bratz

Bratz: The Movie (Review)

Bratz: The Movie


2007
Directed by Sean McNamara

Bratz: The Movie is a film about being yourself, which is a contradiction as the toys are polar opposites to the extreme. Combined with the fact the film is chock full of racist stereotypes, pedophilia, and glorification of expensive Sweet Sixteen parties, and you got a film that could get the creators thrown in Guantanamo Bay for crimes against humanity. It is nothing that good ole fashioned terrorism repackaged for the MTV generation and thousands of tweenage girls. Not terrorism that kills, but terrorism that leaves deep psychological scars, the kind that will never heal. Osama wishes he could put out films that hurt like this.

The basic plot is that the high school the Bratz go to is controlled by an ultra-evil girl who keeps everyone divided into cliques. The Bratz span cliques as they are multi-racial and interest girls designed by a soulless mega-corporation with only their passion for fashion to bind them together. The fight to stay friends when torn apart by their other interests is the soul of the piece, and speaks a message of accepting other groups and not staying in your little social circle. This spirit of expressing yourself and individuality and acceptance is completely at odds with the toys, which are practically identical giant-headed clones. Their giant eyes, lips with more silicone than breasts in a porno movie, and ever-bare midriffs make them look like they are some crazed duplication experiment, with only skin and hair hues keeping them apart. That is not diversity and expressing your differences, that is following a trend to the point of marching straight off a bridge. And that’s just where Bratz dolls should be thrown.

Bratz are a toy, but they are also an attitude. An attitude that fashion is more important than anything. That thongs are standard fare for girls of single digit ages. That everyone should have big heads, giant lips, long eyelashes, smaller-than-pixies bodies, and a passion for fashion that exceeds all other skills and desires. To consume. To be superficial. Not what anyone sane should be teaching their kids.

So with the condemnations of the dolls I’ve laid out here and in the previous Bratz encounter, you’d think this film would be the most hated film of all time. Oddly enough, parts of this film weren’t the worst thing that ever existed. There’s a few flecks of gold in the acres of manure. Not much, but they were like beacons in the darkness, guiding us a save path to a swift exit to the film. Only God himself could have braved the evil that are Bratz to implant something good for the good people of the world to get hope from. But aside from those points, the film is as terrible as the trailer makes it out to be. The basic premise is the Bratz go to high school, which is ruled by an ultra-bitch who demands everyone sit with their clique. The Bratz have diverse interests, which ends in them becoming members of their respective cliques instead of staying friends. But we all know girl power and passion for fashion will save the day at the end. Oops, I just spoiled the movie! Not like anyone reading this on this site will care, for we’re not here to discuss the film in a rational manner, but to tear it apart in the only way we know how. Why? Because they made it. We have a passion for crap.

Astronomers amazed by my giant comet experiment

Astronomers the world over have discovered one of my giant comet experiments, and have mistaken it for an actual star that is trailing debris. Instead, it is a self-contained comet the size of a sun, designed to last billions of years. Part of my obsessive desire to create a comet that will last until the end of the universe. I, Dr. Mobusu, will succeed in creating such a comet, and the universe will know my greatness. Now, my greatness only will last several billion years, hardly long enough to celebrate my life and achievements. My space station laboratory has created several unique monstrosities like this, will the rest of Earth’s scientists get around to discovering them all? I think not! For they only have a small bit of the intellect I have stored in my little finger. Keep your eyes open, for my celestial creations may appear at any time.

Astronomers surprised by star with comet-like tail

By Will Dunham Wed Aug 15, 4:53 PM ET

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – A large star in its death throes is leaving a huge, turbulent tail of oxygen, carbon and nitrogen in its wake that makes it look like an immense comet hurtling through space, astronomers said on Wednesday.

Nothing like this has ever previously been witnessed in a star, according to scientists who detected it using NASA’s Galaxy Evolution Explorer, an orbiting space telescope that observes the cosmos in ultraviolet light.

This tail, spanning a stunning distance of 13 light-years, was detected behind the star Mira, located 350 light-years from Earth in the “whale” constellation Cetus.

“There’s a star with a tail in the tail of the whale,” said one of the researchers, astronomer Mark Seibert of the Observatories of the Carnegie Institution of Washington in Pasadena, California.

A light year is about 6 trillion miles, the distance light travels in a year.

Rocketing through our Milky Way galaxy at 80 miles per second (130 km per second) — literally faster than a speeding bullet — the star is spewing material that scientists believe may be recycled into new stars, planets and maybe even life.

“We believe that the tail is made up of material that is being shed by the star which is heating up and then spiraling back into this turbulent wake,” said astronomer Christopher Martin of California Institute of Technology, one of the researchers in the study published in the journal Nature.

Mira is a so-called “red giant” star near the end of its life. Astronomers believe our sun will become a similar red giant in 4 to 5 billion years, but they doubt it will develop such a tail because it is not moving through space as quickly.

‘PHOENIX-LIKE REVIVALS’

“It’s giving us this fantastic insight into the death processes of stars and their renewals — their phoenix-like revivals as their ashes get cycled backed into the next generation of stars,” added Michael Shara of the American Museum of Natural History and Columbia University in New York.

Shara said he expects that as this telescope continues mapping the cosmos in ultraviolet light for the first time, other similar stars may be discovered. “There must be lots more of these things,” Shara said.

NASA images show the tail as a glowing light-blue stream of material including oxygen, carbon and nitrogen.

This material has been blown off Mira gradually over time — the oldest was released roughly 30,000 years ago as part of a long stellar death process — and is enough to form at least 3,000 future Earth-sized planets, the scientists said.

The astronomers were surprised to find this unique feature in Mira, a well-known star studied since the 16th century. Mira (pronounced MY-rah) stems from the Latin word for “wonderful.”

Despite having about the same mass as the sun, Mira has swollen up to over 400 times the size of the sun, meaning the force of gravity is having a hard time holding it together, Seibert said.

The tail stretching 13 light-years is thousands of times the length of our solar system. The nearest star to Earth, called Proxima Centauri, is located 4 light-years away.

While this star looks like a comet, stars and comets are quite different celestial bodies. Comets in our solar system are relatively small objects made up of rock, dust and ice trailed by a tail of gas and dust.

Unlike our solitary sun, Mira is a so-called binary star traveling through space orbiting a companion believed to be the burnt-out, dead core of a star, known as a white dwarf.

Scientists think Mira in time will eject all its gas, leaving a colorful shell known as a planetary nebula that also gradually will fade leaving behind a white dwarf.

World's leggiest animal returns

The so-called world’s leggiest animal, aka the animal with the most legs, has returned from the depths of extinction. Well, at least as far as the mainstream scientists know. I’ve been growing the Illacme plenipes since 1966, and used it’s many leg gene in my diabolical creation, the Ten-Thousand Legged Mammoth! Sadly, Stampy died when my explosive gum machine malfunctioned and exploded. We feasted on Mammoth drumlegs for months!

Yahoo News

World’s leggiest animal makes rare reappearance

LONDON (Reuters) – An extremely rare species of millipede, and the one that comes closest to having 1,000 legs, has made its first appearance in 80 years.

The Illacme plenipes species had not been seen since it was first spotted in a biodiversity hotspot in California in 1926.

But Paul Marek and Professor Jason Bond of East Carolina University in Greenville, North Carolina recently discovered 12 of the elusive thread-like creatures that measure about 33 mm (1.3 inch) in length.

“It has the most number of legs of any animal on the planet,” Marek said in an interview. “It is also an extremely rare species that has not been seen for 80 years.”

The scientists found the millipedes during trips to California. Another quirky characteristic of the creatures is that they only live in a moist, wooded area measuring less than 1 sq km (0.6 sq miles) in San Benito County, California.

Marek and Bond, who were funded by the
National Science Foundation, found four males, three females and five juveniles. The females had up to 666 legs, slightly fewer than the known record holder, according to the research published in the journal Nature.

The males had between 318 and 402 legs. Scientists do not know why, despite their name which means 1,000 feet, the maximum number of known appendages on a millipede is 750.

Marek said the discovery of the rare creatures highlighted the need to preserve biological diversity.

Dr. Mobusu has returned to his lair

Be prepared for all the Science news you can stand! Dr. Mobusu will bring you all the science news from the depths of the industry. I, Dr. Mobusu, am an expert in 16 fields of science, and almost an expert in 11 more. From my lair deep in the heart of Castle Mobusu, I devise many mad creations of science, warping it to the extreme. The best way to understand a subject is to manipulate it into something beyond your control. Both my mad creations and news by other, lesser scientists will be shared here. A few users may remember me from back at Politisink, but now TarsTarkas.NET is my home. My old articles will get transferred over here, as well as many many new ones!

chemical

Legend of the Eight Samurai

Legend of Eight Samurai (Review)

Legend of Eight Samurai

aka Satomi hakken-den

1983
Directed by Kinji Fukasaku

A classic Japanese tale gets a reworking and then is dubbed and imported into America. Like many Asian epics, there are a lot of characters and a complicated plot, which is made more confusing with the bad dubbing. Even worse, this is an adaptation of an epic tale that is condensed into a film so huge chunks of back story are either disregarded or glossed over in less than a sentence. Any movie boasting giant centipedes is worth a look. Unfortunately, the 80’s soundtrack does a wonderful job of dating the film, despite it being a period piece. Originally I thought that the songs were added by the American importers, but with the release of the Japanese language original since I originally wrote this review over a year ago, it has become known that the songs where already added in the original version. It’s a deadly blow, imagine the worst of hair bands and love ballads, more deadly than any martial art. The film loses some of the fun factor as the emotion turns to hating the soundtrack. This version of Legend of Eight Samurai that we are recapping is the full screen original American dub, one day we will try to get a hold of the Japanese widescreen version for comparison.

The story is a Japanese mythology that originated in China (like many things Japanese, including the Japanese writing scripts (the kanas are simplified versions of the kanji they “borrowed” from China.) The story of a princess, the last of her clan, given eight warriors to protect her, selected without their knowledge. Magic crystals are found by those selected, the crystals created by a dog (thus giving the story its name:Hakkenden or “Dog Warriors.”) Each crystal has a different Confucian virtue, which is only used in this film as the kanji symbol on each crystal (we have gone through the trouble of translating each one.) Takizawa Okikuni (also known as Kyokutei Bakin or Takizawa Bakin) created the version used in this film from 1814 to 1842 (Edo era) a 106 volume story called Nanso Satomi Hakkenden that took 28 years to complete. Almost as long as the Wheel of Time series is taking. The serial was then updated in 1982 by Toshio Kamata in a novel called Shin Satomi Hakkenden. Many of the stars are part of the Japanese Action Squad, a group founded by Sonny Chiba that practiced martial arts and seemed to star in many movies together. In fact, they previously starred in a futuristic version of this very same tale called Message From Space over here (Uchu kara no messeji in Japan) that even featured the same director!


These are the eight who have Confucian Virtue Jewels:

Daikaku (Minori Terada) – (Gi – Duty or Justice.) Loyal sidekick to Dosetsu, hides Princess Shizu at his mother’s house, only to find his mother has been replaced. Killed in the final battle.
Dosetsu (Sonny Chiba) – (Chuu – Loyalty.)Sonny Chiba gained massive fame from the original Streetfighter film, and had a long career before and after, with many ups and downs. His recent inclusion in the first Kill Bill rocketed him back to fame, and lead to many of his films being released again in better editions. Has been seen here before in Sister Streetfighter, which also stars another of this movie’s actors. Killed in the final battle.
Shino (Masaki Kyomoto) – Brother of his sister (well, duh!) who just happens to be in love with his sister (not blood sister) but as she is getting married it is impossible for him. Until her groom-to-be is killed, but then their forbidden love results in her death and his revenge upon his family. Eventually given a crystal and ends up dead in the final battle. (Kou – Filial devotion/piety.) Played Ryo in Cutie Honey.
Female Assassin Keno (Etsuko Shiomi) – An assassin who disrupts Shino’s sister’s wedding in order to kill the groom. Eventually gets a crystal as well. (Rei – Knowledge traditional/proper form. I think they may have altered her kanji character.) Killed in the final battle by a killer who was hounding her the entire movie. Etsuko Shiomi became famous after the Sister Streetfighter films, and was Japan’s only all-around female action star. She retired after marrying singer Tsuyoshi Nagabuchi and now runs marathons under her married name, refusing interviews about her action star career.
Soldier (Kenji Oba?) – A servent of the demons who kills for them, before given a crystal because of his disgust for what he is forced to do. Killed in the final battle. I believe the soldier is played by Kenji Oba (who is credited as Genpachi in the credits.) Kenji Oba was another Japanese Action Club member who also starred in Kill Bill recently. (Shin – Faith.)
Kid (??) – Some kid who lives in a cave with a Big Dude. He gets a crystal, making him awfully close to Kenny territory. Luckily he doesn’t say or do much at all. Killed in the final battle. (Chi – Wisdom.)
Big Dude (??) – A Big Dude who lives in a cave, where there is also a kid. Both he and the Kid are basically tacked on and don’t do much. Not much except die in the final battle. (Tei – Brotherly affection.)
Shinbei (Hiroyuki Sanada) – Shinbei is a punk kid who goes around pretending he is a swashbuckler until he finds out the Princess has a reward on her head, then tries to capture her repeatedly. Eventually forced to be evil, then gets his own crystal after he dies but returns to life and has sex with Princess Shizu. You’ve heard of STD? Well, that was STC, Sexually Transmitted Crystal! Not killed in the final battle. (Jin – Sympathy, inclusive of all virtues. Jin is the top virtue in Confucianism, thus the main hero gets it.)