Time to hide behind the couch again, because The Cat in the Hat is returning to theaters, this time in CGI form! Yes, a reboot of a big bankable creation from Dr. Seuss was inevitable thanks to the fact the Lorax made a bunch of cash despite being a giant slap to the face of the message behind the Lorax. Luckily, The Cat in the Hat has far less lessons to ignore for a bland CGI flick, though there is the ever-present threat that Mike Meyers will return to voice the Cat. That’s assuming I don’t drown him in hairballs first and leave his corpse floating in the Baltic Sea. Uh…not that I would do that, nor set up an elaborate ruse involving a fake film production just to lure him out there.

Expect Taylor Lautner and Robert Pattinson to voice Thing 1 and Thing 2 in my imaginary awful version, where Thing 1 falls in love with a baby Little Cat Z.

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