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Grave Halloween and Zombie Night spook out SyFy!

Our good friends at SyFy (SciFi Channel for all you retronauts!) are bringing us some more original movie premieres that will blow. Your mind. Maybe.

Saturday October 19th brings us Grave Halloween!

An American college student studying in Japan risks her own life to save the spirit of her dead mother who killed herself in the notorious real-life Suicide Forest. Grave Halloween stars Cassie Thomson (Big Love) and Graham Wardle (Supernatural).

Grave Halloween was originally known as The Last Halloween, but not any more! Check out the IMDB for proof. This synopsis is all we know so far about Grave Halloween. I do notice they didn’t mention Kaitlyn Leeb, aka the three-breasted hooker from the remake of Total Recall. I wonder why… There is a large Asian cast, unusual for a SyFy flick, but welcome, even though the main characters don’t seem to be Asian.

Next up is Zombie Night on Saturday, October 26th.

Two families in a small American town face off against zombies in a long night of horror, torn between helping each other and saving themselves. Zombie Night stars Darryl Hannah (Kill Bill), Anthony Michael Hall (The Breakfast Club) and Shirley Jones (The Partridge Family).

Why does that press release not mention Alan Ruck is also in Zombie Night? He’s Cameron, for crying out loud! More info on the IMDB, where you can see the amazing cast for this film. The director is John Gulager, director of Piranha 3DD.

Both films are part of the “31 Days of Halloween” Scare-a-Thon, so be scared or some SyFy exec will get fired.

There are no images to go along with this press release, so enjoy this photo of a Sexy Sea Turtle costume from Yandy.com, guaranteed to be culturally more terrifying than either of these films!

Sexy Sea Turtle Costume

Scarecrow haunts SyFy Saturday!

Scarecrow SyFy

Fine, we’ll read Twilight! Just call off the Scarecrow..


Saturday, October 5th brings the premier of the SyFy original Scarecrow! And it’s more than just a previously used horror title, it’s also got Robin Dunn! And Lacey Chabert, but she’s not a SyFY master like Robin Dunn (Species III, Beyond Sherwood Forest) Let’s also welcome back Nicole Muñoz of Chupacabra vs. The Alamo fame!

For generations, it was an urban legend that lived in the nightmares of children. Now, the season to rejuvenate the tale will revive a town’s darkest fears. With the Scarecrow Festival on the horizon, school teacher Aaron Harris is doling out punishment for six students serving detention, including the moody Tyler, Goth girl Nikki, wrestling team captain Daevon, and straight-A student Jun. Their task: help Aaron’s girlfriend Amanda fix her family farm before it’s sold. But the cornfields circling the farm come with a legend-and Tyler takes macabre delight in recounting the tale: It never sleeps, it never dies, it can’t be stopped, hear their cries. The Scarecrow lives to kill us all. Keep it buried in the fall… When the kids play a terrifying game of cat and mouse in the cornfield with what they believe is a wild animal, Amanda tries to convince them that the Scarecrow is a very real creature of fierce strength and power, rejuvenated by the blood of its prey-and proof comes all too soon. As darkness falls over the rustling fields, the last survivors must fend off the flesh-ripping terrors of the Scarecrow. For the terrified prisoners of Miller Farm, surviving the night seems a distant prayer-especially in light of the tale’s final, desperate warning: “Beware the mark, the end is near, your death is certain, run in fear…” This fall, there’s a chill in air that can freeze the blood. Scarecrow is coming.

Scarecrow Festival? Here’s hoping the mayor refuses to cancel the Scarecrow Festival despite the rash of Scarecrow murders because we must be absurd and strict in our Jaws lifting! Of that Breakfast Club group of kids, don’t expect Jun to last long, he doesn’t even rate an IMDB cast listing!

Scarecrow is another film with a generic description, but the magic will be in the execution. Will it be an amazing achievement with lots of subtextual messaging and good clean fun? Or will it just be generic and boring, angering the masses and leading to SyFy revolution? We shall see on October 5th!

Ghost Shark

Ghost Shark

Ghost Shark

Ghost Shark
2013
Written by Eric Forsberg and Griff Furst
Screenplay by Paul A. Birkett
Directed by Griff Furst

Great, another fun toy banned because of some dumb kid…

G-G-G-G-G-G-Ghost Shark???! Yes, it’s true, a murdered shark returns to life via magic, become a spectral terror that haunts all bodies of water, from the ocean to your cup of coffee. Ghost Shark can manifest anywhere there is wet stuff about, allowing for an array of amazing and ridiculous kill scenes. Slip-n-slides, fire hydrants, the rain, and water coolers all become home for the Ghost Shark.

Ghost Shark

Finally a legitimate time to use KFC’s terrible “I ate the bones” slogan complete with a bucket!


Though Ghost Shark was made independently of Sharknado, it premiered soon after, and features many crazy shark antics. Thus, comparisons are inevitable. I liked Ghost Shark slightly better, as I feel the story outside of the crazy shark antics is better. While Sharknado deals with a man trying to protect his family in the midst of chaos, Ghost Shark is a revenge tale where teens deal with a problem the authorities think is too crazy to be real. But we’re in the world of SyFy, baby, and Ghost Sharks are just icing on the cake of carnage.

Ghost Shark features one of the best female leads in a monster movie ever. Mackenzie Rosman’s Ava doesn’t just sit around and get into trouble, she’s actively attempting to solve the problem of the ghost shark that claimed her father’s life, saving her sister, and relegating the male lead to also ran status. Ava gets stuff done. Ava is never in a point where she needs to be “rescued” by the male lead in an attempt to shows that strong women always need a guy around. In fact, Ava actively dismisses Blaise, assigning him to watch over her sister. Blaise fails in so many things that he does do, it’s a wonder he manages to keep Cicely from being eaten (heck, Ghost Shark does eat her…then spits her out!) Ava figures out that there is something supernatural at work, that Finch knows something about Ghost Shark’s secret, that the authority figures in town are dumb as a baby’s bottom, and that if anything is going to get done, it’s going to require her to step up and bust this Ghost Shark! She’s also not victim to some false feminism where she kicks butt, but has to do so in skintight leather or torn outfits. After the initial beach encounter, she ditches the bikini for sensible attire.

Once news came out that Ghost Shark was written and directed by Griff Furst, it became a must watch regardless of the premise. Furst’s films for SyFy (Arachnoquake, Swamp Shark, Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators ) are always inventive and fun, filled with crazy scenarios that unfold in ways you don’t expect, and often taking real world issues as inspiration. While ghost carnivores are not a real world issue any place I am familiar with is deal with at this time, places whitewashing their histories and incompetent authority figures are an actual problem.

Ghost Shark

Reverse Pac-Man!


Ava Reid (Mackenzie Rosman) – Teenage buttkicker Ava Reid is the lone force of sanity in the small town of Smallport, dealing with a parade of incompetent adults and less than capable teenagers. Her father is Ghost Sharked, and Ava has to stop the translucent chomping at all cost! Mackenzie Rosman is best known for her role on 7th Heaven.
Blaise Parker (Dave Randolph-Mayhem Davis) – Local dude who is crushing on Ava, despite her apathy to the situation. In normal films, Blaise would become the hero, but in Ghost Shark, he’s delegated to the sidelines and taking orders from Ava, who is too busy saving the day to stop and let Blaise save the day. Dave Davis can be seen in the SyFy flicks Heebie Jeebies and Leprechaun’s Revenge
Cicely Reid (Sloane Coe) – Ava’s sister who shows some of her big sister’s strength but is still young enough Ava tries to keep her out of harm’s way. This is Sloane Coe’s first film.
Finch (Richard Moll) – The drunken light house guy with a dead wife who wanders around town ranting incoherently. Thus he’s not crazy and knows the secret of Ghost Shark! Richard Moll is also in Combat Academy, though he probably does not remember it at all.
Cameron Stahl (Jaren Mitchell) – The son of Smallport mayor Frank Stahl (Lucky Johnson from Arachnoquake), Cameron helps deal with the Ghost Shark situation despite his dad trying to cover it up. Has a jetski. Jaren Mitchell is also in 21 Jump Street
Mick (Shawn C. Phillips) – All groups of friends need a party guy! And Mick is your man. Is not good at getting out of swimming pools quickly. Shawn C. Phillips has been in so many horror films I’m shocked he hasn’t shown up on TarsTarkas.NET yet! So here he is.
Ghost Shark (CGI) – Ghost Shark is a murdered shark back for revenge and then also the fun of eating dozens of random people! There are cool electronic sound as Ghost Shark moves, looking like some sort of Tron Shark. Ghost Shark can materialize in any body of water, even water drops and glasses of water. Ghost Shark!
Ghost Shark

Our dad is dead, his cap is red (with blood) Who we gonna call?

RoboCroc ushers in the return of Saturday Creature Features on SyFy!

Robocroc

SyFy returns their creature feature films to saturdays, beginning this Saturday (September 14th) with RoboCroc! Yes, the plot is what you think: an alien space nanobot turns a crocodile into a cyborg killing machine. UFO International Productions is who to thank for this masterpiece. Corin Nemec and Dee Wallace star. The trailer is available on SyFy’s site.

As we reported back in the day about RoboCroc‘s plot (SPOILERS!):

When a top-secret unmanned spacecraft disintegrates on re-entry, its mysterious military payload crash-lands in the crocodile habitat of a place called Adventure Land, a combination water park, amusement land and world famous crocodile exhibit. Following its pre-programmed instructions, the payload – a next-generation nanotech-based combat
drone – finds a host in the form of the park’s prize twenty-foot Australian Saltwater crocodile, Stella. She is the largest Saltwater croc in captivity. Immediately upon infecting its host, the drone payload’s nanobots begin to transform Stella from an organic, living creature into a lethal killing machine with only a single directive: Survival!

Before Chief Zoo Keeper Tim Duffy and reptile biologist Jane Spencer are able to figure out what’s going on, they find the park taken over by the government team responsible for the secret project. As the crocodile continues to transform, it escapes the crocodile exhibit and enters the water park, running amok, killing dozens of patrons.

The park is evacuated, but a handful of teens are trapped behind – including among them, Duffy’s estranged son. Duffy and Jane set out to rescue Duffy’s son while the government team and military personnel scramble to stop the rapidly evolving croc but nothing works. After their best efforts fail, the now fully-evolved ROBOCROC escapes the park and rampages further forcing a massive military deployment to stop it. Still following its prime directive: RoboCroc enters the city sewer system. With time running out, only Duffy has the knowledge and experience that will allow him to get close enough to the croc to destroy it.

In a desperate gambit, Duffy enters the sewer system armed with his knowledge of crocodile behavior and a tactical Electromagnetic Pulse Generator. Finally, after a terrifying confrontation in the bowels of the city and with his own life on the line, Duffy detonates the EMP and destroys RoboCroc and the nanobots once and for all.

Robocroc

The Bride with White Hair

Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators rage September 5th on SyFy!


Fresh off the success of Ghost Shark – which has become a Twitter darling similar but not quite as equal to Sharknado – SyFy will be returning with the amazing Griff Furst for Ragin’ Cajun Redneck Gators! Heck, yes, they kept the awesome title! Thursday September 5th will be the premier, and the trailer has surfaced. Not only do we got gators, we got what looks like weregators! This looks like some amazing crazy and hopefully takes some inspiration from all those reality shows that follow swamp families around in the bayou.

Rafael Jordan, Delondra Williams, and Keith Allan write. Jordan Hinson (Eureka), Victor Webster (Continuum), and Christopher Berry star.

Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators

Dental Plan. Lisa Needs Braces.

Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators

Dental Plan. Lisa Needs Braces.

Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators

Dental Plan. Lisa Needs Braces.

Zu Warriors From Magic Mountain

Grizzligator & Arachnaconda join the combo-animal world!

Rhino Rooster

Where’s my SyFy film???


Somehow I missed this January 2012 article about new production company Monster Machine and their promise of some more combo-animal SyFy creature features. It’s mid-2013 and the films have yet to surface, but here is what we know so far:

Founder Stephen Niver and Robert James Roessel of Mexico-based banner Arte Paneo Prods. are working with genre scribes Matthew Chernov and David Rosiak (“Shark Swarm”) to develop and produce a slate of creature-themed projects for video, cable and VOD. “The fact that we had so much public interest in “Sharktopus,” even during production, shows that there’s definitely an untapped market for fun monster movies on this scale,” said Niver.

Stephen Niver helped produce such SyFy hits as Shark Swarm and Sharktopus, and Monster Machine looks like his baby. Four films are promised so far – Arachnaconda, Grizzligator, Sea Scorpions, and Maneater Mountain.

Niver is credited as writer/directer of Arachnaconda, and Maria Conchita Alonso, Héctor Jiménez, and Brett Wagner are attached. Lou Diamond Phillips was also attached at one point (to star AND direct!), but he doesn’t seem to be listed via IMDB any more. All other information is hidden behind IMDBPro walls.

With how long it can take new companies to get concepts launched, it isn’t a surprise we haven’t seen much yet. But if the films don’t show up in 2014 at the various film markets, then we might just have to close the book on these. Which is a shame, as the creature feature viral marketing is only getting stronger thanks to Sharknado, Roger Corman returning with Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda and Sharktopus vs. Mermantula, and Asylum reclaiming their throne with Sharknado 2 and Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark.

Speaking of Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark, they have a contest you might be interested in.

Monster Machine Twitter
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Penguin Shark

Someone from SyFy please return my calls!