Lifetime’s Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever has a soundtrack

October 9, 2014ByTars Tarkas

In famous exploited deformed internet cat news, Lifetime’s Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever has a soundtrack, because Lifetime movies having official soundtracks is now a thing that happens.

Aubrey Plaza has been cast as the voice of Grumpy Cat, because easy paychecks are the best paychecks. After all, Bill Murray did it!

Grumpy Cat (voiced by Aubrey Plaza) is a lonely cat living in a mall pet shop. Because she never gets chosen by customers, she develops a sour outlook on life…until one day during the holidays, a very special 12-year-old girl named Chyrstal enters the pet store and falls in love with her after realizing she is the only person who can hear this unique cat talk. As the two develop a close friendship during the holiday rush, Grumpy reluctantly thwarts the kidnapping of an exotic dog she dislikes and, on Christmas Eve, rescues Chyrstal after the mall closes. Through her adventures, will Grumpy learn the true meaning of Christmas? Or will it be, in her words, the “Worst. Christmas. Ever?”

Wait, wait, wait. “CHYRSTAL”??? I hate this movie more than I thought I could.

Anyway, here are the track listings:

1. Its Hard To Be A Cat On Christmas
2. Sleigh Ride
3. Jingle Bells
4. Up On The Housetop
5. Deck The Halls
6. Worst Time Of Year
7. Christmastime Again
8. Carol Of The Bells
9. Holiday Bells
10. Christmas Honey
11. All I Want For Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth)
12. White Christmas
13. Grumpcracker Medley
14. A Very Grumpy Christmas

Will there be a Grumpcracker scene? Or is it just a cute name? We will find out soon enough. Too soon, some may say.

Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever airs Saturday, November 29, on Lifetime.

via Lifetime

Also here is Grumpy Cat driving a car in the movie for some reason:

Grand Theft Auto: Cat Andreas

InMovie News

Learn how teen exorcisms are dangerous with High School Possession on Lifetime!

October 9, 2014ByTars Tarkas

I was totally just possessed when I harassed those attractive diminutive perjurers! I’d never do anything like that in now.

Just when you thought Lifetime had run out of things to warn teens and parents about, Lifetime ups the ante! There is teen pregnancy, rainbow parties, evil grandmas, men, friends, new girls at school, being 17, men, the internet, choking, religious men, and men. And now, teenage exorcisms! Yes, High School Possession (aka High School Exorcism) will scare the demons out of your daughter or son if they ever think about hanging around with that exorcism clique. We all had them in high school, wandering the halls throwing holy water on people, speaking in tongues, getting expelled by Principal Satan. Good times.

Lauren is your average high school student. Intelligent and gifted, she’s the student editor of the school newspaper, and as part of her senior year project, she’s doing an expose on each of the school cliques. Her next assignment is to follow Olivia and her church youth group known as “The Chosen”. One night after interviewing them, Lauren stumbles onto The Chosen performing an exorcism on a girl led by Reverend Young. Lauren is horrified but intrigued so she begins to investigate and it seems to have really helped the girl. Meanwhile, Lauren’s best friend Chloe is having trouble and spiraling out of control at home and at school. Her mother has taken her to countless doctors and none of them can clearly diagnose her. The only option remaining is for Chloe to be hospitalized. Lauren realizes that Chloe might be possessed and needs an exorcism. But when Reverend Young refuses to help them Lauren and The Chosen decide to take matters into their own hands…except not all of the girls may be doing this to save Chloe and when it becomes evident that Olivia is performing the ritual to hurt her it’s up to Lauren to truly save Chloe.

High School Possession has a strong as heck cast: Janel Parrish (Pretty Little Liars, Bratz), Jennifer Stone (Wizards of Waverly Place), Ione Skye (Say Anything…), Kelly Hu (Scorpion King), Shanley Caswell (Detention), and Bailey Anne Borders (Raze). More than enough to get my attention!

It’s directed by Peter Sullivan (Christmas Twister) and written by Hanz Wasserburger (also Christmas Twister), both of which have pedigrees in made-for-tv holiday movies, so that’s the only worrying part. Unless you think of this as a made-for-tv Halloween movie, then it sounds better!

Either way, this looks cool, so I am programming the DVR. High School Possession premieres Saturday, October 25th on Lifetime!
via Lifetime

InMovie News

Have An En Vogue Christmas on Lifetime!

October 9, 2014ByTars Tarkas

You’re never gonna get it, never gonna get it! Only lumps of coal for you!

Free your minds and enjoy the fact that Lifetime is giving us An En Vogue Christmas! Finally, something to wash out the taste of that deformed cat Christmas movie they’re also doing.

En Vogue was originally the quartet of Dawn Robinson, Cindy Herron, Maxine Jones, and Terry Ellis, formed in 1989 by producing duo Denzil Foster and Thomas McElroy. They went on to have a string of hits in the early 90s, including My Lovin’ (You’re Never Gonna Get It), Giving Him Something He Can Feel, Free Your Mind, and Whatta Man (with Salt-N-Pepa). Dawn Robinson abruptly left during a contract dispute in 1997, and the group became a trio for the next few years. Maxine Jones then left to focus on her family in 2001. Herron and Ellis were joined by Rhona Bennett in 2002 (and briefly Amanda Cole), as well as Dawn Robinson rejoining the group for a few years before departing again and the ensuing legal drama, where it was determined original members Cindy Herron and Terry Ellis have the rights to the En Vogue name. The current lineup of Terry Ellis, Cindy Herron, and Rhona Bennett is the focus of An En Vogue Christmas

So with that, we look at this plot synopsis with a grain or 2 million of salt:

Over the years, the funky divas of En Vogue have gone their separate ways, until they are asked to perform a benefit concert to save the club that made them stars. They put aside their hesitations to reunite for the special night but first, must overcome their challenging history with Marty (David Alan Grier, In Living Color), their former manager and the man responsible for breaking them up. In the spirit of the holidays, the ladies find forgiveness and come together for an epic En Vogue Christmas concert to keep the club from closing its doors forever. Stars Terry Ellis, Cindy Herron, Rhona Bennett as themselves and features some of their biggest hits and two new original songs. Genelle Williams also stars.

An En Vogue Christmas stars En Vogue members Terry Ellis, Cindy Herron, and Rhona Bennett. It also stars Genelle Williams, Christopher Russell, Ashanti Bromfield, and David Alan Grier as the band’s manager, Marty. It’s directed by Brian K. Roberts (Shelby: The Dog Who Saved Christmas and a bajillion tv shows) and written by Dayna Lynne North (Lincoln Heights and the Soul Food tv series)

An En Vogue Christmas premieres on Saturday, November 22, on Lifetime!

via A&E News

InTelevision Reviews

Sleepy Hollow S02E03 – “Root of All Evil”

October 9, 2014ByTars Tarkas

Next week we’ll see him reading Handbook for the Recently Deceased.

Sleepy Hollow “Root of All Evil”
Written by Melissa Blake and Donald Todd
Directed by Jeffrey Hunt

I can finally buy cold medicine for that guy with the bad teeth outside of Walgreens!

Money sucks, unless you got money, then it’s awesome. But what if it was cursed money? Money that made you go crazy? Like what happens to everyone who wins the Lotto? What if the cursed money was part of Judas’ 30 pieces of silver? And what if that made this episode have the same transferring evil gimmick as last season’s Fallen-inspired episode? Well, then you get an okay episode that could be better.

For starters we still have a dearth of Captain Frank Irving, who the heroes are prevented from visiting at the psych ward by his lawyer – Horseman of War Henry Parrish. He does make a small appearance once Ichabod figures out a trick to be able to see him, but it is only a brief bit where Ichabod dumps a bunch of info on him and then immediately leaves. Hopefully there will be more Irving next week.

What Sleepy Hollow has fallen in love with is following Henry Parrish around. John Noble is awesome, but his character is going to become tiresome if he continues to be the focus of every week’s evil conspiracy. Not only is Parrish inciting cursed actions in the community, he has whatever deal he’s doing with Frank Irving going on, and he’s gone full Beetlejuice and is making a miniature model of the town of Sleep Hollow. He’s living in the house from “Sanctuary” where he was born, because there is a very loose plot string of him still having some humanity left in him and reconnecting with his parents dangling around. Will it become the string that unravels his sweater, leaving him naked and lying on the floor? Or are they just filling time until the next Horseman arrives?

Speaking of Horsemen, the focus on Henry Parrish has given the other Horseman, the Headless Horseman aka Abraham, very little to do except be snotty to Katrina each week. Which is sort of sad, Headless Horseman is now suffering from Darth Vader Syndrome, where Darth Vader was cool until we met Anakin and his whines about sand. Headless Horseman was cool when he was only in a few episodes, didn’t speak, and just shot at everyone. Now all he does is complain.

Tom Sawyer is a lying jerk, this isn’t fun at all!

InGallery

It Came From Tumblr!

October 6, 2014ByTars Tarkas

Tumblr is cool, we got Tumblrs, the only problem is the Tumblr stuff stays on Tumblr and not here on TarsTarkas.NET, where different people are. Well, time to solve that problem by highlighting cool Tumblr stuff here and getting a bigger audience for everyone and everything. And cool free content!

Sometime I’ll have comments, and sometimes things will speak for themselves. As usual, we will link to sources if we can (though I’m not linking to NSFW stuff), but I won’t link if I have no idea where it came from or if it is something that obviously isn’t sourced from where I found it.

So let’s get dangerous!

This gets up because I actually own this. My grandma had it in a box as it used to belong to my mom and my uncle when they were kids. Lo and behold I and my sister quickly adopted this cool kit once I found it. It now sits in a box with other stuff at my mom’s house, awaiting the day I own a house for it to occupy before my kids discover it.

The kit has some goofy faces and wigs (and a scarf!) that you could make fist faces with. There was also a red pen for making red lips, but that has long since gone bad. And who needs red lips when you got goofy faces? Literally hours of fun.

via Vintage Toy Archive

Too true!
Via

I have no clue where this image in my Tumblr folder came from, but it rules so here it is!

From the best movie about a tree man and a raccoon in 2014!

Damn, Grover’s got some sweet fashion sense! He’s brought to you by the letters “D” and “F”, for Disco Fever!
via Dollmeat

This real ad I remember thanks to looking in old magazines as a child. Now it exists in scanned on the internet form. Only ET can prevent drunk driving, even though he got drunk in the movie ET and almost lead to children fornicating in school. Just try not to think about that, and don’t drink and drive. Or ET will kill you.

I admit I have no idea what Martech’s Zoids are, but they do make an awesome magazine cover! Turns out Zoids is a toy line by Tomy, and Martech made a game called Zoids: The Battle Begins. A game that’s now abandonware. The Zoids toy line has a been up and down the past 30 years, and after looking them up I began vaguely remembering them, though I never owned any.
via Space, Gore, and Dinosaurs

Thunder Robot, made in Japan. Nice box art, exciting 1950s stuff.
via Fortune Cookie

Remember when Superman, Spectreman, and Ultraman teamed up to fight all sorts of monsters, and then there was an album? Because apparently that happened and it has cool art!
via kazuyahyoudou

The Good Witch's Wonder Hallmark Channel

InMovie News

The Good Witch’s Wonder shows the seventh time’s the charm on Hallmark!

October 5, 2014ByTars Tarkas

Clap, or the wonder will die!

The Good Witch’s Wonder is the seventh film in the Good Witch series, which is an amazing run for a made-for-tv movie series. In fact, the Good Witch movies are so popular they’ve announced a tv series for her that will start airing in 2015! Even better, I’ve seen some of the adventures of Cassie Nightingale, and these films are generally pretty good (disclaimer: I’ve not seen the more recent ones!), and this entry has most of the same creative team and stars, so it should fit right in with the rest.

Cassie Nightingale (Catherine Bell) finds herself with only days to plan her stepson Brandon’s (Matthew Knight) wedding to Tara (Ashley Leggat) when the happy couple unexpectedly pushes up the date for their big day. Meanwhile, Martha (Catherine Disher), the newly elected mayor of Middleton has roped Cassie into chairing the silent auction to raise much-needed funds for her pet project, the Middleton Botanical Gardens. Audrey (Rachel Wilson), a new arrival in town, pops in to Cassie’s store Bell, Book & Candle and the two instantly bond. Needing help in the store, Cassie immediately hires Audrey as her new store associate and she even pitches in and helps Cassie organize the auction. But, Audrey is hiding a secret past and suspicions start to swirl around her when the donated auction items are missing. With the use of her “special” powers, as well as some teamwork by the Mayor and Jake (Chris Potter), her husband, and local Chief of Police, will they conjure up the truth before it’s too late?

The Good Witch’s Wonder is directed by Craig Pryce, who has helmed all the prior entries as well. It premieres Saturday, October 25, on Hallmark Channel. Will this film lead right into the tv series? Or will they set that up to begin its own plot lines? A question we will have to wait to answer!

Via Hallmark

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