Tom Yum Goong The Protector Tony Jaa

Tom-Yum-Goong (Review)

Tom-Yum-Goong

aka ต้มยำกุ้ง aka The Protector
Tom Yum Goong The Protector Tony Jaa
2005
Written by Prachya Pinkaew, Kongdej Jaturanrasamee, Napalee, Piyaros Thongdee, and Joe Wannapin
Directed by Prachya Pinkaew

Tom Yum Goong The Protector Tony Jaa
“Where’s my elephant?” – Kham, like 1000 times.

“Where’s my elephant?” demanded the small man with the big confidence. The goons stood and smirked, surely this small man was small and thus no threat. The next thing they remember is waking up in the hospital, having been kicked through the door. Thus the adventure begins as Tony Jaa searches for his missing elephants and people get the crap beat out of them from Thailand to Australia. Along the way there is a complicated plot about illegal food smugglers and amoral businesses and gang rivalries, but the plot is the least of our worries. Because Tom-Yum-Goong (or The Protector if you’re watching the American version) is the film that features a 4 minute long single take of Tony Jaa fighting his way up several flights of stairs with goons all the way. It is, quite simply, one of the most amazing fight sequences in cinema.

Tom-Yum-Goong is the followup to Ong Bak, the film that put Tony Jaa and Prachya Pinkaew on the international map. Jaa and Pinkaew would have on set troubles in all subsequent films, with the two feuding about funding and unexplained absences. Ong Bak 2, Ong Bak 3, and Tom Yum Goong 2 would all have various production problems and delays, with causes ranging from the aforementioned arguing to political strife to disastrous flooding to a marriage and a pregnancy!
Tom Yum Goong The Protector Tony Jaa
Whatever future events would be, the fact is that everything aligned to make Tom-Yum-Goong an amazing action film. The choreography is amazing, Tony Jaa pulls off a huge assortment of stunts and once he gets going, will fight what amounts to a ridiculous amount of opponents on his quest to rescue his elephants. We don’t even see the beginning shot, we just see the bodyguard fly into the room to signify that Kham and begun to beat everyone up. That was an editing choice, as the initial punches were filmed, but it works so much better to have the sudden crash. Tom-Yum-Goong is filled with creativity, from the fight up the stairway that just goes on and on to the fights in a flooded temple that is visually stunning. The villains have at their disposal a near limitless amount of goons on extreme sports equipment, from inline skates to dirt bikes, all of which come riding in to beat the tar out of Kham, and all of which fail miserably. Tony Jaa and Panna Rittikrai even developed a new style of Muay Thai they called Muay Koshasan to represent an elephant fighting style. The attention to little details that have a big impact to make the film look unique is all part of the charm.
Tom Yum Goong The Protector Bongkoj Khongmalai

Kham (Tony Jaa) – He’s just a dude looking for his elephants.
Sergeant Mark (Petchtai Wongkamlao) – A Thai cop in Australia who is tangled in not only the Kham beating everyone up mess, but also a corrupt cop mess and a political killings mess. It’s very messy to be Sergeant Mark!
Pla (Bongkoj Khongmalai) – A student turned prostitute who is forced to replay the debt of her dead relative or else she’ll be killed or worse. Helps Kham when she can. Is caught up in some political assassin intrigue, but is largely in the film for eye candy, hence her featured scene where she’s rubbing mud all over herself while wearing little clothing. Bongkoj Khongmalai is also in Dangerous Flowers.
Madame Rose (Xing Jin) – Ascending to the head of a criminal empire is hard when even your family is against you. Luckily for Madame Rose, she’s planned ahead, and just might have a few less relatives to deal with. Think of all the money she’ll save on greeting cards! It’s almost enough to buy some black market elephants…
Korn (???) – Baby elephant from a Jatubaht warrior family that’s stolen along with his father, Por Yai. Kham sets out to save them from their dark fate.

Tom Yum Goong The Protector Tony Jaa

Petals on the Wind Lifetime

Petals on the Wind brings more Flowers to Lifetime! #PetalsOnTheWind

Petals on the Wind Lifetime

Flowers in the Attic was one of the highest rated films of 2013, and Lifetime wasted no time in beginning to adapt the sequel, Petals on the Wind. Petals on the Wind continues the saga of the Dollanganger children who have escaped the attic and are drawn into all sorts of drama including abusive relationships and a seduction revenge plot against their mom.

When you check out the press release, you’ll also notice Lifetime announced preproduction on two more books in the Flowers series – If There Be Thorns and Seeds of Yesterday. In addition, they’re also working on a film of V. C. Andrews’ My Sweet Audrina, which is not part of the series. Wikipedia declares that My Sweet Audrina “was the only standalone novel without incest published during Andrews’ lifetime.” So, yeah. No ratings for it! Just kidding….

Petals on the Wind stars Heather Grahan, Ellen Burstyn, Dylan Bruce, Rose McIver, Wyatt Nash, and Bailey Buntain. It’s directed by Karen Moncrieff (huzzah female director!), who also directed The Trials of Cate McCall, and I remember her from some low budget action films in the 1990s: Midnight Witness, Rage, and Xtro 3: Watch the Skies. My goodness, does that make me a real 90s kid?

Petals on the Wind premieres May 26th on Lifetime.

via Lifetime

On the heels of the Lifetime Original Movie “Flowers in the Attic,” this year’s number one movie telecast on ad-supported cable, Lifetime will premiere the much-anticipated sequel “Petals on the Wind” on Memorial Day, Monday, May 26, at 9 pm PT/ET. Based on the second gothic novel of the iconic V.C. Andrews series about the Dollanganger family, the film begins ten years after the siblings have escaped the attic where their mother Corrine (Heather Graham, “Drugstore Cowboy”) and grandmother Olivia (Ellen Burstyn, “Political Animals”) kept them locked away for more than two years.

A decade after Cathy (Rose McIver, “Masters of Sex,” “Once Upon a Time”), Christopher (Wyatt Nash, “Pretty Little Liars”) and Carrie (Bailey Buntain, “Bunheads”) escaped from their grandparents’ attic at Foxworth Hall, “Petals on the Wind” continues to follow the twisted plight of the family as they attempt to put their sordid past behind them, but soon discover certain secrets can’t be left behind. When Cathy finds herself in an abusive relationship with a fellow dancer, Julian (Will Kemp, “90210”), Christopher and Cathy are forced to face the forbidden feelings they developed for one another while coming of age during captivity. But when tragedy strikes the Dollangangers once again, Cathy returns to Foxworth Hall to confront her grandmother and seek revenge on her mother with a plan to seduce her husband Bart (Dylan Bruce, “Orphan Black”). When Christopher runs to Cathy’s side, the two are determined to start over again – together.

Lifetime is currently in development on three additional V.C. Andrews’ books, including “If There Be Thorns” and “Seeds of Yesterday,” both from the Dollananger series, and the standalone novel “My Sweet Audrina.”

The Coed and the Zombie Stoner Asylum

The Coed and the Zombie Stoner – new high art from Asylum!

Asylum is just cranking out the films faster than I can keep up with them by randomly checking their website every month or so. To wit, their tweet about the new film The Coed and the Zombie Stoner, which will be premiering exclusively on XBox Live, aka meaning I won’t be able to see it. But it looks like another Asylum softcore romp, this time the gimmick is there is a zombie pothead. Hey, that’s combining three different genres into one! Who said Asylum doesn’t know how to roll things up together. Idiots, that’s who! It says “Sex, drugs, and the walking dead” right on the poster!

When a nerdy sorority girl falls in love with a zombie, it’s only a matter of time before a zombie apocalypse is unleashed on campus. The sorority girl discovers that weed is the cure–now she must smoke out the entire school before it’s too late.

Yes, weed cures zombies now. It’s true, I heard it from Cypress Hill. I think. I can’t remember, I was pretty high, but it was probably Cypress Hill, or some guy who was on a hill. Hm…

The Coed and the Zombie Stoner stars Mindy Robinson(Asian School Girls), Jamie Noel(Bikini Spring Break), Grant O’Connell(m4m), Catherine Annette(Emmanuelle Through Time: Emmanuelle’s Supernatural Sexual Activity), Ben Whalen(A Leading Man), Andrew Clements(Bikini Spring Break), Jared Cohn(Underground Lizard People) and Lena Young(The Potstickers). It’s directed by Glenn Miller(The Bell Witch Haunting) and written by Scotty Mullen (who hasn’t written anything else) Anyone with XBox Live want to check in and say if this is any fun, feel free. Otherwise, the rest of use will have to wait until this gets a wider release.

Asylum
The Coed and the Zombie Stoner Asylum

Glenn Beck My Little Pony Brony

Glenn Beck slimes his way into movie production

Glenn Beck My Little Pony Brony

As you may have guessed from the numerous articles over the years slamming Glenn Beck, we do not think too highly of him here at TarsTarkas.NET. But Glenn Beck is good at one thing, and that’s grifting right wingers out of money. After getting booted from FoxNews for just being too darn crazy, Beck set up his own television station, GBTV, which eventually merged with his other media works into the channel TheBlaze (under parent company Mercury Radio Arts). Now Mercury Radio Arts is expanding to the world of film, a world Beck has toyed with before thanks to some one night only theatrical productions (such as Man in the Moon)

Now it will be full force, with Mercury Radio Arts having acquired The Studios at Las Colinas and prepping three films. The only details THR had on those films at the moment are one is set in ancient history, one in modern history, and one is faith-based. National Review had more information on two of them. One will deal with the real story of Christmas, and complain about Christmas being too commercialized. I don’t know, that sounds like Commie talk to me! Where’s the Free Market, Glenn? Another film will vilify Thomas Edison, which probably could be a cool story done by anyone else ever. But I will find joy in Glenn Beck making a hitpiece against a capitalist that he would be defending

In addition, other films are projected for longer term, including a film based on Beck’s book The Christmas Sweater, which was optioned to Sony, but they’ve bought the rights back.

Whatever the results may be, here’s hoping Glenn Back finds the same success in producing films that Rick Santorum found when he got involved in Echolight Studios and lost a lot of money as The Christmas Candle flopped. Then again, God’s Not Dead made $40 million, and Heaven is For Real just came out in theaters, so I don’t have a box office tally for that.

Being that this is Glenn Beck, the films will certainly be insane and somehow feature a lot of Glenn Beck, because it’s all about Glenn Beck for Glenn Beck. And they will be trainwrecks! Get your popcorn!

via THR

Zone Fighter 指令『日本列島爆破せよ』

Zone Fighter Episode 18 – Shirei “Nihon Rettou Bakuhase-yo”

Zone Fighter Episode 18 – Shirei “Nihon Rettou Bakuhase-yo”

aka 指令『日本列島爆破せよ』 aka Directive: Destroy the Japanese Laboratory! aka Command: “Destroy the Japanese Islands”
Zone Fighter 指令『日本列島爆破せよ』
1973
Written by Yuji Amamiya
Directed by Ishiro Honda

March of Godzilla 2014

Zone Fighter 指令『日本列島爆破せよ』

If you order this toaster oven now, we’ll throw in a free pair of oven mitts! Call 1-800-GAROGA! Operators are standing by!


Zone Fighter punches his way into a new episode, which is among the most ridiculous episodes in Zone Fighter history. It’s also pretty dumb, and is somehow a two-parter. Which is a shame, because both parts are directed by Ishiro Honda! The problem is with the story, which is really only a bare thread of a story and padded with a lot of pointless scenes and not very good monster action.

Why is the monster action not very good? Because Zone Fighter and the Terror-Beast of the Week Gundarguiras play rock paper scissors! Who needs monster fights? The excuse is because Gundarguiras ate some explosive chemical, and if he’s thrown around too violently, it will explode. Which should be find, because it’s inside a giant monster to absorb most of the blast, but whatever. Zone Fighter knows the explosive is in the belly of the beast thanks to Gundarguiras’ transparent stomach. Zone has to use his intelligence to try to trick the dumb monster into leaving Earth. Problems: 1- Zone Fighter isn’t very smart, either. 2- Gundarguiras is so stupid that even dumb tricks won’t work. 3- When a trick does work, Gundarguiras just refuses to leave, so there is no point to this strategy. 4- This scene keeps going on and on, and will continue next episode.

Zone Fighter 指令『日本列島爆破せよ』

Sometimes people wrap Twizzlers all around their body and leap in the air. We call these people “morons”!


Thanks to the trick, Zone Fighter finally has some more new random powers, but they prove as useless as Zone Fighter normally is. I’m eager to watch the next episode just to watch Zone brutally murder Gundarguiras, because there is no way that dumb monster is getting out of this alive. The only question is if he’ll get blown up via the PS73 explosive, or by Zone Fighter shooting him a lot.

But before the murder, we have to get through the horror. So let’s get started with . If you need a Zone Fighter refresher course, drop on by the Zone Fighter Splash Page.

Zone Fighter 指令『日本列島爆破せよ』

Should have picked rock!


Scientists including Professor Tanzawa blow up some random areas of the countryside. This is a test of Tanzawa’s new explosive element PS73. The test is a success and a bunch of dudes in business suits (scientists, officials, random businessmen who hang out at explosives testing sites) are happy. Now the next step is to transport the PS73 to another lab, which they must do with care.
Zone Fighter 指令『日本列島爆破せよ』

I’ll never pitch again! Looks like the Cubs will lose another season, thanks kid!

Thinspiration Starving in Suburbia Lifetime

Lifetime touches on eating disorders with Starving in Suburbia! #StarvingInSuburbia

Thinspiration Starving in Suburbia Lifetime

They’re having a party under the Tree of Souls from Avatar?


Starving in Suburbia (original title: Thinspiration) is another Lifetime feature about how the internet is dangerous, with a look at those disturbing websites that promote eating disorders, bulimia, and anorexia, commonly called thinspiration sites. Honestly, this is an internet demon that I don’t mind a movie taking on, because that stuff is gross and women already have enough body issues as it is, we don’t need peer pressure sites making girls more depressed about the way they look. But the new Starving in Suburbia title makes it sound like one of those memoirs people write that try to make their boring lives sound exciting.

If this film follows the usual track, Hannah’s friend and mentor ButterflyAna will probably die, though there is a chance that Hannah has a best friend who will be the one who dies.

Tara Miele writes and directs (Huzzah, a female director!), this is her third feature (she wrote and directed 2010’s The Lake Effect and also helmed 2013’s Gone Missing)

Starving in Suburbia stars Laura Wiggins, Izabella Miko, Emma Dumont, Marcus Giamatti, Callie Thorne, and Sharon Lawrence Laura Wiggins is best known from her role on Shameless, and was also in Lifetime’s The Cheating Pact. Izabella Miko is the star of Save the Last Dance 2 (yes, there was a 2!) and was also in Coyote Ugly. Emma Dumont had a role on the cult series Bunheads and also does competitive robot building! How cool is that? Callie Thorne is best remembered for Rescue Me.

When seventeen year old Hannah stumbles upon a website about Thinspiration— an online community devoted to anorexia as a life choice — she becomes an obsessive follower of the site founder, ButterflyAna. By the time Hannah’s family realizes what is happening and get Hannah the help she needs, the disease has fully taken hold and Hannah is refusing to eat. Will this family be able to exorcise the demon of anorexia from their lives, or is it too late?

Starving in Suburbia will premiere Saturday, April 26th on Lifetime. Let’s see if hashtag #StarvingInSuburbia trends like #DeathClique did!

via Lifetime

Thinspiration Starving in Suburbia Lifetime

Worst Apple Logo covering ever!