Bratz Babyz

2006
Directed by Davis Doi
Written by John Doolittle

AAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No, no… NOOO! Not more Bratz movies! Okay, the live action one wasn’t terrible, but the cartoon ones are simply awful. And now we have them in Muppet Babies form! Yes, instead of teenage girls dressing as slores with giant eyes, now we have two year olds dressing as slores with giant eyes. What wonderful toys for your young daughters!

We need an update as to the status of The Bratz toyline since out other two reviews. Bratz was the center of a lawsuit where Mattel filed suit against MGA for infringement claiming the Bratz concept was developed by employees of Mattel who were still working at Mattel at the time. Mattel eventually won, and it was announced that the Bratz line would be pulled from store shelves after the Christmas 2008 season (the ruling was appealed and the Bratz line will be on shelves at least through 2009.) In 2009, Mattel came out with the Moxie Girlz line, which is an attempt to replace the Bratz. But then more lawyers showed up as artist Bernard “Butch” Belair declared the Bratz design was stolen from him and he sued both Mattel and MGA. Bernard “Butch” Belair claims to be from Brooklyn, NY, but I have it on good authority he is from West Philadelphia, born and raised, on the playground is where he spent most of his days…

The Bratz Babyz line was brought in as part of the Bratz strategy of flooding the market with everything Bratz in order to suck up every last cent from Mommy’s pocketbook. Bratz Babyz were epecially designed to hook young girls before they can even form complete sentences into the world of Bratz. They also were the target of several criticisms over the Bratz Babyz toys, including the “Babyz Night Out” fashion pack, the “Brattoo Parlor” playset (where your three-year-old can give herself a tramp stamp tattoo!), and the Big Babyz toys wearing what looks like thongs (but is just some plastic molding designed to prevent their skirts from riding up.)

This was the first Bratz Babyz movie, followed later by Bratz Super-Babyz, where the babies are superheroes.

Hey, that stuff was far too serious! How many of you were truely interested in the history of the Bratz Babyz franchise? Really? Well, all of you are freaks.

Bratz Babiez does us the disservice of not saying who voiced who in the credits. It’s like they are mocking me, personally. Damn you, Bratz Babiez!

Yasmin (Maryke Hendrikse) – The Latina Bratz who is the peacemaker of the group. Cloe (???) – The blonde and default leader of the Bratz Babiez. Constantly comes up with schemes to try to make money to rescue the lost puppy, but they all blow up in her face. Sasha (???) – Sasha is the Black Bratz who is sassy because all Black women are sassy, or so say stereotypes in movies. Jade (???) – Jade is the Asian Bratz because we needed another ethnic group. Nora (???) – Nora is the timid twin who loses Snappy because she is timid. Learn some self-respect, girl, or you will be working at a truck stop later in life. Nita (???) – Nita is the mean twin who blames everything on Nora, who is too timid to stand up for herself. Duane (???) – The evil Duane has a small brain but loves to pick on two year olds. He finds Snappy and demands $50 for the puppy’s return, thus causing the rest of the film to happen.

Is it sad I know these four main characters without cheating by now? They all have a pet or something, including Cloe’s pig with wings, Yasmin’s frog, Jade’s cat, and Sasha’s rabbit.