aka Sumobeya Shinjin Manager
2004
Directed by Katsumi Nojiri
There is a new manager at the Sumo Club. A girl! Time to freak out! GAAAAAAAAH! Okay, all better now. So let’s have an adventure in the erotic world of Sumo Club management, a subject that demands hundreds of cinema entries a month. People just can’t get enough. They’re weird like that. So let’s give people what they want: stories about female coaches of sumo squads.
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I can’t read all the names on the posters, but Asami and Demo Tanaka are back, and it also stars Asana Mamori (Gravure Idol) and many more names that are too blurry to read and too close to nakedness to Google at work.
The synopsis from the Fantastic Fest website:
We are going to flush you! The most crap-tastic zombie movie ever to emerge from the sewers of low-budget filmmaking is finally upon us, and it’s from the perverted mind of cinematic madman and legendary ass-fetishist Noboru Iguchi, creator of THE MACHINE GIRL, ROBO-GEISHA and KARATE-ROBO ZABORGAR! Given free reign by a generous, independent producer to plumb the depths of his toilet-obsessed imagination, Iguchi has created a splatter comedy guaranteed to warm the bowels of those with the stomach for it. Wracked with guilt over the suicide of her sister Ai, who was tormented by high school bullies, pretty young karate student Megu accompanies a group of older friends on a camping trip into the woods: smart girl Aya, her druggie boyfriend Také, big-boobed model Maki, and nerdy Naoi. Things start to go badly when Maki finds a parasitical worm inside a fish they catch – and wolfs it down alive, in the hope that it’ll help keep her skinny! Soon after, and not so unexpectedly in situations like this, zombies show up and begin to complicate things further. After they’re attached by a crowd of poop-covered undead who emerge from an outhouse toilet, the group seeks refuge at the home of strange Dr. Tanaka and his daughter Sachi. But unbeknownst to them, Tanaka has been conducting experiments on the parasites—and the zombies!—and has another fate in mind for the five strangers from the city. What’s the connection between the parasites and the zombies? And can Megu’s karate alone help them escape, or will she have to rely on the liberating power of farts to save the day? Featuring special effects by FF 2009-2010 guest Yoshihiro Nishimura, and some truly jaw-dropping contributions from Iguchi’s genius subconscious (parasite anus-zombies?!?), ZOMBIE ASS is a heaping plate of bad taste that may go down rough but is guaranteed to come out smooth and regular.
aka Kunoichi Ninja Girl
2011
Directed and written by Seiji Chiba
A woman working the fields and tending to her baby is ganked by a neck rope thrown by an unseen kidnapper. Thus is the world of Kunoichi!
As you probably know by now, TarsTarkas.NET is a fan of martial arts films, particularly female martial artists. And as Rina Takeda is one of the up and coming women taking the films to the new decade, we’ve been following her career closely. From High-Kick Girl! to KG – Karate Girl, Takeda has matured as an actress and martial artist. And Takeda has taken on more and more projects, keeping herself busy. But Kunoichi is a step back in the quality department, and I was disappointed at the final project.
Kunoichi is marketed as a period martial arts piece. We know it won’t be a giant spectacle, and I fully expect a low-budget affair. It’s set in the woods, a familiar place for fans of low budget films, as that way they have an excuse for no extras running around. And permits are easier to get for running around in the middle of nowhere (if they even bothered!) But Kunoichi is surprising in how low budget it looks and feels. It’s a martial arts film with barely any martial arts. That’s not what I signed up for! The only decent fight is around the 40 minute mark, and is over with 10 minutes to go on our hour-long film. Besides a few teases of fighting and some kicking, there is little else, and nothing that is choreographed for more than one move. Disappointing is an understatement.
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Stop for me, it’s the CLAW!
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Director Seiji Chiba has put out numerous low budget films in recent years. Alien vs Ninja garnered some praise, and probably made funding of Kunoichi easier. But while Alien vs Ninja was a mix of comedy and action, Kunoichi is stoically serious in tone. You don’t get the sense that anyone is having fun here, and that hurts the film as well. I don’t expect Giggles Ninja Girl, but one or two goofy things wouldn’t have hurt.
And once again, we don’t need no stinking subtitles!
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aka Jusan-nin no shikaku aka 十三人の刺客
2010
Directed by Takashi Miike
Takashi Miike can make any type of film imaginable. He loves cinema, he loves to work, and his output is legendary. Miike crosses genres like they’re T’s, smearing the lines and creating unique works. His pattern of excesses give his films a tone that cannot be matched by other directors, even as the tones differ based on which excesses he is exercising for the film. From family-friendly fare to ultra-violent yakuza film, Miike puts his heart into everything he does. He pushes limits, test boundaries, and kicks butt.
Due to Miike’s initial popularity in cult movie circles in the West due to movies like Ichi The Killer, Audition, Fudoh, and Dead or Alive, people naturally assumed that he only made ridiculously violent films. I’m sure watching The Great Yokai War, Zebraman, or Yatterman blew their minds to smithereens. 13 Assassins has returned Miike to notice in the international scene, but again it is for a film that features a lot of violence. Most of the violence waits until the end of the film, and instead we go through samurai life, political drama, honor, and journey and preparation. I could say that I was one of those people who like to watch samurai films and am totally into the whole samurai code blah blah blah thing, but I actually don’t like samurai films (nor other period dramas known as jidaigeki.) Frankly, I don’t really care to watch stodgy guys sit around worrying about their honor for 90 minutes until a brief swordfight happens. This probably makes me a bad nerd and bad movie reviewer, but, whatever. I’ve avoided other recent samurai films, and only saw this one as Miike is attached to it. Miike manages to keep things interesting better than I hoped, preventing what could have been a dry and slow buildup with good characterization, planning, and the fallout when things don’t go according to plan and you end up wandering around the woods. There are even supernatural elements hinted throughout the film, the more you pay attention the more you realize where they are.
13 Assassins is a remake of 1963’s Jusan-nin no shikaku (The Thirteen Assassins), a film many (including myself) haven’t seen. In fact, my favorite part of the reviews for this is everyone bringing up Seven Samurai (including this review) while hardly anyone mentions the original version of 13 Assassins. It actually took a while to find a good site comparing the two films, and from what I can see Miike follows the original’s story fairly faithfully, but brings it down to a more human level.
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aka Fasshon heru aka Fashion Hell
2010
Directed and written by Jun Tsugita
How many different ways are there to film girls chomping off a guy’s johnson while keeping thing interesting? Well, Horny House of Horror has an answer to that, and the answer is “not enough.” As we’ve seen time and time again the past few years, Japan has become a great exporter of films that fit a genre of ridiculous gore – The Machine Girl, RoboGeisha, Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl, Mutant Girls Squad, Gothic & Lolita Psycho – are all examples that TarsTarkas.NET has taken the time to view. And I admit that I think some of those films are rather good, in a WTF fashion, and I’m even shocked that the genre has lasted as long as it has without getting on my nerves. But when you get enough of something, parts of it will be crappy, and with Horny House of Horror is that part.
Up until the last third of the movie, the majority of the blood on display is arterial spray gushing out of the crotches of three unfortunate men. The rest is talking. And talking. And anticipating. At this point in the genre’s life, it is too late to try to do a slow buildup to the crazy, we’ve gotten to the point where we need a constant stream of crazy violence, much like the sprays of blood desired.
With a pedigree including writer/director Jun Tsugita (Mutant Girls Squad), and gore effects by Yoshihiro Nishimura (Tokyo Gore Police, Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl, and many more), this seemed like it would be a treat. Even some of the familiar cast members from Sushi Typhoon films pop up. But things just don’t go together right. And though the film gets around the banishment of full frontal nudity in Japan by using black circles over the severed and non-severed dongs, the limited freedom isn’t incorporated in a way that takes full advantage of the effect. It’s simply an afterthought, not part of the film itself. Though a small point, it is indicative of how much of the film doesn’t go together well.
The opening 16mm slideshow strip of a guy going to a sex massage club on the way home from work was rather nice – it is probably my favrite part of the film as a whole, and made me expect that things would be good throughout. But shadows of the strip remind me of my reading of Tokyo Vice by Jake Adelstein, which will sour you on the sex industry in Japan like nothing else will. We jump into our first victim, whose gets is wang rolled into a sushi roll that is promptly chomped by his working girl as he screams helplessly and blood reddens the world.
So let’s meet the cast!
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2011
Directed by Yoshikatsu Kimura
Written by Fuyuhiko Nishi
KG – Karate Girl is the followup to High Kick Girl!, and once again follows Rina Takeda around as she beats up people and kicks them in the head. This time, the movie is more Rina-centric, and we even get another female fighter in the form of 14 year old Hina Tobimatsu. Much of the creative team is back, High Kick Girl! director, producer, fight choreographer, and cowriter Fuyuhiko Nishi wrote KG, while High-Kick Girl!’s other writer Yoshikatsu Kimura takes the director chair this time out. Tatsuya Naka is also running around, but as he gets killed pretty quickly he isn’t in the film nearly as much as High-Kick Girl!
As a sophomore effort, KG shows signs of improvement, the story is easier to follow, though it is still steeped into the culture of karate and honor. The family dojo is on Okinawa (where karate began), one of the main plot points involves seizing a clan belt, and the evil Shu Tagawa has his own gang of karate thugs who dress in all black and invade dojos. Several of the bigger fighters are semi-famous martial arts champions, such as Richard Heselton and Tatsuya Naka.
A lot of time was spent making sure this was going to be filled with great action, Rina spent a year training for it (in addition to being an Ancient Dogoo Girl, and prepping for a slew of other film roles), and the training shots during the credits show the time that was taken to make sure the choreography was action packed.
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