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Fatal Termination
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Fatal Termination (Review)

January 5, 2009By

Fatal Termination

aka Chi se da feng bao

1990
Directed by Andrew Kam

This movie has the scene. What scene? If you’ve seen Fatal Termination, you know what scene I am talking about. If you haven’t, just look at the screencaps littering this review, or watch the movie clip. We have a young girl dangled out of a car window at high speeds. No special effects, no blue screens, no CGI, it’s 100% real. That scene. What would normally just be a random Hong Kong action film with a slight Girls with Guns vibe (solely because of Moon Lee, who doesn’t do much fighting until that scene) instead becomes a memorable experience just for the shock of wondering if they could do that. They could, they did, and now we can enjoy! So enjoy! Or I’ll dangle your daughter out a window like I’m Michael Jackson. So read on…

John (Ray Lui Leung-Wai) – Husband of Moon, head of security at the airport, father of Yan Yan and tries to get to the bottom of the weapons smuggling mess.
Moon (Moon Lee Choi-Fung) – Wife of John and one of his security team members. Is a faithful mother to the point of jumping onto a moving car, punching through the windshield, and yanking out passengers to save her daughter. See Moon Lee here also in Tomb Raiders.
Officer Wai Loong (Robin Shou Wan-Bo) – Custom official who is on the take, to the point where he begins playing both sides and getting deeper and deeper into a pit. Goes into mortal combat with the heroes as they uncover his layers of lies.
Jimmy Li (Simon Yam Tat-Wah) – a cop from Political Division, which must be a division of Police Squad considering how much they blow solving the case here and getting lots of people killed. Jimmy Li’s white boss keeps thinking he’s a loose cannon who doesn’t play by the rules, but as people die no matter how much by the rules he plays who really cares? He likes wearing gigantic sunglasses, which must have been in at the time in Hong Kong. Simon Yam is in dozens of Hong Kong action films, and has been seen here in Future Cops.
Ko Mok-Fu (Phillip Ko Fei) – The criminal mastermind setting up a weapons theft and delivery to a rival Muslim faction, but gets double and triple crossed by Officer Wai Loong. Ends up in a final battle with Officer Wai and hero cop John. Phillip Ko was also a producer of this movie, as well as starring in many other cheap action films at the time, like Angel Enforcers and Deadly Target.
Mr. Lau (Lau Dan) – Pipe-smoking partner of Jimmy Li, Political Division. More soft-spoken and diplomatic, worried about eating, and doesn’t pay attention when someone breaks into the hotel room to kill him. Oops!
Officer Miu Chun-Fan (Kiu Wai Miu) – Moon’s brother, framed for stealing the weapons and is dropped off a building by Ko Mok-Fu when Miu gets evidence that Officer Wai was responsible for the weapons theft. Kiu Wai Miu starred in Centipede Horror and several of the Lucky Star films.
Yan Yan (Chan Cheuk-Yan) – Daughter of Moon and John, likes ballet, hanging out car windows, and getting shot.
Billy (Cheung Kwok-Leung) – Protégé of Officer Mui, but joins in Officer Wai’s evil plot. Later regrets it and helps John uncover the truth until he gets blown up by Ko Mok-Fu. Cheung Kwok-Leung stars in a film called The Mystery of the Big Boobs which I need to locate immediately…
Wrestler Goon (Mike Abbott) – Rarh! Bonesaw will smash you scrawny weaklings! Snap into a Slim Jim and dangle your Asian children out windows, because YOU WILL BE DESTROYED!! The Title Belt is mine! Bonesaw!

Lethal Angels
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Lethal Angels (Review)

December 22, 2008By

Lethal Angels

aka Mor gwai tin si

2006
Directed and written by Wai-Man Cheng

Hong Kong used to have some of the best action films in the world. Than the bottom fell out of the industry, due to several factors (a rash of bad films, talent leak to the US, influx of flash over substance, etc.) and terrible junk began streaming from Hong Kong like diarrhea from a sick newborn. The problem was compounded due to the rise of South Korea as a cinematic powerhouse about the same time. Still, Hong Kong kept coming out with horrid junk such as Naked Weapon and soon their films became irrelevant. But then as few good films such as Infernal Affairs and Shaolin Soccer caught on in the US. Inspired, a few films from Hong Kong dared to increase in quality. There was still plenty of junk, but now the junk flew less freely, and moments of actual good filmmaking crept in. Still, moments of weakness are rampant, and films like this thrive in those moments. An unmemorable action thriller in the same veins as Naked Killer and Naked Weapon, Lethal Angels even was tentatively titled Naked Avengers and at one point. It now sports a title that is a throwback to earlier female action films, back when they all had “Angel” in the title. Yet they all look like action masterpieces compared to this dreck (and some of them were action masterpieces, but that’s another article.)

Problems abound in Lethal Angels. From uncharismatic characters to lethargic action sequences, the excitement never seems to get going, stalled like my car’s engine in -30 degree weather. Even the gunplay gets dull, and the CG muzzle flashes are obviously fake and very distracting. Never try to make an action sequence where cartoons get plastered all over it at random. That’s your tip of the day. Female action is supposed to be sexy and exciting, not dull. How can you make it dull? And yet, time and time again, I encounter films that can’t put together an exciting action sequence to save their lives. This movie is DOA, watching it is lethal and you will become an angel.

Yoyo/Mango (Tin Sum as Tien Hsin) – Our heroine and female assassin is a mild-mannered girl who one day saw her entire family killed by the Triads after they found out she was going to watch Hitchcock’s Notorious and/or her dad was going to testify against them. After being saved by Winnie, joins the assassin squad until she runs into her former boyfriend, who is now a cop. So she turns good. Tien Hsin is probably best known over here for her minor role in The Duel, and with her making movies like this, that will be all she’s known for.
Winnie (Jewel Lee as Jewel Li Fei) – Madam Winnie is are archetype female assassin trainer who is a former assassin herself. She’s brought to life here by Jewel Lee, who played the role of one of the female assassins in Naked Weapon. The circle is now complete, the student is the teacher.
Emma (Cherrie Ying Choi-Yi as Cherrie In) – Her character has zero motivation, we know little to nothing about her or why she suddenly turns on her master. Yet she does, and also inexplicably winds up with Big Guts. Her character is deadly with a shovel, she must have worked at the Shaolin Temple as a gravedigger. Cherrie In has been in a lot of films the past few years. I’d list some but then I’d just steal the joy from those who like to Google. Okay, fine, Election and Rob-B-Hood.
Dora (Viva Wei as Wei Hua) – Her name is Dora, but she’s no explorer, she’s a crazy killer who will rip out your guts and hit a 9.5 on the Orgasm Scale while doing it. Don’t mess with this woman unless you like breathing through holes in your neck. Killed by a hail of cops bullets.
Macy (Meme Tian Pu-Jun) – The other evil girl also gets little back story, except how she was turned out by the evil Triad Big Eyes. She also is killed because she’s evil and they never win. Is never seen shopping at Macy*s.
Big Guts aka Darren (Jordan Chan Siu-Chun) – Veteran cop who is a big braggart. Ends up with Emma because sometimes you just gotta write a bad script. Jordan Chan is famous for the Young and Dangerous movies, and he was also in Haunted Office
Jet (Andy On Chi-Kit) – Young cop who knew Mango/YoYo before she became an assassin. Is single-handedly responsible for a Hitchcock film running for thirty years straight in Hong Kong due to all the girlfriends he takes. Can’t dance. Can’t play basketball. The only thing about him is the way he walks.

Angel Enforcers
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Angel Enforcers (Review)

November 9, 2008By

Angel Enforcers

aka Wong ga fei fung

1989
Directed by Hoh Chi Mau (probably Godfrey Ho)

Another in the long line of female action movies from Hong Kong, this uses the Angel name in its title despite being unrelated to Angel. The 1989 release date puts it near the beginnings of the movement, so it was released before the genre became fully saturated and the public moved on to different interests. That doesn’t mean it is a good film, but it is entertaining, lots of people end up getting shot, and main characters don’t even make it through the end of the film! What is weird is the film seems billed as a group of four female cops, but two of them have roles that are less substantial than minor characters in the film. It is what we would call “crazy”. The film is directed by Hoh Chi Mau, but this is the only film he is listed as directing, and on the dubbed trailer Godfrey Ho is listed as director(!) so this is probably just another of his pseudonyms. Previous Godfrey Ho encounters on TarsTarkas.NET include Robo Vampire (since proved NOT Godrey Ho), Catman in Lethal Track, Catman in Boxers Blow, and Deadly Target; so you can see why we are not too pleased to run into him again. Keep in mind that sometimes Godfrey Ho’s name showed up as director of films he didn’t do after Joseph Lai’s company released them (one noticeable example is Wolf Devil Woman, really directed by Pearl Cheung Ling.) Angel Enforcers is supposed to be out on DVD, but all we have is a subtitled, tore up VHS (and as those DVDs are just sourced from VHS, so we aren’t that far behind in quality) so that’s what we got screencaps from. Heck, maybe I’ll upgrade to Laserdisc next! The Inaccurate Movie DataBase is all over the map on the cast listing here, throwing in all sorts of actors and actresses that are nowhere near this film. But that’s what happens when you let the general public edit things. Enough complaining, we must get with the non-stop Hong Kong action! Cops shooting, criminals being evil, people dying, and women kicking butt!

First let’s meet our characters….

Yvonne (Sharon Yeung Pan Pan) – The main character does the best stunts, including unrealistic jump work during gun battles, and falling off of moving cars. When her partner is killed, she goes for revenge. Pan Pan Yeung starred in many action films through the mid-1990s, and was also seen here in Deadly Target
Marianne (Aan Lee) – Female cop and a real Angel Enforcer. Partner and friend of Yvonne, and committed to justice. Shoots Lethal Weapon 1, thus inspiring Lethal Weapon 2 to try to kill her. Is the daughter of police officer Uncle Dan and has a sister named Winnie. All three of them get exploded at various parts of the film.
Lethal Weapon 2 (Dick Wei) – Partner of Lethal Weapon 1, LW2 doesn’t get a name during the entire film! What the heck, as he is the main villain! That’s lame. LW2 is on a vendetta against Marianne for killing Lethal Weapon 1, despite Mr. Big trying to make him wait for things to cool down a bit before seeking revenge.
Lethal Weapon 1 /Larry (Phillip Ko) – One of the two hired guns recruited by Mr. Big to kill undercover cop Ben, LW1 tries to do the job himself to protect his partner and ends up getting killed, inspiring Lethal Weapon 2 to seek revenge. Prolific actor Phillip Ko was also seen here in Deadly Target
Mr. Big (Ha Chi Chun)- Mr. Big is the mastermind of crime in Hong Kong. Mr. Big is also a girl! There is a bird skeleton on Mr. Big’s desk, which probably is an interesting story in itself, and adds to the character’s charm. Ha Chi Chun is also known as Ha Chia Ling or Ha Chi-Jan depending on which translation you use, and is probably best known for being in Erotic Ghost Story.
Topless white girl (???) – She’s white, she’s topless, she mixes drinks with her breasts, and she invites gay porn stars to rape local businessmen. She’s an Angel Enforcer of her own, except she’s enforcing evil!
Cop girl 3 (Chiu Wai-Ling) – Member of the Angel Enforcer B Squad, Cop Girl 3 gets no real name (except one spelled out in Chinese characters that I can’t read) and is barely in the film after the opening scene, until returning for the ending. Absolutely nothing interesting about her.
Cop girl 4 (Kitty Meng Chui) – Member of the Angel Enforcer B Squad, Cop Girl 4 gets no real name (except one spelled out in Chinese characters that I can’t read) and is barely in the film after the opening scene, until returning for the ending. And a random fight in the park. Absolutely nothing interesting about her.
String Bean Sodomist (???) – One of the “blue movie stars from Hollywood” called in to ravage Mr. Cho. Looks like someone excavated his body, leaving only a skeleton. His hair has seemed to have slipped off the top of his head and is hanging on in beard form. Mr. Cho is never seen again after encountering String Bean Sodomist and his black partner, one can only assume the three moved to the Bay Area to settle.

Kung Fu cyborg
InMovie News

Chinese Transformers – Robot!

November 6, 2008By

Kung Fu cyborg

UPDATE: Read our review of Kung Fu Cyborg: Metallic Attraction!

No, not the lame CGI cartoon Robots, this is basically a Transformers-like story done in China by the mastermind behind the Chinese Odyssey and Chinese Tall Tale films, Jeffrey Lau. If you have seen Chinese Tall Tale (a film that is begging for a go-over on this site, I even snagged a copy for that purpose) then you know how much Sci-Fi elements Jeffrey Lau is capable of. It promises to be cool, and it can’t be worse than the real Transformers. The only question is, will it be better than Transmorphers?
Story Link

Famous Hong Kong director Jeffrey Lau, known for the 1990’s hit series ‘A Chinese Odyssey,’ starring comedian Stephen Chow, is now surprising audiences with his ambitious dream of making a Chinese version of ‘Transformers’.

Hangzhou-based newspaper Metro Express reported Thursday that the director will start shooting his latest science-fiction movie, ‘Robot’, on the mainland this month.

Lau brewed the idea to make a science-fiction movie ten years ago, and his dream is finally coming true. It is no news to audiences that Lau likes to integrate sci-fi scenes into his movies. In his most recent work, ‘A Chinese Tall Story’, he used a self-designed spaceship for added effect.

In April this year, Lau partnered with Le TV.com to establish a film company, for which ‘Robot’ will be the first creation. Zhuo Shunguo from Le TV.com, the investor, said the movie will present a refreshing look at Chinese robots for people who are used to stereotypical Hollywood figures like Spiderman and Superman. He said the Chinese robot, in comparison, would feel closer and more human to audiences, as it is the incarnation of Oriental wisdom and strength.

The film will start shooting on November 19 in Zoumatang, an ancient village in Ningbo, Zhejiang province. Later, the production team will move to Shanghai’s landmark structures, including the Oriental Pearl tower and the World Financial Center, to conclude the shooting.

The cast of ‘Robot’ has not yet been formally announced.

The Eight Hilarious Gods
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

The Eight Hilarious Gods (Review)

October 30, 2008By

The Eight Hilarious Gods

aka Siu baa sin

1993
Directed by Jeffrey Chiang Gu-Jun

Hong Kong does their take on Hakkenden, the tale that gave us Legend of Eight Samurai and Message From Space. Except it is a pure comedy and no one marries a dog. That’s good, as this film is about as related to the traditional Japanese story as Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter is to the Gospel of Luke. It does have some recognizable Hong Kong stars (even to Western audience members only slightly familiar with Hong Kong cinema) and some nice fantasy fights for a comedy, but isn’t afraid to dwell in the poop jokes or to murder children just so the audience can go “WTF?” So let’s all go “WTF?” together!

This version of the film comes from one of those double-VHS tapes, found in the double-size VHS boxes that old-school video stores had. The only video store I know by name that still carries those is Le Video in San Francisco, but some of the old-school Chinatown rental stores have this as well. The double-tape explains why there are numbers after the title, because there are two title screens, one for each tape. Old school is the best school, baby! There ain’t no forced commercials here like on DVD. Sure, the picture quality isn’t the best, but it’s not like this film is begging for a remastered DVD. It should be remastered.

Ben (Adam Cheng Siu-Chow) – Ben is a high-level fairy who misplaced six magic pearls that just happen to be the pearls Lucifer is going to use to try to destroy the world. Except there is also this prophecy that says six people will show up to help defeat Lucifer, so now Ben is looking for them. Adam Cheng was in a film entitled Sup Sap Bup Dup as well as playing the boss of the female tribe in Fantasy Mission Force, so that’s enough street cred for me to give him a thumbs up!
Buddy Wall (Sandra Ng Kwun-Yu) – One of Heavenly Goddess’s fairies who attempts to stop Satan. Not powerful enough to face him alone. Has a crush on Ben, and is part of a running gag where no one finds her attractive. Sandra Ng Kwun-Yu is a famous Hong Kong comedienne.
Lotus (Rosamund Kwan Chi-Lam) – Brutal proprietor of the Dragon Gate Inn, who beats those who complain about her service. The whole Inn is a scam to rob customers with a freezing mist, and she collaborates with Uncle Cheung in this scam. Rosamund Kwan is probably best known here for playing Aunt Yee in the Once Upon a Time in China series. Prophecy mark – Love for one’s elders.
Lousy Han (Ng Man-Tat) – Lousy Han is a loyal friend who lets his buddy Smart Hon walk all over him. He gets into trouble constantly, but always with a smile on his face. Ng Man-Tat is in a whole mess of Steve Chow films, as well as many other efforts. Prophecy mark – Loyalty.
Uncle Cheung (Lawrence Cheng Tan-Shui) – The effeminate tour guide leader and fellow conspirator in Lotus’s robbery scam. Lawrence Cheng Tan-Shui has made a career of playing stereotypical homosexual goofballs, from his own shows to films like this and The Storm Riders. Prophecy mark – Mercy.
Smart Hon (Deric Wan Siu-Lun) – Smart Hon is the brains behind the Hon/Han group, but he isn’t as smart as his name implies. His greatest ability is avoiding getting into trouble. Deric Wan Siu-Lun is probably most recognizable as Emperor Kang Xi in the two Royal Tramp films. Prophecy mark – Justice.
Sheriff Lee (Shing Fui-On) – Looking like a crazy wild-man, Sheriff Lee is desperate to solve a case before he’s demoted. He is willing to do anything. ANYTHING. Even his mother won’t stand in his way. Shing Fui-On has appeared in more films than I can count, probably most notably in God of Gamblers. Most of them were without the crazy makeup. Prophecy mark – Filial Piety.
Uncle Tsao (Peter Lai Bei-Dak) – Information collector and informant. Likes Lotus, but instead ends up with Uncle Cheung! Not a happy camper. Prophecy mark – Faith.
Lucifer (Lau Shun) – The devil is an evil mo-fo! Did you know that Lucifer has clawed hands, metal hair, a voice sounding like one of the Visitors from V, and spends all his free time terrorizing a random small village in China? Because he does. This movie proves it. And he enjoys tossing children off roofs.

Deadly Target
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Deadly Target (Review)

September 29, 2008By

Deadly Target

aka Hong tian mi ling

1994
Directed by Godfrey Ho

In Manila, two female Hong Kong cops visit one’s cousin, only to find out he is an evil weapons dealer that targets them for death. They team up with supercop Eddie and take down their cousin as well as a bunch of other goons in a prime example of mid-90’s Hong Kong action films. We get lots of shootouts, lots of jumping stunts, kung fu mixed in the middle of gun battles, and things exploding all over the place. These films are miles beyond the current CGI/PG-13 garbage being spewed out by Hollywood, but for a Hong Kong action film of the era, it doesn’t really stand out. However, it has chicks with guns blasting people all over the place, so it fits right into our pseudo-theme month. This is a low-budget movie filmed in the Philippines to save on costs, more info is with the cast.

Female action stars have a long and glorious career in Asian cinema. Go read a book about them or something. Okay, just kidding. There was a big “Girls with Guns” fad in the late 1980’s/early 1990’s which is the focus here, and this is one of many entries that were low-budget but filled with lots of stunts. Many of the films had several of about six to eight actresses who were in the bulk of them, and we have two here, Yukari Oshima and Sharon Yeung Pan Pan, who both have a long resume filled with similar films.

Lisa Li (Yukari Oshima) – A Hong Kong police woman who goes on vacation in the Philippines to visit her cousin Ben Hung, who turns out to be really evil! Her boss in the Hong Kong is named Tiger. Aren’t you glad I pointed that out? May also go by the name “Cynthia Lee,” as a sign in the movie says. Yukari Oshima was a big action star in the late 1980s/early 1990s Hong Kong, but by this point was working out of the Philippines because the Hong Kong studio didn’t know what to do with a half-Japanese female action star, especially one that was usually branded asexual because she wasn’t supermodel attractive. This is a shame, as Yukari is very skilled in the martial arts. See her here in Godfather’s Daughter and Tomb Raiders/Avenging Quartet
Anna Yeung (Sharon Yeung Pan Pan) – Partner of Lisa Li who accompanies her on vacation. Despite both of them being largely asexual, they certainly have a few lesbianic undertones thrown in during their workout sessions. No complaints. Sharon Yeung Pan Pan was a talented martial artist who starred in Hong Kong movies and television through the 80’s and 90’s, ending her run around the end of the girls with guns movie fad.
Cousin Ben Hung (John Cheung) – Cousin of Lisa Li who also happens to be an evil gun smuggler. Sort of how my cousin works for Coca-Cola. Except he’s not evil, nor smuggles guns. Ben Hung has a sister who isn’t named despite being a major character. Once Lisa Li and her friends get in the way, it is time to see that money is thicker than blood, and he tries to take her out.
Eddie (Edu Manzano) – The supercop of the Philippines, every gun runner and drug dealer knows his name. Edu Manzano is still acting today and appeared in such Filipino genre films as Captain Barbell and Darna: The Return.
Ben Hung’s Sister (Sarah Gomez) – Hi, I’m Ben Hung’s Sister. I’m evil, I’m a main villain, I sleep with men to convince them to buy guns from my brother, and I don’t have a name! What the Hell, movie?
Henry Wong (Phillip Ko) – Rumored he was married to Yukari Oshima at the time and may have been the actual director using Godfrey Ho’s name as a pseudonym! That would be a first (this is rumored for a few of these Phillip Ko/Yukari Oshima/Godfrey Ho Filipino action films) but may just be an artifact of Godfrey Ho’s constant use of fake names. Godfrey Ho, why do you continue to make researching these movies difficult?
Dik (????) – Undercover cop in Ben Hung’s gang. Gets his cover blown. Enjoys dressing in dresses. Sadly, he does not make it to the end of the film. I will always remember you, Dik. Maybe I’ll find out who played you.

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