Here is a bunch of RiffTrax news that never made it to the site. If you haven’t heard of this, it’s news to you!
RiffTrax launched a Kickstarter to get enough money to deliver a comically large check to Summit Entertainment in order to get the rights to riff Twilight in theaters during one of their RiffTrax Live events. They’ve already zoomed past their goal but extra money means more money they can wave in front of Summit and Lionsgate. Fallback is to get something almost as awesome. Disclaimer: I will probably donate to this Kickstarter to get a bunch of the digital goodies.
Speaking of RiffTrax and Twilight, the RiffTrax for Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 has appeared! Praise the Volturi! The Twilight RiffTrax are among the most funniest they do, and I’m looking forward to this one!
“You see, son, sometimes, when a shirtless teenage werewolf and a newborn love each other, very, very much…” Baby girlfriends! International squads of vampires with a host of mutant superpowers that should be blood in the water to Marvel’s legal department! A final, epic showdown between the forces of vampire “evil” and vampire “meh, whatever”! All that sounds amazing, right! It’s what we’ve been building to for four movies, right??? Like, something’s finally gonna happen! RIGHT??????
Ah ha ha haaaa, remarkable. Believing this series would pay off in any way… to paraphrase Twilight: New Moon songstress Lykke Li, “There’s no posssibilityyyyyy.” This movie is mostly about an extended vampire family gathering to show support for Bella, its newest, most insipid and simpering member. Because that’s why people love vampires — to see them form coalitions of understanding, and talk out their differences.
But there’s hope, in the form of effete ancient men in red – that’s right, more Volturi than ever before! And the great Michael Sheen offering a cackle of delight so extraordinary that the petition to make it part of his eventual Oscar death reel should begin NOW.
Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill as they hide in the mustache of Mustache Dad for one last journey into the land of vampire sensitivity, Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2!
If you prefer your riffs presynched and starring white rappers from the 90s, does RiffTrax have a deal for you, as their latest VOD film is Cool As Ice!
Vanilla Ice’s album To The Extreme sold fifteen million copies. It is important to keep this in mind while you watch Cool As Ice, because at some point in time, you will inevitably shriek at the TV, “Who thought this was a good idea? How did this happen? Are they really trying to make ‘yep yep’ his catchphrase? Why???” And the answer to most of those questions is: Vanilla Ice’s album To The Extreme sold fifteen million copies.
Vanilla Ice (That’s My Boy, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret Of The Ooze) stars as a troubled French missionary volunteering at a refugee camp in the Sudan we’re just kidding he plays a white rapper. The only stretch he gives his acting abilities is playing a character named “Johnny” instead of his real name. At this moment, we will point out for the record that his hilarious real name is Robert Van Winkle.
The sleepy little town that Vanilla rides his motorcycle through is not prepared for his chillaxed baditude and funky fresh fashions. Or perhaps they are just stunned that in a movie whose entire reason for existence is the star had a wildly popular album, none of the songs from said wildly popular album make an appearance. No Ice Ice Baby. No Play That Funky Music. Not even Havin’ A Roni. In fact, there is not even the vaguest hint that there was even a Roni anywhere to be Had on the set of Cool As Ice.
Despite the lack of Ronis, Cool As Ice is still one of the finest looking bad movies of all time. This is because the director of photography went on to do the cinematography for films such as Schindler’s List, Saving Private Ryan and Lincoln. That’s right, a mere three years after Janusz Kaminski made sure that Vanilla Ice’s Stussy shirt was properly lit during the construction site frolicking scene, he was finding the right lens to shoot Liam Neeson’s “I could have got more” speech in Schindler’s List.
It is perhaps the only movie that is more 90s than the entirety of VH1s I Love The 90s series. Stop, collaborate and listen as Mike, Kevin and Bill team up to riff Cool As Ice.
