Amy Lindsay Ted Cruz Conservatives Anonymous

Softcore actress Amy Lindsay appears in Ted Cruz commercial!

Amy Lindsay Ted Cruz Conservatives Anonymous

Wait, I meant to sign up for a Caribbean Cruise, not Ted Cruz!


It seems presidential candidate Ted Cruz has a problem, and that problem is being too lazy to Google the actors appearing in his commercials. Thus Amy Lindsay made an appearance in his Conservatives Anonymous spot, which is all fine and dandy except that she starred in a number of softcore movies. Cruz freaked out and yanked the spot, but not before it became a big new item (and he summarily released an Office Space parody video instead to try to cover this up!) We’re doing our part at TarsTarkas.NET to keep this in the news for two reasons: 1. Fuck Ted Cruz. 2. We’ve actually reviewed several Amy Lindsay movies, so this topic is relevant to our site!

BuzzFeed of all places broke the story:

“The actress responded to an open casting call. She passed her audition and got the job. Unfortunately, she was not vetted by the production company. Had the campaign known of her full filmography, we obviously would not have let her appear in the ad,” Tyler said.

Prior to the Cruz campaign pulling the ad, Lindsay told BuzzFeed News in a phone interview on Thursday that she’s a Christian conservative and a Republican. While she emphasized that she did not do hardcore porn and that she also appeared in non-erotic films, Lindsay said she thinks it is “cool” that an actor who has appeared in softcore porn could also appear in Cruz’s ad.

“In a cool way, then hey, then it’s not just some old, white Christian bigot that people want to say, ‘It could be, maybe, a cool kind of open-minded woman like me,’” she said of people supporting Cruz.

Though Lindsay initially told BuzzFeed News that the person at the campaign who hired her “absolutely knew everything that I had done,” she later called back to say that she realized that was not the case.

“I have clearly talked to the filmmakers and stuff and just to be clear, I assumed that they knew, but none of the filmmakers or the casting director knew about my complete filmography in the past that you’re talking about, so I was wrong in that statement,” Lindsay said, saying that she had assumed that an old friend of hers from an acting class who was present when she was hired was aware of her film history.

Amy Lindsay is rightfully peeved by the turn of events, so let’s ignore the fact that she aligns differently with this site and celebrate her filmography as reviewed here! We’ve encountered her three times: Bikini Airways saw Lindsay playing a former model turned lesbian who was looking for a rich guy to marry and take care of her. Insatiable Obsession featured Lindsay as a married woman plagued by a haunted house that held a secret. And Lust Sessions featured Lindsay as a love coach who helped her patients with their relationships, but also needed help on her own. (She was also on Star Trek: Voyager, which means she will live on forever in Trekkie circles regardless of her other films!)

Let’s keep Ted Cruz angry by keeping this is the news!

Stalked by my Doctor Lifetime

Stalked By My Doctor (Review)

Stalked By My Doctor

Stalked by my Doctor Lifetime
2015
Written and directed by Doug Campbell
Stalked by my Doctor Lifetime
The last Lifetime Original Movie of 2015 turned out to be one of the best! Stalked By My Doctor takes the standard creepy stalker narrative and gives us Eric Roberts as the stalk doc, and he knocks it out of the freaking park! Sometimes Roberts is wasted by directors who don’t know what to do with him, but the man loves to work and he is fantastic at playing unhinged characters, and delivers a performance to remember as Dr. Albert Beck. Dr. Beck is one of the most talented and famous heart surgeons in the world, but he can’t get women to give him a second date. Or even finish the first date, as he usually creeps them out by demanding marriage and them quitting their jobs so they can raise his kids in a foreign country. Dr. Beck doesn’t take rejection lightly, throwing fits of various degrees that usually result in damage to trash in alleyways, but occasionally cause huge scenes in restaurants where dozens of people witness him screaming at his latest date as she tries to escape.

The breakdown scenes with Dr. Beck unleashing his frustration as to why no one will love him are amazing. He’s convinced he’s a doctor, he’s a catch, he’s worthy of love, but is unable to see how he presents himself to the women, so he blames them for his struggles. He’s delusional, and the fantasies begin to creep into his reality, causing him to lose track of time. Despite this, he’s very good at keeping his cover of being an eminent heart surgeon and a respectable doctor. Things change when his latest obsession appears, brought into the ER one fateful night…
Stalked by my Doctor Lifetime
Sophie Green (Brianna Chomer is your typical high school senior, complete with a jock boyfriend, ethnic best friend, and admission to her number one college choice. But her idiot boyfriend, Ryan (Carson Boatman), has a hobby of texting while driving. This has already lead to a fender bender, and now it leads to a serious auto accident where both of them are ambulanced to the hospital. Ryan has a broken leg (and goodbye football scholarship!), while Sophie has a rip jamming her heart and needs surgery, fast. Dr. Beck is there to save the day, and to become enamored with Sophie. Bloody women with major medical problems are such a turn on for creepsters!
Stalked by my Doctor Lifetime

single all the way muppets

The Muppets S01E10 – “Single All the Way”

single all the way muppets
The Muppets – “Single All the Way
Story by Gregg Mettler and Nell Scovell
Teleplay by Bob Kushell and Dave Caplan
Directed by Matt Sohn
single all the way muppets
The Muppets and Christmas are like peanut butter and chocolate, hence the wide variety of Muppet Christmas specials and films over the years. So it is only natural that we get an entry in the television series, fittingly involving the Muppets producing a Christmas special. Of course, things begin to go wrong as the Muppets are always situated on the rim of disaster. The episode manages to both have some of the best relationship writing in a season with very uneven relationship handling, as well as some of the regular worst relationship writing. We get in informative and heartfelt discussion of Kermit and Miss Piggy’s past relationship, but we also get Fozzie having drama with his girlfriend despite Riki Lindhome not appearing in this episode.

The Christmas Show has two disasters happening at once, first Mindy Kaling is their special guest and is supposed to perform a song, except her singing makes those singing dogs cds sound talented. The more important disaster is Fozzie’s girlfriend Becky broke up with him that morning, which is a big problem as he is being Santa Bear, and no one wants a Santa who is crying and wailing in front of children. Before you can begin complaining about sadsack Muppets, Sam the Eagle is seen putting up mistletoe in a strategic spot to try to sneak a kiss from Janice. We know that won’t work out the way it is intended, so let’s focus on the main stories.
single all the way muppets

Going Going Gonzo Muppets

The Muppets S01E09 – “Going, Going, Gonzo”

Bunsen Beaker Going Going Gonzo Muppets
The Muppets – “Going, Going, Gonzo” 109
Story by Shane Kosakowski and Franklin Hardy
Teleplay by Jordan Reddout and Gus Hickey
Directed by Randall Einhorn
Going Going Gonzo Muppets
While the last episode was a high note, this episode turns into one of the worst of the season as it jumps back the quality and just ends up disappointing. Gonzo acts out of character while Scooter gets some development in being more brave and bold that he should have gotten before last week’s episode when he actually did something brave and bold, dating Chelsea Handler. Luckily, the day is saved by the sidegag stories, from the ridiculousness of Miss Piggy’s special branded water – Piggy Water – that comes complete with a lipstick mark on the bottle rim and far more calories than you’d expect from water.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is the special guest on Miss Piggy’s show, and him and her have a duet while chaos reigns backstage, causing a giant moon set piece to swing wildly on stage. The set piece also snags Gonzo, who is flung around on the roof out of control until he crashes. Normally, Gonzo would be up for something like that, thinking it was awesome and wanting to try it again. Instead, Gonzo starts moping about the stunt that got away, and how he might die before doing a dangerous stunt that might kill him because he was too afraid.

Kermit can help, and convinces Miss Piggy (who is getting a new ridiculous nose muscle electric shock beauty treatment) to have Piggy Water sponsor Gonzo’s stunt and do it on the show. There are a few stipulations, and Gonzo is now officially The Great Gonzo Brought To You By Piggy Water, and must answer the phone with that name, and wear a suit with Piggy Water branding plastered all over it.
Pepe Prawn poker Going Going Gonzo Muppets

Too Hot to Handler Muppets

The Muppets S01E08 – “Too Hot to Handler”

Too Hot to Handler Muppets
The Muppets – “Too Hot to Handler
Story by Margee Magee and Angeli Millan
Teleplay by Shane Kosakowski and Franklin Hardy
Directed by Matt Sohn
Too Hot to Handler Muppets
The Muppets returns with another episode about Muppets having relationship issues, but for once it isn’t because there are a bunch of sadsack Muppets being sad sacks full of sad sacks. In fact, Scooter finds exactly what he wants for a relationship, except that is just too much for him to handle!

Scooter is enthralled by Chelsea Handler, which is handy because she’s a guest on Miss Piggy’s show that night. She even seems to be looking for a nice dork like him. Uncle Deadly points out Scooter would just be a boy toy, and I’m not sure Scooter seems to understand what that term means. This gives Scooter the confidence to go ask Chelsea out on a date, but he manages to cause a big mess while trying to act cool and calm while doing so. Luckily for him, Chelsea is cool with dating him, anyway.

Fozzie is planning to ask his girlfriend Becky to move in with him after dating for a whole 12 weeks. This makes Kermit nervous, as he thinks Fozzie is moving too fast and doesn’t know Becky that well. He suggests they double date at trivia night at Rowlf’s, a contest Becky always wins. Kermit’s attempts to get Becky to reveal any hidden secrets through casual conversation backfires into finding lots of bad things about his own girlfriend, Denise. But Kermit also witnesses Becky looking at her phone while hiding under the table, and is convinced she is cheating in the trivia contest. He knows he can’t confront her right now, but needs to expose her to save his friend from someone who is dishonest.
Too Hot to Handler Muppets

暗黒街の対決 The Last Gunfight

The Last Gunfight (Review)

The Last Gunfight

aka 暗黒街の対決 aka Ankokugai no taiketsu
 暗黒街の対決 The Last Gunfight
1960
Written by Shin’ichi Sekizawa
Based on the book Chi no Wana by Haruhiko Oyabu
Directed by Kihachi Okamoto

 暗黒街の対決 The Last Gunfight
The Last Gunfight is basically Toshiro Mifune coming to a town besieged by warring yakuza and taking them all down in that time honored fashion that we all know and love from various samurai, western, and yakuza movies.

Detective Saburo Fujioka (Toshiro Mifune) is accused of corruption and transferred to Kojin, a city run rampant with crime. Fujioka inserts himself in the middle of the city’s gang troubles, and we don’t know initially his motives, which gives him a sort of Man with No Name vibe. He gets into several fights by way of not saying much of anything while figuring out the lay of the gangs, seemingly showing that the best way to know these enemies is to make them start fights with you. He does most of this without bothering to tell the Kojin police anything that he is doing.
 暗黒街の対決 The Last Gunfight
The Ooka gang is the one causing much of the problems in the city. Kyuzaburo Ooka (Seizaburo Kawazu) doesn’t follow the unwritten rules of honor for yakuza gangs, leading to strife with factions like the Kozukas. But Ooka does know how to throw money and violence around, meaning his slices of the pie keep getting bigger without all that honor stuff holding him back. Kozuka’s group represents the status quo, but their old fashion rules threaten to leave them in the dustbin of history as Ooka gains more and more territory. Kozuka believes in the old way of the yakuza having a sort of honor (let’s leave the arguments about the realities of this romanticized view aside for now) and tells a tale about how he spent money fixing the sewage system of the town at a loss just to help the people, and Ooka predictably mocks him for that.
 暗黒街の対決 The Last Gunfight