aka Saltwater 2016 Written by Scott Foy, Griff Furst, and Jack Snyder
Directed by A.B. Stone Atomic Shark is a pretty darn good SyFy shark flick, but the problem is, it was so close to being among the best that I’m angry it missed the boat! But I guess no one can live up to Ghost Shark, so we got to just accept the fact that you are good and fun, but not the new classic we were hoping for! Once again Tars is digging through his archive of shark films taped off of SyFy that he hasn’t gotten around to watching. This time the shark is glowing red hot because it has been mutated to become nuclear reactor! That gives this shark a unique look, and combine that with Atomic Shark throwing everything but the kitchen sink into the film to add flavor, and you got yourself some fun shark chomping!
We got burnt fish popping up on shores, environmental coverups, government coverups, a sunken soviet sub leaking radiation, and the shark is a bomb (though a glowing red from the heat shark that’s a bomb, not a shark with a literal bomb strapped to it like the posters seemed to suggest!) that without sea water it will overheat and explode all over the place. And it will probably explode if you shoot it! So that makes the plans to take it down a bit complicated. Luckily the plucky lifeguards and their cadre of friends and fellow shark-stopping enthusiasts are up to the challenge, even if the shark won’t be the only red stuff in the water (it’s blood, blood in the water is the other thing I am talking about here)
Old newsreel dialogue, footage of cold war atomic bomb information, and even Dr. Robert Oppenheimer quoting the Hindu Bagavad Gita “Now i am death, the destroyer of worlds”, plays we see a shark swimming through the ocean. It’s a crash course in setting the tone along with some of the great monster movies that use environmental tragedy as the foundation for their creatures’ destructive power. Atomic Shark takes a deep dive into the meta-textual with hashtags, emojis, and instragram filters on screen, yelp reviews of restaurants, the film becoming even more widescreen during an epic confrontation between a lifeguard and the atomic shark, and dramatic music playing that cuts out every time Gina blows out the lighter from the enraged documentary lady but comes right back once the lighter is re-lit. Atomic Shark even has it’s own surf theme song, and it’s own rap song and video! I’ve tried looking up A.B. Stone, the credited director, and that seems a pseudonym, so there may have been some things going on behind the scenes (or it is just someone at a specific production company who is smart enough to avoid all social media!)
If you want a whole pack of shark movies to tide you over for the summer, then SyFy has got you covered with their Sharknado Week! Not only are we getting a fourth Sharknado film, but there are tons of other shark films being aired, including a few other premieres. Everything is detailed below, including a copy/paste of their press release. And not everything has a trailer yet, so BOOOO!!! First the new films:
Atomic Shark premieres July 24, with further airings July 27 & July 31.
What’s worse than a hungry shark? An atomic hungry shark, of course.
Atomic Shark is directed by Griff Furst (Ghost Shark) and written by Griff Furst and Jack Snyder (Fatal Exam) It stars Rachele Brooke Smith, Jeff Fahey, David Faustino, Bobby Campo, and Isaiah LaBorde
I’ve never seen a bad Griff Furst movie, they’ve all been fun and amazing, so Atomic Shark will be the must-watch film of the group! The poster suggests that there is a big bomb strapped to the shark, so that should be awesome!
Dam Sharks! premieres July 25 and is reaired on July 31.
Sharks in a dam. The worst.
There isn’t a lot of information about Dam Sharks! yet, but it’s directed by James Kondelik, Jon Kondelik the brothers who directed Airplane vs. Volcano and Age of Tomorrow, and stars Matt Mercer, Kabby Borders, Robert Craighead, Ashton Bingham, and Eric Paul Erickson. It’s from Asylum, so it should be good fun.
Ice Sharks premieres July 26 with further airings July 29 & July 31.
A group of ravenous sharks break into a military base, forcing all the scientists to escape before they are eaten alive.
It’s directed and written by Emile Edwin Smith, who is an ice expert, having directed Asylum’s Age of Ice! Kaiwi Lyman and Edward DeRuiter star. Don’t you hate it when sharks break into buildings, especially sharks that swim through ice? I sure do…
Planet of the Sharks premieres July 27 and is reaired on July 31.
In the near future, glacial melting has covered 98% of earth’s landmass. Sharks have flourished and now dominate the planet, operating as one massive school led by a mutated alpha shark.
Sadly we don’t get a world where man evolved into sharks, but maybe someone will still damn everyone all to hell (or damn then to Dam Sharks!) It’s yet another Asylum flick, this time directed by veteran Mark Atkins (a bunch of Asylum films including Princess of Mars!) He wrote it along with Marc Gottlieb (Cousin Howard), and Alex Anlos, Brandon Auret, Stephanie Beran, Angie Teodora Dick, and Lindsay Sullivan star.
Ozark Sharks premieres on July 28 and is reaired on July 31.
A picturesque family vacation to the Ozarks goes sideways when a group of bull sharks show up to take a bite out of the town’s big fireworks festival.
Shark Island director Misty Talley returns with more shark bait, along with writers Marcy Holland (Caught) and Greg Mitchell (SnakeHead Swamp). Good writing crew so hopefully something fun is done with the film besides just being a bunch of redneck jokes. Ozark Sharks stars Laura Cayouette, Dave Davis, Allisyn Ashley Arm, Michael Papajohn, Ashton Leigh, Thomas Francis Murphy, and Terence Rosemore.
Sharknado: The 4th Awakens premieres July 31. Yes, they made a fourth one. Yes, I didn’t bother with the third one, and might not bother with this one, but who knows? At least they didn’t get into a gigantic fight with a union or pack the film with a bunch of right wing nuts this time. But still…
And the rest!
3-Headed Shark Attack (July 25 at 7p/6c; July 28 at 5p/4c; July 30 at 11a/10c)
Cruise passengers fight to survive when a hungry, three-headed great white shark tries to feed on them.
Atomic Shark (July 24 at 9p/8c; July 27 at 7p/6c; July 31 at 12p/11c)
What’s worse than a hungry shark? An atomic hungry shark, of course.
Bait (July 27 at 1a/12c; July 29 at 5p/4c)
A powerful tsunami sends ocean waters rushing into an underground supermarket, prompting the terrified shoppers to fight for their lives as vicious man-eating sharks glide down the aisles in search of a fresh meal.
Beast of the Bering Sea (July 26 at 7a/6c)
Two siblings hunting for gold get more than they bargained for when they strike an underwater cave that’s occupied by sea vampires.
Bermuda Tentacles (July 27 at 11a/10c)
An elite Navy rescue team is dispatched to the Bermuda Triangle after Air Force One goes down with the president on board. Unfortunately, efforts to save the commander in chief end up putting the entire country at risk from a vicious sea monster.
Beyond Loch Ness (July 27 at 9a/8c)
A cryptozoologist in search of the infamous Loch Ness monster discovers that the malevolent, 40-foot-long reptile from Scotland has traveled to Lake Superior via an elaborate series of subterranean tunnels, and that she’s brought her hungry offspring along for a feeding frenzy.
Chupacabra: Dark Seas (July 29 at 3:30a/2:30c)
A ship’s crew takes on a scientist’s latest discovery: a mythic Caribbean creature. Featuring John Rhys-Davies, Dylan Neal and Giancarlo Esposito.
Croc (July 26 at 9a/8c)
A crocodile hunter (Michael Madsen) tracks a reptile menace at a beach resort.
Dam Sharks! (July 25 at 9p/8c; July 31 at 10a/9c)
Sharks in a dam. The worst.
Dark Tide (July 24 at 11p/10c; July 25 at 2:30p/1:30c; July 28 at 11p/10c)
A renowned shark expert attempts to recover from a tragic diving mishap by taking a wealthy businessman swimming with the deep-sea predators, only to get stranded in a dangerous feeding ground known as Shark Alley.
Dinocroc vs. Supergator (July 24 at 9a/8c; July 28 at 3a/2c and 11a/10c)
Enormous reptiles escape from a research facility on a tropical island and feast on unwary tourists, culminating in a clash between a prehistoric crocodile and a monstrous alligator.
Dinoshark (July 24 at 1p/12c; July 26 at 11a/10c)
A dinosaur-shark hybrid terrorizes a resort in Mexico and it’s up to a young fishing-boat captain to stop it.
Eye of the Beast (July 27 at 7a/6c)
A giant squid terrorizes a small fishing town after overfishing causes a shortage of food. Featuring James Van Der Beek.
Ghost Shark (July 27 at 5p/4c; July 29 at 1:30a/12:30c)
Two locals work to uncover the truth about their town’s dark past in hopes of putting a stop to a ghost shark that can hunt on land and in the sea.
Ice Sharks (July 26 at 9p/8c; July 29 at 3p/2c; July 31 at 3a/2c)
A group of ravenous sharks break into a military base, forcing all the sceintists to escape before they are eaten alive.
Jersey Shore Shark Attack (July 25 at 3:30a/2:30c)
Sharks menace the Jersey shore on July 4th weekend and it’s up to the locals to stop them.
Lake Placid 3 (July 25 at 11p/10c; July 26 at 3p/2c)
A game warden (Colin Ferguson) moves into his aunt’s lakeside cabin with his wife and young son, and the little boy feeds the resident baby crocodiles until they grow up into monstrous predators that become a menace to the family.
Lake Placid: The Final Chapter (July 25 at 1a/12c; July 26 at 5p/4c)
A new sheriff has a big problem on her hands when a poacher unleashes the wrath of giant crocodiles in this fourth installment in the franchise.
Malibu Shark Attack (July 27 at 11p/10c; July 29 at 1p/12c)
A tsunami brings goblin sharks to Malibu after a massive wave cuts lifeguards and construction workers off from dry land.
Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (July 28 at 1a/12c; July 28 at 1p/12c)
Two colossal prehistoric monsters terrorize the California coast while battling for supremacy of the sea. Featuring Lorenzo Lamas and Deborah Gibson.
Mega Shark vs. Kolossus (July 25 at 5p/4c; July 26 at 11p/10c)
Russia’s search for a new energy source accidentally reawakens a giant robot doomsday device from the Cold War. But that isn’t the only threat to humanity when a new Mega Shark swims onto the scene.
Ozark Sharks (July 28 at 9p/8c; July 31 at 8a/7c)
A picturesque family vacation to the Ozarks goes sideways when a group of bull sharks show up to take a bite out of the town’s big fireworks festival.
Piranhaconda (July 24 at 11a/10c; July 25 at 8:30a/7:30c)
A piranha-anaconda hybrid terrorizes a movie crew after a scientist steals an egg from the creature’s nest.
Planet of the Sharks (July 27 at 9p/8c; July 31 at 1a/12c)
In the near future, glacial melting has covered 98% of earth’s landmass. Sharks have flourished and now dominate the planet, operating as one massive school led by a mutated alpha shark.
Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators (July 28 at 7a/6c)
A Louisiana family live to regret dumping a bad batch of moonshine into a nearby swamp when it transforms the bayou’s alligators into dangerous mutants on a killing spree.
Robocroc (July 25 at 12:30p/11:30c; July 28 at 9a/8c)
A crocodile is transformed into a killing machine that’s let loose in a water park.
Roboshark (July 28 at 3p/2c)
All hell breaks loose when a great white shark sinks its teeth into an alien space probe in the Pacific, creating a Roboshark that invades Seattle and devours everything in its way.
Sea Beast (July 27 at 1p/12c)
Mythic creatures from the deep sea emerge to feed on the residents of a sleepy bay village. Featuring Corin Nemec.
Shark Assault (July 25 at 1:30a/12:30c; July 25 at 10:30a/9:30c)
At the whim of a wealthy madman, a group of strangers is forced to confront a gauntlet of deadly sharks on his island compound.
Shark Attack (July 29 at 9a/8c; July 30 at 1a/12c)
A marine biologist (Casper Van Dien) investigates the death of a colleague who was attacked by a hammerhead shark off the coast of Africa, where the scientist discovers some unsettling news about the creatures’ new eating habits. Featuring Ernie Hudson, Jenny McShane, Bentley Mitchum.
Shark Attack 2 (July 29 at 11a/10c; July 30 at 3a/2c)
A shark expert, a hunter and a scuba diver join forces to kill mutant great white sharks that are terrorizing a shoreline metropolis. Featuring Thorsten Kaye, Nikita Ager.
Shark Killer (July 27 at 3p/2c; July 29 at 7a/6c)
A deep-sea diver accepts a shark-hunting assignment from his criminal brother, who wants to recover a missing diamond.
Sharknado (July 30 at 7p/6c; July 31 at 2p/1c)
A freak storm brings hundreds of vicious, man-eating sharks ashore in Los Angeles and a group of friends struggle to steer clear of their violent and destructive path.
Sharknado 2: The Second One (July 30 at 9p/8c; July 31 at 4p/3c)
In this sequel, Fin Shepard and April Wexler are the only hope for saving the population and iconic landmarks of New York City when a freak weather storm unleashes a whirlwind of vicious, man-eating sharks on the Big Apple.
Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (July 31 at 6p/5c)
The entire East Coast comes under threat when shark-infused storms wreak havoc on Washington, D.C., and Orlando.
Shark Night (July 29 at 7p/6c; July 30 at 9a/8c)
Vacationing college student Sara (Sara Paxton) and her friends fight for their lives against man-eating sharks during a trip to her family’s island cabin.
Sharktopus (July 24 at 3p/2c; July 30 at 1p/12c)
A scientist (Eric Roberts) working for the military develops a monstrous shark-octopus hybrid, which goes on a killing spree on the resort beaches of Mexico after the mechanism that controls the beast is accidentally destroyed.
Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda (July 24 at 5p/4c; July 30 at 3p/2c)
A shark-octopus hybrid confronts a beast that’s half pterodactyl, half barracuda.
Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf (July 24 at 7p/6c; July 30 at 5p/4c)
The aquatic villain faces off against another hybrid beast created by a mad scientist.
Snakehead Swamp (July 26 at 1p/12c)
Genetically altered snakehead fish bring terror to the swamps of Louisiana.
Snakehead Terror (July 27 at 3a/2c)
Mutant, amphibious snakehead fish feast on humans as they close in on a Maryland village where the only obstacle is the local sheriff (Bruce Boxleitner). Featuring Carol Alt, William B. Davis and Ryan McDonell.
Supergator (July 25 at 6:30a/5:30c)
Brad Johnson and Kelly McGillis star in this big-reptile flick about a team of geologists menaced by a monstrous alligator in Hawaii.
Swamp Shark (July 28 at 7p/6c)
An animal-smuggling deal gone bad puts a man-eating shark into a swampy backwoods river, where it stalks swimmers and boaters and imperils the town’s annual Gator Fest. Featuring Kristy Swanson and D.B. Sweeney.
Zombie Shark (July 26 at 7p/6c; July 30 at 11p/10c)
A perfect getaway weekend turns into a nightmare for four friends who find themselves fighting for their lives against an experimental shark.
2005
Starring
Robert Beltran as Sgt. Tony Baxter
Heather Donahue as Kinks
Chase Masterson as Ashley Pierce
Michail Elenov as Fathi
Edmund Druilhet as Sergeant Cohen
Jonas Talkington as Mouth
Jeff Fahey as Major Spence Kramer
Richard Gnolfo as John Busey
Jeff M. Lewis as Ortiz
You can like the Iraq War, you can hate the Iraq War, but one thing we can all agree on: thank goodness giant man-eating manticores aren’t eating our troops! Sci-Fi Channel, America’s Pulse, once again goes where only few men dare, in bringing us the answers to the tough questions. Manticores running wild, former Star Trek cast members scattered like looted museum pieces, Manticore is the ultimate answer to the question not even the most brave of souls had the strength, the testicular fortitude to dare ask. The WMDs are real, and they think humans are delicious! Saddam Hussein only wished he had their power, and only USS Voyager first officer Chakotay can stop them………or can he? He’s got some help, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine‘s very own Leeta is there as well. We also can’t forget Jonas Talkington and Michael Guy Davis, who seem to be in every Sci-Fi Channel movie ever made. They also seems to die in all of them, so maybe they can help by getting the Manticore stuffed for dinner. The search for WMDs begins….
