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Grumpy Cat Worst Christmas Ever Lifetime

Lifetime gives us the (sigh) Grumpy Cat Christmas Movie trailer


Although I’ve been sick as a deformed internet cat these past few weeks, the world keeps turning, and Lifetime’s tidal wave of junk keeps churning, and out popped the trailer for Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever, a movie that demanded to be made. By someone. Someone bad. Bad bad bad!

Thrill as a cat is exploited by its owners! Chill as Aubrey Plaza collects a paycheck. Dill pickles are good to eat, and better than this movie will be. Kill Bill will probably be on another channel if you need to surf. Still, it beats those Fred movies!

As Grumpy Cat is the only cat that looks like her, that means no cats being used as doubles. It also means a bunch of closeup shots of the cat “responding” to things happening and characters carrying around the largely immobile cat. So it will looks sort of weird. The trailer shows it to be sort of self-aware, but all of that is just the voiceover by Aubrey Plaza, so how much is ad-libbed and how much was there originally is a mystery I don’t care enough to solve.

As usual, we’ll hope for the best but expect the worst. Speaking of worst, Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever airs Saturday, November 29th on Lifetime.

Grumpy Cat (voiced by Aubrey Plaza) is a lonely cat living in a mall pet shop. Because she never gets chosen by customers, she develops a sour outlook on life…until one day during the holidays, a very special 12-year-old girl named Chyrstal enters the pet store and falls in love with her after realizing she is the only person who can hear this unique cat talk. As the two develop a close friendship during the holiday rush, Grumpy reluctantly thwarts the kidnapping of an exotic dog she dislikes and, on Christmas Eve, rescues Chyrstal after the mall closes. Through her adventures, will Grumpy learn the true meaning of Christmas? Or will it be, in her words, the “Worst. Christmas. Ever?”

Dead on Campus Lifetime

Dead on Campus pranks death and destruction on Lifetime!

Dead on Campus Lifetime

A-ha! Drugs! And not even the cool drugs, these are lame drugs! You’re out of the sorority, sister!


Despite popping up on their schedule and being in a press release, Lifetime hasn’t been overdoing the marketing for Dead on Campus, their new original movie airing Saturday, November 8. It’s almost as if it is getting lost in the shuffle of grumpy cats, Christmas cheer, and miniseries announcements. But TarsTarkas.NET cares, and despite a killer cold, we’ve been paying attention to the upcoming slate of films and can now break out the Dead on Campus information that deserves to be free to the world!

College should have been the best time of Natalie’s life, especially when she pledged Phi Delta Pi, one of the most prestigious sororities in the country. What initially feels like a welcoming sisterhood turns into a strange hazing when Natalie learns she’s required to seduce an awkward college student named Sumner to continue her pledge. When Natalie reluctantly complies by bringing Sumner to her dorm, her “sisters” play a prank that results in the drugging of Sumner and his accidental death. Natalie is accepted into the lavish world of Phi Delta Pi, but only if she keeps her mouth shut. As Sumner’s older sister starts questioning the circumstances of his accident, the pressure builds for Natalie, who is feeling increasingly manipulated by Alexis and her cohorts. She realizes Alexis has no intention of telling the truth and will cut anyone down who attempts to threaten her reputation, even if it means framing Natalie.

Dead on Campus stars Katelyn Tarver (Big Time Rush) as Natalie Kellison, Nicki Aycox (Dark Blue) as Danielle Williams, and Tamara Duarte (Degrassi: The Next Generation) as Alexa Cooper. It’s directed by Curtis Crawford (Killing Daddy, four different “The ________ Met Online” Lifetime films), which means he is very good at delivering crazy Lifetime drama. Dead on Campus is written by John Serge (A Sister’s Revenge)

Hazing is bad, but watching crazy movies is good, so do that instead!

via Lifetime

Wally Lamb Wishin Hopin Lifetime

Prepare to drop letters from words with Wally Lamb’s Wishin’ and Hopin’ on Lifetime Channel!

Wally Lamb Wishin Hopin Lifetime

Breakfast Club: The Next Generation!


I will admit not being too familiar with Wally Lamb, and nor do I appear to be his target audience, but for those of you who can’t get enough of the Lamb, Lifetime is bringing one of his books to life. Wally Lamb’s Wishin’ and Hopin’ will be part of Lifetime’s power pack of Christmas flicks, and it features narration by Chevy Chase. I’d make a Christmas Vacation joke, except I already made a Breakfast Club joke about Molly Ringwald, and there would be too many cute joke references for one small news article to handle. Which means they’d have ot fight to the death, and then I’d have to clean up the mess. No thank you.

Wally Lamb’s Wishin’ and Hopin’ harkens back to the days of yore, when kids knew who Annette Funicello was and didn’t know who Meat Loaf was. Okay, they probably still don’t know who Meat Loaf is, but he’s in the movie as well. Watch Fight Club, kids!

Based on the New York Times best-selling Christmas novel by Wally Lamb comes the new Christmas classic, starring Molly Ringwald and featuring narration by Chevy Chase as the narrator. Set in 1960s, Wishin’ and Hopin’ story of 10-year-old Felix Funicello (Wyatt Ralff, The Disappearance of Eleanor Rigby), doing his best to navigate fifth grade at St. Aloysius Gonzaga Parochial School. His father (Danny Nucci, The Fosters) runs the local diner, and their family’s claim to fame is their cousin Annette Funicello (Krysta Rodriguez, Smash), the famous teen star and Mouseketeer. With the dreaded Christmas pageant on the horizon, the holiday season gets even more exciting with the sudden arrivals of a substitute teacher (Ringwald) and the feisty Russian student Zhenya, promising to be one Christmas Felix will never forget. Also stars Meat Loaf (Fight Club), Annabella Sciorra (CSI), Cheri Oteri (Saturday Night Live) and Conchata Ferrell (Two and a Half Men) and Camila Banus (Days of Our Lives).

The film is directed by Colin Theys, and written by John Doolan (based on Wally Lamb’s original story). Both the writer and director worked on Alien Opponent and Banshee!!!, but sadly I don’t think monsters and aliens are going to stop on by, unless my theory that Annette Funicello is a Reptillian is proven by Wishin’ and Hopin’. After all, something happened to those missing G’s, it probably was aliens!

Wally Lamb’s Wishin’ and Hopin’ premieres Saturday, December 6, on Lifetime!

Photo by Pietro Camardella provided via Lifetime/A&E Media

Seasons of Love Lifetime Taraji P. Henson Gladys Knight

It’s the reason for the Seasons of Love on Lifetime!

Seasons of Love Lifetime Taraji P. Henson Gladys Knight

I think we’re gonna need a bit more alcohol if we have to sit through all of An En Vogue Christmas!


Lifetime has what looks to be a nice relationship tale for the holidays with Seasons of Love. It also looks to be another example of Lifetime putting out some quality diverse films. And it looks to have nothing to do with the song from the Rent soundtrack!

Kyla (LeToya Luckett, Single Ladies) and Amir’s (Cleo Anthony, Divergent) new romance is thrown for a loop when Amir’s father (Richard Portnow) suddenly passes away and Kyla’s ex, Miles (Rob Riley, Hit the Floor), comes back into the picture. The two struggle to determine what truly matters to them in this story of life, love and family. Taraji P. Henson stars and executive produces, while Gladys Knight and Cliff “Method Man” Smith also star.

Seasons of Love stars Taraji P. Henson, Gladys Knight, Method Man, LeToya Luckett, Cleo Anthony, Richard Portnow, Rob Riley, and Elizabeth Ho.

The film is directed by Princess Monique. This is her first feature besides the 2002 short The Call, which she also cowrote along with the two credited writers for Seasons of Love – Sharon Brathwaite-Sanders and Peres Owino. It is a new batch of creatives looking to make their mark.

It’s still too early for the trailers to pop up, but Seasons of Love premieres Sunday, November 23, on Lifetime!

via A&E and Lifetime
Photo by Courtesy of Lifetime/A&E Press

Grumpy Cat Soundtrack

Lifetime’s Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever has a soundtrack

Grumpy Cat Soundtrack

In famous exploited deformed internet cat news, Lifetime’s Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever has a soundtrack, because Lifetime movies having official soundtracks is now a thing that happens.

Aubrey Plaza has been cast as the voice of Grumpy Cat, because easy paychecks are the best paychecks. After all, Bill Murray did it!

Grumpy Cat (voiced by Aubrey Plaza) is a lonely cat living in a mall pet shop. Because she never gets chosen by customers, she develops a sour outlook on life…until one day during the holidays, a very special 12-year-old girl named Chyrstal enters the pet store and falls in love with her after realizing she is the only person who can hear this unique cat talk. As the two develop a close friendship during the holiday rush, Grumpy reluctantly thwarts the kidnapping of an exotic dog she dislikes and, on Christmas Eve, rescues Chyrstal after the mall closes. Through her adventures, will Grumpy learn the true meaning of Christmas? Or will it be, in her words, the “Worst. Christmas. Ever?”

Wait, wait, wait. “CHYRSTAL”??? I hate this movie more than I thought I could.

Anyway, here are the track listings:

1. Its Hard To Be A Cat On Christmas
2. Sleigh Ride
3. Jingle Bells
4. Up On The Housetop
5. Deck The Halls
6. Worst Time Of Year
7. Christmastime Again
8. Carol Of The Bells
9. Holiday Bells
10. Christmas Honey
11. All I Want For Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth)
12. White Christmas
13. Grumpcracker Medley
14. A Very Grumpy Christmas

Will there be a Grumpcracker scene? Or is it just a cute name? We will find out soon enough. Too soon, some may say.

Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever airs Saturday, November 29, on Lifetime.

via Lifetime

Also here is Grumpy Cat driving a car in the movie for some reason:

Grumpy Cat Christmas Car

Grand Theft Auto: Cat Andreas

High School Possession Lifetime

Learn how teen exorcisms are dangerous with High School Possession on Lifetime!

High School Possession Lifetime

I was totally just possessed when I harassed those attractive diminutive perjurers! I’d never do anything like that in now.


Just when you thought Lifetime had run out of things to warn teens and parents about, Lifetime ups the ante! There is teen pregnancy, rainbow parties, evil grandmas, men, friends, new girls at school, being 17, men, the internet, choking, religious men, and men. And now, teenage exorcisms! Yes, High School Possession (aka High School Exorcism) will scare the demons out of your daughter or son if they ever think about hanging around with that exorcism clique. We all had them in high school, wandering the halls throwing holy water on people, speaking in tongues, getting expelled by Principal Satan. Good times.

Lauren is your average high school student. Intelligent and gifted, she’s the student editor of the school newspaper, and as part of her senior year project, she’s doing an expose on each of the school cliques. Her next assignment is to follow Olivia and her church youth group known as “The Chosen”. One night after interviewing them, Lauren stumbles onto The Chosen performing an exorcism on a girl led by Reverend Young. Lauren is horrified but intrigued so she begins to investigate and it seems to have really helped the girl. Meanwhile, Lauren’s best friend Chloe is having trouble and spiraling out of control at home and at school. Her mother has taken her to countless doctors and none of them can clearly diagnose her. The only option remaining is for Chloe to be hospitalized. Lauren realizes that Chloe might be possessed and needs an exorcism. But when Reverend Young refuses to help them Lauren and The Chosen decide to take matters into their own hands…except not all of the girls may be doing this to save Chloe and when it becomes evident that Olivia is performing the ritual to hurt her it’s up to Lauren to truly save Chloe.

High School Possession has a strong as heck cast: Janel Parrish (Pretty Little Liars, Bratz), Jennifer Stone (Wizards of Waverly Place), Ione Skye (Say Anything…), Kelly Hu (Scorpion King), Shanley Caswell (Detention), and Bailey Anne Borders (Raze). More than enough to get my attention!

It’s directed by Peter Sullivan (Christmas Twister) and written by Hanz Wasserburger (also Christmas Twister), both of which have pedigrees in made-for-tv holiday movies, so that’s the only worrying part. Unless you think of this as a made-for-tv Halloween movie, then it sounds better!

Either way, this looks cool, so I am programming the DVR. High School Possession premieres Saturday, October 25th on Lifetime!
via Lifetime