2007 Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
We got x-ray specs that work (unlike those ripoffs in the back of comic books when we were kids) as the basis of another entry into Fred Olen Ray’s Bikini films. The rest of the film falls into a secret agent category that is also visited in Bikini movies The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I. and Bikini Royale. I guess spies and bikinis go hand and hand. The title refers to the film The Man with the X-Ray Eyes, and Fred Olen Ray has also directed The Kid with X-ray Eyes starring Justin Berfield.
We remember late night Cinemax fun time as kids, a tradition still alive even with many Cinemax channels to chose from. Kids these days are too spoiled with their 15 Cinemaxes upping the odds of seeing boobs before 3am. Plus, they have the Internet for instant access. Still, movies like this have their charm, and the best thing is, they are entertaining. Too bad so many other films don’t meet that one little requirement of entertainment. For shame.
Let’s get down and dirty, shall we?
Taffy (Nicole Sheridan) – A stripper with a heart of gold and a brain the size of a walnut. Luckily, she has her man Eddie to watch out for her. Accidentally winds up with the x-ray glasses, which gets her tangled in the middle of spies, creepy dudes, Las Vegas, threesomes, and sinister vixens. Nicole Sheridan has been seen here in Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Agent Richardson (Brad Bartram) – A secret government agent who procures the x-ray glasses, only to lose them by accident. He spends the rest of the film making up for his mistake. Brad Bartram was seen here in Ghost in a Teeny Bikini and Bikini Airways.
Eddie (Voodoo as Alexandre Boisvert) – Eddie is Taffy’s man, and the brains behind the partnership. Is also known to dress as wealthy Middle Eastern men with ridiculous accents. A fan of Vegas. Voodoo’s hair seems to changer every movie, but this one is the most ridiculous so far, with a highlighted fauxhawk or something. I am waiting for him to show up in a complete Mr. T do. He has been seen here in Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena.
Mao Myx (Shannon Kelly) – Mao Myx is the evil mastermind who conspires to steal the x-ray glasses to sell to the highest bidder. To keep from losing out on Ebay fees, she just brokers the deals herself. Shannon Kelly is not the world’s best actress, but looks to be having fun when she is saying the evil dialogue. One of her adult film titles is Oh No! There’s a Negro in My Mom!, which the title alone justifies listing here.
Largo (Evan Stone) – Evan Stone is once again in a goofy costume, this time with goggles and mismatched gloved. He actually looks pretty darn creepy, but luckily sheds some of the creepy gear when he is getting it on, because otherwise the film would veer into scary German porn territory. And no one wants that. There should be a movie where Evan Stone plays all the weird characters he has played in the Bikini films, but such a film would be so crazily awesome the universe would implode.
Kelly (Christine Nguyen) – A blackjack dealer met in Vegas. What goes on in Vegas stays in Vegas. What goes in Kelly leaves and enters Kelly rapidly because they are body parts of Taffy and Eddie. Christine Nguyen was seen here in Ghost in a Teeny Bikini, Super Ninja Doll and Tarzeena, and will be seen again soon!
Natasha Rubikoff (Demi Delia) – Russian agent who delivered the x-ray glasses to Agent Richardson, and was thus imprisoned in Mao Myx’s basement dungeon. Aides in the escape, then skedaddles. Demi Delia is also an adult actress.
Massage Girl (Daisy Marie) – When you are an evil mastermind chick, it is tense, so you need to relax. And there is no better way to relax than a massage followed by lesbian sex. Enter the Massage Girl. You are probably not surprised to learn that Daisy Marie is yet another adult actress.
One of my hobbies is doing new hobbies, and through a long story of us getting a sewing machine, now I make stuffed animals. Aren’t new hobbies exciting? So we (my wife and I) decided to start up an Etsy store to keep out apartment from being overrun with lots of random stuffed critters. It is just in the beginning stage with some basic designs, eventually I will try to add some B-movie inspired characters. So hopefully there will be Torgos, Trumpys, Ro-Mans, Luchas, Kaiju, foreign super heroes, SciFi Channel monsters, and goofy robots in the future. As of now, it is Spacemen and Ninjas. Because who doesn’t like those? I shall keep updates on the blog here, as you never know who will be interested.
(NOW UPDATED!)Not much is known about this 1961 film that must be the most awesome thing this side of the great wall. In what looks like a Chinese version of those Mexican Little Red Riding Hood movies, we got early Taiwanese actors prancing around in animal costumes. Seriously. Check out this sweet poster:
A clip of the film:
Dianying links: English, Chinese
Cast list:
Bai Hong … Miss Deer
Lin Lin … The Fox
Lin Longsong
Xu Yu
Ou Yunlong
Liu Yunlong
Li Minlang
Yang Weixi
Wang Ge
Xiandawang
Xiaolong
Zhou Wanfen
All other information on this film is in Chinese. I have run it through babelfish, because wordpress freaks out if I try to copy Chinese characters onto it, I can’t copy them over (anyone know what to do for Chinese in wordpress??) The translations are rough, as it some of the “English” reviews. That clips of the film exist show that it must be around, in some form. Hopefully there is a release out there. I will be keeping my eye open for this one.
This site lists the film, and the title literally translates to “The beginning of spotted deer”
Ran Through Babelfish
Hemophagia wolf fierce and brutal, the seductress directs the wolf, the sika to revenge, Miss Lu unreasoning passion—— Is the same with all heroic story, behind each hero has an unknown start also to have the woman who audiences all know, BATMAN ” Decisive battle time ” , ” Exceeds others in ability first volume of ” , ” Night of evil spirit variant ” , spider man, X-man…. Each people want to ask these heroes before being engaged in the heroic enterprise to make anything, the BATMAN is the wealthy family shopkeeper’s children who parents double perish (approves! Looks for the husband is must select this kind), the superhuman is the outside star baby who parents double perish usually works as reporter, the night of evil spirit variant is blind person attorney who parents double perish and has not raised the seeing-eye dog, the spider man is parents double perishes the student who looks after depending on the aunt, X-man too many people omits, not wrong, you discovered that by the above several examples, surpasses 80% heroes is since childhood the dead parents, although with bursts into tears sowing seeds, must like the harvest to describe that is not too appropriate, no matter but how saying that the story always like this starts. Also has how many people to know that now the chivalrous person sika’s story
I wanted already not to be possible to test, let us from the playbill title, was returning to same year’s scene with me (this is some television news station habitually using grammar), the words said the chivalrous person sika or fawn’s time (personal servant compared to almost great time, but nose was black), the one day of forest had the fire, Lu Balu the mother escaped without enough time has been burnt, grew up day-by-day along with the fawn, it changed is stronger, a on silique, (development process please have also referred to lion king), one day of he had no intention to discover, originally in the pastThat fire is not an accident, is the hemophagia wolf to eat roasts the ripe meat to put intentionally, is only to satisfy desire of the own food and drink to kill many innocent micro-organisms unexpectedly, the chivalrous person sika decides to revenge, to complete inside the eradication forest evil animal—The hemophagia wolf, he decided that is also cooperating according to the BATMAN pattern with also evil animal fox young lady (looks like cat female), he planned that (this which tempts the hemophagia wolf using the seductress decolorization to tempt well him starts nearby Shan ? who is worth mentioning is the entire play’s essence, idea is meticulous, fox with wolf appearance, size only has not missed likely many, if asked hippopotamus young lady to develop does has pounded, moreover hippopotamus could not leave water to be too long, also possibly first rolled to Shan ?bian), all were being planned, silique’s male deer in spring
Has the fall time is very fierce, casual for goes against the hemophagia wolf descends the mountain ?, the story had finished, this story also has an important role is ” Lu Yeshi ” Was also Miss Lu (audiences all knows has been all wet, came in quickly), he was the chivalrous person sika’s friends from childhood, the sika also likes him, but he will be a vase will only cause trouble, therefore did not waste the length to give unnecessary detail, you knew behind all heroes had the woman who held back, but on the other hand, these heroes because these women are really not a hero, this was the chivalrous person sika’s origin—-Let us cheer the slogan together: Natural scenery, animal attire, chivalrous person sika!!!!
This makes a lot of sense. Okay, how about another viewpoint…
Here is some info on a site that I can’t find the link to anywhere:
THE FANTACY OF DEER WORRIER
CHANG Ing
1961 Taiwan 35mm B&W 87mins
The happy lives of animals in the forest are stirred by the sudden attack of a pack of wolves. Following the chaos, new drama and complications are introduced and the forest is forever changed. This is not a children’s animation film but a film in which a group of the most popular actors in the 50s and 60s dressed up in animal suits to play out this slapstick comedy.
Note the bad translation of the name, but I think that is how it was marketed. Some older Chinese films don’t have English translations at all, and many other are just literal translations.
No, this is not a rerun, this a completely different 1968 Turkish movie called Kizil Maske that is a rip-off of the Phantom. This one is directed by Tolgay Ziyal and starring Ismet Erten as Kizil Maske. With two movie clips and lots of over-analysis, you must read the review, because it is Turk-tastic!
Proof society has decayed past the point of no return has been found, in the form of the fourth Jim Carrey-less sequel to a Jim Carrey movie, Ace Ventura Jr. Just looks at that frakking kid. I want to murder him. He is the obnoxious oaf from the Nancy Drew bomb, and thanks to some sixties-ish producer having a hard on for him, he keeps getting work. The plot for this travesty:
Allrighty-then. After his African adventure in “Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls,” Ace returned to Florida, married girlfriend Melissa (Ann Cusack) and became the doting father of a baby boy. Never one to sit still, Ace’s curious nature took him on another remote case. The goofball gumshoe was never to be seen or heard from again.
Single mom Melissa couldn’t fully put the past behind her. Now a zookeeper, she and Ace Jr. (Flitter) have made a life carrying on without her husband. Much to Melissa’s chagrin, however, 12-year-old Ace Jr. has begun to follow in his father’s comic footsteps. He has recently become a pet detective for the 7th grade set, often trying to recover classmates’ missing pets, and always with big mishaps.
But when a master animal thief abducts a baby panda and his mom is wrongly arrested of the crime, Ace Jr. must jump into action. Now, with the help of pals Laura and tech wizard A-Plus, young Ace must bring the thief to justice and do his inane and lovable dad’s memory justice
Courtney Cox refused to return as well, so the third Cusack will now be the girlfriend. And can we talk about naming the tech whiz kid (read=nerd) A-Plus? Why not just name him Chip or IQ? I already give this film an F-Minus.
Directed by David Mickey Evans admits , who made the terrific Sandlot, but the average Sandlot 2, as well as Beethoven 3 and 4. He let his kids pick this movie. Seriously. Sometimes, kids need to be drowned in the bathtub.
