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Golden Venom

Golden Venom

aka 金蠶降

1991HKMDB Link
Directed by Lam Yee-Hung

Golden Venom
Throw your hands in the air, and crystal ball like you just don’t care!

Golden Venom is a kung fu fantasy with laser beams shooting out of people that turns into gross out horror as two families feud in non-game show format. It’s pretty uninspired at times, and I’m not sure what the real point of it was, because it isn’t enough of a gross out film to satisfy the gross out fans, but it’s not enough of a good wuxia type film to satisfy those fans, either. It’s a halfway effort that fails everyone. The only reason I watched Golden Venom is because characters were wearing crazy colored wigs and doing magic kung fu moves, but the overall plot was disappointing, the villains are generically evil, and even though I like the goofy effects, the rest of it is boring.

Golden Venom
Gingers do so have souls!

Saying Golden Venom is not fond of women would be an understatement. Every female character except one is killed, many are sexually degraded, and most are just quickly killed and tossed aside. The only real strong female character is Skeleton, and she’s evil and crazy!

The only real cool thing are the villains and how outlandish they are. The almost cartoonish look seems inspired by the Golden Light Puppets, much like many of Pearl Cheung Ling’s films and other Taiwanese fantasy flicks seem to feature goofy wigs more than other countries. Even though the bad guys look like kids fantasy characters, with the nudity and grossness I doubt this is intended to be a kids flick.

The “Golden Venom” from the title is the name of the mouth laser beams. It’s poisonous and comes in different flavors unique to each family’s secret recipe. Each family also has cures, which can’t be made without the help of the family.

Golden Venom
Welcome to Comicon!!

The presentation is okay, though in this print the subtitles keep changing the names of the characters. This is only a problem because some of the names are cooler than others.

Golden Venom is flawed and is too mean-spirited for my taste. I generally hope for a fun kung fu adventure, not a film walking the line towards being pure exploitation but afraid to pull the trigger. Director Lam Yee-Hung also directed a bunch of terrible Category III flicks before disappearing into the ether. After seeing Golden Venom, I’m wondering why it took so long.

Master Ying Kim (Ku Feng) – Blind patriarch of the Kim family and former police officer. The family’s quest to do what is right causes trouble when this jerk family of monsters decides they should be able to do whatever the heck they want. No one bothers to stand up to them except the Kim family.
Chih Kim (Mark Cheng Ho-Nam) – Master Kim’s son, a cop who keeps the peace, even though some people seem to have a problem with him punishing their family members for raping people. What a jerk, right?
Sister Kim (???) – Master Kim’s daughter doesn’t even get a name, and I don’t know who played her. She then sacrifices for the family (and a female servant then sacrifices for her!) and ultimately pays the highest price.
Cherry (Gam Chi-Gei) – Local girl saved from rape by Chih Kim, who then helps out the Kim family. Cherry’s Grandpa also helps, but he gets killed in the process.
Dragon (Charlie Cho Cha-Lee) – Evil jerk patriarch of the Dragon family, who have goofy hair, goofy family values, and a history of seeking revenge at the cost of everything else.
Skeleton (Siu Yam-Yam) – The evil wife and famed sorceress. Wears a skull necklace. Sometimes the subtitles call her Skeletor, which would have been a cooler name. Siu Yam-Yam is also in Big Bad Sis.
Teh (Jue Gwan-Yeung) – Rapey son of the Dragon clan, also called Puma, but I like Teh better because it’s more Internet. Was punk before punk was cool.
Mystery Guy who helps the Kim’s (Lau Shun) – A former cop who used to work with Master Kim and is partially responsible for blinding him. Feels guilty, so has his daughter Trady become a servant for the Kims and secret helps their battle against the Dragon family.
Golden Venom
I see Starbucks has brought back the pumpkin spice latte…

The Woman Knight of Mirror Lake

The Woman Knight of Mirror Lake

aka 競雄女俠秋瑾 aka Jian hu nu xia Qiu Jin

2011
Written by Erica Li Man and Checkley Sin Kwok-Lam
Directed by Herman Yau Lai-To

The Woman Knight of Mirror Lake
To say that The Woman Knight of Mirror Lake was a disappointment would be a sad understatement. The biopic of famed femme revolutionary Qiu Jin is about a remarkable woman in a dangerous time, but the entire narrative suffers through flashbacks and a lack of establishing just what the heck is going on. I am familiar with the history of Qiu Jin because she’s interesting, but I still had trouble following the historical who’s who of revolutionaries, both real and consolidated/fake. Unfocused and scattered, The Woman Knight of Mirror Lake jumps from revolutionary speak to scenes trying to depict how women got it tough to speeches about Chinese patriotism to battle scenes involving people the audience has never met. The zig-zagging prevents a good narrative that we can follow, and the flashbacks serve no purpose and don’t correspond to what is happening in the present. It’s like they read about the narrative technique in a book and decided to do it just because it sounded cool. Herman Yau Lai-To has directed some cult classics in years gone by, but his extreme nature seems to have been neutered for bigger paychecks, and along with that, any attempts to do things creatively.

The Woman Knight of Mirror Lake is a very patriotic film. Most discussions on the ills of society end up running into the narrative that China is lead by weaklings, so that’s why everything sucks. And at this time, China was essentially carved up by foreign powers, humiliated, and reform attempts had just ended in disaster. But instead of showing how the failures justify the repeated revolution attempts (there were literally dozens over the years before they took), we just jump to the next problem of women not being able to travel due to children, or Japan restricting what students can say, or Qiu Jin’s husband being an entitled douche.
The Woman Knight of Mirror Lake
Beyond the script not following a story arc that makes it easy to follow, the individual scenes themselves are messes at times. The most notable is near the end of the film where there is an attempted assassination of a local governor. The setup and subsequent fight seems to last forever, and it’s filled with unknown people fighting unknown people. Worst of all, we all know the conclusion, because it was in the beginning of the film! This is like worrying if Obi-Won Kenobi is in any trouble in a Star Wars prequel.

Qiu Jin (Crystal Huang Yi) – Independent female who won’t be caged. Uses her skills at the brush to fight for freedom with essays and poems. Eventually becomes allied with ever more armed revolutionaries and is caught up in the fervor, and captured for execution as a traitor.
Li Zongyue (Anthony Wong Chau-Sang) – Qing official who is present during Qiu Jin’s trial and is an old family friend. Has to reluctantly go along with her downfall.
Xu Xilin (Dennis To Yue-Hong) – Historical revolutionary whose attempts to assassinate a local governor end with the government cracking down on his group with deadly force.

The Woman Knight of Mirror Lake

Teddy Girls

Teddy Girls

aka 飛女正傳 aka Fei nu zheng zhuan

1969
Written by Patrick Lung Kong and Lam Nin-Tung
Directed by Patrick Lung Kong

Teddy Girls
Patrick Lung Kong’s work is not mainstream pop cinema. It is instead cinema touching on social and economic problems not touched by most films, and the few times the topics are, it’s clearly in the realm of exploitation cinema. The approach to the subject matter is more mature than much of the Hong Kong cinema of the time. While there were plenty of dramas involving family issues, the issues tackled in Teddy Girls trend more serious, and show more of societies effects on the problems, both on how they’re caused and by what they do to the people trapped in them. These are common themes in Patrick Lung Kong’s work.
Teddy Girls
What makes Patrick Lung Kong’s films stand out from other dramas is the strength to tackle difficult and controversial issues in a mature manner and still tell a good and entertaining story. Both as a writer and a director, Lung worked to better Hong Kong film at the same time Hong Kong cinema was suffering from a decline. Mandarin-language Shaw Brothers flicks outperformed and outclassed local Hong Kong productions, and the highly respected Union Film had shuttered its doors.

His directorial debut was in 1966 with Prince of Broadcasters, which foresaw the influence of radio in Hong Kong and became a hit at the box office. He followed that up with what is arguably his most famous and influential film, The Story of a Discharged Prisoner (1967), a tale about a former prisoner desperately trying to not get sucked back into a life of crime. It had a direct influence on John Woo’s A Better Tomorrow. Woo also must have seen (and borrowed from) Lung’s next film Window (1968), which features a blind woman and a criminal who fall in love. Next up was a look at youth culture with Teddy Girls, the film we will discuss at length below. Yesterday Today Tomorrow (1970), about a plague affecting Hong Kong, caused controversy, the heavily censored version failed at the box office. He continued on with My Beloved (1971) and the domestic drama Pei Shih (1972).
Teddy Girls
Lung dealt with social issues at large with Hong Kong Nite Life (1973) and then The Call Girls (1973), which featured the stories of five prostitutes. Lung Kong tackled the issue of nuclear disarmament before it was even on people’s radar with Hiroshima 28 (1974), and followed up with the quickly made Mitra (1976), filmed in Iran while he was showing Hiroshima 28 at a film festival. 1976 also saw the release of the sci-fi influenced Laugh In (1976) and Lina (1976). His final film was 1979’s The Fairy, the Ghost and Ah Chung, though he continued to be active in the Hong Kong cinema world through the turn of the century. His films went on to inspire the Hong Kong New Wave directors as they helped reshape Hong Kong cinema.

Most of Lung Kong’s films are hard to find in general, and with English subtitles they are exceedingly rare. Despite a HKFA retrospective his material still remains hard to find for the true Hong Kong cinema connoisseur.

Lung was not afraid to create serious films that tackled social issues in a non-exploitative manner. Patrick Lung Kong became one of the most influential directors in Hong Kong cinema due to how he helmed films like Teddy Girls. His attempts to escape the boundaries and touch on subjects usually avoided stand out sharper now, especially with the ease of availability of the other older films, you can see just how fluff a lot of them were.
Teddy Girls
What other director of the time could do a teenage girls in prison film and not make it feel dirty in the slightest, but still fill it with believable and sympathetic characters, humor and tragedy? Characters who suffer all types of bad influences while growing up, rebelling for their own reasons, reaching further tragedy due to the consequences of their original actions. These aren’t bad girls who are bad, these are girls who had the entire deck stacked against them. It’s no wonder some of them just fold and give up. Teddy Girls is never so cruel as when is is making you think things just might be all right for once.

Josephine’s character is running, running from an unhappy home life and disintegration of everything she knew. Her father’s decay and death while her mother found comfort in a new man, a man who is obviously a sleazy parasite.
Teddy Girls
Of the stories of the girls, Josephine’s is the most avoidable, she seems to be acting out more of simple teenage rebellion. But she becomes part of a system that is bigger than her, and life is a cruel thing at times. Josephine’s downfall is the biggest as she has the longest way to fall. Her character seems to have it all, but she lacks the one thing she craves, and she cannot stand it. Her life becomes destroyed, and her rage focused on a single target, the man she blames for ruining everything. And he’s not innocent, his motivations are scuzzy and he leaves Josephine’s mom in ruin.

Josephine is swept up in revenge, but she becomes her own victim, by acting out rashly and destructively. Not only does she destroy her life, she brings downfall on others. Misery is spread, the only lesson is how many ways this could have been avoided, by many people.

The only real drawback is the moral message at the end literally given by Kenneth Tsang Kong as the mouthpiece to one of the young ladies, bringing to mind flicks like Reefer Madness where a character will suddenly address the audience from behind a desk.
Teddy Girls

Josephine Hsu Yu-ching (Josephine Siao Fong-Fong) – Troubled young lady furious at her mother disrespecting her dying father by hooking up with a scumbag and then ignoring her. Causes trouble and volunteers to go to lockup, but things don’t get better.
Hsu Mei (Teresa Ha Ping) – Josephine’s mother who falls for a scumbag and then things go from bad to worse as she neglects everything including her daughter and her business’s finances.
Li Chang (Patrick Lung Kong) – Hey, it’s that scumbag I mentioned in the last two entries! Li Chang is dating Hsu Mei because she has all this sweet sweet money he can use to live the high life and drop her when she’s all used up. Josephine is not too happy about that…
Ma Pi-shan (Nancy Sit Ka-Yin) – Troubled reform school girl from a broken home life, she’s doomed from the start and things just get worse and worse.
Do Shu-yan/Mr. Rector (Kenneth Tsang Kong) – Do Shu-yan is the head of the reform school and is called Mr. Rector by the students. Cares for the girls but is forced to accept reality that many of them come from desperate situations and things can easily spiral out of control.
Li Shu-chun (Yip Ching) – Girl in detention who comes from a poor family with too many children and no money to take care of her siblings. Escapes to try to help her family.
Yang Shiao-chiao (Lydia Shum Tin-Ha) – Girl in juvie who’s a funny thief, uses her personality to befriend all of the girls but doesn’t cross the line into dangerous behavior.
Chen Li-fan (Mang Lee) – Lockup girl who talks obsessively about her boyfriend, but everyone notices that her boyfriend doesn’t come around any more. Breaks out to find out what the heck. The results are…killer! Listed as “Sussie Huang” on HKMDB though that’s not her name in these subtitles.

Teddy Girls

Emmanuelle in Hong Kong

Emmanuelle in Hong Kong

aka 香港艾曼紐之獸性培欲 aka Heung Gong ngaai maan nau ji sau sing pui yuk

2003
Written by Emmanuelle 71
Directed by Dick Lau Tin-Sze

Emmanuelle in Hong Kong
Sometimes a cigar represents so many things Freud needs to do some cocaine to calm down, okay???

Hey, you got Eyes Wide Shut on my Story of O! And you got Story of O on my Eyes Wide Shut! And everyone is Chinese and named Emmanuelle for some reason… Thus from this unlikely scenario we have the origin of a really disgusting Reeses product. And also Emmanuelle in Hong Kong!

Don’t be fooled, Emmanuelle in Hong Kong has nothing to do with any of the Emmanuelle series, neither the regular, black, yellow, in space, 2000, vs. Dracula, or any other random series. It is simply a name grab. And by the names of certain producers (Cary Grant!!) they are hiding behind the fake names themselves. Four films seem to have been produced at the same time by the same team, using many of the same actors. My Horny Girlfriend is another one in the series. This is looking more and more like the same model used now for the most recent Emmanuelle series! Unlike a lot of Category III trash that came out at the same time, at least some of these films attempt to do something interesting, even if it is largely copying other media and failing spectacularly. We at TarsTarkas.NET support effort.

Emmanuelle in Hong Kong
Nerdy Hef and Green Beret Phantom plan their next party

Emmanuelle in Hong Kong is another of the films produced by “Cary Grant”, a pseudonym so obvious I’m surprised they didn’t just go with Elvis Presley. And let’s not get in to the fact the script was written by “Emmanuelle 71”. The director, on the other hand, we will get into a little. Dick Lau Tin-Sze only helmed six titles, but he managed to helm a wide variety of smut, some of which stands out far and beyond the similar Category III films from the same period. Emmanuelle in Hong Kong was his first film released, followed by Erotic Agent II, then Sex and the Central, Sexy Soccer, Raped By an Angel 5, and finally The Undercover Madams, which has one of the most complex plots I’ve seen in a Category III film and I would even argue it borders on being a halfway decent flick. I don’t know if Dick Lau was a fake name that someone used in rotation or if he was just someone who dabbled in exploitation cinema under Matrix Productions Company and has since gone back to real estate or something. In any event, we wish him well.

Emmanuelle in Hong Kong
This has become one of the most creepy films of all time…

Dr. Yan Lam (Eddie Lam Kim-Fung) – Frustrated jerk husband who is the least understanding psychologist in the universe. Because his wife is experiencing emotional trauma he ships her off to be raped in the name of sexual freedom. Then he gets even more creepy. Somehow, that is possible. Eddie Lam is a prolific Category III actor, and will probably dethrone Elvis Tsui as the king of Cat III if he keeps it up.
Emily (Crystal Suen Ah-Lei) – Dr. Lam’s long-suffering wife, who had a miscarriage and has been depressed ever since. Her husband’s romantic gestures like trying to forcibly rape her have not helped, so she gets kidnapped and tortured.
Joyce (Akeno Junko) – Emily’s sister who has problems of her own, as she had frequent memory loss while nude and is secretly involved in rich people orgy cults. You know, normal problems.
Mr. K (???) – Mysterious leader of the Emmanuelle Orgy Cults, at least until it looks like a new Emmanuelle has risen through the ranks by the end of the flick. I have no clue who he is or why he wears a Phantom mask the entire film. Where is Mr. Y and Mr. Jelly?
Angel (Grace Lam Nga-Si) – Grace Lam is in this??? As a nun??? Who has a seperate side plot that does nothing and goes nowhere? Okay!
Emmanuelle 50 (Ami Sakurai) – It’s like the writer (Emmanuelle 71!) decided to name every character after him/herself or something! Another member of the sex club who Dr. Lam takes a shining to while his wife is getting the treatment.
Emmanuelle in Hong Kong
I’ll be having NUN of that Emmanuelle stuff!

My Horny Girlfriend

My Horny Girlfriend

aka Big波誘惑 aka Big bo yau waak

2002
Written by Lee Hai
Directed by Patrick Leung Saan-Bok

My Horny Girlfriend
None of these other women made their bathing suit out of old jeans…

What do you do when you get a Category III film that tries to become a serious drama about malaise of modern life, finding yourself, depression, romance, swimming, and being contrarian just to show up cute guys on vacation? Not wonder why it is a mess, but wonder if the mess is worth checking out. The answer to that is more of if you are used to or willing to deal with Hong Kong Category III drama nonsense. It’s the kind of film that you can find acted and written a dozen times better all over the vcd shelves, but those films will also follow a predictable pattern. My Horny Girlfriend takes more risks by taking less risks. That’s a true statement, because there is a story buried beneath a bunch of junk, but also a lot of fan service that probably came from a clipboard list of what to do.

Grace Lam spends most of the film in a pouty mood, never happy. Not fun to be around at all. So that makes her the perfect leading lady! Her character is clearly suffering from some sort of depression, and she’s not the only one in the film. But she is the character with depression who still goes out and does stuff. And while some of her motives are unethical at best, the interaction, going outside, and just being around other people who aren’t just using her for sex helps Grace grow into a better, fuller person.

My Horny Girlfriend
Hello? Nothing, what are you doing?

In fact, almost every female character in My Horny Girlfriend has some sort of mental issues making them depressed. The only character who isn’t is Pamila, and her personality is extreme in the opposite end where she’s always perky and down for anything. But she also uses sex as a weapon to teach “lessons” to women she doesn’t like. Pamila is the most manipulative character, and her humongous labido drives the plot as much as Grace’s fumbling attempts to continue to get her way in an environment that doesn’t hold her hand. Pamila is a big fish version of what personality Grace is, and her more bubbly personality opens doors and gives her powers that Grace’s sour tone can’t match.

Besides the nudity, the film also features lots of girls in bikinis. Almost every character is in a bikini or less for 90% of their screen time, even the men are often in swimming suits. The director and writer are probably pseudonyms, while producer Cary Grant obviously is. Grant’s other three films are Emmanuelle in Hong Kong, Forbidden Wet Tales, and Tortured Sex Goddess of Ming Dynasty. After that, he either switched fake names again or left the movie business with empty pocketbooks. Who knows? Only “Cary Grant” and possibly the ghost of Cary Grant, who was haunting “Grant” as revenge.

My Horny Girlfriend
Not now, my ninja headband slipped down!

Grace (Grace Lam Nga-Si) – A modern working girl, who is porking her disgusting boss for promotions in a decidedly unmodern fashion. After he sends her on vacation as a reward, she spends the entire time pouting, angrily wanting a man she can’t have, and angry at a stupid lesbian who she ends up having sex with several times regardless. Her anger and her libido combine to form a double-team of sexploitation stereotypes.
Gordon (Oscar Lam Wai-Kin) – Lifeguard Gordon just saves women from drowning all day, many of which then become lifeguards in his training school. Gordon is weird. Cult leader weird. If you ever hear about dozens of lifeguards committing suicide, you know who to blame!
Pamila (Yumi Ohsako) – Hello, there! Have you seen my breasts? They are huge. Gigantic. Massive melons! I have no character development, but I do manage to get these breasts popped out all throughout the film. Breasts. Big ones. On me! I’m dubbed because they outsourced the big breasts to Japan. I’m also a lesbian, with huge bazoongas! Did I mention that? The film will…
Eddie (Eddie Lam Kim-Fung) – Swimming fan with an old leg wound, which makes him have bad swimming form. He’s an old friend of Gordon, as they were on the swim team together as kids. Gordon dumps him with Grace to get rid of her.
Dawn (Bessie Chan Ming-Kwan) – Dawn runs the bar at the beach where the cast hangs out between sex scenes. She carries a fish around in a beer mug all the time. Is depressed and being stuck in a film called My Horny Girlfriend doesn’t help her depression one bit!
My Horny Girlfriend
I had a nightmare I was in a movie called “My Horny Girlfriend”!