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InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Emmanuelle in Hong Kong

December 6, 2012By

Emmanuelle in Hong Kong

aka 香港艾曼紐之獸性培欲 aka Heung Gong ngaai maan nau ji sau sing pui yuk

2003
Written by Emmanuelle 71
Directed by Dick Lau Tin-Sze

Emmanuelle in Hong Kong
Sometimes a cigar represents so many things Freud needs to do some cocaine to calm down, okay???

Hey, you got Eyes Wide Shut on my Story of O! And you got Story of O on my Eyes Wide Shut! And everyone is Chinese and named Emmanuelle for some reason… Thus from this unlikely scenario we have the origin of a really disgusting Reeses product. And also Emmanuelle in Hong Kong!

Don’t be fooled, Emmanuelle in Hong Kong has nothing to do with any of the Emmanuelle series, neither the regular, black, yellow, in space, 2000, vs. Dracula, or any other random series. It is simply a name grab. And by the names of certain producers (Cary Grant!!) they are hiding behind the fake names themselves. Four films seem to have been produced at the same time by the same team, using many of the same actors. My Horny Girlfriend is another one in the series. This is looking more and more like the same model used now for the most recent Emmanuelle series! Unlike a lot of Category III trash that came out at the same time, at least some of these films attempt to do something interesting, even if it is largely copying other media and failing spectacularly. We at TarsTarkas.NET support effort.

Emmanuelle in Hong Kong
Nerdy Hef and Green Beret Phantom plan their next party

Emmanuelle in Hong Kong is another of the films produced by “Cary Grant”, a pseudonym so obvious I’m surprised they didn’t just go with Elvis Presley. And let’s not get in to the fact the script was written by “Emmanuelle 71”. The director, on the other hand, we will get into a little. Dick Lau Tin-Sze only helmed six titles, but he managed to helm a wide variety of smut, some of which stands out far and beyond the similar Category III films from the same period. Emmanuelle in Hong Kong was his first film released, followed by Erotic Agent II, then Sex and the Central, Sexy Soccer, Raped By an Angel 5, and finally The Undercover Madams, which has one of the most complex plots I’ve seen in a Category III film and I would even argue it borders on being a halfway decent flick. I don’t know if Dick Lau was a fake name that someone used in rotation or if he was just someone who dabbled in exploitation cinema under Matrix Productions Company and has since gone back to real estate or something. In any event, we wish him well.

Emmanuelle in Hong Kong
This has become one of the most creepy films of all time…

Dr. Yan Lam (Eddie Lam Kim-Fung) – Frustrated jerk husband who is the least understanding psychologist in the universe. Because his wife is experiencing emotional trauma he ships her off to be raped in the name of sexual freedom. Then he gets even more creepy. Somehow, that is possible. Eddie Lam is a prolific Category III actor, and will probably dethrone Elvis Tsui as the king of Cat III if he keeps it up.
Emily (Crystal Suen Ah-Lei) – Dr. Lam’s long-suffering wife, who had a miscarriage and has been depressed ever since. Her husband’s romantic gestures like trying to forcibly rape her have not helped, so she gets kidnapped and tortured.
Joyce (Akeno Junko) – Emily’s sister who has problems of her own, as she had frequent memory loss while nude and is secretly involved in rich people orgy cults. You know, normal problems.
Mr. K (???) – Mysterious leader of the Emmanuelle Orgy Cults, at least until it looks like a new Emmanuelle has risen through the ranks by the end of the flick. I have no clue who he is or why he wears a Phantom mask the entire film. Where is Mr. Y and Mr. Jelly?
Angel (Grace Lam Nga-Si) – Grace Lam is in this??? As a nun??? Who has a seperate side plot that does nothing and goes nowhere? Okay!
Emmanuelle 50 (Ami Sakurai) – It’s like the writer (Emmanuelle 71!) decided to name every character after him/herself or something! Another member of the sex club who Dr. Lam takes a shining to while his wife is getting the treatment.
Emmanuelle in Hong Kong
I’ll be having NUN of that Emmanuelle stuff!
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Fox Ghost (Review)

May 27, 2012By

Fox Ghost

aka Erotic Ghost Story: Flirtatious Pairs aka 聊齋誌異之孽慾孤鬼 aka Liáo zhai zhì yì zhi niè yù gu xian

2002
Directed by Stanley Tong Man-Hong

This is what happens when you don’t use dryer sheets and the static cling goes to overload!

From 2002 we have a Category III film of the sexual kind, Fox Ghost. And we must ask one question: Is it any good? No. Actually, two questions: Does it deliver the goods? Not really. If you want a cheap Cat III flick, it does okay, but the film isn’t erotic, is barely entertaining, and much of the film is boring filler. There are a few moments of glory, but other films have done much better, and are far more worth your time. But if you must watch the film, you might as well be prepared. I guess Sophie Ngan fans will be happy, as will fans of Hong Kong films that import Japanese talent to provide extra nudity. 1.3 billion Chinese, and they can’t find more than one to get naked in Fox Ghost? Actually, these two girls are Japanese AV stars, so maybe it is more of a ploy for extra sales overseas. Our version has 100% no subtitles, but when has that ever stopped us? At TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinkin’ subtitles! Fox Ghost blatantly advertises the fact it stars Sophie Ngan, the star of My Secret Private Virgin and The Peeper’s Story 2 – The Escape Partner. I will get right on that.

Despite the fact as ghosts we can be intangible and have all dirt fall to the floor through us, let us now engage in pseudo-lesbian bathing practices to satisfy the 100% male audience!

As you’ve probably figured out, the story loosely based on tales from The Carnal Prayer Mat (aka Rouputuan aka 肉蒲團) and Strange Stories from a Chinese Studio (aka Liaozhai Zhiyi aka Strange Tales of Liaozhai.) It is sort of a combined version of the tales. The Carnal Prayer Mat was written by author Li Yu in 1657 during the Qing Dynasty. The Sex and Zen films originate from this tale. Liaozhai Zhiyi was written by Pu Songling (1640-1715) during the early Qing Dynasty, first known to be published in 1766 (but probably was published before then.) It is a collection of 431 stories written in classical Chinese, most featuring scholars and female spirits (the Liaozhai, which are female ghosts.) Erotic Ghost Story is one of many other films to spring from that source.

Boy, you sure are over-thinking this bathing scene!

Ma Jia/Jiang Xiao-You (Sophie Ngan Chin-Man) – A woman who becomes liberated in the arts of pleasure, and keeps wanting more and more and more from her husband. Eventually he just leaves for a while so she’s gone until the end of the film. Almost as if they couldn’t afford to pay her for the entire length of filming… She is the daughter of a big tycoon named Keung. See Sophie Ngan also in Sex and the Central.
Tao Wang San (Matthew Ng Ting) – Scholar who is adept at getting women to drop their panties (or whatever they wore in Ancient China) whereever he goes. Marries Ma Jia, daughter of tycoon Keung. Also manages to bed two female ghosts and some random girls along the way. Faithfulness isn’t a trait Tao has.
Qui Rong (Hourai Miyuki) – One of two sexy ghosts who come to grab butts, have sex, and basically do whatever they can now that they have escaped from Hell. But someone is after them….
Xiao Xie (Akeno Junko) – The other of two sexy ghosts who come to grab butts, have sex, and basically do whatever they can now that they have escaped from Hell. But someone is after them…. Actress also in Emmanuelle in Hong Kong
Falun the Monk (Patrick Keung Hiu-Man) – A monk who doesn’t put up with Judges from Hell running around in his backyard.
Judge From Hell (????) – And you thought the judge that wouldn’t overturn your parking ticket was bad! This Judge from Hell goes to hunt down escapees, in this case the two ghost sisters.
Princess Leia (????) – Daughter of Darth Vader secretly hidden from him at birth in Ancient China. A leader in the Rebel Alliance against the Galactic Empire. Not adverse to kissing her brother.
Look, I’d like to help, but thanks to this hat I can’t walk through doorways anymore!
Sexy Soccer
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Sexy Soccer (Review)

August 17, 2011By

Sexy Soccer

aka Sing gum zhook kao aka 少女足球

2003
Directed by Dick Lau Tin-Sze

Warning, this movie has a lot of puns. A lot of bad puns. A lot of bad puns that don’t translate well so things might sound weird. Just go with it!

Hong Kong Category III sex films have gotten cheaper and cheaper. Sexy Soccer represents a last gasp of actual money in a production, films post-2003 seem to be done for 1/10th of the cost of this film. Sexy Soccer sees such things as extras, location shooting, and characters that number more than five. This is from Dick Lau Tin-Sze’s company (probably an alias), and the films he produced decreased in quality and used many of the same actors. It’s like watching them go from real movies down to community theater to dinner theater.

But it’s so damn awful! My goodness, so awful… A large portion of the film comprises of these girls playing soccer, and it’s obviously that they spent more time filming these scenes than the entirety of gym classes during their school years. Bumbling around the soccer field is not believable, but that’s not really the point of the film. The point of the film seems to be watching Matthew Ng Ting get it on with a variety of girls. As Matthew Ng Ting is not very attractive, the film treating him like some sort of lust-inducing superstud is laughable. The situations, the contrived plot, and the weird asides all add up to a wacky film. But at least it is somewhat entertaining. You do wonder what sort of weird thing will happen next. It’s…odd. And since some other films made soon after are just wretchedly bad, Sexy Soccer deserves more praise than it’s going to get. But it’s so damn awful!

The music is not bad, but I like surf music. If you don’t like surf music, than the soundtrack of the film will drive you bonkers! Actors credited that don’t seem to be in any other film include Tong Tong, Cheung Wing, Kam Bing-Man, and Siu Yau. Just which of them are which actresses/actors, I don’t know. And if any of the ??? actresses below show up in other films, again, I don’t know. We’re just chock full o’ knowledge here at TarsTarkas.NET!

Rolando Lo (Matthew Ng Ting) – Rolando is a soccer coach who just can’t win. Until he comes up with an idea to win win win. Also he has sex with like 5000 women in a matter of days. Imagine how many STDs this dude has. Matthew Ng Ting appeared out of nowhere to suddenly star in close to 25 Cat III sex films, then vanish just as quickly. Probably in a dumpster. A sex dumpster!
Pulls (Carmen Yeung Ga-Man) – Pulls has cotton balls in her mouth for some reason, I guess to make her more whiny or something. Odd character choice, but let’s go with it! Carmen Yeung Ga-Man was in a whole slew of Cat III films for a few years (including Sex and the Central), then suddenly disappeared, then suddenly reappeared as a singer, and was even linked to Eric Tsang in the tabloids. She has disappeared again.
Nina (Au-Yeung Hoi-Suen) – Nina gives Rolando the idea to get a team full of bouncy girls to distract the other soccer players. She even agrees to join his team if he finds someone else to be on it. That random promise put her down a road to becoming a soccer superstar. Au-Yeung Hoi-Suen/Vinny Ouyang was in a few random Cat III films during the first half of the Aughts. This was probably the best one of the lot. She also shows up briefly in Drink, Drank, Drunk before vanishing into obscurity.
Little Twin (???) – The legendary Rolling Queen of bowling. You may have heard of her, she’s very famous. You haven’t heard of Little Twin? You must be new around here, then! Kingpin was based on her life. And then Little Twin decided after a battle of riddles to conquer the world of soccer. Look out, soccer!
Big Twin (???) – The pool playing sister of the family, who is obviously related to Little Twin. I’m convinced the same actress played both parts and the scenes were achieved with digital trickery! That actress? Lindsay Lohan!
Ironan (Grace Lam Nga-Si) – Ironan? Was her name supposed to be Ironman? Iron-Nan? Iron on? Who know? In any event, she’s an auto mechanic recruited to the team as a goalie.
Mysterious Bonus Player (???) – Mysterious Bonus Player shows up in the background of a few of the soccer matches, rounding out the Friendly Balls team. But just who is she? Why does she only have one line? Why does actress Au-Yeung Hoi-Suen shove her out of the shot for one scene? These are the mysteries that try men’s souls.