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Wild Child 2
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Wild Child 2 (Review)

January 30, 2005By

Wild Child 2

aka Silk n’ Sabotage

1994

Starring

Julia Skiru (aka Julia Kruis) as Jamie
Stephanie Champlin as Lynn
Cherilyn Shea as Dagny
Darren Foreman as Micheal
Marshall Hilliard as Robert
Aline Kassman as Tracy

A genre of films that males are intimately familiar with is the late-night Cinemax (Skinimax) or Showtime movie. Plots are inconsequencial as the point of the movies are to have the actresses that star get naked as often as possible without the movie drifting into the porn zone. Acting skills are not required, beyond the ability to thrash around. In this vein, Silk n Sabotage was born. This is a film I remember watching when I was in high school on cable, and now it’s released on DVD, with a brand new title (Wild Child 2? I never even saw the FIRST Wild Child. Not that this film is related at all…) This film has the hallmarks of this genre: fake breasted blondes, full frontal nudity, goofy dispensable male characters, “boing” style sound effects, terrible 90’s rock, plots that could fit on a fortune cookie message, acting so wooden Geppetto carved it late one night, more padding than all the bras at a Junior High dance combined, and budgets of $37.

Glitch
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Glitch! (Review)

November 13, 2004By

Glitch!


1988

Starring

Will Egan as T.C.
Steve Donmyer as Bo
Julia Nickson as Michelle
Directed by Nico Mastorakis


What should be a run of the mill lame sex comedy is instead a very bad sex comedy, thanks to Nico Mastorakis flubbing up what should be easy territory. Not surprising, in two years time he pulled off an even worse film with Ninja Academy. But we can cross that Grand Canyon of despair another day, for today we tackle Glitch!, a movie that has an exclamation point in it’s name. And Julia Nickson. That’s about the limit of the praise here, this is a trip of pure pain, for certain. Bring it on!


Female Vampire
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Female Vampire (Review)

June 28, 2004By

Female Vampire

aka Les Avaleuses
1973
Starring
Lina Romay as Countess Irina Karlstein
Jack Taylor as Baron Von Rathony aka Lando
Anna Watican as Journalist
Jess Franco as Dr. Roberts
Directed by Jess Franco (as J.P. Johnson)

This Gem from Director Jess Franco is non-stop naked vampire action. Well, there is little action, but the naked vampire doesn’t stop. The most clothing the female lead wears is a dress that looks as if it were made out of a doily. There are about 8000000 different versions of this film running around, so I’m not even sure which version I watched, though the DVD claimed it was the Director’s Cut.

Opens with a woman walking in the woods. She is completely naked except for cape and belt. And the camera focuses on it all (though some of it is out of focus, a problem that plagues this movie like the locusts in Biblical Egypt). She is Vampire Countess Irina, who isn’t a traditional vampire as she is wandering around in the day and has reflections. But this particular day she is wandering in the woods and comes across a farmer who appears to be raising peacocks. The farmer must have spent all his cool points in a previous life, since he looks like Lord High Dork God. Anyway, it’s good enough for Countess, who starts going down on him immediately. He likes it until suddenly he cries out in pain loudly. So loudly it is heard far away from some ultra-seventies Eurotrash guy who looks like a strung out evil Will Ferrell. The dubbing identifies him as Lando or something similar, despite that name not appearing on the IMDB list of casts, and i think it is supposed to be the Baron Von Rathony character. But I will call him Lando non-the less, since the world needs more Landos.

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