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InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Ghost in a Teeny Bikini (Review)

November 3, 2008By

Ghost in a Teeny Bikini


2006
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
Ghost in a Teeny Bikini
Here we go with another amazing Bikini film from Fred Olen Ray (once again directing as Nicholas Medina) that has a fun time spoofing genre movie conventions and making the production look like it was make for ten times the cost. Ghost in a Teeny Bikini diverges from one of the classic plots of bikini films. Normally a relative dies and leaves a business to be saved by bikinis and boobs, but here the dead relative just leaves a bunch of money, and the plot springboards to a murder mystery with a surprise musical thrown in for good measure! In addition, we get the titular ghost in the teeny bikini (played by Nicole Sheridan) running around amidst the over acting. The film itself is a lot of fun and entertaining, but if you were watching for a quick fix of naked chicks, you’d have to put up with distracting plot elements in between, and I can realize how that would turn off people at 3am flipping back and forth between Cinemax channels looking for a flash of skin. Bikini films are known to be chock full of terrible puns, but the puns in this film are the thickest that I have seen yet.
Ghost in a Teeny Bikini

We have a return of many familiar faces. In fact, I have seen so many of the more recent Bikini films that when I watched a few older ones, I was disappointed that most of the actors were different. Yet, there is no clear line jump between generations, as the casts blend into each other, a continually evolving mesh. Thus some older people run around with newer members all the time. It’s like the Circle of Life, except there isn’t a gay lion tossing Darth Vader off a cliff. That’s in Bikini Lion King, due out in 2011. The title obviously refers to the movie The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini, this is so obvious I won’t even point it out.

First, the cast. ROLL CALL!

Muffin Baker (Christine Nguyen) – Yes, Muffin Baker is really the name of her character. Christine Nguyen heads the cast of this Bikini Epic as actress Muffin Baker, who has to go attend the reading of a will of a dead rich uncle, only to be the target of….MURDER!!!! Christine Nguyen was seen here previously in Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Tabitha the Ghost (Nicole Sheridan) – Our title ghost in a teeny bikini, is listed here second because she is sadly only in a small portion of the film. Nicole Sheridan is in so many of Fred Olen Ray’s Bikini movies that she had to give someone else a spin, and it let her be a cool ghost character who can make sarcastic comments. Nicole Sheridan was also seen here previously in Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena, and will be seen here again.
Ted Wood Jr. (Voodoo as Alexandre Boisvert) – I wonder what person Ted Wood Jr. could be a reference for? Obviously acclaimed director Ted V. Mikels. I’m good at getting references! Director of B-movies and boyfriend of actress Muffin Baker. Victim of drugged sex. Voodoo is married to Nicole Sheridan, and stars with her in a bunch of these film.
Archibald Weisenheimer (Brad Bartram) – The evil Archibald Weisenheimer is evil, which you can tell from his evil name, evil accent, evil mustache, evil daughter, and evil evilness. And he’s evil. So that’s bad if you aren’t evil, like Muffin Baker, who evil Archibald has decided to kill to get lots of money. That’s what evil people do. See Brad Bartram be not evil in Bikini Airways.
Marsh (Evan Stone) – Evan Stone is in so many of these movies playing goofy characters, you spend time watching them just waiting for him to show up in a ridiculous costume. And here he is, in some sort of emo butler role. Stone breathes life into the role of Marsh, who seems like a simple butler following Archibald’s orders at first, but soon blossoms into a full-fledged independent man. Who gets it on with the maid and the psychic. Boo-yah! Evan Stone was also in Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Evilyn (Rebecca Love) – Hey, where is Skeletor? Evilyn has warped over from Eternia and is now posing as the daughter of Archibald Weisenheimer, who is no better of a schemer than the old Filmation Skeletor. Rebecca Love is another of the parade of adult actresses in Bikini films. How can she not have back problems? That’s all I’m saying.
Madame Zola (Syren) – Madame Zola is the psychic brought in to try to contact Uncle Cyrus from beyond the grave. No contact takes place, but Madame Zola’s private parts make contact with Marsh’s after she is possessed by Tabitha looking to score a quick booty call. Syren has become a fixture in the later Fred Olen Ray bikini films, and has been seen her before in Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Fuscia (Michelle Lay) – The maid at Uncle Cyrus’s estate. Very enthusiastic about getting it on. Michelle Lay shows up again in Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet.

Ghost in a Teeny Bikini

InMovie News

Rare Movie Time!!!! – War God (1976)

October 31, 2008By

War God (Chinese Title: Wang Yu or Guan Yu, aka Calamity) A 1976 film.
UPDATE: Read our review of War God here!
A Chinese film that seems influenced by tokusatsu/Daimajin films. The giant guy walking around is Guan Yu.
Several Photos ganked from here, which ganked them from somewhere else in the Circle of Ganking that is the Internet. Here is another site that has a review and photos (I am sure you are fluent in reading Chinese!)

Wang Yu 2
Wang Yu 3
Wang Yu 4
Wang Yu 5
Wang Yu 6
Wang Yu 7

More info:
Kaijuphile
Chinese Movie Database

A Babelfish translation of the plot:

Some people asked in I first two Jin’gang mentioned the Duke Guan fights the alien is any thing, do not suspect! Really has this piece, but the content said really I am not clear, because I have not looked, wants to look that could also not find Arab League Arab League…Isn’t that time has many this kinds to imitate the date to absorb the movie especially, has Hong Kong’s China to exceed others in ability, actually very definite is this piece of Duke Guan who Hong Kong or Taiwan shoot fights the alien (war-god), but also has the comparison later period pieces and so on big snake king who lucky pulls in accordance to the elder brother appears. However this piece of Duke Guan fights a piece which the alien is probably I most wants to look, the Duke Guan idol manifesting a spirit war invades Earth’s alien! Is really ? to lets the human think the backward somersault Arab League Arab League Arab League Arab League Arab League Arab League Arab League!!! Outside below the star monster’s picture looks not clearly…However is probably similar old dives the water carrier hard helmet to bring changes…I have mail a letter the Taibei movie material hall to inquire whether my friend does have this piece, but he is probably is disinclined to manage me, before there has the piece which one is also dazzles, is called the chivalrous person sika, is a person puts on the plum blossom road to dress up…, has looked the human bursts certainly out laughing! The bottommost has this chart playbill to supply the reference, what I knew at least is…The Taibei movie material hall should have this piece of sika…In brief! If war-god this piece some who do know to where some looked…Asks to inform me!

Arab League? Plus half of this translation is the guy trying to find the film, so that probably makes any effort by you or me not look that hot, either. I want to find this film, but as long as I don’t know if it still exists, I can’t add it to my top ten want list. Off to the “If it still exists” pile, which is sadly far too long already.

More photos!

war god 1
war god 2
war god 3
war god 4
war god 5
war god 6
war god 7
war god 8

The Eight Hilarious Gods
InMovie Reviews, Ugly

The Eight Hilarious Gods (Review)

October 30, 2008By

The Eight Hilarious Gods

aka Siu baa sin

1993
Directed by Jeffrey Chiang Gu-Jun

Hong Kong does their take on Hakkenden, the tale that gave us Legend of Eight Samurai and Message From Space. Except it is a pure comedy and no one marries a dog. That’s good, as this film is about as related to the traditional Japanese story as Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter is to the Gospel of Luke. It does have some recognizable Hong Kong stars (even to Western audience members only slightly familiar with Hong Kong cinema) and some nice fantasy fights for a comedy, but isn’t afraid to dwell in the poop jokes or to murder children just so the audience can go “WTF?” So let’s all go “WTF?” together!

This version of the film comes from one of those double-VHS tapes, found in the double-size VHS boxes that old-school video stores had. The only video store I know by name that still carries those is Le Video in San Francisco, but some of the old-school Chinatown rental stores have this as well. The double-tape explains why there are numbers after the title, because there are two title screens, one for each tape. Old school is the best school, baby! There ain’t no forced commercials here like on DVD. Sure, the picture quality isn’t the best, but it’s not like this film is begging for a remastered DVD. It should be remastered.

Ben (Adam Cheng Siu-Chow) – Ben is a high-level fairy who misplaced six magic pearls that just happen to be the pearls Lucifer is going to use to try to destroy the world. Except there is also this prophecy that says six people will show up to help defeat Lucifer, so now Ben is looking for them. Adam Cheng was in a film entitled Sup Sap Bup Dup as well as playing the boss of the female tribe in Fantasy Mission Force, so that’s enough street cred for me to give him a thumbs up!
Buddy Wall (Sandra Ng Kwun-Yu) – One of Heavenly Goddess’s fairies who attempts to stop Satan. Not powerful enough to face him alone. Has a crush on Ben, and is part of a running gag where no one finds her attractive. Sandra Ng Kwun-Yu is a famous Hong Kong comedienne.
Lotus (Rosamund Kwan Chi-Lam) – Brutal proprietor of the Dragon Gate Inn, who beats those who complain about her service. The whole Inn is a scam to rob customers with a freezing mist, and she collaborates with Uncle Cheung in this scam. Rosamund Kwan is probably best known here for playing Aunt Yee in the Once Upon a Time in China series. Prophecy mark – Love for one’s elders.
Lousy Han (Ng Man-Tat) – Lousy Han is a loyal friend who lets his buddy Smart Hon walk all over him. He gets into trouble constantly, but always with a smile on his face. Ng Man-Tat is in a whole mess of Steve Chow films, as well as many other efforts. Prophecy mark – Loyalty.
Uncle Cheung (Lawrence Cheng Tan-Shui) – The effeminate tour guide leader and fellow conspirator in Lotus’s robbery scam. Lawrence Cheng Tan-Shui has made a career of playing stereotypical homosexual goofballs, from his own shows to films like this and The Storm Riders. Prophecy mark – Mercy.
Smart Hon (Deric Wan Siu-Lun) – Smart Hon is the brains behind the Hon/Han group, but he isn’t as smart as his name implies. His greatest ability is avoiding getting into trouble. Deric Wan Siu-Lun is probably most recognizable as Emperor Kang Xi in the two Royal Tramp films. Prophecy mark – Justice.
Sheriff Lee (Shing Fui-On) – Looking like a crazy wild-man, Sheriff Lee is desperate to solve a case before he’s demoted. He is willing to do anything. ANYTHING. Even his mother won’t stand in his way. Shing Fui-On has appeared in more films than I can count, probably most notably in God of Gamblers. Most of them were without the crazy makeup. Prophecy mark – Filial Piety.
Uncle Tsao (Peter Lai Bei-Dak) – Information collector and informant. Likes Lotus, but instead ends up with Uncle Cheung! Not a happy camper. Prophecy mark – Faith.
Lucifer (Lau Shun) – The devil is an evil mo-fo! Did you know that Lucifer has clawed hands, metal hair, a voice sounding like one of the Visitors from V, and spends all his free time terrorizing a random small village in China? Because he does. This movie proves it. And he enjoys tossing children off roofs.

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