reasons I don’t know at this time. Takeru Jou goes to the Zone family to explain (where he should have went in the first place!) and the director of this episode is all about extreme closeups as people talk. The fashions in this Zone Fighter are more 1970s than ever before, with Hikaru wearing and orange collared shirt, darker orange pants and a blue plaid flannel jacket. Sister Hotaru wears what looks like some hippie dress with in white with a flower pattern, and Akira has a goofy blue shirts with checkered collar and trim and powder blue shortpants, because we can’t be without shortpants ever!

Garoga dudes have captured the scientists Takeru Jou was talking to earlier and forced them into motorcycle helmets with antennas on them. I have no idea. Torture helmets? This is why Zone Fighter keeps winning, Garogas, because your plans are dumb!

Wargilgar Zone Fighter Episode 4
InTelevision Reviews

Zone Fighter Episode 04 – Raishuu! Garoga Dai Gundan – Gojira Toujou –

April 6, 2011By

Zone Fighter Episode 04 – Raishuu! Garoga Dai Gundan – Gojira Toujou –

aka Onslaught! The Garoga Army: Enter Godzilla! aka Invasion! Garoga’s Grand Army – Godzilla Appears –

1973

Directed by Ishiro Honda
Written by Shozo Uehara

Finally Godzilla’s supposed to show up, right? his name is in the freaking episode! This is old school silly Godzilla, around the time of Gigans, Megalons, and defending the earth from whatever stupid alien is attacking it.

Huzzah! He’s in the preview before the episode! Wooooo! First the theme song:

Zone…Zone…Zone…baka baka baka…eats toliet paper…Zone Fighto!

The Zone Family sees another meteor so goes to investigate, and there Takeru gets beat up by a remote control airplane. Yes, I write the truth. Then Takeru beats up the guy flying the remote control airplane. There is a lot of remote control violence in this episode!

But Hotaru knows this dude from back on Peaceland! He’s another Peaceland survivor named Sachio, and although everyone is suspicious because he’s a violent model airplane assaulter, he gets invited home for dinner by Hotaru.

Later Wargilgar appears! Zone Fighter quickly grows up to fight him. New Zone Fighter special moves include some sort of rainbow doorway that stops Wargilgar’s fire breath briefly. Wargilgar has fire breath that looks very dangerous and also has a double-barreled shotgun come out of its mouth and shoots at Zone Fighter. They fight for a while until Sachio materializes a ray gun that blasts Wargilgar into nothing!

All too easy!

Zone Fighter Episode 3
InTelevision Reviews

Zone Fighter Episode 03 – Tatake! Garoga-no Chitei-kichi

April 5, 2011By

Zone Fighter Episode 03 – Tatake! Garoga-no Chitei-kichi

aka Defeat Garoga’s Subterranean Base! aka Strike! Garoga’s Underground Base

1973

Directed by Ishiro Honda
Written by Masaru Takesue

Zone Fighter Episode 3 is here, and like the rest it is weird and unsubtitled. So we don’t need no stinking subtitles, but you might need to read the Zone Fighter Splash Page to get caught up with the series if you are unfamiliar.

Blah blah Peaceland got Alderaned the frak up, the Garogas followed the Zone family to Earth, and now this planet is in danger because the Zone Family only thinks about saving their own skin.

A third guest star kid in as many episodes is Akira’s new best friend. What is with this kid, he can’t keep a friend longer than one episode? And yes, this new kid named Momo has tiny shorts.

Garogas kill a dude via gas in a can that his car runs over and vaporizes the car! Why not do this to the Zone Family? (Because as we see later the guy isn’t killed, only teleported to the Secret Underground Base of the title!)

The Garoga have a Secret Underground Base with mushroom-shaped buildings on Mt. Fuji that isn’t really underground all that much. Maybe it has deep basements, and that’s the secret. I haven’t been this disappointed since I found out Monster Island was a peninsula!

Some Japanese Arab Shieks are in town, and the Zone Family impersonates them as a lure for the Garoga. Are Japanese Arab Shieks that common? I’m leaning towards no.

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