But enough of that, just remember that the saber-toothed tiger has a mohawk! That’s all I care about, this cool cat. He is the punkest cat ever! Suck on lasagna, Garfield!
But enough of that, just remember that the saber-toothed tiger has a mohawk! That’s all I care about, this cool cat. He is the punkest cat ever! Suck on lasagna, Garfield!
I don’t know what he’ll find on the abandoned Earth, probably some mutant dudes and then a bunch of animal life monsters that will be impossible and just make me angry. Judging from the reasoning behind why Earth was abandoned, I’m not holding out hope for things to make a lot of sense. But I hope you like the AfterEarthSmithverse, because the studio is banking on you wanting to buy comic books, video games, and all sorts of other random crap!
A comic series called After Earth: Innocence will have some of the back story starting when Nova Prime was colonized, but even then there is backstory history all the way to 1908 and the Tunguska event. Later, the Raige family invents some stuff and becomes prominent, and then because someone writing this has a divine rights of kings fetish, thus the modern day (future) Raiges who are super generals.
Better After Earth than After Birth, I guess…
Post After Earth (after After Earth?), Will Smith is rumored to be developing a film around Cain and Abel, the biblical bros that ends in murder. Maybe this’ll answer the long-asked question as to where their wives came from! This will be Smith’s directorial debut if it goes forward.
Jaden Smith is set to star opposite his father, Will Smith, for director M. Night Shyamalan in an untitled sci-fi adventure, it was announced today by Doug Belgrad, president of Columbia Pictures. Shyamalan and Will Smith will produce with James Lassiter, Jada Pinkett Smith and Ken Stovitz, Smith’s partners at Overbrook Entertainment. The screenplay is by M. Night Shyamalan and Gary Whitta.
Written by Shyamalan AND Gary Whitta? The PC Gamer guy who wrote Book of Eli? This just keeps getting better and better!
Set 1,000 years into the future, a young boy navigates an abandoned and sometimes scary Earth to save himself and his estranged father after their ship crashes.
So it’s like A Kid in Battlefield Earth?
Shyamalan added, “The chance to make a scary, science-fiction film starring Jaden and Will is my dream project.”
I have a dream, Shyamalan. You give up movie making and become a nun.
The Happening has the distinction of being a movie about plants who leak an airborne toxin to kill people, because people are a bunch of douchebags who pollute the planet, kill bees, and spend lots of the film staring vacantly into space. This film is unbelievably bad, and the longer it goes, the worse the movie gets. The only likeable characters all die, and instead we have to follow the complete bore Mark Wahlberg is playing as he wusses his way around the East Coast. Mark is joined by Zooey Deschanel, who cannot act at all and spends most of the film staring with wide eyes. Rather disturbing. The third person in the main group is the daughter of John Leguizamo’s character, played by Ashlyn Sanchez, who is a small girl and thus Shyamalan gives her odd camera angles to emphasize how this is extra traumatic to her, even though the movie is boring. The likable characters such as John Leguizamo, the Hot Dog guy, the Army guy, and the two kids who get shotgunned all manage to die quickly. Everyone who lives does the dumbest things over and over again, to the point where you want them to die, but the movie hates you and keeps them alive. Up yours, The Happening. The film is filled with incorrect science on evolution and plant communication, plus just says “we’ll never know because it was nature” as an answer to almost everything. Even though the film already answered the question like twenty times in the film. Look for Dante from Clerks showing up as a jeep driver who has a need for speed and not wearing seatbelts.
A film like that would be quite painful by itself, but luckily we have Mike, Kevin, and Bill to keep us company. Thank goodness for that! From opening references about What’s Happening and stretching Deschanel, to constant breaking into songs and riffing on the terrible camera angles, fun times for all. Go to hell, plants!
Remember to run from the wind, because the wind is evil. And plants are evil, but it is the wind you run from. The movie tries to have jumpscares with wind! This movie is terrible. But the RiffTrax is golden. Stop by RiffTrax.com and pick it up, you’ll be glad you did, once you get over the fact you have to watch The Happening.
Seriously, this movie is TERRIBLE!