2016 Story by Marie Bertonneau, Anna Rasmussen, and Micho Rutare
Screenplay by Marie Bertonneau
Directed by Micho Rutare
The Internet once again has come to kill us all, but shockingly this isn’t a Lifetime Network film, nope! This joint from The Asylum debuted on SyFy of all places! There ain’t any spaceships or crazy monsters, heck #FollowFriday (the hashtag is part of the name) could happen in the real world. And judging from how incompetent Twitter is in getting rid of problem accounts (let’s just be honest, Twitter love nazi accounts), Twitter would be powerless to stop a killer form using their service were it to happen in real life. #FollowFriday actually uses Twitter, complete with real Twitter accounts (all of which are now suspended, lol, I guess Twitter can ban movie accounts but not nazis) and screenshots of the twitter accounts running amok. The film takes place in a pocket universe where Twitter is the dominant social media tool to the point where all others are ignored or barely mentioned. There is a good sense of the chaos that the non-stop stream of social media opinions brings, as a constant barrage of voiceovers proclaiming their opinion on events as they happen or society in general (and even making lame jokes) plays in the background as characters sit around, type away on their devices, or stare in horror at the Twitter feed. As an active Twitter user, staring in horror at Twitter is a pretty common event.
Many of the characters are introduced by voiceovers of their tweets, which immediately gives you a fix on which archetype their characters are. There is a nerdy Young Republican, the young politician, the computer nerd, the health nut, the alpha male, and the outraged feminist. No need to set them up, we just know what they are and let them interact. And slowly get bumped off, as a killer is a-stalking them, each week whichever one is the biggest on trending, they get #dead.
aka Saltwater 2016 Written by Scott Foy, Griff Furst, and Jack Snyder
Directed by A.B. Stone Atomic Shark is a pretty darn good SyFy shark flick, but the problem is, it was so close to being among the best that I’m angry it missed the boat! But I guess no one can live up to Ghost Shark, so we got to just accept the fact that you are good and fun, but not the new classic we were hoping for! Once again Tars is digging through his archive of shark films taped off of SyFy that he hasn’t gotten around to watching. This time the shark is glowing red hot because it has been mutated to become nuclear reactor! That gives this shark a unique look, and combine that with Atomic Shark throwing everything but the kitchen sink into the film to add flavor, and you got yourself some fun shark chomping!
We got burnt fish popping up on shores, environmental coverups, government coverups, a sunken soviet sub leaking radiation, and the shark is a bomb (though a glowing red from the heat shark that’s a bomb, not a shark with a literal bomb strapped to it like the posters seemed to suggest!) that without sea water it will overheat and explode all over the place. And it will probably explode if you shoot it! So that makes the plans to take it down a bit complicated. Luckily the plucky lifeguards and their cadre of friends and fellow shark-stopping enthusiasts are up to the challenge, even if the shark won’t be the only red stuff in the water (it’s blood, blood in the water is the other thing I am talking about here)
Old newsreel dialogue, footage of cold war atomic bomb information, and even Dr. Robert Oppenheimer quoting the Hindu Bagavad Gita “Now i am death, the destroyer of worlds”, plays we see a shark swimming through the ocean. It’s a crash course in setting the tone along with some of the great monster movies that use environmental tragedy as the foundation for their creatures’ destructive power. Atomic Shark takes a deep dive into the meta-textual with hashtags, emojis, and instragram filters on screen, yelp reviews of restaurants, the film becoming even more widescreen during an epic confrontation between a lifeguard and the atomic shark, and dramatic music playing that cuts out every time Gina blows out the lighter from the enraged documentary lady but comes right back once the lighter is re-lit. Atomic Shark even has it’s own surf theme song, and it’s own rap song and video! I’ve tried looking up A.B. Stone, the credited director, and that seems a pseudonym, so there may have been some things going on behind the scenes (or it is just someone at a specific production company who is smart enough to avoid all social media!)
aka Summer Shark Attack 2016 Written by Marcy Holland and Greg Mitchell
Directed by Misty Talley
Gender reveal videos just get weirder and weirder…
2019 is a year of getting stuff done. And one of the things i have is a bunch of recordings of SyFy shark movies from the past few years that I haven’t watched and reviewed, so that’s getting done! Especially since the era of SyFy showing shark movies is probably dead, this makes it the perfect time to strike, when the iron has cooled to room temperature and the blacksmith is watching episodes of Friends on NetFlix.
Ozark Sharks is from way back in 2016, when SyFy was promoting Sharknado 4: The One With a Sharknado. Sharks get into the Ozarks lake system due to movie magic, people get chomped, and more people seek revenge on the sharks! At this point all the shark movies needed a gimmick, and this one is the Arkansas setting and regional colloquialisms that brings. The film doesn’t even give a plausible explanation of where the sharks came from, it’s just a problem the people have to deal with. They can only wonder why the weird thing is going on, but never learn. And sometimes life is like that, there are problems that you just gotta take care of, regardless of how they happened. More films need to make the conscious decision to not explain anything and just go with it!
VVest side!
Ozark Sharks has some more elements in its favor. The main character Molly (Allisyn Ashley Arm) is a bookish goth teen who is a far cry from the usual actresses who model in their spare time as leads you often see in these things. Her family is on vacation to the Ozarks, the favorite location of their grandmother (Sharon Garrison) to go when she was a child. So they pack in her college aged brother Harrison (Dave Davis), Mom (Laura Cayouette) and Dad (Michael Papajohn), and Grandma, and head off for vacation. Stowing along is Molly’s boyfriend Curtis (Ross Britz), who is Bill to Harrison’s Ted.
If you want a whole pack of shark movies to tide you over for the summer, then SyFy has got you covered with their Sharknado Week! Not only are we getting a fourth Sharknado film, but there are tons of other shark films being aired, including a few other premieres. Everything is detailed below, including a copy/paste of their press release. And not everything has a trailer yet, so BOOOO!!! First the new films:
Atomic Shark premieres July 24, with further airings July 27 & July 31.
What’s worse than a hungry shark? An atomic hungry shark, of course.
Atomic Shark is directed by Griff Furst (Ghost Shark) and written by Griff Furst and Jack Snyder (Fatal Exam) It stars Rachele Brooke Smith, Jeff Fahey, David Faustino, Bobby Campo, and Isaiah LaBorde
I’ve never seen a bad Griff Furst movie, they’ve all been fun and amazing, so Atomic Shark will be the must-watch film of the group! The poster suggests that there is a big bomb strapped to the shark, so that should be awesome!
Dam Sharks! premieres July 25 and is reaired on July 31.
Sharks in a dam. The worst.
There isn’t a lot of information about Dam Sharks! yet, but it’s directed by James Kondelik, Jon Kondelik the brothers who directed Airplane vs. Volcano and Age of Tomorrow, and stars Matt Mercer, Kabby Borders, Robert Craighead, Ashton Bingham, and Eric Paul Erickson. It’s from Asylum, so it should be good fun.
Ice Sharks premieres July 26 with further airings July 29 & July 31.
A group of ravenous sharks break into a military base, forcing all the scientists to escape before they are eaten alive.
It’s directed and written by Emile Edwin Smith, who is an ice expert, having directed Asylum’s Age of Ice! Kaiwi Lyman and Edward DeRuiter star. Don’t you hate it when sharks break into buildings, especially sharks that swim through ice? I sure do…
Planet of the Sharks premieres July 27 and is reaired on July 31.
In the near future, glacial melting has covered 98% of earth’s landmass. Sharks have flourished and now dominate the planet, operating as one massive school led by a mutated alpha shark.
Sadly we don’t get a world where man evolved into sharks, but maybe someone will still damn everyone all to hell (or damn then to Dam Sharks!) It’s yet another Asylum flick, this time directed by veteran Mark Atkins (a bunch of Asylum films including Princess of Mars!) He wrote it along with Marc Gottlieb (Cousin Howard), and Alex Anlos, Brandon Auret, Stephanie Beran, Angie Teodora Dick, and Lindsay Sullivan star.
Ozark Sharks premieres on July 28 and is reaired on July 31.
A picturesque family vacation to the Ozarks goes sideways when a group of bull sharks show up to take a bite out of the town’s big fireworks festival.
Shark Island director Misty Talley returns with more shark bait, along with writers Marcy Holland (Caught) and Greg Mitchell (SnakeHead Swamp). Good writing crew so hopefully something fun is done with the film besides just being a bunch of redneck jokes. Ozark Sharks stars Laura Cayouette, Dave Davis, Allisyn Ashley Arm, Michael Papajohn, Ashton Leigh, Thomas Francis Murphy, and Terence Rosemore.
Sharknado: The 4th Awakens premieres July 31. Yes, they made a fourth one. Yes, I didn’t bother with the third one, and might not bother with this one, but who knows? At least they didn’t get into a gigantic fight with a union or pack the film with a bunch of right wing nuts this time. But still…
And the rest!
3-Headed Shark Attack (July 25 at 7p/6c; July 28 at 5p/4c; July 30 at 11a/10c)
Cruise passengers fight to survive when a hungry, three-headed great white shark tries to feed on them.
Atomic Shark (July 24 at 9p/8c; July 27 at 7p/6c; July 31 at 12p/11c)
What’s worse than a hungry shark? An atomic hungry shark, of course.
Bait (July 27 at 1a/12c; July 29 at 5p/4c)
A powerful tsunami sends ocean waters rushing into an underground supermarket, prompting the terrified shoppers to fight for their lives as vicious man-eating sharks glide down the aisles in search of a fresh meal.
Beast of the Bering Sea (July 26 at 7a/6c)
Two siblings hunting for gold get more than they bargained for when they strike an underwater cave that’s occupied by sea vampires.
Bermuda Tentacles (July 27 at 11a/10c)
An elite Navy rescue team is dispatched to the Bermuda Triangle after Air Force One goes down with the president on board. Unfortunately, efforts to save the commander in chief end up putting the entire country at risk from a vicious sea monster.
Beyond Loch Ness (July 27 at 9a/8c)
A cryptozoologist in search of the infamous Loch Ness monster discovers that the malevolent, 40-foot-long reptile from Scotland has traveled to Lake Superior via an elaborate series of subterranean tunnels, and that she’s brought her hungry offspring along for a feeding frenzy.
Chupacabra: Dark Seas (July 29 at 3:30a/2:30c)
A ship’s crew takes on a scientist’s latest discovery: a mythic Caribbean creature. Featuring John Rhys-Davies, Dylan Neal and Giancarlo Esposito.
Croc (July 26 at 9a/8c)
A crocodile hunter (Michael Madsen) tracks a reptile menace at a beach resort.
Dam Sharks! (July 25 at 9p/8c; July 31 at 10a/9c)
Sharks in a dam. The worst.
Dark Tide (July 24 at 11p/10c; July 25 at 2:30p/1:30c; July 28 at 11p/10c)
A renowned shark expert attempts to recover from a tragic diving mishap by taking a wealthy businessman swimming with the deep-sea predators, only to get stranded in a dangerous feeding ground known as Shark Alley.
Dinocroc vs. Supergator (July 24 at 9a/8c; July 28 at 3a/2c and 11a/10c)
Enormous reptiles escape from a research facility on a tropical island and feast on unwary tourists, culminating in a clash between a prehistoric crocodile and a monstrous alligator.
Dinoshark (July 24 at 1p/12c; July 26 at 11a/10c)
A dinosaur-shark hybrid terrorizes a resort in Mexico and it’s up to a young fishing-boat captain to stop it.
Eye of the Beast (July 27 at 7a/6c)
A giant squid terrorizes a small fishing town after overfishing causes a shortage of food. Featuring James Van Der Beek.
Ghost Shark (July 27 at 5p/4c; July 29 at 1:30a/12:30c)
Two locals work to uncover the truth about their town’s dark past in hopes of putting a stop to a ghost shark that can hunt on land and in the sea.
Ice Sharks (July 26 at 9p/8c; July 29 at 3p/2c; July 31 at 3a/2c)
A group of ravenous sharks break into a military base, forcing all the sceintists to escape before they are eaten alive.
Jersey Shore Shark Attack (July 25 at 3:30a/2:30c)
Sharks menace the Jersey shore on July 4th weekend and it’s up to the locals to stop them.
Lake Placid 3 (July 25 at 11p/10c; July 26 at 3p/2c)
A game warden (Colin Ferguson) moves into his aunt’s lakeside cabin with his wife and young son, and the little boy feeds the resident baby crocodiles until they grow up into monstrous predators that become a menace to the family.
Lake Placid: The Final Chapter (July 25 at 1a/12c; July 26 at 5p/4c)
A new sheriff has a big problem on her hands when a poacher unleashes the wrath of giant crocodiles in this fourth installment in the franchise.
Malibu Shark Attack (July 27 at 11p/10c; July 29 at 1p/12c)
A tsunami brings goblin sharks to Malibu after a massive wave cuts lifeguards and construction workers off from dry land.
Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (July 28 at 1a/12c; July 28 at 1p/12c)
Two colossal prehistoric monsters terrorize the California coast while battling for supremacy of the sea. Featuring Lorenzo Lamas and Deborah Gibson.
Mega Shark vs. Kolossus (July 25 at 5p/4c; July 26 at 11p/10c)
Russia’s search for a new energy source accidentally reawakens a giant robot doomsday device from the Cold War. But that isn’t the only threat to humanity when a new Mega Shark swims onto the scene.
Ozark Sharks (July 28 at 9p/8c; July 31 at 8a/7c)
A picturesque family vacation to the Ozarks goes sideways when a group of bull sharks show up to take a bite out of the town’s big fireworks festival.
Piranhaconda (July 24 at 11a/10c; July 25 at 8:30a/7:30c)
A piranha-anaconda hybrid terrorizes a movie crew after a scientist steals an egg from the creature’s nest.
Planet of the Sharks (July 27 at 9p/8c; July 31 at 1a/12c)
In the near future, glacial melting has covered 98% of earth’s landmass. Sharks have flourished and now dominate the planet, operating as one massive school led by a mutated alpha shark.
Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators (July 28 at 7a/6c)
A Louisiana family live to regret dumping a bad batch of moonshine into a nearby swamp when it transforms the bayou’s alligators into dangerous mutants on a killing spree.
Robocroc (July 25 at 12:30p/11:30c; July 28 at 9a/8c)
A crocodile is transformed into a killing machine that’s let loose in a water park.
Roboshark (July 28 at 3p/2c)
All hell breaks loose when a great white shark sinks its teeth into an alien space probe in the Pacific, creating a Roboshark that invades Seattle and devours everything in its way.
Sea Beast (July 27 at 1p/12c)
Mythic creatures from the deep sea emerge to feed on the residents of a sleepy bay village. Featuring Corin Nemec.
Shark Assault (July 25 at 1:30a/12:30c; July 25 at 10:30a/9:30c)
At the whim of a wealthy madman, a group of strangers is forced to confront a gauntlet of deadly sharks on his island compound.
Shark Attack (July 29 at 9a/8c; July 30 at 1a/12c)
A marine biologist (Casper Van Dien) investigates the death of a colleague who was attacked by a hammerhead shark off the coast of Africa, where the scientist discovers some unsettling news about the creatures’ new eating habits. Featuring Ernie Hudson, Jenny McShane, Bentley Mitchum.
Shark Attack 2 (July 29 at 11a/10c; July 30 at 3a/2c)
A shark expert, a hunter and a scuba diver join forces to kill mutant great white sharks that are terrorizing a shoreline metropolis. Featuring Thorsten Kaye, Nikita Ager.
Shark Killer (July 27 at 3p/2c; July 29 at 7a/6c)
A deep-sea diver accepts a shark-hunting assignment from his criminal brother, who wants to recover a missing diamond.
Sharknado (July 30 at 7p/6c; July 31 at 2p/1c)
A freak storm brings hundreds of vicious, man-eating sharks ashore in Los Angeles and a group of friends struggle to steer clear of their violent and destructive path.
Sharknado 2: The Second One (July 30 at 9p/8c; July 31 at 4p/3c)
In this sequel, Fin Shepard and April Wexler are the only hope for saving the population and iconic landmarks of New York City when a freak weather storm unleashes a whirlwind of vicious, man-eating sharks on the Big Apple.
Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (July 31 at 6p/5c)
The entire East Coast comes under threat when shark-infused storms wreak havoc on Washington, D.C., and Orlando.
Shark Night (July 29 at 7p/6c; July 30 at 9a/8c)
Vacationing college student Sara (Sara Paxton) and her friends fight for their lives against man-eating sharks during a trip to her family’s island cabin.
Sharktopus (July 24 at 3p/2c; July 30 at 1p/12c)
A scientist (Eric Roberts) working for the military develops a monstrous shark-octopus hybrid, which goes on a killing spree on the resort beaches of Mexico after the mechanism that controls the beast is accidentally destroyed.
Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda (July 24 at 5p/4c; July 30 at 3p/2c)
A shark-octopus hybrid confronts a beast that’s half pterodactyl, half barracuda.
Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf (July 24 at 7p/6c; July 30 at 5p/4c)
The aquatic villain faces off against another hybrid beast created by a mad scientist.
Snakehead Swamp (July 26 at 1p/12c)
Genetically altered snakehead fish bring terror to the swamps of Louisiana.
Snakehead Terror (July 27 at 3a/2c)
Mutant, amphibious snakehead fish feast on humans as they close in on a Maryland village where the only obstacle is the local sheriff (Bruce Boxleitner). Featuring Carol Alt, William B. Davis and Ryan McDonell.
Supergator (July 25 at 6:30a/5:30c)
Brad Johnson and Kelly McGillis star in this big-reptile flick about a team of geologists menaced by a monstrous alligator in Hawaii.
Swamp Shark (July 28 at 7p/6c)
An animal-smuggling deal gone bad puts a man-eating shark into a swampy backwoods river, where it stalks swimmers and boaters and imperils the town’s annual Gator Fest. Featuring Kristy Swanson and D.B. Sweeney.
Zombie Shark (July 26 at 7p/6c; July 30 at 11p/10c)
A perfect getaway weekend turns into a nightmare for four friends who find themselves fighting for their lives against an experimental shark.
SyFy is caught in a crossroads of trying to transform into a respectable source of original science fiction programming, while still having a backlog of creature feature films to unload. Even worse for them, many of these films are event films that normally would get a lot of fanfare. But true to form, SyFy isn’t promoting Lake Placid vs Anaconda much at all, and seems content for it to get swept under the rug.
The whole situation has been perplexing for the past two years. The monster movies still air a LOT on SyFy’s schedules, but they rarely add anything new. Lake Placid vs Anaconda is the first new film in months, and we won’t get more until July drops a whole week’s worth of new movies.
Lake Placid vs Anaconda is the fifth movie in both franchises, something that is surprising even as someone who follows SyFy flicks and knows about all the prior DTV sequels of both. It just seems so weird. And now they are fighting, which will hopefully make this the most awesome of all the non-J-Lo and non-Betty White entries of the franchises.
The co-CEO of a pharmaceutical company ruthless, Sarah Murdoch is determined to finish the work of her late father to find a serum capable of triggering cell regeneration; Unfortunately, in addition to an orchid, the other two elements necessary to perfect the serum is a particularly aggressive breed of giant crocodiles and anacondas, both of which Sarah is working hard to track down. However, its alteration with wildlife refuge releases both the crocodile’s and anaconda’s, that wind up threatening, among others, the daughters of a local college sorority, who went to the beach for a pledge event. With her twin brother and co-CEO Brian Murdoch actively trying to stop her, Sarah’s efforts lead to more horrible deaths, but several potential love between Brian and the new Sheriff, Reba, and many of sorority girls and their counterparts in the fraternity.
Hopefully the winner then takes on another random franchise. Or maybe we’ll get an Expendables-style team up of random franchises some day.
Lake Placid vs Anaconda is directed by A.B. Stone (his first feature) and written by Berkeley Anderson (Robocroc, Grendel, Dragon Dynasty). It stars Nigel Barber, Jeffrey Beach, Yancy Butler, Robert Englund, and most importantly —> Corin Nemec!!!!! I could watch Corin Nemec watch paint dry for two hours.
Lake Placid vs Anaconda airs Saturday, April 25th, on SyFy!
SyFy gives us a creepy doll movie starring Saw‘s Tobin Bell with Finders Keepers! Luckily, Counselor Troi is there to feel empathy. And Jaime Pressly is there to…not…feel empathy. Okay, I don’t know what any of the characters do, but there is a bunch of stars and a creepy doll and things.
A child becomes obsessed with an evil doll left behind by the previous occupants of her new home. Finders Keepers stars Tobin Bell (Saw, Saw II), Jaime Pressly (My Name is Earl, Two and a Half Men), Marina Sirtis (Star Trek: Next Generation, Crash) and Patrick Muldoon (Starship Troopers). A production of ARO Entertainment
Finders Keepers stars Tobin Bell, Jaime Pressly, Marina Sirtis, Patrick Muldoon, Trilby Glover, Kristen Kerr, Justina Machado, and Mercy Malick. It’s directed by Alexander Yellen (Battledogs and a cinematographer on a bajillion Asylum films) and written by Peter Sullivan (Chupacabra vs. the Alamo, Jersey Shore Shark Attack, The Dog Who Saved Easter, basically a ton of cool stuff!)
Finders Keepers premieres Saturday, October 18 at 9PM on SyFy! Hopefully, they’ll have something promotions-wise before that date!
