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Happy Face Killer Lifetime

Happy Face Killer smiles on Lifetime!

Happy Face Killer Lifetime

Guilty of being a man on the Lifetime Network! Oh, and all those murders I did!


When it comes to killing, do it with a smile! That’s what I’ve learned in all my years of watching movies where people get killed all the time, but barely anyone has fun doing it. It’s like people are bothered by all the heavy emotional tolls of murder or something. Luckily, Lifetime is bringing us an “inspired by real-life events” movie called Happy Face Killer. Where else can you watch David Arquette be a creepy murderer besides the movie See Spot Run? Luckily, Gloria Reuben is hunting him down, hunting him down like a dog. Named Spot.

Happy Face Killer premieres March 1st on Lifetime. And, yes, the creepo is a real guy, now behind bars forever.

Inspired by real-life events, “Happy Face Killer” follows the hunt and ultimate capture of serial killer Keith Hunter Jesperson. An aspiring cop turned long-haul truck driver after a failed marriage, Jesperson strangled his first victim following an argument and was back on the road again the very next day, killing at least eight women over a five-year span as he crisscrossed the country. Upset after a woman falsely confesses that she and her boyfriend are responsible for one of his murders, Jesperson begins to taunt the authorities by sending a series of disturbing letters to newspaper editors, even scribbling confessions on the walls of highway rest stops admitting that he loved killing his victims. By signing his morbid notes with a happy face, he earned himself the notorious nickname, “Happy Face Killer” and forever left his mark of fear.

“Happy Face Killer” is produced by Happy Face Productions/Front Street Pictures and executive produced by Tom Patricia (“Homeless to Harvard: The Liz Murray Story”) and produced by Harvey Kahn (“Abducted: The Carlina White Story”). The script was written by Richard Christian Matheson (Stephen King’s “Nightmares and Dreamscapes”) and directed by Rick Bota (“Beauty and the Beast”).

via Lifetime

Status Unknown Brea Grant

Status: Unknown is a Lifetime mystery!

Status Unknown Brea Grant

Stop poking me on Facebook, jerk!


Lifetime’s promotion of their original movies is so good, I almost missed this one! With barely any mention on their site, February 22nd will be the premiere of the latest movie about how the internet is dangerous and you should never trust anything on it, Status: Unknown! Status: Unknown will teach you that whenever anyone you care about has weird status updates, that’s because they’ve been murdered and someone is pretending to be them. It’s true, it’s so true…

Despite Lifetime treating Status: Unknown worse than the murderous husband treats his wife in Status: Unknown (at least he updates her status!), TarsTarkas.NET is here to give you the goods. Status: Unknown stars Stacey Oristano, Stephen Colletti, Brea Grant(!), and site favorite Griff Furst. Here is a synopsis from the page that is linked with no image down near the bottom on Lifetime’s movie page:

After a lively high school reunion, Jessica and Cynthia reconnect with their childhood friend Karen and vow to stay in close communication online. After a year of cheerful daily status updates, Karen begins to post some strange updates to her life. When Jessica tries to call Karen to let her know that she and Cynthia will be in town for the week she is unable to reach her. Sensing something may be seriously wrong, Jessica tracks down Karen’s husband Paul to find out where her friend is. Paul tells her that Karen ran off to Hawaii due to marriage issues but Jessica is convinced he is lying. But when random status posts begin showing up on Karen’s page, Jessica suspects that someone else might be behind it…

Sounds like you might want to see a trailer? Too bad! This enigma will have to wait until it airs for us to know whether to hit Like or to just logout and stick to Twitter.

The Good Mistress lifetime

The Good Mistress vs. The Evil Man on Lifetime!

The Good Mistress lifetime

I’m so good when I’m so bad!


Men suck, luckily Lifetime brings The Good Mistress in to take down one such evil man:

Sandy, a young woman struggling to recover from alcoholism and a tragic automobile accident caused by her addiction, moves to a new town where her high school friend, Karen, has offered her a job. After becoming involved with a mysterious gentleman, Sandy soon finds herself in jeopardy when she discovers that he is actually Karen’s husband, Sam, a candidate in the county elections and a suspect in a murder investigation.

Geez, Sandy, way to pick a good one there! Sam runs the gauntlet of being a Lifetime Channel Evil Man – cheats on his wife, good guy persona, secret murderer, is named Sam, politician. By the time he’s killed at the end of the film (or thrown in jail, either one), we’ll all be screaming for him to go down.

The Good Mistress stars Annie Heise, Kendra Anderson, Antonio Cupo, but there isn’t a lot of information about it out right now except that synopsis. Seriously, it’s on in two weeks, maybe you could get a little bit of publicity information out, Lifetime? This one small image isn’t going to cut it! All we know is the title is designed to make us think of The Good Wife, which this sounds suspiciously like it was the starting idea they created their own film from.

The Good Mistress premieres February 15th on Lifetime!

The Girl he Met Online Lifetime

The Girl He Met Online is more internet danger tales from Lifetime!

The Girl he Met Online Lifetime

The dangers of meeting women online include spraypaint!


People on Lifetime need to stop meeting people online, because The Girl He Met Online is like the fourth “Met Online” movie where horrible horrible things happen. Instead of OKCupid, they get NO-KCupid! Just last year we got The Husband She Met Online, and before that was The Boy She Met Online and The Wife He Met Online. This is a franchise no one knew about, but everyone needs to know about. Stay away from the online!

Sexy 23-year-old Gillian has no trouble attracting men, but her bipolar moods scare them off. Once dumped, her anger knows no bounds. She’s on better behavior with man-of-her-dreams Andy, until her boss and mother push her into a corner and Andy’s sister dies as a result. The only question now is whether Andy himself will fall prey to the girl he met online.

Will she get him, with her online anger? Let’s hope so, because online rage in movie form can only be awesome. Lifetime continues their reign as the only major original television movie source still standing, and films like these will keep it a source of entertainment for years to come!

The Girl He Met Online stars Yvonne Zima, Mary-Margaret Humes, and Shawn Roberts, and premieres February 8th on Lifetime.

The Gabby Douglas Story Lifetime

Lifetime brings The Gabby Douglas Story!

The Gabby Douglas Story Lifetime

Lifetime starts off February with The Gabby Douglas Story, a biopic about the gymnast Olympian who won gold in the 2012 games. Imani Hakim plays the teenage Gabby Douglas, with Regina King as her mother and S. Epatha Merkerson as her grandma. I’ve always been a fan of women’s gymnastics, even if I don’t follow the sport regularly much any more, it’s always interesting to watch. Douglas overcame sickness, poverty, and discrimination to become a champion.

A prodigy from a very young age, Gabby Douglas originally made her mark on the world of competitive gymnastics at age eight. She won numerous state championship titles in her age group throughout her early competitive career. While her star was fast rising in the arena, Gabby and her family faced economic challenges at home and she made the difficult decision to leave her mother Natalie, three siblings and grandmother in Virginia Beach and move to Des Moines, Iowa, to train with renowned coach Liang Chow to pursue her dream of Olympic glory. Buoyed by her early success, dedication and unyielding love from her family, Gabby made it onto the 2012 U.S. Women’s Gymnastics team, with whom she faced intense competition in the London Games. Her sacrifice and perseverance were triumphantly rewarded with Team Competition and Individual All-round gold medals, placing Gabby and her teammates – known as “The Fierce Five” — among the world’s all-time greats in gymnastics.

A review from the AVClub mentioned that the film glosses over some of the discrimination Douglas encountered. Both Douglas and her mother consulted/executive produced the film’s production.

The Gabby Douglas Story airs February 1st. Via Lifetime

Lifetime Channel owns January – Flowers in the Attic, Lizzie Borden, and Tiger Eyes!

Lifetime is on a spree of interesting new made for tv movies, including two high profile January events, and one that’s not as high profile just because the other two are so much bigger.

January 11th will give us Tiger Eyes – yes, based on the book by Judy Blume! Don’t tell me you didn’t read it as a kid. Tiger Eyes stars Willa Holland, Amy Jo Johnson, and Cynthia Stevenson .

17-year-old Davey’s life has been ripped apart by the sudden loss of her father. Uprooted by her mother to the strange “atom bomb” town of Los Alamos, New Mexico, she meets the mysterious Wolf and sets out on a journey from heartbreak and confusion to life and love after tragedy. Based on the classic novel, “Tiger Eyes” by Judy Blume.

In addition to some live-action Judy Blume, don’t forget January 18th brings us Flowers in the Attic! We posted a trailer in our last Lifetime update.

Based on V.C. Andrews’ controversial book that quickly became a cult classic, the Lifetime Original Movie “Flowers in the Attic” weaves the twisted story of the Dollanganger kids who, after the unexpected death of their father, are convinced by their mother Corrine (Heather Graham) to stay hidden in the attic of their wealthy grandparents’ mansion so she can reclaim the family fortune. But as her visits begin to wane after she becomes involved with a new husband (Dylan Bruce), the children endure unimaginable treatment at the hands of their ruthless grandmother Olivia Foxworth (Ellen Burstyn). As years go by and the eldest children Cathy (Kiernan Shipka) and Christopher (Mason Dye) come of age, both emotionally and physically, their family’s sordid past entraps them further as they look to each other for comfort.

Then break out your grinding stones, because January 25th is the premiere of Lizzie Borden Took an Axe! Christina Ricci plays the titular character.

The nursery rhyme “Lizzie Borden took an ax…and gave her mother forty whacks…when she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one” has been folklore for generations. But, in fact, it was Lizzie Borden — one of the most legendary figures in American history — who first whetted the public’s voracious interest in scandalous crimes in the 1800s with her own gruesome story involving the brutal murder of her parents. Starring Golden Globe® and Emmy® Award nominee Christina Ricci (Monster), Golden Globe® Nominee Billy Campbell (The Killing) and Screen Actors Guild Award® winner Clea DuVall (Argo), the Lifetime Original Movie Lizzie Borden Took An Ax premieres January 25, 2014, at 8pm ET/PT.

January is the Month of Lifetime, and since SyFy can’t get their act together to premiere more cool creature features, Lifetime is now the biggest network in original movies.

via Lifetime

Tiger Eyes

Hey, there are no tigers here!