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Passion in the SUn Girl and the Geek
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Passion in the Sun! (Review)

June 3, 2005By

Passion in the Sun!

aka The Girl and The Geek

1964
Starring
Josette Valague as Josette Valague
Dale Berry as Sgt. Mike Green
Mike Butts as The Geek
Dee Dent as Sans Souci girl
Rain Drop as Sans Souci girl
Dick Eason as Raul Ortiz

Back before we were blessed with Cinemax, HBO, VCRs, the Internet, and DVDs, if you wanted to see naked women, you had two choices. Either go to a burlesque house and lose your entire paycheck, or go to a dirty, dingy theater where scratchy prints of “nudie” movies and other schlock played and only be out the price of a seat, and your dignity. When I think about my father or grandfather having to resort to such lengths to see the fairer sex, I feel for them. I feel even more thanks to my viewing of Passion in the Sun!, a typical entry in the mindless nude movies of the time. Short on plot, short on voice acting (everything is dubbed in later), short on special effects, short on full frontal nudity (damn laws keep these films from going full monty), and short on your patience, Passion in the Sun! attempts to make up for these massive flaws by giving us long shots of the main character running and frolicking naked, action dance sequences taking place in the Sans Souci dancehall, monster action (if you can call this guy a monster, I’ve seen janitors that look more frightening), fistfights, and high speed chases.

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Turkish Wizard of Oz

May 30, 2005By

Turkish Wizard of Oz

aka Aysecik ve sihirli cüceler rüyalar ülkesinde aka Aysecik and the Bewitched Dwarfs in Dreamland

1971
Starring
Zeynep Degirmencioglu as Aysecik AKA Dorothy
Suleyman Turan as Korkulu AKA Scarecrow
Metin Serezli as Teneke Koruadam AKA Tin Woodman
Suna Selen as Kotu Cadi AKA Wicked Witch of the West
Ali Sen as Korkak Aslan AKA Cowardly Lion
Cemal Konca as The Great Wizard Keskin Zeka

Another Turkish remake??? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aysecik ve sihirli cüceler rüyalar ülkesinde

This time, the land of Turks and Keys has brought us a remake of The Wizard of Oz, which is amazingly more faithful to the book at certain points than the big budget Hollywood version. It still manages to veer off into random directions, and is full of insane dancing, a gay scarecrow, and special effects that can be done better by three year olds. The previous Turkish filmsTurkish Exorcist, Turkish Spiderman, Turkish Star Trek, Turkish Star Wars, and Kilink Istanbul’da, have all been a barrel of laughs, horrors, and monkeys. Okay, no monkeys. No monkeys in here, either. Not even the winged variety. Sigh… This film continues the fine Turkish film tradition of making the audience say “What in the Hell?”

Mummy's Kiss
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

The Mummy’s Kiss (Review)

May 28, 2005By

The Mummy’s Kiss


2003
Starring
Mia Zottoli as Ramsay Amun/Hor-Shep-Sut
Sasha Peralto as Ana Harwa/Princess Hat-Em-Akhet
George Thomas as Professor Carter Moore
Aysia Lee as Tina Kim
Richard Lynch as Dr. Wallis Harwa
Arthur Roberts as Osiris
Katie Lohmann as Isis

Shhhh!!! Be very very quiet! We’re sneaking downstairs to catch a glimpse of late night TV, since we’re tired of going to bed early. Luckily Step-father is asleep on the couch, so we can change channels without much trouble. Let’s see what’s on the pay channels tonight…HBO has Out For A Kill, Showtime is playing a Queer as Folk marathon…what’s this? The Mummy’s Kiss? I liked the first two Mummy movies, let’s give this one a whirl. Hey….SHE’S NAKED! WHOA!

Art of War
InBad, Movie Reviews

The Art of War (Review)

May 26, 2005By

The Art of War


2000
Starring
Wesley Snipes as Neil Shaw
Anne Archer as Eleanor Hooks
Maury Chaykin as Capella
Marie Matiko as Julia Fang
Michael Biehn as Robert Bly
Donald Sutherland as U.N. Secretary General Douglas Thomas

“Uniting valor as one is the way of command

When I first heard they were adapting Sun Tzu’s The Art of War, I was all “How are they gonna pull that off?” then it turned out that it was just a random action film. Random, except for Wesley Snipes! As Mr. Snipes has said before: “Always bet on black.”

Nabonga
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Nabonga (Review)

May 21, 2005By

Nabonga


1944
Starring
Buster Crabbe as Ray Gorman
Julie London as Doreen Stockwell
Prince Modupe as Tobo
Ray Corrigan as Samson (or Nabonga, I guess)

Riding the wave of King Kong Klones (KKK? That ain’t good…), Nabonga succeeds in having the most ridiculous name of the bunch. Buster Crabbe of Tarzan and Flash Gordon fame returns to fight Ming the Merciless in the heat of the jungle for the future of Earth….wait? No Ming? No Rocket Ships? No fun. Stock footage and random gorilla attacks are a poor substitute. The lone bright spot for this movie is the character of Tobo, and he suffers from being a walking, talking, African tribalman stereotype. Still, he’s the only character you will care about in this film. The live action gorilla Nabonga can’t hold a candle to the stop motion magic that was King Kong. Heck, background extras from Planet of the Apes have better characterization than this gorilla. Wait a minute…Statue of Liberty? THAT WAS OUR PLANET!! You Maniacs! You blew it all up! Damn you! Damn you all to Hell!!


Dead Friend
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Dead Friend (Review)

May 17, 2005By

Dead Friend

aka The Ghost aka Ryeong

2004
Starring
Kim Ha-neul as Min Ji-won
Nam Sang-mi as Su-in
Bin as Eun-seo
Shin Yi as Shin Mi-kyung

Asian horror grows ever popular, and it’s coming from all fronts, Japan, China, and South Korea (with some Thai thrown in for good measure.) The movies Ringu and Ju-on have helped forefront and onslaught of ghost films, many of them featuring creepy schoolgirls with long hair covering their face. I bring that up because you wouldn’t guess what the ghost here looks like….yep, gave it away. So what sets this film apart from the rest of the clones? What? Kim Ha-neul from Too Beautiful to Lie! Nam Sang-mi from Spygirl and Too Beautiful to Lie! Shin Yi from Sex is Zero! It’s a convention-fest-o-rama of cute Korean girls who’ve showed up here before! That’s almost enough to forgive the ghost rehash.

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