Yod Manut Computer (Review)

Yod Manut Computer

aka Computer Superman

Directed by ??? (maybe Sompote Sands?)

Yod Manut Computer is a Thai comedy about some wacky guys with wacky powers who have wacky adventures in Wackyland, Wackyland being Thailand, which is pretty wacky. Thailand has an awesome film industry which is in complete disarray because most of their film heritage is disintegrating as no one cares, and most of their modern films are being chopped up by censors from the various governments Thailand has over the years. It is possible if you read this in the future (hello from the past, by the way) that Thailand will have several more governments from the current one, which recently killed a bunch of people and there were riots in the capital. See, Wackyland!

So Yod Manut Computer made it onto vcd because it was made by Chaiyo Productions and Sompote Sands, as opposed to some random production company. You might have heard of Chaiyo productions thanks to Chaiyo’s theft of the Ultraman franchise and the resounding lawsuits that Chaiyo finally lost decades later. This film still looks like garbage what with the fullscreen cropping, vcd compression, and film stock degradation. Heck, even the title screen seems to be gone, or maybe the film never mentioned its title as the credits do roll but without anything that I can recognize as a film title, and I spend literally over an hour trying to read every credit in the beginning and comparing it to words in the title. The things I do for this website…

The Roll Call has a grand total of one person with their actual name. This is not because of a lack of trying, this is because of a lack of information on older Thai film in English. If you want to do something about it, learn Thai, then translate a lot of Thai film credits into English, launch a website dedicated to identifying Thai actors in film, and stop complaining that I am not doing it because I already have a bunch of other languages to learn before Thai. So whoever Duangchewan and Choosri are will remain a mystery for now.

Pilam (Yodchai Meksuwan) – Pilam is a freak who was born with a tail. Many people are born with tails, and a few of them aren’t human/demon hybrids but normal people like you and me! Pilam is one of them Pilam eventually loses his tail thanks to a crazy lady, but quickly becomes computer enhanced thanks to Crazy Professor Guy. Yodchai Meksuwan was one of the Thai movie superstars in the 1970s after the death of Mitr Chaibancha but left film in 1977, though he occasionally pops back up, but he’s mainly an artist now.
Snotty (Thep Tienchai) – James Band!! Snotty produces gooey goo from his nose that acts like glue, but only when the script calls for it, otherwise it acts like snot.
Hands (???) – Hands has giant hands, thus the name I gave him since I couldn’t figure out his real name. Maybe I should have called him Manos… He was the inspiration for the Foo Fighters video of Everlong!
Ears (???) – Ears has big ears, which act like radar dishes and allow him to hear things that he shouldn’t hear. Like your secrets. Ears knows what you did. You better confess to the cops now, Ears is writing them an email to tip them off as you read this. Ears can grow the ears even bigger if he wants to, which will allow him to hear into your very soul, and the darkness that resides there. Poor Ears, as you got some nasty stuff going on deep in your soul. Maybe you should talk to a psychologist. Or an exorcist…
Crazy Professor Guy (???) – He’s crazy, he’s a professor, he’s the Crazy Professor Guy! Obviously his real name and not one I just made up for the review.

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Golden Nun (Review)

Golden Nun

1977HKMDB Link
Directed and written by Tyrone Hsu Tien-Yung

Golden Nun is another in a long line of Taiwanese flicks that are pretty much unknown here and filled with goofy things. In this instance, we got a bald headed lady monk who fights a ghost girl, and at one point this bald nun becomes golden. Thus, the title. Does it make sense? Hell no! But why let that stop you? Taiwanese films are like…films…that….stuff. Yeah. Uh. Okay, maybe I need an actual metaphor and should stop winging it. So there have been more Taiwanese films than usual reviewed here recently, largely due to the fact I got a hold of a bunch of odd ones and am cranking them out slowly but surely.

What is weirdest about Golden Nun is that it is a musical! Inspired by Chinese opera stuff so there are a few random songs. The first one comes out of nowhere, but you get used to them.

Names are best guesses based on dialogue, they might be completely wrong, but too bad! Since this review is about it for English language mentions of Golden Nun, you are going to take what you can get and like it! We have no subtitles and no patience. But at TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinkin’ subtitles!

Sai Yu-Chan (Lam Dai) – golden nun Lam Dai actually shaved her head for this role (or a few other roles, it looks like she is bald in a few movies.) In addition to starring in Golden Nun, Lam Dai also had a role in 13 Golden Nuns, released the same year but probably unrelated. She is also in a movie called Wolf Girl
Sing Wei-a (Lee Tao Hung) – Main guy who gets involved in all the wacky adventures with his bald girlfriend and ghost wife. Wacky wacky wacky. Too bad he is so boring.
Shiu Jiu-wa (Hu Chin) – Is she or isn’t she? Only her mortician knows for sure! Hu Chin was in The Fate of Lee Khan, so she gets forgiven for the fact the rest of her career looks like it was nothing but trash like this.
Taoist Priest (Tien Feng) – Tien Feng was Lee Khan in The Fate of Lee Khan, and also plays bad dudes in many other films, so he rules, even if he isn’t Lam Ching-Ying and therefore not the best Taoist Priest ever. Thus, he gets killed.
Pervy Guy (Lor Tok) – Lor Tok from James Band 007? What are you doing here? I guess his popularity in Thai films translated to making the big money in Taiwan. He basically has an extended cameo as a pervy guy who gets offed by the ghostly Shiu Jiu-wa.

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James Band 007 (Review)

James Band 007

Directed by ???

James Bond ripoffs seem to exists in every culture’s movie repartee. Some countries churn out dozens of them, especially during the boom years of the 1960s and 1970s. So it is only fitting the comedians get in on the act. Spy spoof films also seem to show up in every country. Spy films are a genre ripe for spoofing, because they are usually freaking ridiculous on their lonesome. James Bond even approached self-parody with cheesy ridiculous entries like Moonraker. So it comes to no surprise that we have a Thai James Bond spoof. The surprise is the film has survived to the point of hitting VCD, which pretty much means we will have at least a low-res version of it forever. Hooray for low-grade film archiving.

Now, I originally got this film off the eThaicd website as a whim, looking for something to fill the order up enough. I didn’t expect this to be anything special, I didn’t even expect it to be a comedy. I was surprised when I opened the package and looked through my vcds, just to notice that the cover to this one included a tiny C-3PO and R2-D2 at the bottom of the film poster. I expected that I would scan in the VCD cover, make a joke about how I liked those droids and couldn’t wait to see them, then get all mad when they never showed up. But the movie punked me. Because…C-3PO and R2-D2 are in this movie! Seriously! Sure, generic Thai knockoffs, but it is them and that is who they are supposed to be! It is one of the most awesome movie discovery I have made. Of course, I included clips of the droids in action. Just stay put. I did some research on the cast, since the only thing written in English about James Band 007 is the order page on the eThaicd website.

James Band (Thep Tienchai) – A bike cabbie who takes over the mantle of James Bond when he is killed in his taxi. Thep Tienchai gained fame in the 1970s using his bad looks and missing teeth in his comedy act, but he has since passed on. He can also be seen in the films Pher Jorm Pern, Tah Tien, and Yod Manood Computer (where snot flows from his nose.)
The Villain (Lor Tok) – The Villain of the piece (I never caught his name) is evil and wants to destroy the world. He has robot goons, and lots of henchmen. Lor Tok was born Sawong Supsamruay, and eventually became one of the greatest comedic actors in Thai cinema. His film debut was in 1933 in Wan Chakayan. Among his over 1000 films roles he starred in the comedy horror Dracula Tok, which had a cartoon series based on it after his 2002 death. He established his own production company in 1969 called Tok Boom Parpayon.
Contact (???) – The contact James Bond was supposed to meet and James Band now meets instead. She may be named Pani Ka. Incredibly thin. Not afraid to tromp around in a bikini.
Thai Moneypenny (???) – James Bond means lots of hot chicks, so of course one of them will work for the secret agency that James Bond works for. Thus we dub her Thai Moneypenny because we didn’t catch her real name. The actress seems very prolific, I have spotted her on several posters.
Thai M (???) – The Thai M heads the secret agency that the James Bond of Thailand works for. His agency is so powerful that some random rickshaw guy saves the day.
James Bond (???) – Thailand has their own James Bond, except he isn’t very good at dodging assassin’s bullets and ends up becoming 00Dead. Luckily, James Band takes over!
A2B (???) – The C-3Po droid of our evil Villain. Gold skin, evil laugh, short temper, he is every bit the C-3PO we all know and love.
A2A (???) – The R2-D2 droid of our evil Villain. I believe his name is A2A, but I am not sure so don’t yell at me for my less than fluent Thai. A2A likes to peep, and argues with A2B about everything. Their battles can get violent. A2A is made out of a bunch of vents, filters, and gauges.

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