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A Less Violent Starship Troopers?

That’s like a less nude stripper! Seriously, are they dumb, or just stupid? For those of you out of the loop, the producer of the upcoming reboot of Starship Troopers (which is different from the upcoming CGI animated sequel that follows the continuity of the original film and possibly the DTV sequels) has stated that they’re gonna make it less violent. Toby Jaffe told Empire: “The more expensive a film is, the harder it is now to make it that violent. With Recall in particular, we made a conscious choice to keep it tonally closer to something like Minority Report. It gives the studio, and us as producers, the opportunity to reintroduce it in a new way.”

“Verhoeven took [Robert Heinlein’s 1959 novel] from one extreme and made it almost comical, whereas our job is to be a little more faithful to the book, and ground it a little more.”

Translation: It will be a boring generic action film. But it gets worse…

“Verhoeven made his movie a critique of fascism,” says Jaffe, “whereas Heinlein was writing from the perspective of someone who had served in World War II. Y’know, one man’s fascism is another man’s patriotism…”
Translation: Nazis? Totally awesome! BTW: Heinlein served in non-combat roles in WW2. So he’s not a citizen. Would you like to know more?

“Working in a visual-efects renaissance as we are, we have the ability to do so much more now. We can do the Jump Suits [armoured exoskeletons from Heinlein’s novel], for example, which I don’t think they could have done before.”
Let’s ignore that they did do them in Starship Troopers 3 and focus on the fact that having giant armored exoskeletons is cool, except for the fact they won’t be doing anything violent in them. And if they did, it would be safe PG-13 violence. The only possibly interesting thing about this is we might get to see the Skinnies. For the giant armored exoskeletons, Pacific Rim will be doing them one better. The entire concept of the novel is ludicrous, and Verhoeven’s satirical take on the subject matter is the perfect way to deal with the problem of the source material being awful to translate to film. There are barely any action scenes and most of the book is either training or classroom lectures.

Speaking of less nude strippers, just watch this Jaffe joker redo Showgirls next, except also PG-13 and ignoring everything Verhoeven did as well. The only good Jaffe is Al Jaffe, the Mad Magazine Fold-ins guy.

via EmpireOnline

Embrace of the Remake

Vampires are hot right now. Well, Twilight vampires and True Blood vampires, but only in those franchises. All other vampire stuff seems to be tanking. But that’s not going to stop people from trying to milk cash cows! So we must go deeper into the cult movie world and find new things to remake. Like the classic 90s erotic vampire film Embrace of the Vampire, which is famous because it had Alyssa Milano very naked very often in it. Sure, there was a plot, but I don’t remember anything beyond Alyssa Milano being naked, except that Charlotte Lewis was also naked. I think that was the subplot to the main plot of Alyssa Milano being naked. There may have been vampires and embracing, but it was mostly about Alyssa Milano being very naked.

Whoever Sharon Hinnendael is, she isn’t Alyssa Milano at her prime nor another very famous former child star trying to break into adult roles under advisement from an overbearing momager. So I already regard this remake with a wary eye, knowing there is also a sequel to Embrace of the Vampire that also doesn’t feature Alyssa Milano being naked and therefore no one has watched it ever, including the director of the sequel who shot it entirely with his eyes shut. But Cinetel and Anchor Bay are betting you will want to see the remake, financing it so Filmology Labs Entertainment (started by the guy who founded E! – Alan Mruvka -, so you know it’s going to be good!) and Grobman-Campbell Films can bring us the goods. Despite my obvious jaded nature, maybe, just maybe, they’ll make a good film. But it will probably be awful.

Oddly enough, I found Sharon Hinnendael’s MySpace that show she’s already been in at least one other vampire film, Nightfall, and that looked like a quality number:

Sharon Hinnendael

When Vampire Embracing goes too far...

via Variety

Will a Twilight reboot sparkle all over again?

From the Dept. of NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoOOOOOO!!!! comes the exciting news that long term plans from Lionsgate call for a Twilight reboot! Lionsgate bought Summit this past January and have seemingly decided that they enjoy dump trucks filled with money, so the only way to ensure that keeps happening is more Twilight movies! But the books are all finished (except the uncompleted and abandoned book that was just a retelling of the original book from Edward’s POV!) so the only real solution is REBOOT! I support this 100%, I want Twilight movies to be in constant production with a new film out every year, the vampires becoming more and more sparkly, the werewolves being more and more shirtless, Bella being more and more bland and uninteresting, the casts becoming increasingly parodies of the prior casts until the irony becomes so dense Earth is enveloped into a black hole that swallows the universe. A sparkly black hole with no shirt!

Granted, this is all rumor at this point from BloodyDisgusting’s inside sources, but why wouldn’t studios want to make tons of more money? This makes perfect sense. Too much sense.

BloodyDisgusting via DreadCentral

Kermit Twilight

I hope they cast me this time!


Muppet Twilight Posters here

Oliver Twist goes all Parkour with the help of Red Bull!

When you think Red Bull Energy Drink, you think 19th century poor English orphans, and that’s the kind of word association that Red Bull is banking on making them bank at that box office. Thus, they’re funding a new Oliver Twist film, and riding the lightning from the Taylor Lautner parkour bike messenger film Tracers, this new Oliver Twist will feature 3D Parkour! The way Dickens intended. Twist will feature the Fagin gang going all parkour on naive 19th century townsfolk, striping their pocketbook and their sense of innocence. Just waiting for Artful Dodger to crack open a can of Red Bull Energy Shot after stealing the crown jewels in bullet time. Will there be dubstep? You can pretty much guarantee it!

Why stop with Oliver Twist? I want parkour everything! Parkour is the new asteroids hitting the Earth. Parkour Star Trek, Parkour Iron Man, Parkour Fast and the Furious, Parkour Parks and Recreations. Parkour it all!

via FSR

cat parkour

Even this cat is doing parkour. Or running to get a laser pointer. Same thing!

Live a Little Love a Yowza Bernice

Kurtzman And Orci to ruin Mummy and Van Helsing reboots

We knew The Mummy was getting rebooted, but we didn’t know until now that Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci were going to be in charge of remaking it as well as the Van Helsing reboot that everyone has been screaming for. Everyone in the INSANE ASYLUM, that is! For further proof of that, Tom Cruise is currently attached to be Van Helsing. This seems like some sort of desperate plan to make the Hugh Jackman original look like a good movie. Well, Good Game! As for The Mummy reboots, the original two were sort of cool in an Indiana Jones type way, though the third one was less fun and more bore. However, Brendan Fraser was awesome in them, and it may be hard to capture that kind of magic when the Mummy is peeing dust on someone. You might think I don’t like Kurtzman and Orci because all their movies have been varying shades of awful, and you are right.
Sad Van Helsing

Actual picture of Van Helsing audience reactions...


Enjoy the Press Release!

UNIVERSAL CITY, CA, May 1, 2011—Universal Pictures today announced the studio has signed a two-year first-look production deal with one of the leading writing/producing teams in the entertainment industry, Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci, and their K/O Paper Products banner. The duo will kick off their new relationship with Universal by reimagining titles from the studio’s library including Van Helsing and The Mummy. The announcement was made by Universal Pictures Chairman, Adam Fogelson and Co-Chairman, Donna Langley.

Kurtzman and Orci have collaborated with some of the industry’s top creative minds including J.J. Abrams, with whom they wrote the third installment of Mission: Impossible, which grossed nearly $400 million at the worldwide box office. In 2007, they wrote Transformers and went on to write Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen in 2009. Together, those films grossed more than $1.5 billion worldwide. More recently, the pair wrote and executive produced 2009’s Star Trek, which grossed more than $385 million worldwide. Accompanying their impressive film resume, Kurtzman and Orci have found tremendous success in television, having created the series Fringe, writing/producing Alias and in 2010, producing the reboot of Hawaii Five-O. They also currently executive produce the highest rated show on Hasbro’s The Hub, Transformers Prime.

“Alex and Roberto are extraordinarily talented writers and producers who know the value of a great story in building successful tentpole films,” Fogelson and Langley said in a joint statement. “They have been a major part of some of Hollywood’s biggest movies and television shows in recent history, and we’re eager to have them build on that success at Universal.”

“We’re thrilled to call Universal Pictures our home,” said Kurtzman and Orci. “From the moment we sat down with Adam, Donna, Peter, Jeff and the entire Uni team, there was an instant flow of inspired ideas. They really understand the importance of building a strong creative team and giving our shared projects their full support. We’re proud to start making movies that will live as part of Universal’s enduring legacy.”

Kurtzman and Orci’s K/O Paper Products will develop and produce a modern reimagining of Universal library titles including The Mummy, alongside producer Sean Daniel and writer Jon Spaihts. The pair will also develop and produce Universal’s reimagined Van Helsing, with Tom Cruise attached to star in and produce the film.

Kurtzman and Orci’s upcoming projects include writing Sony’s next installment of The Amazing Spider-Man; producing Now You See Me, for Lionsgate Summit, set for release in March 2013; and producing Orson Scott Card’s Ender’s Game, also for Lionsgate Summit. Kurtzman and Orci wrote and produced People Like Us, which marks Kurtzman’s directorial debut and is scheduled to be released in June 2012, and wrote and produced the second installment of Star Trek, set for release in 2013. The pair most recently rewrote All You Need Is Kill for Warner Bros., with Tom Cruise attached to star, Doug Liman to direct and Erwin Stoff to produce.

Kurtzman, Orci and the rest of their K/O Paper Products team, including President Bobby Cohen, will be housed on the Universal lot. Former assistants Ben Kim and Kim Cavyan will come aboard as creative executives. Kurtzman and Orci are represented by CAA and attorneys Michael Gendler and Kevin Kelly of Gendler & Kelly, APC.

Van Helsing pic from here

The Rockford Files making their way to the screen

It’s time for classic detectives to get rebooted, not only is Sherlock Holmes running around in several formats, but we got Jennifer Gardner as Miss Marple, and now Vince Vaughn will be Jim Rockford in the new Rockford Files film! The Rockford Files series featured a detective who preferred to talk his way out of trouble, and he worked mostly cold cases to avoid troubles with the police. This could go either way, Vaughn can talk and talk his way out of things and it would be interesting to see how it goes. Hopefully it works out good, because this has potential.

Via Deadline

Rockford Files Yellow Pages