Komodo vs. Cobra

2007 Tarsies Nominations

The Razzies are a disappointment to say the least. They’ve dropped all pretense of rewarding the worst of the worst, and nominated anyone they could to get into the scandal mags. Well, enough is enough. We need real leadership. We need real decisiveness. Therefore, TarsTarkas.NET has sprung into action, and started our own award. Named the “Tarsies” we strive to bring respect back to Bad Movie Awards. This is the second year straight, and we hope to go on until we outlive those Razzie bastards. So, without further ado, we shall begin with our nominations. The winners will be announced in a week or so, because we can’t keep the world in suspense for so long…

Worst Movie

BloodRayne Boll’s best film, but he’s finally recognized by the Razzies. For once worse things were projected this year…
Wicker Man All I got to say: YouTube link
The Marine The movie where everything explodes, even explosions!
Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector The movie for people who marry their sister.
When a Stranger Calls I’ve coughed up things that can act better than main lead Camilla Belle.
Ultraviolet (Bonus Nominee) Stylized comic book turns into a complete mess, all flash and no pan.

Little man

2007 Razzie nominations

Well, I’m still going to put out my own awards, even though they are slightly better at picking actual bad movies this year.
2007 Razzie noms:

Worst Picture

* Basic Instinct 2
* Little Man
* Lady in the Water
* The Wicker Man
* BloodRayne

Worst Actor

* Tim Allen, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause, The Shaggy Dog, Zoom
* Nicolas Cage, The Wicker Man
* Larry the Cable Guy (Dan Whitney), Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector
* Rob Schneider, The Benchwarmers, Little Man
* Marlon & Shawn Wayans, Little Man

Worst Actress

* Hilary Duff & Haylie Duff, Material Girls
* Lindsay Lohan, Just My Luck
* Kristanna Loken, BloodRayne
* Jessica Simpson, Employee of the Month
* Sharon Stone, Basic Instinct 2

Worst Supporting Actor

* Danny DeVito, Deck the Halls
* Ben Kingsley, BloodRayne
* M. Night Shyamalan, Lady in the Water
* Martin Short, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
* David Thewlis, Basic Instinct 2

Worst Supporting Actress

* Kate Bosworth, Superman Returns
* Kristin Chenoweth, Deck the Halls, Pink Panther, RV
* Carmen Electra, Date Movie, Scary Movie 4
* Jenny McCarthy, John Tucker Must Die
* Michelle Rodriguez, BloodRayne

Worst Screen Couple

* Tim Allen & Martin Short, The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
* Nicolas Cage & his bear suit, Wicker Man
* Hilary & Haylie Duff, Material Girls
* Sharon Stone’s lopsided breasts, Basic Instinct 2
* Shawn Wayans & either Kerry Washington or Marlon Wayans, Little Man

Worst Remake or Rip-Off

* Little Man
* Pink Panther
* Poseidon
* The Shaggy Dog
* The Wicker Man

Worst Prequel or Sequel

* Basic Instinct 2
* Big Momma’s House 2
* Garfield 2: A Tail of Two Kitties
* The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
* The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

Worst Director

* Uwe Boll, BloodRayne
* Michael Caton-Jones, Basic Instinct 2
* Ron Howard, The Da Vinci Code
* M. Night Shyamalan, Lady in the Water
* Keenan Ivory Wayans, Little Man

Worst Screenplay

* Basic Instinct 2
* BloodRayne
* Lady in the Water
* Little Man
* The Wicker Man

Worst Excuse for Family Entertainment

* Deck the Halls
* Garfield 2: A Tail of Two Kitties
* RV
* The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
* The Shaggy Dog

Little man

Mike Nelson Lied to me!!!

The newest Rifftrack will be Battlefield Earth, done by all three of the FilmCrew. Oddly enough, that’s the specific film Mike Nelson said they were going to wait a while on during RiffTrax Live! So I got lied to by Mike Nelson, which was a pleasant surprise, as I hope they destroy that horrid mess of a film!

New Review: Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle in Paradise

Put up a new review for Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle in Paradise. The story about a girl who bones anything and everything she can find. Movies that are 1/3 sex scenes make for quick writing during busy school seasons, but we’ll have something special up later in the week, after the upcoming disappointing Razzie nominations get posted on Monday. Yes, the Tarsies will be back for 2007!

Also added a video from Snakes on a Plane.

emmanuelleip06

Emmanuelle 2000

Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle in Paradise (Review)

Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle in Paradise


2000
Starring
Holly Sampson as Emmanuelle
Shauna O’Brien as Maggie Henson
D.J. West as Philip Henson
Anthony Skordi as The Sultan
Gabriella Hall as Ashley
Brad Bartram as Matt
Robert Donovan as Justin
Aysia Lee as Keiko
Directed by Kevin Alber (as Ura Hee!!)

Everyone knows Emmanuelle. Okay, almost everyone. Originally from a book, The Joys of a Woman by Emmanuelle Arsan, the series has grown, evolved, been ripped off, and moved into many different forms. The original Emmanuelle film debuted in 1969, titled Io, Emmanuelle, and most people have never heard of it. They have heard of the 1974 version, which starred Sylvia Kristel, and probably many of the other versions with a revolving door of actresses. Being a high class film that also involved a woman exploring her sexuality, it is safe to watch with your girlfriend, at least more safe than Interracial Gangbang Vol. 18. Emmanuelle spawned many sequels, most of which were in name only, and a long running series of rip off films titled Emannuelle, note the singular M in the name. These films usually starred Laura Gemser, who is often called the Black Emanuelle. There is also a randomly titled Yellow Emmanualle, and an “Emmanuelle” shows up during Bruce Lee’s journey through Hell in The Dragon Lives Again. Modern versions of the Emmanuelle films flourished with the advent of cable TV and new actresses, as well as a cable series with Sylvia Kristal reprising her role, telling stories to a fellow airline passenger that allowed younger girls to play her in flashbacks to have buckwild sexcapades. Modern series of Emmanuelle include the Emmanuelle in Space series and Emmanuelle 2000, which is the subject of this review.

The Emmanuelle 2000 series is a group of films that look suspiciously like episodic TV episodes combined with some random connecting material. Co-creator Rolfe Kanefsky said at The Erotic Mind-Control Story Archive (http://www.asstr.org/~JR_Parz/FavMoviePageUpdate1.htm):

As for the concern about Emmanuelle and Pretty Cool. Here’s the back story. Alain Siritzky wanted to make a series of Emmanuelle films that ripped off “Being John Malkovich”. I came up with the structure for the series concerning the headband and necklace to make the whole concept portable. I also thought that the inventor should be a cripple to give the series more heart. By entering the mind of someone else, they can experience things that they can’t normally because of the wheelchair. Looking back now, this was a bad idea for an erotic series. HBO didn’t like the idea of a handicapped person and only aired one episode.

Similar Emmanuelle series include Emmanuelle in Space (7 films) and Emmanuelle’s Private Collection (1 film released so far: Emmanuelle the Private Collection: Emmanuelle vs. Dracula) There are 8 films in the Emmanuelle 2000 line:

  • Emmanuelle 2000
  • Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle’s Intimate Encounters
  • Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle in Paradise
  • Emmanuelle 2000: Being Emmanuelle
  • Emmanuelle 2000: Jewel of Emmanuelle
  • Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle and the Art of Love
  • Emmanuelle 2001: Emmanuelle’s Sensual Pleasures
  • Emmanuelle 2000: Emmanuelle Pie (a reedited overseas version of Pretty Cool, with sex scenes added to make it Emmanuelle. There is a sequel in the works but I don’t know how related it is)

Background information is cool, but let’s get on with the recap!!!