Turkish Star Wars

Turkish Star Wars (Review)

Turkish Star Wars

aka Dunyayi kurtaran adam

1982

Starring

Cuneyt Arkin as ??? (Never Caught his name)
Aytekin Akkaya as Ali
??? as The Wizard

Star Wars. One of the greatest movies ever made. It inspired an entire generation of film makers. An icon. And now, a low budget Turkish Rip-off! Yes, the Turkish have gotten a hold of Star Wars and yanked scenes for their own space fantasy extravaganza. As you may expect, it is quite a different movie, full of bad costumes and nonsensical plot. Imagine the biggest trainwreck you can possibly imagine. This is so…so…so Turkish Star Wars that you will ignore the gigantic trainwreck to catch a glimpse of this feature. I managed to get a subtitled version, and yet most of the plot still makes little or no sense. This is a long one, as a lot happens, and many things are confusing, frustrating, or just insane. But it’s a Hell of a ride.


Ghost World

Ghost World (Review)

Ghost World

Ghost World
2000

Starring

Thora Birch as Enid
Scarlett Johansson as Rebecca
Steve Buscemi as Seymour

Enid (Thora Birch) and Rebecca (Scarlett Johanson) have just graduated high school, though Enid must make up an art class in summer school. The girls wittle away their time, not choosing to head to college. At a cafe, they notice customers that look like “Satanists” and they decide to follow them. While trailing, they run across the ’50’s diner Wowsville, an authentic ’50s restaurant with rap music and a waiter they call Weird Al due to his name being Al and his hair resembling Weird Al’s. While eating there, they read the personals of the paper, and run across a “Missed Connections” ad where a guy is wanting to meet up with a blonde he helped find a contact lens for. They decide to give him a call and pretend to be the girl, and to have him meet her at Wowsville. They then bug their friend Josh to hang out with them at the diner when the man shows up. He does, is named Seymour and is played by Steve Buscemi, orders a vanilla shake, and waits, only to be disappointed. The girls follow him back to his place. Later they try to find out what apartment he lives in, and see him in part of a garage sale the apartment complex is running. There Enid discusses records with him for a bit, finding our his name is Seymore, and purchases one before they leave. The girls describe him as clueless, but Enid thinks that makes him almost attractive. Eventually Enid listens to the record and really likes the song Devil Got My Woman, and returns to discuss it with Seymour. Seymour invites her to a party where a lot of record collectors like him will be, and Enid eventually goes, dragging Rebecca along, who is hit on by David Cross, much to her disdain. Enid talks to Seymore who is a collector, and Enid decides she will get him a girlfriend. While out girlfriend shopping, Enid gets Seymour to take her into an adult store, where she gets a catwoman headpiece. We find out Rebecca is working at a Starbucks ripoff complete with annoying customers.

Glitch

Glitch! (Review)

Glitch!


1988

Starring

Will Egan as T.C.
Steve Donmyer as Bo
Julia Nickson as Michelle
Directed by Nico Mastorakis


What should be a run of the mill lame sex comedy is instead a very bad sex comedy, thanks to Nico Mastorakis flubbing up what should be easy territory. Not surprising, in two years time he pulled off an even worse film with Ninja Academy. But we can cross that Grand Canyon of despair another day, for today we tackle Glitch!, a movie that has an exclamation point in it’s name. And Julia Nickson. That’s about the limit of the praise here, this is a trip of pure pain, for certain. Bring it on!


Go West

Go West (Review)

Go West


1940

Starring

Groucho Marx as S. Quentin Quale
Harpo Marx as Rusty Panello
Chico Marx as Joe Panello

The Marx Brothers return for a western spoof this time, as the boys find themselves in a heap o’ trouble involving land speculation, railroad cars, helping young lovers, scams, gun fights, safe cracking, and robot knife fights. Well, maybe not the last thing. On with the show…

3 Dev Adam aka Turkish Spiderman

3 Dev Adam

aka 3 Mighty Men aka Turkish Spiderman
3 Dev Adam
1973
Starring
Aytekin Akkaya as Captain America
Yavuz Selekman as El Santo

From deep in the bowels of Turkey comes this instant winner of insanity! The Turkish film industry has an obsession with making low budget rip offs of American films, and in this case, they’ve pilfered Spiderman, and threw in Captain America, and even El Santo! Direct from bootleg tape to your computer. Subtitles? Who needs them! It’s not like this movie was long on plot anyway. Knowing what was going on would probably make it unwatchable.

3 Dev Adam
3 Dev Adam

2009: Lost Memories

2009: Lost Memories

2009: Lost Memories
2002
Starring
Dong-Kun Jang as Masayuki Sakamoto
Tooru Nakamura as Shojiro Saiko

Japan is the reigning Asian Power after controlling Korea and China since the early 20th century. How did this come to pass? Well, in 1909, the Assassination of Chosun Governor Ito Hirobumi by Cheong-Kun Ahn was prevented. And that lead to greater Japanese dominance of the entire region. Suddenly history is different:

1910 Takeover of Chosun (Korean Penninsula)
1919 Illegal gathering in Pagoda Park dispearsed
1921 Second Governor of Chosun appointed (Inoeu)
1932 BG Yoon killed in Honxiao Park, Shanghai
1936 Japan and US soldiers fight as allies in WW2 (wait a min…)
1943 Japan takes over Manchuria
1946 Atomic bombs dropped over Berlin ends WW2 (Now WAIT a min!)
1960 Japan accepted in the UN as a permanent member of the Security Council
1965 Sakura I satellite goes into orbit
1988 Olympic games in Nagoya
2002 Soccer World Cup held in Japan

Hey, sort of slanted against South Korea’s accomplishments at the end there…

2009: Lost Memories